Reluctant OH

[Connah'sMommy]

Iv realised that i seem to be making all the decisions/plans based around a hospital birth. I havnt discussed this since i was about 26weeks with OH or MW as OH is against the idea of a HB.

I really did and still do want a HB and MW said we can discuss this at my appointment on tuesday

But what do i do about OH?

Im finding myself asking Qs about what to put in my hosp bag etc but i know deep down that a HB would be great for us...Im confused

This is what I want but im worried im being steered in the wrong direction by OHxx

 

[special_kala]

My OH was a bit reluctant but tbh at the end of the day its me pushing this baby out so i just said to him this is where i feel most comfortable so it is happening.

Hes really excited about the idea now.

 

[Connah'sMommy]

He is convinced that something will go wrong and we will have to go to the hospital. He can be very negative :/

It would be easier for us really as there would be no rush to get MIL to get Connah or anything xx

 

[mistyscott]

My DH isn't overly keen on my HB wish either - but he's happy to go with what I want. He's also worried about something going wrong, but we're 5mins blue lights from the hospital and it takes a while to prep theatre even if you're already there....how far away from hospital are you? Does he know that the mw brings a baby resuscitaire with them too?
I've sold it to mine by saying home is where I'll feel most comfortable - and he can play on PS3 while I'm in early stages!
I'm also open to that changing if I can't stand the pain....(first baby)

Good luck x

 

[punk_pig]

I opted for hospital but tbh most of it happened at home anyway. They kept sending me away because it was going so slowly and my waters hadn't broken, so by the time I was in delivery suite I was ready to push.

 

[Nikki_d72]

Here's quite a good blog post about the advantages for the dads - it's an Aussie site but makes no difference really. Hope you can convince him, hun. xxx

https://www.homebirth.net.au/2008/04/this-brilliant-article-was-written-by.html

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

My OH is also reluctant although to be fair I have more time to work on him! Even so, I will not be waiting for his approval, I'd much prefer he did want a HB but at the end of the day I'm not going to go with what he wants for no other reason! Until he can get pregnant and push a baby out, his preferences for birth location have to take 2nd place.

I'd emphasise the practical things like not having to arrange childcare etc, you not being away from Connah, OH not being sent away from the hospital because visiting hours were finished, etc etc. I know there are a zillion other reasons but sometimes for men the practical stuff makes a big difference!

 

[punk_pig]

I'd emphasise the practical things like not having to arrange childcare etc, you not being away from Connah, OH not being sent away from the hospital because visiting hours were finished, etc etc.

Oh god yes! I gave birth at 11:45pm and after 30mins or so in delivery room, me breastfeeding LO, OH dressing LO, me showering etc. Im suddenly told that me and LO are on our own in the ward because OHs cant stay past 10pm!! That was horrible, seemed unnatural and no-one told us it might happen!

 

[lynnikins]

after ds1 was born OH was allowed to stay long enough to see me and ds1 settled in our room then he had to go. he finds the visiting hours difficult caus he has to arrange childcare for ds1 when he came in when i had ds2 and since i was on the ward afterwards then the hours were more limited than if i had been on the same suite as after ds1

 

[Connah'sMommy]

My OH is also reluctant although to be fair I have more time to work on him! Even so, I will not be waiting for his approval, I'd much prefer he did want a HB but at the end of the day I'm not going to go with what he wants for no other reason! Until he can get pregnant and push a baby out, his preferences for birth location have to take 2nd place.

I'd emphasise the practical things like not having to arrange childcare etc, you not being away from Connah, OH not being sent away from the hospital because visiting hours were finished, etc etc. I know there are a zillion other reasons but sometimes for men the practical stuff makes a big difference!

This was the topic of conversation last night, I was listing all the pros and he seemed to agree but still appeared to be terrified of the idea of a HB. Im getting nowhere with him

He isnt going to influence my decision though as i know that i will really regret it if i dont go ahead with this. were both goin in to see the MW tomorrow so he can ask any questions then and express his concerns

 

[lozzy21]

My OH was the same, i told him that when he pushes a baby out of his bits then he can decide where he has birth but im going to give birth where i feel comfortable.

