Relationship advice

[Shananigans]

I'm posting on here b/c I've just felt so emotional lately that i'm afraid i'm going to make a rash decision.

I was on birth control and ended up pregnant by someone I had only been dating 6 weeks when I found out. I went back and fourth on the abortion or keep. Finally told him I didn't want an abortion and was going to leave it in gods hands. He agreed, asked if I wanted to move in (I said no), said he wanted to get to know me better and be in my life. He texts me but I haven't seen him in three weeks. I do have a daughter that I don't plan on letting anyone around until it's serious, but I do share custody so 3 days a week i'm free and I always try to get together and he's always busy. We were actually supposed to get together last night and I didn't hear from him.

I just felt so emotional that I almost sent him a message telling him to walk away. He messages me and tells me we're a team when clearly we're not. He is also a terrible texter too. Should I tell him to walk away? Tell him to leave me alone and i'll contact him closer to when the baby is due? His behavior now just makes me wonder about how it will be when the baby is here. I would like for him to snap out of it and come around, I like him, but def don't love him so it's not a huge loss. I only have my mom for support near me but I haven't told her so I've just been feeling very alone in this.

 

[MrsKatie]

I'm so sorry. How painful and confusing for you.

It's obvious this guy is all talk- at least right now. You can't listen to the words people say. You can only trust what they do, how they behave. As the saying goes, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I think distancing yourself is wise. He is not making you a priority and it's a shame and I'm so sorry. I hope he turns around.

 

[maryanne1987]

I'm probably gonna give advice opposite to a lot of people, but maybe at the moment he's just a little overwhelmed. Like you said you haven't been dating long and aren't serious. I imagine the thought of having a child with someone that soon is a bit of a shock to the system. Does he have children? If not then it's an even bigger deal as its his first child. He will have no idea what to expect. I'm pregnant with our third but DH even struggles to get his head around early pregnancy. There's no bump, we haven't seen the baby on a scan, it's easy to forget it's there. He says it doesn't feel real for him till we have had that first scan. And to be honest it's the same for me.

Maybe a heart to heart would be a good idea though. Text him and ask to sit down and talk so you both are clear where you stand. No he shouldn't mess you around, that's not right. But I do think maybe just don't be too hard on him at the moment if he's not long found out. He may just need a little time to get his head together.

 

[JemmaLouise]

I think you need to do a bit from each side. I agree with Maryanne in the sense that you need a good chat about it, get everything out in the open and make your feelings and intentions clear. But I also think you should prepare to be flying solo if he is not 100% committed. I had a similar scenario with my DS (only been dating couple months and got pregnant) but he said he was there for us and he ended up not being so and abusing me via social media and phone calls throughout my whole pregnancy.

I wish you all the best though and hopefully you can find some resolve.

 

[KatO79]

I have no experience in this type of situation but here's what I'd most likely do in this situation. I'd tell him that it may be best to take a break from each other for a couple of months so he can have time to decide how involved he'd like to be in the child's life. He may be overwhelmed as I would think it's a bit of an awkward situation since you hadn't been seeing each other for very long before getting pregnant. Say you'll update him if there's anything he should know concerning the baby but that otherwise a break might be best for both of you. If he's truely interested in being involved with the baby, he'll come back and let you know and then you can have the talk. If not, you may not hear from him again and you'll have your answer. In the meantime make plans for how you want to handle things should he decide not to be involved at all.

BTW since he's a terrible texter I'd try calling him and saying all this to him. Texting about something as serious as a pregnancy/baby and how involved he wants to be is just too serious of a discussion to be handled via texting since texting can lead to misunderstandings even when both are good at texting.

 

[smileyfaces]

No advice just sending hugs

 

[Shananigans]

Thanks ladies! I think I'm just going to tell him to take some time and think about what he wants. If he wants to date me then date me, if he wants to be involved then be involved. Sounds pretty self explanatory right? I also wanted to add that he's 33 and his longest relationship has only been a year and in the beginning I was trying to figure out why but I think I know now.

 

[jac4315]

I agree with Maryanne. I'm not in your position at all but can tell you my experience with my husband. This baby was a bit of a surprise but we could not be happier. It did put more stress on him though as our house in not finished and we are living at his parents. It took an emotional break down (me) for him to realize ok this is real and she needs help and support. He's a wonderful husband he just wasn't understanding because there wasn't a baby growing inside him, he didn't realize the choices that had to start being made, especially that I want to have a natural birth. It finally clicked with him, that was around 3 1/2-4 months along.

I can imagine it's a stressful situation you're in. Like you said, maybe it's more of a commitment issue or it could be that he's scared to grow up and this will definitely get him headed there

I also wanted to encourage you at the fact you chose to keep this little miracle There is a plan for you and this baby. Hang in there and I hope it gets better soon. This is a wonderful place for support, advice and love.

 

[MissCurly]

Bless, it sounds like a difficult time.

I think you have been given some very good advice so far, but do want to add maybe you also need some space to come to terms with this yourself?

Would you be willing to speak to your mum? Maybe she can give you a little more support with the situation?

 

[Shananigans]

I will talk to her in a few weeks. I was waiting for that 12 week mark before I tell her. I just didn't want to divulge my story of getting pregnant by someone I hardly know and end up having a miscarriage or something. My mom will no doubt support me, I just feel ashamed.

 

[Blessedbaby]

I have no advice but would just like to give u a

 

[smileyfaces]

Don't feel ashamed. You have nothing to feel ashamed of at all