Regretting pregnancy

[LennaG]

Im 24 weeks pregnant and I've just been feeling very sad and depressed most of this pregnancy. I wasn't in the beginning when I first found out, because things with my ex were good and he was happy and supportive and we wanted to get married and live together and raise the baby. I was happy when I got pregnant..life was good. Then things went bad with my ex and he was threatening and I felt unsafe so I broke things off and moved back home. However I feel like a failure at everything. I dropped out of college when I found out I was pregnant, as I wasn't interested in anything anyways, so I probably would have even if I didn't get pregnant.

So here I am 19 and pregnant and single. Everything just went downhill so fast. I thought I'd be happier, but Im just not. I make minimum wage and live with my parents..I don't have any of the means to raise a baby. Sometimes I wish I never met my ex and none of this ever happened. But now Im pregnant with a baby girl and I have no idea what to do. I don't want to give her up for adoption, because I really do love her already, I just regret the timing of all this. I want my youth back..I didn't like school so much but I loved being independent and on my own away from my parents. Now Im back living with them and I will need them to help me raise my daughter..I just feel so so sad. I cry pretty much every night. I try and tell myself things will get better, but who knows. I miss my old life before this all happened. I just wish I could go back in time and prevent this all. I really just want to be happy again. I don't know what to do :/

I want to keep my baby girl its just I know my life will just get harder, especially working minimum wage and being a single mom. Things are so depressing now...and a newborn is a lot of work and means a lot of sacrifice, yet I feel like I've already given everything up. And everyone is very supportive and happy for me. I've already got so much baby stuff from friends and family who are so excited for me. They congratulate me and ask me, "Are you excited?" and I just smile and nod my head, but Im just not feeling excited at all. I feel lost and confused and like Im a failure for getting pregnant so young and being a single mom and not knowing what I want to do with my life career wise. Just lost. And I know the baby can feel everything I feel and I feel bad but I just can't help but just cry. I sat with my mom for 2 hours the other night and just cried to her. I just feel so angry that I let this happen and that things fell apart so fast. Im just so mad at myself.

Did anyone else feel this way during their pregnancy, and how are things now?

 

[Amygdala]

I'm not in your situation but I can relate to some of what you're saying. I think some degree of regret over things changing is normal in any pregnancy. And you're right, your situation is tough and it's no wonder you're worried about it. But it's nowhere near as bleak as it feels now. For one thing, being young can be a real advantage! You'll only be in your mid-20s when your little girl starts school and you'll have plenty of time to pursue a career even if you wait until then. I think it'd be a really good idea to think about your options now though. Do you have any idea what sort of career you'd like? Just as an example, you could aim to become a teacher. You could find "just a job" for now that would be good experience, like a classroom assistant or child carer, then go for online classes once you feel up to it after baby arrives. You could do similar things for pretty much any career you want to pursue and having a plan now (even if it changes as you go along) will give you a sense of direction and purpose. Your parents sound like supportive people so maybe you could sit down with them and make a 5-year plan. Or even go to a career counsellor. Being pregnant does not have to mean the end of your ambitions!
Secondly, I just wanted to mention that there's such a thing as pre-natal depression. If you feel that you're down more than you "should" be, that it's affecting your day-to-day life, then I'd talk to your healthcare provider about getting some counselling. There is no shame in getting help! There might also be a young moms group you could join locally? Or maybe a prenatal exercise or parenting class that'll distract you from your worries a bit and let you focus on the positive, exciting parts of this journey?
Try to find some confidence in the fact that you'll be fine. Because you will be. You'll discover strength in yourself that you had no idea you had. Just don't be afraid to ask for help along the way!