 

[irish_cob]

Have you asked him what exactly he thinks are the advantages of being in hospital?

Have you explained to him that you will have 1 on 1 care with a midwife in labour at home, and another MW once you're somewhere near giving birth to care for the baby, so you will have 2 on 1 care at home which is more than you can guarantee at the hospital?

Does he realise that the MWs are the same as the MWs in hospital, they have the same skills and training and can perform exactly the same examinations and interventions as they can in hospital?

Have you told him the MWs come with a whole battery of equipment, they have resus kits and gas and air, and some even have pethidine, and they bring monitors and everything they'll need - they don't just turn up and expect a bowl of hot water!

Have you tried explaining to him about the physiological process of birth, about how labour progresses better when you are more relaxed, and not under bright fluorescent lights?

Have you talked about the likelihood of any emergency happening and how far you are from hospital if you needed to transfer? Does he realise that even if you were in hospital, and needed emergency care, it would still take time to be arranged, and that arranging can be happening whilst you're on your way to hospital in an ambulance, so you will likely get treatment just as fast.

Does he realise the number of births that have some element of emergency to them are tiny? That there is no need to medicalise birth the way we do, and the likelihood of a plan, straightforward labour and delivery is much higher in every case than the possibility of needing emergency care (obviously I'm not referring to pregnancies where there is known to be congenital defects or whatever, I'm referring to straightforward average pregnancies).

I think you need to understand where he is coming from so you can explain the facts to him. On first glance everyone logically thinks hospital = safer, but that's not true for everyone, and you need to talk it through with him logically and with the facts so that he can understand, as he won't be as aware of all the facts as you are.

 

[Connah'sMommy]

Have you asked him what exactly he thinks are the advantages of being in hospital?

Have you explained to him that you will have 1 on 1 care with a midwife in labour at home, and another MW once you're somewhere near giving birth to care for the baby, so you will have 2 on 1 care at home which is more than you can guarantee at the hospital?

Does he realise that the MWs are the same as the MWs in hospital, they have the same skills and training and can perform exactly the same examinations and interventions as they can in hospital?

Have you told him the MWs come with a whole battery of equipment, they have resus kits and gas and air, and some even have pethidine, and they bring monitors and everything they'll need - they don't just turn up and expect a bowl of hot water!

Have you tried explaining to him about the physiological process of birth, about how labour progresses better when you are more relaxed, and not under bright fluorescent lights?

Have you talked about the likelihood of any emergency happening and how far you are from hospital if you needed to transfer? Does he realise that even if you were in hospital, and needed emergency care, it would still take time to be arranged, and that arranging can be happening whilst you're on your way to hospital in an ambulance, so you will likely get treatment just as fast.

Does he realise the number of births that have some element of emergency to them are tiny? That there is no need to medicalise birth the way we do, and the likelihood of a plan, straightforward labour and delivery is much higher in every case than the possibility of needing emergency care (obviously I'm not referring to pregnancies where there is known to be congenital defects or whatever, I'm referring to straightforward average pregnancies).

I think you need to understand where he is coming from so you can explain the facts to him. On first glance everyone logically thinks hospital = safer, but that's not true for everyone, and you need to talk it through with him logically and with the facts so that he can understand, as he won't be as aware of all the facts as you are.

This is great hun,thanks...i can use this when we talk about it tonight

He does make some good points but its all based on 'what if's' and always linked to there being something that goes wrong which, according to our MW is very unlikely xx

 

[lozzy21]

Have you asked him what exactly he thinks are the advantages of being in hospital?

Have you explained to him that you will have 1 on 1 care with a midwife in labour at home, and another MW once you're somewhere near giving birth to care for the baby, so you will have 2 on 1 care at home which is more than you can guarantee at the hospital?

Does he realise that the MWs are the same as the MWs in hospital, they have the same skills and training and can perform exactly the same examinations and interventions as they can in hospital?

