Received some distresing news. So, how did YOU know you were ready??

[cookette]

I had a very large uterine fibroid removed last year and have comlpications since with lingering pain, trouble urinating, etc. My tubes and uterus had dye ran through at surgery and they said they were excellent.

Retruned for a follow up re: still in pain. They think its scar tissue and uterine adhesion to the bowel/bladder and want to do surgery again. THEN, he proceeds to tell me if I was going to have a baby, to do so quickly, as he believes I have "an advanced biological clock" and that due to symptoms past/present my child bearing years will likely end sooner than most other women. He also said getting pregnant would likely stretch everything internally and resolve the pain issue without adding another surgery.

Dont get me wrong, he was not trying to pressure me and said so repeatedly, but he was advising me that if my husband and I had been discussing kids, it was a bit more of a pressing issue than to think I had 10 years to waffle on about it.

So I always hear "You're NEVER ready for a baby, you just have one."

How did YOU know the time was right?

 

[babydevil1989]

I didnt - we just knew we wanted children at a young age (I was 20 he was 24) and everything just came together x

 

[chulie]

I think everyone has their "wishlist" for life....like...what would be the PERFECT environment....so write all those down...and then pick like...top 5....if you have those...your ready! haahhahaha...What I mean is, even for me, my ideal was that I wanted to be married, in a house, stable job, well travelled, lots of $$ in the bank saved....did it work out that perfectly? No...but I was happily married in a perfect home to raise our child and we did well enough for ourselves to make it through and not feel like I was denying my kid anything.....I remember sitting at home one night with my DH and I and we had just had dinner and were cuddled up watching tv and everything seemed so quiet and perfect.......ironically it was then we realized we wanted something to shake up our lives a bit. I'd go to my sisters house who had 3 kids and it was so wild but so full of life and excitement......I think it was then we knew we were "as ready as we'd ever be"......so we just did it.....There's never a perfect sign or omen but I can guarentee you no matter what once that baby is here you'll realize it was the best choice you ever made!

 

[Pers]

We didn't think it was an option to be honest. I was diagnosed with PCOS before I met my current husband and was told it was unlikely I would ever have children without IVF which wasnt something I was prepared to do. I did some research on my own and learned there were other options. We talked about it as we have both always wanted kids but it just stayed on the back burner. Two years ago, my mom died and it was a kick in the head for me. She was only 60 and I realized that even though I felt like I had forever to live my life, time is running out and if we wanted children through a pregnancy of our own, we had to make it happen. I started seeing an endocrinologist, lost a bunch of weight and went to see my OB to start clomid.

For us it wasn't so much about deciding if we were ready but realizing we couldn't keep putting it off if it was something we truly wanted.

 

[geordie_gal]

We didn't know.
In an ideal world I wanted to have been married before I got pregnant, as it turns out I'm getting married 6 weeks after my predicted due date (so hopefully at my scan it wont get moved back!)
x

 

[EstelSeren]

There is no perfect time to have a baby. If you feel like you and your partner are emotionally ready and you're fairly stable financially with a roof over your head then you're probably in as good a position as any to start trying! If there's anything that you want to do first then do it but if it's not right at the top of your list then figure out if you could do it with children or even when you're older and your children have grown up! For me broodiness was a physical ache and after almost 4 years of desperately wanting a baby we had both finished uni and got married and just went for it! It took us a full year of heartache leaving us a month or 2 off being referred to a fertility specialist but we finally had our 1st just before Christmas 2011 and are now expecting our 2nd in September! Our situation isn't perfect but we're all happy and healthy and generally getting by OK!

Beca :wave:

 

[Mrs A]

I was always anti children, ALWAYS.
Then oe day it was like a tap had been turned on, literally. Xx

 

[Amy89]

I was always anti children, ALWAYS.
Then oe day it was like a tap had been turned on, literally. Xx

Same - the thought of children horrified me! One day I looked at OH and thought "You're the man I want to be with forever, and there's nothing more I want than to have a baby with this amazing person". Just came from nowhere!
There's never gonna be a perfect time to have a baby, something is always gonna make you think that you're not quite ready, but like pps have said, if you're stable with a roof over your head, and ready to love a child, then go for it! X

 

[Mrs.Mcguin]

There's never gonna be a perfect time to have a baby, something is always gonna make you think that you're not quite ready, but like pps have said, if you're stable with a roof over your head, and ready to love a child, then go for it! X

This exactly. If you really try to think of reasons not to have a child...you will always find tons. If in your heart you feel you just can't right now and you feel it's wrong at this moment...then don't do it, it might back fire on you if you have a child right now for the wrong reasons.

