Really struggling

[hayley x]

Hi ladies i'm not really sure where to post this, not sure there is a place i really belong

my first born - a baby boy, died from SIDS in april last year.

i obviously got pregnant very soon after and i'm now having a baby girl.

anyway - right now i'm not coping very well at all. i am more up and down than i ever have been. one minute i just want her here so bad and the next i want her to stay where she is.

alex wasn't safe in nor out cause i had pre eclampsia so had to get him out straight away to everyone else i'm a happy mum to be but inside i'm desperate for help. wishing someone would understand how i'm really feeling. i am almost certain i will get pnd and i'm so scared.

i don't sleep at night and i play things over in my mind, things that happened and things that can happen. its not only pregnancy or baby related things its anything and everything. i have to have something to worry about.

i hate how i am. im told its normal after losing alex but it still doesn't help

Xxx

 

[amazed]

Juat wanted to give you some hugs

 

[littleblonde]

oh hun, im so sorry you are going through a difficult time. It is understandable. Any type of loss is heartbreaking but i guess an early loss you feel more comfortable after that time has passed, a still birth once the baby is here you have passed the stage you got to last time but with sids you never really get to the safe place. Especailly with most of our losses they are unexplaned so the doctors or us have no control over stopping it from happeninh again. Have you thought about talking to a professional about this. I dont think anything any of us can say will make this better for you so maybe talking about things with someone else may make the time easier for you. I cant imagine how you must feel, sids is any mothers worse nightmare. xx

 

[MiissDior]

Feeling the exact same
8 Days and am going into hosp..
and terrifeid...


just exaclty like you described...

its soo hard, ther is no ''safepoint''

the ''what ifs'' and the fear unknown is over powering everything
I find myself NOT been able to sleep or concentrate durning the day
and baby is very quiet , even more so since he started to engage
and adds to the fears

been told its ''normal'' dont make it easier i find
cus we still suffering a Loss, still griefing ...

and i think closer we getting to ''the time'' again the harder
it takes its toll, we battled mentally up until now, and now its the physical
that kicks in too... its not easy at all... and its hard to deal with and horrible


PLease dont feel alone
i sat crying at 12am other night to my mam on the fone
after getting offf the phone to the labourward telling a mw i was scared as i was worried and baby was quiet..
and it left me feeling empty and numb and jus horrrible

its a scary time at the Mo darlin
and if you ever wanna chat just pm me.... cus sounds like weree both feeling as down and struggling as bad as each other right now



xxxxx​

 

[Dimbo]

Oh Hayley, I wish there was some way we could make the pain go way for you, even if it were just for a little time. I really wish there was something we could do to help, but the best I can offer is

I don't know what to suggest other than talking to someone. Do SANDS provide councillors or anyone to talk your feelings and fears through with. I know there won't be a magic cure, but sometimes just talking through your fears and having someone listen helps. Do you talk about your feelings with your DH? I always find talking things through with DH helpful. Even though I know he won't be able to help practically, if he knows what you are feeling he will be able to help you through it.

You are made of strong stuff Hayley, you have managed to get through the most difficult of things anyone can ever dream of and I know it's tough, but you will make it through, I am sure of it

I wish there was a way I could make your little girl safe, but I think Alex is looking down on you both and will make sure everything is perfect with you both

 

[coccyx]

I always look out to see how you are doing. i think you are amazing and so strong. My cousin lost a baby to sids and when she had her next baby she had days of real mixed emotions. .She felt people would forget her daughter and she felt she would never enjoy her second baby due to always being scared of something happening again. I do not know how to help just sending hugs and I look forward to seeing pivs of your daughter

 

[SugarKisses]

I dont know what to say Hayley Im lost for words but I understand how scared you are feeling....I know that the worry doesnt stop once shes here I just want you to know Im here for you if you need me. Lots of love x xx

 

[bunnyg82]

Hey darling, I cannot even begin to understand what you are going through but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and sending lots of love. We're all here for you. You have always been such an inspiration. I really hope that you don't have to suffer with pnd but if you do I hope that there will be lots of help for you. You really deserve every happiness and all the love and support you can get.

take care of yourself my lovely xxx

 

[hekate]

so sorry for what you are going through...

I know it does not help, but it is perfectly normal to be worried about everything after such a random, totally unexpected and devastating loss...
maybe try and lessen some of your worries by talking about it! tell anyone even if they don't want to hear it....
maybe you could also try some relaxation cd's at night? or try and imagine good things happening in your life and to the people around you....
maybe if you can afford to treat yourself to some reflexology or similar to help you relax...

hope you feel better soon!

 

[lauraperrysan]

oh hayley u r such a brave young lady and you have been thro so much. i often check on u too see how u r and see ur sigi as alex is adorable and soon he is going to have a lil sister to look down over and be very very proud of. he will also be very proud of his mummy and daddy, he would not want you to suffer in pain and upset as he was chosen to be an angel.
you truely are one of those people who i will often remember for ur strenght and courage. i remember seeing pics of alex's grave at xmas and you make it so so beautiful for him.....your amazing hun
tbh i think the next few days, weeks and months are going to be very hard but with each day that goes on you will be feeling more and more positive as u watch ur lil lady get stronger, bigger and grow up
you can take her to meet alex so u have some time together as a family.....
nothing will ever take away ur pain but ur lil lady will bring u some of the happiness u deserve. also if u do suffer from pnd there are plenty or people and lot's of help out there to help you thro.....
i cant wait to read ur birth story and see some pics of ur lil one......
good luck for the birth and try to enjoy it as much a poss
xxxxx

 

[JadeyB]

Hi Hayley,

I just wanted to say hi and give you big hugs . I am so sorry that you lost baby Alex. I have read some of your posts and you are one very brave lady, giving everyone so much advice and support when you have been to hell and back. xxxx

Like some of the other girls have said when you've had an earlier mc, I don't know if you experience some kind of relief after you've passed that stage in your subsequent pregnancy (I don't know, I'm not there yet - driving myself absolutely crazy at the moment). I'm hoping I can breathe a little easier in a couple of months time.

I can't imagine what it must be like for you as baby Alex was in your arms and he was cruelly taken away from you.

I will be thinking about you over the next few weeks and months. I too look forward to reading about your birth story and hearing stories about your little girl who is going to grow into one beautiful little lady.

Lots of love
xxxxxx

 

[mmoon1]

Oh I cried when I read this hun. My heart aches for you. As someone said earlier when its an early loss i guess you do relax a bit when that time elapses at least im hoping i will but you must also remember that every baby is different and not just that but this little girl has her big brother watching over her so be positive everything will be fine. Im certain youll get extra support like an alarm system and special mattress as my friend did

All my hopes are with you for this precious little girl to thrive and be the much deserved joy to you and your partner xxxxxx

 

[meldmac]

Hayley you're such a strong person. I know you will get through this and if you ever need anyone to talk to you can message me here or on fb at any time. Sending you lots of

 

[JASMAK]

I have never experienced what you have but, I can imagine that it is a pain like no other. (deleted a bit here - will PM you instead).

 

[Truman]

Hi Hayley, I don't know what to say but I wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you. You are very brave and I am sure that Alex is very proud of you. He will watch over his little sister and be the angel on her shoulder. You are not alone I just wish there was something I could say to ease you pain. Love and hugs.

 

[Drazic<3]

Oh darling,

I can't imagine what you have been through, or where you are now. I just want to send you love and strength and I hope you get the support you need. With love