Firstly , sending you a huge hug as know how you are feeling. I was absolutely devastated when I found out the gender of my baby. Like you , I'd longed for a baby ( there will be 16 years between my eldest son and my little one whe he gets here )
I was overjoyed when I fell pregnant , as didn't think I'd ever have the chance to have aa baby again. Desperately wanted a little girl for several reasons and as my pregancy felt different to what I could remember of my first one , I was really hoping I had a baby girl growing inside me. I have always yearned for a girl.
The day I had my scan , my world was turned upside down. I really didn't know that I would feel like I did. I couldn't bear to touch my tummy , I felt sick at the thought of having a boy inside me , I referred to the baby as "IT" and cried all that weekend.
My fiancee was upset at how upset I was, but I felt even worse as he really would love a liitle boy. Until that moment , he hadn't told me how much he wanted a boy , and said I'd made him feel dreadful that he hadn't given me what I wanted and was now worried that I would "get rid" of the baby.
At that time , I felt like I was grieving for my little girl - but was confused as how can you grieve for someone you've never known or met ? I felt selfish and angry with myself for felling like I was when there are so many people that can't have children for various reasons, I felt cross with myself for upsetting and hurting my fiancee as he is the love of
my life and would never want to hurt him. I also hated my sister ( who I love very much ) and was full of resentment towards her as she had found out a few weeks before that she was having a little girl.
I can honestly say , I have never ever felt so angry , upset, confused or messed up in my life.
My midwife has been amazing , and so has my fiancee. Don't bottle things up , it's hard to talk about how you feel , but talk to your midwife and your partner.
You will deal with your feelings in your own way ..... Its been 7 weeks since I found out that I was having a little boy and I am really looking forward to meeting him. He has a name , and I've been buying things for him. It was hard at first as everything I saw in the shops was pink , and pretty and all the stuff for boys had stupid dinosaurs , or trains or monstrs on and I hated it. I've thrown myself into looking for clothes that haven't got motifs on and now enjoy shopping for my little fella.
I still get upset , although not as much. I now look at things in a different light ...... Although I still yearn for a little girl , I focus on the fact that my little lad will be here soon and I can't wait to meet him , and hopefully , when I do get my little girl , she'll have a lovely big brother to look after her.
Sending you huge hug ...... Stay strong darling , you'll work things out in your own time and in your own way. Feel free to send me a private message if you wish , or any of the other ladies on here. No-one will judge you , and I'm sure you will find support on here to know that you're not alone xxxxxx
) xxx
