Really upset with people doubting me :-(

[sue_88]

I'm sat here crying my eyes out, I'm so sick of people doubting the choices that I am making for me and my little girl.

I've got a couple of dummy's in the house but I don't intend to use them unless I really think there's a need but just get comments like "if they're in the house you'll definitely use them"

Then comments on breast feeding (my whole family are bottle fed babies) with comments like "oo it's hard, don't put yourself through it. Formula is easier"

And the latest one is that I've decided to cloth nappy Millie and within the last hour of deciding ive already had two comments to the effect of "hahaha yeah right that won't last"

I'm going to be a single mum, a first time mum and I just feel like no one has any faith in my ability to be able to raise my daughter and make my own choices without being ridiculed I'm just so upset. I don't know why I bother trying to keep people informed about the baby or our future, most of the time I think I'd just be happier staying alone and keeping her all to myself.

Sorry for the long post just needed to get it out.

 

[TrixieLox]

Lots of hugs! People have SO many opinions when it comes to parenting and think they know best. But you know what? Mum knows best. As in, YOU as mum to YOUR child. So that's what matters most. Please don't cry, you've made informed decisions and people just love putting their oar in. If it's really narking you off, tell them you're bored of hearing what THEY think is right and you're happy with your decisions so that's that, and can they please discuss something more fun, like OMG, how crap is the weather?

Really admire you as a strong, single, first-time mum to be making her own decisions for the best of HER baby instead of being brow beaten into things. Already suggests you're going to be a FAB mum. We're all here for you, ignore them and just remember, not long until you meet your little girl!

 

[special_kala]

Honestly screw em, your making the best choices for you and your little miss and you know it

When people get negative just smile and nod whilst thinking "la la la"

Breastfeeding is hard but honestly formula is so much extra work. I was a single mum from 10 weeks to 10 months with Willow and breastfeeding saved my sanity so many times.

 

[sue_88]

Thanks all I am of course willing to take each day as it comes but I want to learn everything for myself not have other opinions forced down my neck because "I can't possibly do this without help!"

I'm so quiet and timid IRL that I find it really difficult to tell people to back off, including my family, so think it'll be best that I make my choices that I am very proud of and they'll just have to learn about it when she's here. Hopefully when she's here and I'm a full time mummy I'll get my voice and tell people "my daughter, my choice!"

 

[Moomette]

It's easier said than done, but just try to ignore them and smile and nod while letting it all go in from one ear and out from the other - it's sometimes easier than confronting people outright. Some people feel like they need to have an opinion on everything, but at the end of the day it's your baby and their opinions don't really matter.

 

[Mum2BKW]

Hugs! This really annoys me as well, I've stopped telling some people about baby related decisions as I'm so sick of hearing their judgement and why I've made the wrong choice. The worst is that, like you, all my decisions have been researched and informed, whereas theirs are always based on their personal opinion which they haven't updated for 30+ years! As though nothing has changed since then! Makes me so cross - I'm choosing what I think is best for my baby, not trying to make things difficult for myself! Back off! I'm determined to stick to my choices even more now so I can show them I was right and not have to hear them say "I told you so"

 

[Lisasmith]

Of course you can do it! Screw people, people like to share the negative and bring others down.
❤

 

[counting]

There are some people I just avoid telling about our parenting decisions. Usually I can gauge what kind of reaction they will have. That being said, I think it is important to find some support for your decisions. Maybe join a group with other like minded moms? Good luck.

 

[Athena]

Just wanted to add that I think you will be an amazing mummy. When I see that you have commented on posts I am always really interested to read your opinion, you seem a very well informed and intelligent woman and as a third time mum I am genuinely interested in what you have to say.

You will know what is best for you and Millie, and I don't think people/family sticking their two pence worth in is a reflection on you as a mum, it's just something that happens all the time when you are making parenting decisions. Everyone has an opinion and unfortunately, some people can't keep their negativity to themselves.

There will be things that don't stick with your plan, but that happens to all of us, first baby or tenth baby! You will be fine and it will be wonderful

 

[funinthesun]

I don't know why people in your life think its ok to comment on these things.

When my friends have made decisions about breast feeding vs bottles, disposable vs cloth diapers etc I don't say anything at all about it to them - its their choice, they are all intelligent people and I'm sure they have done their own research and weighed up the pros and cons of it all.

Try to avoid talking about it with them, change the topic if you have to or just say that you have thought about it long and hard and those are the decisions you have made.

My mum keeps on trying to ask me what name I am going to call my baby. I have been saying I don't know yet, even though I do know. I just don't want her opinion on it!