Take time to think about it...wait for that moment you get excited about the idea. That's when you know it's the best time

 

[MumToEva]

Like EstelSeren, for me broodiness was like a physical ache that just got stronger with time. Unfortunately my hubby wasn't ready to have children at the same time as me, so I had to wait as patiently as i could for him to feel ready as I knew it wasn't fair to push him into having kids when he wasn't ready - that meant waiting another few years after I would have wanted to start trying. Ironically, after our daughter was born, hubby said he wished we had done it sooner!

Also, we had a couple of miscarriages along the way, so I know the heartache of wanting a baby and nature having other ideas - just don't put it off too long as you may regret it down the line is all I'm saying.

 

[MarcsMrs]

I dont think you can ever know you are ready to have a baby! But if your relationship is stable & you have a roof over your head then I would go for it! We were TTC for 9 months for our DD but even with the 9 months of trying & the 9 months of pregnancy I still didnt feel I was ready to be a Mum! I said to my DH in the labour ward that I wasnt ready!! But the minute they placed that little bundle on my chest my whole world changed forever & I knew I was exactly where I needed to be! Being a Mum has made me happier than I ever thought possible & I cant wait to meet my next little lady!

 

[Dream.dream]

I don't think your ever ready really , even people who plan babies never really know whether they were "ready" until baby is here

You'll find a lot of people who regret not having children but I doubt you'll find any parents who regret having their children. Niether of mine were planned but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world

 

[J.D.]

I don't think I really feel "ready" exactly? But we've wanted children as far back as when we first started dating. We got married 8 years ago and were trying to find ways to try back then, but living in a country where the catholic church controlled almost all the healthcare, it was impossible.

I never wanted to be an older mom --- I always hated how old my parents were when I was growing up compared to everyone else's -- and now I'll be older than they were when they had me. But I know we both want children, and I'm 37 now.

So it's sort of now or never.

And we're excited. Let the adventure begin. But "ready" lol no. Probably not in the slightest.

 

[3boys]

i have always wanted children and my hubby and i conceived our first when i was 19 so i cant really comment but i wanted to wish you well x

 

[Girly922]

We had been speaking about children for a while, discussing all the things we wanted to do before having children. Buying our first house, ensuring I would qualify for contractual maternity pay rather than just SMP, going on one last big holiday as just the two of us. We did all of these and I was still putting it off. We then fell unexpectedly, but unfortunately lost a few weeks later. However, it made us realise just how ready we are. It's still scary at times, but we couldn't be happier. I now can't wait to have my little pumpkin in my arms

 

[mel28nicole]

My fiance and I never really had discussions about children, we just knew we always wanted one and when the time came, the time came. I really didn't want children at this time. I just turned 21 a couple months back so I wanna go out and enjoy the young life. We've used the pull out method for 18 months so we knew that would be a chance of getting pregnant. We always talked about not wanting to plan on having a kid, surprise is always fun haha. I went out to a bar last night and was DD but I really didn't feel comfortable. It was the first time I felt that whole "wow I'm gonna be a mom and I'm at the bar right now? What?" The two people I was with have 3 kids, and there was a lot of other young moms there too and I just kept thinking to myself that I would never go out with a young child at home, constantly like these other moms do. I think it's starting to hit me that I'm gonna be a mom, but I'm not ready haha

 

[broodymrs]

I'm the same as some of the other ladies. Was always anti-kids and thought I'd probably have them 'one day' but certainly not in the near future, then my uncle died. He dies 2 years after my aunty, basically of a broken heart. They never had children and after she was gone he lost the will to live. My dad sat by his deathbed, and me and my mum were there to support my dad but it struck me there was no-one who loved him unconditionally and that flicked the switch for me. My pills ran out while he was in hospital and I never renewed my prescription. After a couple of months of 'seeing what happened' I was getting desperate and so we really started trying and I was just unbelievably broody. Even with health problems I would still wait until you feel 'ready' although just be aware that you'll probably never feel 100% ready, but also bear in mind your age and how long drs have told you, you have got. How would you feel if you left I for now, but then it was too late when you decided to try? If you would be devastated then perhaps start trying sooner rather than later.

