Really Struggling

[JGraefe]

Anyone else struggling with everyone around them announcing their pregnancy? I love all of my girlfriends very much and I am so extremely happy for them but my happiness is overshadowed by the gaping hole in my heart knowing that we've been struggling to conceive for 2 years and all of our friends have all "not really been trying and it just happened".

I try to keep a brave face for my husband because I don't want him to know that this is tearing me apart but it's becoming way too much to hold it in. Every time I see a new pregnancy announcement or have a friend call me and tell me their news, I just want to scream.

I can't handle the people who tell me to just relax and it will happen. We were relaxed for the first year. We didn't really think twice about it. It wasn't until a year had passed when I really thought that maybe we needed to start thinking about it more.

Anyways, I don't really know who else to talk to so I figured I'd see if any of you ladies were feeling the same way.

 

[jwilly]

I definitely know how you feel. It seems like everyone we know is pregnant, including my sister in law and my best friend (both not trying). I mostly come home in tears after visiting with either one of them, and feel like a horrible friend because I try to avoid talking about their pregnancies when we are together. I try and remind myself that our time will come eventually, even though I am not so sure..

In a weird way, it is nice to know that there are others out there who feel the same. It is easy to feel alone in this process!

 

[JillCaperino]

Sadly, we're in the same boat. Since I've been ttc, most of my close girlfriends have become pregnant. All but one were "surprises"!

I am so happy for them, but I'm getting sick of them walking on eggshells around me. One of my friends was so afraid of how I'd react, she finished her announcement with, "oh and Jill you'll be a mom soon too. " For the record, I have acted noting but joyful upon receiving birth announcements, with the exception of a really terribly corny one on facebook.

Really though, I think this whole situation gives us a free pass to be as bratty as we like.
"Relax and it will happen". Would you use that kind of advice with a sick person?

So here we are together in this. Misery loves company!

Seriously though, try and at least find a laugh to get you through. I find the beginning of a cycle easier than the end, so at least we can look forward to that.

 

[Firefly Skies]

I know how you feel. I feel the same way, but it swings back and forth. There are some days where I feel okay and at peace with myself. There are other days where I want nothing more than to have a little one to coddle and care for.

Especially when people who were single at my wedding (when we first started TTC) have since gotten married and had kids of their own. I'm so, so happy for them, but it's just difficult. And it doesn't feel fair. All these people got to choose to have children-- how many and when-- and we're here wondering if we're going to have any at all.

The people who say to "just relax" can stuff it. In fact, people who tell you to "just do" anything can stuff it. I'm not shy about responding to this at all anymore, I'll just outright say: "I've tried to be everything on the spectrum from 'relaxing' to charting and taking my temperature every day. I don't think the amount of effort is my issue."

 

[sunflower82]

Yes I'm struggling I can't handle baby showers
Pregnant ladies around me I have had two mc already
But I have a five year old that I had no complications with at all

 

[susan_1981]

I know exactly how you feel. We started trying for a baby back in 2008. Fell pregnant pretty quickly but it was a MMC. It then took us 3 years to fall pregnant with our son. It was so hard seeing everyone pregnant, people complaining about it, all those kinds of things. That horrible feeling when someone announces they're pregnant. I had a friend who didn't even know her husband when we started trying for a baby yet she had a baby with him long before us.

Then I kind of came to the realisation that it didn't matter if they were pregnant, I didn't want their baby, I wanted my own. I really only seemed to find it difficult whilst they were pregnant as I longed for that bump, to feel my own baby moving inside me.

Eventually we got there. We were due to start IVF shortly before I fell pregnant with our son and everyone said "oh it must have been because you relaxed because you knew you had IVF" but that wasn't the case at all. I didn't want to go through IVF as I felt like that would be the last resort. If that failed, then perhaps we'd never have a child of our own.

But 3.5 years after starting TTC, we fell pregnant and my son is now 3.5. I didn't want to have to try for another 3+ plus years to have another so we didn't bother using contraception after our 3 year old. After just 1 month of trying, we fell pregnant with our second son.

I know it's bloody awful. No one can understand how hard it is every month when your period arrives, how long each month feels when you are desperately waiting to see if you are pregnant. But most people do get there in the end. All I can say is never give up hope. If we had, we wouldn't have our 2 beautiful boys. But then I guess that's just my nature. If I want something badly enough, I'll never give up. Keep going x