Have you told him the MWs come with a whole battery of equipment, they have resus kits and gas and air, and some even have pethidine, and they bring monitors and everything they'll need - they don't just turn up and expect a bowl of hot water!

Have you tried explaining to him about the physiological process of birth, about how labour progresses better when you are more relaxed, and not under bright fluorescent lights?

Have you talked about the likelihood of any emergency happening and how far you are from hospital if you needed to transfer? Does he realise that even if you were in hospital, and needed emergency care, it would still take time to be arranged, and that arranging can be happening whilst you're on your way to hospital in an ambulance, so you will likely get treatment just as fast.

Does he realise the number of births that have some element of emergency to them are tiny? That there is no need to medicalise birth the way we do, and the likelihood of a plan, straightforward labour and delivery is much higher in every case than the possibility of needing emergency care (obviously I'm not referring to pregnancies where there is known to be congenital defects or whatever, I'm referring to straightforward average pregnancies).

I think you need to understand where he is coming from so you can explain the facts to him. On first glance everyone logically thinks hospital = safer, but that's not true for everyone, and you need to talk it through with him logically and with the facts so that he can understand, as he won't be as aware of all the facts as you are.

This is great hun,thanks...i can use this when we talk about it tonight

He does make some good points but its all based on 'what if's' and always linked to there being something that goes wrong which, according to our MW is very unlikely xx

Ask him would he feel the same if you went to a birth centre, most people would have no problems with a birth centre when they do with home but in reality there is no difference between the two.

 

[Connah'sMommy]

Have you asked him what exactly he thinks are the advantages of being in hospital?

Have you explained to him that you will have 1 on 1 care with a midwife in labour at home, and another MW once you're somewhere near giving birth to care for the baby, so you will have 2 on 1 care at home which is more than you can guarantee at the hospital?

Does he realise that the MWs are the same as the MWs in hospital, they have the same skills and training and can perform exactly the same examinations and interventions as they can in hospital?

Have you told him the MWs come with a whole battery of equipment, they have resus kits and gas and air, and some even have pethidine, and they bring monitors and everything they'll need - they don't just turn up and expect a bowl of hot water!

Have you tried explaining to him about the physiological process of birth, about how labour progresses better when you are more relaxed, and not under bright fluorescent lights?

Have you talked about the likelihood of any emergency happening and how far you are from hospital if you needed to transfer? Does he realise that even if you were in hospital, and needed emergency care, it would still take time to be arranged, and that arranging can be happening whilst you're on your way to hospital in an ambulance, so you will likely get treatment just as fast.

Does he realise the number of births that have some element of emergency to them are tiny? That there is no need to medicalise birth the way we do, and the likelihood of a plan, straightforward labour and delivery is much higher in every case than the possibility of needing emergency care (obviously I'm not referring to pregnancies where there is known to be congenital defects or whatever, I'm referring to straightforward average pregnancies).

I think you need to understand where he is coming from so you can explain the facts to him. On first glance everyone logically thinks hospital = safer, but that's not true for everyone, and you need to talk it through with him logically and with the facts so that he can understand, as he won't be as aware of all the facts as you are.

This is great hun,thanks...i can use this when we talk about it tonight

He does make some good points but its all based on 'what if's' and always linked to there being something that goes wrong which, according to our MW is very unlikely xx

Ask him would he feel the same if you went to a birth centre, most people would have no problems with a birth centre when they do with home but in reality there is no difference between the two.

Its something im looking into today actually cos im not sure where my closest one is but if a HB was definately out then a birthing centre would be my second choice. i like the idea of the relaxed environment etc xx

 

[Connah'sMommy]

Ok it looks like my nearest one is in West Yorks

I dont think that id make it in time given my last labour was only 4 and half hours long xx

 

[moomin_troll]

i said to my oh if i was to have another child leaving in this area that i would be having a HB, he just said ok.

for me it wouldnt of mattered if he was happy with it or not because i am the one giving birth and i need to feel as confident as possible doing so. i think he understood this so wouldnt of wanted to stop me doing what i thought was best for me.