 

[StefNJunk]

Seconding everyone else. Almost 22 weeks and still don't feel "ready!" When I was with my ex-husband, I thought I wanted children when I was in my very early 20s, but I'm so so glad he didn't want them yet. When he started wanting them (after we got married when I was 23), I realized I didn't want children with him. I thought maybe I just didn't want children. Then I divorced him, met my OH, and when he talked about babies, I got butterflies in my stomach (the good kind!). I was a bit iffy on having children still, but something triggered in my mind. We'd only been together a few months when he asked one day, all non-chalantly, when I would be ovulating. I told him (I know my cycle VERY well), and that day we got pregnant. We miscarried, but that's when I knew for sure, I wanted to have this man's babies! We miscarried our second as well, but now we're almost 22 weeks with our rainbow.

My point in that long winded story goes with what everyone else says - there's never really a "right" time. You might not even realize it's the "right" time until it happens. The fact that you are thinking about it enough to ask about it, though, says to me that maybe, just maybe, the time is more right than you realize!

 

[Nela]

I had always wanted children. Then, I got with my ex who was severely disabled and decided there was no way I could handle children and him. I guess I just accepted that and decided I shouldn't be a mom. Health issues, emotional issues, made me back up that decision even more. So when I met my OH, I was totally fine with not having kids. At least, at the beginning. However, as time went on, I was getting more and more concerned about possibly having an 'oopsie' moment as we would slip here and there so we talked about kids. To be honest, neither of us really knew what we wanted. We both 'wanted' it, but we both seemed to feel 'not now' was the better option. Thing is, dear OH is not getting any younger, so 'not now' isn't really an option for long in his case. I also wasn't sure how easy it would be since I was told I'd probably have a hard time conceiving. *Snorts*

Forward to October, November... I was feeling more and more ready to settle down with OH. I had always known I wanted to, but wasn't sure if it was mutual. I was starting to feel that maybe we really should take the steps towards settling down (marriage) and considering children more seriously. In fact, I actually looked into adoption requirements and sobbed when I realized we would not be eligible. This only made me believe we'd not have children but I figured we'd just make the best of it. Got engaged November 24th. Christmas Eve, SURPRISE! We're pregnant. What the???

Was it my timing? Was it his? Was this how we planned it? Were we ready? Heck no We were just starting to face marriage when it all went out the window. But you know what? Kiddo will be here in about a month now and we're happy. Planning is overrated It's an emotional roller coaster, wondering if we're totally ready for this one minute, being absolutely over the moon the next... I am sure everything will fall into place though and everything will be just fine. Soooo we put off the wedding for now, something which I really really had wanted BEFORE having kids, but really, in the end, all that really matters is that we are a family and that we'll provide for kiddo.

If you're a mom at heart, nothing can take away from that. In the end, that's all that really matters. My OH has never really dealt with babies but I could tell from the way he'd look at kids and interact with them while their parents weren't looking (kids smiling or chatting with him, etc.) that he's a dad at heart. I could tell by how he worries over the pets and fusses over them when they are unwell, spoils them, etc. that he's a dad at heart. If you can see those qualities in yourself and in your OH, that's what really matters. If you have that love, that's really all that is needed. As for timing, we adapt.

 

[Sweedot]

My sister, who is 16 years my senior told me when I got married that at 29 she went to the doctors for a regular checkup, she had been married 4 years.the doctor asked if she had plans for children, since she had been with her husband 10 years and would be turning 30 shortly. She admitted he hadn't considered it, but thought maybe they'd start trying in four or five years. The doctor said, I know I'm overstepping my boundaries here, but I've been your family doctor a long time and you would not believe how many women in their 30s I am treating for fertility related issues. If you want children one day, don't delay...what are you waiting for? She fell pregnant at 30 and had a daughter at 31, it took an additional 5 years to fall pregnant a second time despite trying soon after the birth of her daughter. She developed eclampsia and delivered a preemie at 25 weeks. She is forevergreatful to her doctor because she often feels, if she had waited, she wouldhave missed hereindow. We both have a history of pcos, hers fairly mild. It was this that led me to heed her advice and I had my first at 26. Who knows what the future holds, some of us are Luke, others not so much but I will say, if you want children, what are you REALLY waiting for?