 

[Mrs.Mcguin]

I have not read all the replies but I'm sure they have gave great advice. I understand its hard to not get the support you hope for but my great advice is just do what works for you. I would not even tell them your plans anymore. And you know what...so what if you chose to use a soother...It's not a big deal. And good for you for choosing to breast feed. Just because they chose a different route because they thought it would be too hard doesn't mean they have to put you down for trying. You might be a lot stronger then them and I bet you will be. I was a single mom while breast feeding..I don't see how they thought it was so hard.

You will always find people that want to give their two cents...they always think they know best. What worked for them doesn't mean it will work for you..and vice versa. Stay true to yourself. You don't have to prove anything to them, just do what you feel is right

 

[Babushka]

Just ignore them & don't discuss anything else with them. It annoys me too when people put in their 2 cents but apparently it happens all the time when raising children, we will have to get used to it.

 

[mac1979]

I have gotten similar responses. I am cloth diapering, breast feeding and going with natural childbirth. Every time I tell somebody I get a sarcastic "good luck with that"'. All it does is make me want to succeed more. I am fortunate I get to be a SAHM, so I believe I can accomplish what I set out to do. Unfortunately, I am the only one who thinks that (with the exception of DH, he is supporting all of my decisions)

 

[floatingbaby]

Sending you some love sue - you will do wonderful for your daughter.

I know where you are coming from. DH and I live very remotely, when we recently went to visit friends and family I was shocked and annoyed by how much advise and comments I received! I don't put any info like that on FB, but when we went visiting things came up and I couldn't believe the way people talked to me about my choices! I said to DH, "oh these pants would fit over a big cloth bum!" and his mom snapped "oh, don't cloth diaper, it won't work. It's too much work" and I said "actually I am going to cloth diaper." I was so appalled that she would just say that without thinking.
Anyway, we haven't told anyone our baby name choices and refuse to talk much about our plans anymore... you keep doing what you are doing xox

 

[Sarahdisco]

I know what you mean! I've had people doubting my birth choices (I don't want an epidural if I can help it, I'd like to be in the pool if possible and I don't want to be stuck in the bed), my decision to breastfeed, my decision to not co-sleep, my decision to keep my 2 cats. The list goes on and on!

What really upsets me though is that people don't think I'll be able to cope with labour and ill be screaming for an epidural in 5 minutes. Give me some credit! I am fully aware it's going to hurt, I'm going into this with my eyes wide open and I'm pretty effing determined I'm going to cope. I'm phycing myself up for this and I really don't need people going "oh you won't cope, you wait!" That doesn't help.

I've actually told MIL if she hasn't anything positive to say to me about labour then to shut up. I'm scared as it is and don't need people being negative!

Ignore the negative nellies, you've obviously done your research and the decisions YOU have made for YOUR child are no one else's business.

By the way I think you'll be a fab mum xxx

 

[Pink Flowers]

I hate people who always have something negative to say about peoples parenting.

When I was pregnant with Oliver I was planning on BF I got told similar to you, I couldn't BF and then I got told you so.

I used cloth on Oliver from 4/5 months and people were always picking at why I didn't use "normal" nappies. When I stopped using them people were like oh they were too much hard work were they. No Oliver had a sore bottom and we could not clear it up, the only way was to use a special cream, that if it got on the cloth nappies it would have ruined them. Then I got out of the habit and just never went back

Oliver also had an amber teething necklace, oh that kicked them all off as well, and the fact I didn't use medicine every time he got a slight temp.

You are making very informed choices for your little girl, you are going to be the best mummy to her. x

 

[Purplehippo]

Do what's best for you and you lo, you will find what works for you and stuff everyone else xx

 

[Helen76]

Hey former due date bud!

I think you have some fantastic responses here and I particularly agree with Athena. I think you will be a fantastic mummy, you seem very sensible and have considered what is best for baby and best for you. I also appreciate your ongoing support to me.

Doing it on your own will be tough but that little girl is going to have a fantastic mum and that is far better than two average parents.

You will need support around you but that doesn't mean you have to back down on any of your choices. Not that I think you would or should anyway!

Would just suggest that you count to 10 when they are making these comments and know that you have plenty of support on here if you need to sound off about anything.

Happy 34 weeks!!

H xx

 

[Dragonfly]

When people condemn and criticise you for what you do remember they are not telling you your story they are telling you theirs.

 

[sue_88]

Thank you everyone, I always feeling like this little online community picks me up, wipes off the tears and pushes me off to carry on with the day head held high

Feeling much better today......and only 6 weeks to go!