Recently Single, 25 weeks Pregnant.

[Ch3l533]

My FOB decided he would much rather be out partying every night than spending time with me and preparing for our baby. We planned this pregnancy and not it feels like I should have thought this thru more. We moved from Texas to Pennsylvania together and now I feel like I"m all alone. I'm still debating on whether I should move back home, or wait till he fully decides what he wants to do. He says he wants it to work out, but I have to accept that alcohol and partying come first. I know I have to do whats best for my baby, but I'll feel like a failure if I don't give my child a family.

Any advice as to what I should do?

 

[jocelynmarie]

Yikes, hon. I'm very sorry to hear that. First of all let me say that you're absolutely not a failure if you can't make it work with your FOB. The baby is always the number one priority and if drinking and partying come first for him, then that isn't a healthy environment for either you or the child. In my opinion, its better to be apart and give the child a happy upbringing then it is to try to force something that may make you miserable.

This is completely your call, and you're the only one that can decide whats best for you and your baby. Just make sure you think through all points. If there is any danger to you or your baby, get out now.... go back home if its what you feel is right. You have all the rights until/unless he fights for them.

 

[Ch3l533]

He took me out and broke up with me in front of all of his friends and left me in a town I had never been to. He says that he wants it to work, but I should be ok with him going out and not complain and if I do he'll walk out and take care of his kid by simply sending money every month and that's it. I honestly don't want his money if he's not going to see the baby b/c to me that's not a father.

I want to believe that he is capable of changing, but I'm afraid it'll never happen. I do know if he doesn't try to see the baby I'll be crushed, but it might be for the best. It's just so many emotions going on all at once. He's working out of town right now and won't be back till Saturday and that's when he's supposed to tell me what he really wants to do, but I know no matter what he decides I'm going to always feel this pain from everything that happened. If I do move back home I don't want him to end up coming around years later and trying to put in my son's head that I moved and kept him away. Kids are so vulnerable who knows what they will believe.
Just hard decisions to be made, and I know more or less what I want but I"m so afraid of what the outcome will be.

 

[jocelynmarie]

Thats such a crappy situation. Don't let him threaten you though. YOU MATTER as much as your baby does. If he's willing to say he'll walk away and not look back, thats not a father at all. Forcing yourself to be in a situation and staying quiet about your unhappiness is going to make you absolutely miserable.

I hope that its something you can work out because its seems to be obvious that its what you want.

I'm myself 23 weeks pregnant and trying to figure out as I go how this is going to all work out, so I know the stress you're under. Remember to be strong for yourself and the baby hon!

 

[Ch3l533]

Thank You so much. =) You lifted my spirits and I now feel okay that I am going to be a single mother. My best friend's mom did it and her kids came out fine. I guess it's just the fear of not having any help was getting to me, but I know with a little strength, and faith I can do it.

 

[jocelynmarie]

Its absolutely terrifying. I'm right there with ya hon. But sometimes its the best thing! If you ever ned to talk feel free to message me any time.

 

[angelpkj]

i went thru this at 5 and halfs months also
i was 2nd best through-out my whole pregnancy to partying and weekends
its so so hard but i've learnt you can never know what the future holds,i spent so many nights worrying about if FOB would ever be there for me or even be at the birth as i was due so close to a precious weekend!

FOB has really turned his act around since the birth,it doesnt take away all the hurt and pain and shit i went thru but it's shocked me as i prepared myself not to expect anythin from him and he prob wouldn't be around

as much as FOB is about now for LO i still feel a single mum,its me doing the night feeds and its only a few hours a day FOB is with LO and LO mostly just sleeps during that time

being a single mum can be done and is not a thing to be scared of,i really made a big deal out of it and now im kinda liking it cause i don't have to share my time with LO its just mine and LO's bonding time and if i want a break FOB can take LO for few hours

 

[oaklvr]

I would move back home. Wherever you have family. Once you have the baby and if he gets visitations, you may be forced to live where you do now. He left you in a different town? I mean WTF! I should've left years ago when my ex was being a jerk to us when I was pregnant with my first. It trapped me here with no family. Now I'm pregnant again by a long-term bf and he's skipped out on us as well. I understand how you feel, it's not easy to watch someone you love and you KNEW be that asshole you never thought they would be.

 

[Newdreemz]

I would move back home. Wherever you have family. Once you have the baby and if he gets visitations, you may be forced to live where you do now. He left you in a different town? I mean WTF! I should've left years ago when my ex was being a jerk to us when I was pregnant with my first. It trapped me here with no family. Now I'm pregnant again by a long-term bf and he's skipped out on us as well. I understand how you feel, it's not easy to watch someone you love and you KNEW be that asshole you never thought they would be.

Yup, you pretty much summed it up. I would move back home.

I mean he sounds as if he's already made up his mind on who he is and he seems as if he isn't changing anytime soon. And him leaving you somewhere is a DEAL BREAKER. We women hang on to false hope waaaaay too much. There is no point in believing in something that is way to close to "impossible". Don't hang on a cliff waiting for someone to save you, and then later on realize that you've been hanging there for so long that all you had to do was let go.

Your letting him control the situation by letting him tell YOU what HE WANTS. And he knows hes in control so there isn't any even a reason for him to change if you don't demand what you want. And make sure you take him to court for child support even though I understand how you feel. Its easier letting the courts handle it. but he should at least help you financially. Even if you don't want his money, put it in a bank account for your baby's future if you have too..

Just my advice. The decision is ultimately yours. Either way, You have my support here.