 

[LennaG]

I'm not in your situation but I can relate to some of what you're saying. I think some degree of regret over things changing is normal in any pregnancy. And you're right, your situation is tough and it's no wonder you're worried about it. But it's nowhere near as bleak as it feels now. For one thing, being young can be a real advantage! You'll only be in your mid-20s when your little girl starts school and you'll have plenty of time to pursue a career even if you wait until then. I think it'd be a really good idea to think about your options now though. Do you have any idea what sort of career you'd like? Just as an example, you could aim to become a teacher. You could find "just a job" for now that would be good experience, like a classroom assistant or child carer, then go for online classes once you feel up to it after baby arrives. You could do similar things for pretty much any career you want to pursue and having a plan now (even if it changes as you go along) will give you a sense of direction and purpose. Your parents sound like supportive people so maybe you could sit down with them and make a 5-year plan. Or even go to a career counsellor. Being pregnant does not have to mean the end of your ambitions!
Secondly, I just wanted to mention that there's such a thing as pre-natal depression. If you feel that you're down more than you "should" be, that it's affecting your day-to-day life, then I'd talk to your healthcare provider about getting some counselling. There is no shame in getting help! There might also be a young moms group you could join locally? Or maybe a prenatal exercise or parenting class that'll distract you from your worries a bit and let you focus on the positive, exciting parts of this journey?
Try to find some confidence in the fact that you'll be fine. Because you will be. You'll discover strength in yourself that you had no idea you had. Just don't be afraid to ask for help along the way!

I really just have NO idea what direction I want to go in as a career path. I was going to school to become a Vet Tech when I fell pregnant, however, even before falling pregnant I wasn't sure it was something I wanted to do. I don't really enjoy schooling either. I love animals, but theres really not much in that field you can do and make a living. Not that money is the answer to everything. Theres nothing in college programs or studies that really interest me. And its hard because people tell me "Oh you have to go back to school and better yourself for the baby and get a good job." and its frustrating because theres nothing in school that interests me right now. I want to make money and be able to provide for me and the baby and no live with my parents the rest of my life. I am very independent and I think thats why Im so sad and regretting this..because it took all my independence away. Im living a home, making barely any money. Its just feeling like a hole I can't dig myself out of. Worst part is, I did it to myself and I hate myself.

 

[rose.]

Massive it sounds like you're in a really difficult place right now. Please don't feel guilty for regretting things and feeling so down, because it's not your fault your circumstances have changed and it's perfectly normal for the relationship breakup to make you feel completely lost. I am almost 24 weeks and I feel completely hormonal at times, I am also a lot more sensitive than I was before being pregnant, so I am sure that the hormones aren't helping.

I think it's great that you spoke to your mum about it, it would be great if you could Carry on doing that, as speaking honestly about your situation will certainly help you to feel more positive In the long run, and your mum can give you extra support while you need it. I would also recommend speaking to your midwife about it - it does sound like you may be a bit depressed and they can recommend treatments to help with that.

Please don't think your life is over because you're having a baby. I had my first just after I was 21. I was married (and still am) but had just started my law course. My son is now 3 and I am finally almost qualified. It's been hard work but it's perfectly doable, once you've decided what you want to do. For now I would concentrate on your health and your baby, you can decide what you want to do once things have settled down and she's arrived. It's certainly not easy to have to give up on the things you enjoyed but I am sure that you will make new friends and have new interests once your little one is here.

Having a baby when you're young is also quite nice because it means you will hopefully have lots of time with her when she's an adult, and can also carry on with your career and plans once she's grown up.

Again massive , please don't feel guilty and keep talking to your mum and your midwife about how you feel.

 

[Tropiclands]

These are certainly normal things to worry about and actually indicate that you are a 19 year old with sense and maturity, which are good things to have and will carry you far, so go you! I do agree that you should reach out for help if all this feels like too much. I will also be more than willing to talk with you if you'd like also. I would also recommend spending some time praying if you aren't already.

 

[DaisyDreamer]

I'm not in your situation but I can relate to some of what you're saying. I think some degree of regret over things changing is normal in any pregnancy. And you're right, your situation is tough and it's no wonder you're worried about it. But it's nowhere near as bleak as it feels now. For one thing, being young can be a real advantage! You'll only be in your mid-20s when your little girl starts school and you'll have plenty of time to pursue a career even if you wait until then. I think it'd be a really good idea to think about your options now though. Do you have any idea what sort of career you'd like? Just as an example, you could aim to become a teacher. You could find "just a job" for now that would be good experience, like a classroom assistant or child carer, then go for online classes once you feel up to it after baby arrives. You could do similar things for pretty much any career you want to pursue and having a plan now (even if it changes as you go along) will give you a sense of direction and purpose. Your parents sound like supportive people so maybe you could sit down with them and make a 5-year plan. Or even go to a career counsellor. Being pregnant does not have to mean the end of your ambitions!
Secondly, I just wanted to mention that there's such a thing as pre-natal depression. If you feel that you're down more than you "should" be, that it's affecting your day-to-day life, then I'd talk to your healthcare provider about getting some counselling. There is no shame in getting help! There might also be a young moms group you could join locally? Or maybe a prenatal exercise or parenting class that'll distract you from your worries a bit and let you focus on the positive, exciting parts of this journey?
Try to find some confidence in the fact that you'll be fine. Because you will be. You'll discover strength in yourself that you had no idea you had. Just don't be afraid to ask for help along the way!