but then again he saw how i was treated in this hospital with zane so he wouldnt of wanted me going there again anyway

 

[Connah'sMommy]

i said to my oh if i was to have another child leaving in this area that i would be having a HB, he just said ok.

for me it wouldnt of mattered if he was happy with it or not because i am the one giving birth and i need to feel as confident as possible doing so. i think he understood this so wouldnt of wanted to stop me doing what i thought was best for me.

but then again he saw how i was treated in this hospital with zane so he wouldnt of wanted me going there again anyway

sorry to hear you had a hard time in the hosp

I think because it went so well in hosp for us last time he is thinking it will be the same again. In reality if something were to go wrong it will wether we are at home or in hospital.

I need to get into the frame of mind that this is MY decision xx

 

[lozzy21]

Have you asked him what exactly he thinks are the advantages of being in hospital?

Have you explained to him that you will have 1 on 1 care with a midwife in labour at home, and another MW once you're somewhere near giving birth to care for the baby, so you will have 2 on 1 care at home which is more than you can guarantee at the hospital?

Does he realise that the MWs are the same as the MWs in hospital, they have the same skills and training and can perform exactly the same examinations and interventions as they can in hospital?

Have you told him the MWs come with a whole battery of equipment, they have resus kits and gas and air, and some even have pethidine, and they bring monitors and everything they'll need - they don't just turn up and expect a bowl of hot water!

Have you tried explaining to him about the physiological process of birth, about how labour progresses better when you are more relaxed, and not under bright fluorescent lights?

Have you talked about the likelihood of any emergency happening and how far you are from hospital if you needed to transfer? Does he realise that even if you were in hospital, and needed emergency care, it would still take time to be arranged, and that arranging can be happening whilst you're on your way to hospital in an ambulance, so you will likely get treatment just as fast.

Does he realise the number of births that have some element of emergency to them are tiny? That there is no need to medicalise birth the way we do, and the likelihood of a plan, straightforward labour and delivery is much higher in every case than the possibility of needing emergency care (obviously I'm not referring to pregnancies where there is known to be congenital defects or whatever, I'm referring to straightforward average pregnancies).

I think you need to understand where he is coming from so you can explain the facts to him. On first glance everyone logically thinks hospital = safer, but that's not true for everyone, and you need to talk it through with him logically and with the facts so that he can understand, as he won't be as aware of all the facts as you are.

This is great hun,thanks...i can use this when we talk about it tonight

He does make some good points but its all based on 'what if's' and always linked to there being something that goes wrong which, according to our MW is very unlikely xx

Ask him would he feel the same if you went to a birth centre, most people would have no problems with a birth centre when they do with home but in reality there is no difference between the two.

Its something im looking into today actually cos im not sure where my closest one is but if a HB was definately out then a birthing centre would be my second choice. i like the idea of the relaxed environment etc xx

Your more likely to get a home birth than you are into in the birth centre. You can demand a home birth if you have risk facotor's but they wont let you in the birth centre.

 

[moomin_troll]

i said to my oh if i was to have another child leaving in this area that i would be having a HB, he just said ok.

for me it wouldnt of mattered if he was happy with it or not because i am the one giving birth and i need to feel as confident as possible doing so. i think he understood this so wouldnt of wanted to stop me doing what i thought was best for me.

but then again he saw how i was treated in this hospital with zane so he wouldnt of wanted me going there again anyway

sorry to hear you had a hard time in the hosp

I think because it went so well in hosp for us last time he is thinking it will be the same again. In reality if something were to go wrong it will wether we are at home or in hospital.

I need to get into the frame of mind that this is MY decision xx

i think its great u had a positive hospital birth, if anything that would make me want a homebirth even more lol because everything went well and fast theres no reason u cant just have a easy birth and its better to already be at home....as u no.

i would just say to ur oh that this means alot to u and that if anything was to go wrong u will be seen at the hospital probably faster being trasnfered anyway.
my oh didnt stand a chance tho lol he knew if i wanted something my way id get it so he wouldnt of seen the point in trying to fight me lol