I really just have NO idea what direction I want to go in as a career path. I was going to school to become a Vet Tech when I fell pregnant, however, even before falling pregnant I wasn't sure it was something I wanted to do. I don't really enjoy schooling either. I love animals, but theres really not much in that field you can do and make a living. Not that money is the answer to everything. Theres nothing in college programs or studies that really interest me. And its hard because people tell me "Oh you have to go back to school and better yourself for the baby and get a good job." and its frustrating because theres nothing in school that interests me right now. I want to make money and be able to provide for me and the baby and no live with my parents the rest of my life. I am very independent and I think thats why Im so sad and regretting this..because it took all my independence away. Im living a home, making barely any money. Its just feeling like a hole I can't dig myself out of. Worst part is, I did it to myself and I hate myself.

As far as a career, what about massage therapy? Here where I am (Washington, USA) the program is only 9 months and there is an increasing demand for massage therapists worldwide as more and more doctors recognize its benefits.

If you want you could even develop your own niche as a massage therapist for animals. My OH took the course and one of his cohorts was aiming to do massage therapy for animals. And honestly it's around $60/70 an hour plus travel costs if you do in-home care (for an independent) or you could work in an office and still make a very good career out of amazing lifelong skills.

I'm sorry you are feeling so emotional right now but your calling will come to you

 

[LennaG]

I'm not in your situation but I can relate to some of what you're saying. I think some degree of regret over things changing is normal in any pregnancy. And you're right, your situation is tough and it's no wonder you're worried about it. But it's nowhere near as bleak as it feels now. For one thing, being young can be a real advantage! You'll only be in your mid-20s when your little girl starts school and you'll have plenty of time to pursue a career even if you wait until then. I think it'd be a really good idea to think about your options now though. Do you have any idea what sort of career you'd like? Just as an example, you could aim to become a teacher. You could find "just a job" for now that would be good experience, like a classroom assistant or child carer, then go for online classes once you feel up to it after baby arrives. You could do similar things for pretty much any career you want to pursue and having a plan now (even if it changes as you go along) will give you a sense of direction and purpose. Your parents sound like supportive people so maybe you could sit down with them and make a 5-year plan. Or even go to a career counsellor. Being pregnant does not have to mean the end of your ambitions!
Secondly, I just wanted to mention that there's such a thing as pre-natal depression. If you feel that you're down more than you "should" be, that it's affecting your day-to-day life, then I'd talk to your healthcare provider about getting some counselling. There is no shame in getting help! There might also be a young moms group you could join locally? Or maybe a prenatal exercise or parenting class that'll distract you from your worries a bit and let you focus on the positive, exciting parts of this journey?
Try to find some confidence in the fact that you'll be fine. Because you will be. You'll discover strength in yourself that you had no idea you had. Just don't be afraid to ask for help along the way!

I really just have NO idea what direction I want to go in as a career path. I was going to school to become a Vet Tech when I fell pregnant, however, even before falling pregnant I wasn't sure it was something I wanted to do. I don't really enjoy schooling either. I love animals, but theres really not much in that field you can do and make a living. Not that money is the answer to everything. Theres nothing in college programs or studies that really interest me. And its hard because people tell me "Oh you have to go back to school and better yourself for the baby and get a good job." and its frustrating because theres nothing in school that interests me right now. I want to make money and be able to provide for me and the baby and no live with my parents the rest of my life. I am very independent and I think thats why Im so sad and regretting this..because it took all my independence away. Im living a home, making barely any money. Its just feeling like a hole I can't dig myself out of. Worst part is, I did it to myself and I hate myself.

As far as a career, what about massage therapy? Here where I am (Washington, USA) the program is only 9 months and there is an increasing demand for massage therapists worldwide as more and more doctors recognize its benefits.

If you want you could even develop your own niche as a massage therapist for animals. My OH took the course and one of his cohorts was aiming to do massage therapy for animals. And honestly it's around $60/70 an hour plus travel costs if you do in-home care (for an independent) or you could work in an office and still make a very good career out of amazing lifelong skills.

I'm sorry you are feeling so emotional right now but your calling will come to you

I'm not good with people and don't like touching people so that wouldn't be good for me. Thanks for the info tho

 

[LennaG]

I just do the same thing pretty much everyday...Go to work for 4 hours and then come home and sleep the rest of the day, wake up in the evening and watch TV, then go to bed. I feel like I have lost myself completely. I find myself wishing I had terminated the pregnancy when I first found out before the heartbeat, knowing what I know now. Im only 19 and thought it would be a "fairytale". That me and my boyfriend would get married and get a place together and raise the baby. However, its the complete opposite of a fairytale. It's a nightmare and I just want to go back in time and change everything. I hate feeling this way, this isn't how pregnancy is supposed to be. I hate myself for letting this happen. Then I feel my baby girl moving around inside me and I get so sad thinking about that Im bringing her into. Im mad that I feel this way. Some days Im ok, but Im never really happy. Ill talk to my baby at night and tell her I love her, I even started writing her a diary of my pregnancy for when she is older. Im trying to be excited, but Im not. I feel like my life is over. I feel so alone, even though my mom and family have been so great about everything. I just feel lifeless. I don't feel like I can do this at all. I don't see how things are going to get better. I find myself looking at pictures of my friends from college who are all going back and wishing I could be there too with them, wishing I could go back last year to when I started and change all of this. But now Im back home, I can't go back to the college I was at and have that college life anymore and independence, which I miss so much. I was just finding myself a year ago and then this happened and now Im lost. Confused. Angry.

 

[Amygdala]

You need to find a counsellor. Of course these things can't be diagnosed by strangers over the Internet but I think there's a good chance you might have prenatal depression. It's quite common but not very well known. But it's very treatable and things can and will look up, if you find yourself some help. Everything else will fall into place in time, trust me!

 

[Tropiclands]

I do agree that it sounds like you need to get some help.

 

[ClairAye]

I went through something similar but don't really want to post it. Feel free to pop me a message if you'd like to hear from someone who has been in the same mindset.

 

[vermeil]

*gentle hug* sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Normal in these circumstances but us saying so it doesn't make it any easier or comforting I'm sure. Sorry you dream of a happy family didn't work out and your ex is being a jerk.

Have you considered adoption? It would allow you to sort out your life, and have your own happy family when you're at that point in your life, when your life is more stable and you are ready and willing to have children.

Finally just a quick suggestion that you read up on 'focus on the family' before deciding to call them. I personally disagree with their approach to teen pregnancy. You'll be pushed/pulled in 10 different directions by people giving you all sorts of advice. What matters is what *you* want.

Oh and please make sure your ex supports the child too! He is as much the parent as you are, regardless on him wanting to keep partying as before

Good luck, thinking of you

 

[skyesmom]

you truly do sound depressed dear, prenatal depression or however you call it, but you need to seek a therapist of some sort. try maybe talking to your mom and approaching your OB/GYN together, they definitely deal with women in your situation and could possibly direct you to a good therapist/councilor of some sort.

 

[Tropiclands]

Focus on the Family is a Christian organization and more than likely anti-abortion, which may be why they seem overbearing to some. Please find somewhere that seems intentional about your needs though.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Hi, I have just gone on tablets as my MH has gotten worse during pregnancy

 

[2ducks]

Hey girl, BIG HUGS to you! You are in a tough spot. I agree with everyone who suggested counseling, it sounds like you need some professional help right now to help get you through this tough time. I also agree with PPs that mentioned adoption. I know it is not what you want right now but at least explore it. Go to some agencies and see what open adoptions are all about, perhaps you can even talk with moms who decided to adopt their children to other families and learn about their experiences. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone else is the hardest thing for yourself. I think it will be good for you to have all your options out on the table.

Good luck with everything!

 

[Forrincell]

I feel proud of you since you don't want to give your child for adoption. Don't lose hope. You can definitely find a way to raise your child.