WantingABubba
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aqualung
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I can help ya with the roaches: Bell & Howell electronic repellents. They are sold in the CVS/RiteAid/drugstore aisle with "as seen on tv" items. They disorient bugs, insects, wasps, ants, and small rodents like mice. Get 3-6 such repellents and plug them in around your living space.
I know that feeling oh to well. I always thought I was the only one. You often see in the media proud single mum blah blah, but I HATE it. No one talks about the pain, the loneliness and the guilt you feel.
I often think women that get left when pregnant are just very unlucky but also lucky.Here's why unlucky that we had to be pregnant alone and go through the early years alone, but I'm glad my kids don't have to go thought watching their mum and dad fight for years before he packs a suitcase and leaves.
My kids are 1 & 2 (mostly three), he left when pregnant with number two long story, but he was never around. It's been a hard road because I feel stuck and his living it up in a new country and I too feel motherhood isn't what it was suppose to be.
However, what I hang on to is knowing that the kids will grow up and then I'll be able to do the things i want to. I try to keep busy with things I can do at home i.e workout, reading, cooking ,learning to sew,write a book JK Rowling did lol anything just so you don't go crazy because it can be hard to get out sometimes.
I feel like I've learn a lot about me and for that I'm glad. I'm hoping not to make the same mistake again. It's ok to miss the good parts of him, it's normal,you having his child, but one day you will meet someone who is so amazing . Because it's not you,it is him, normal people don't leave their kids and then act like nothing happened.
to you mama, you're doing a good job and once you see that baby aww the love, no man can match that xoxo
Those electric things do work, I've got one because we had mice
I often think women that get left when pregnant are just very unlucky but also lucky.Here's why unlucky that we had to be pregnant alone and go through the early years alone, but I'm glad my kids don't have to go thought watching their mum and dad fight for years before he packs a suitcase and leaves.
My kids are 1 & 2 (mostly three), he left when pregnant with number two long story, but he was never around. It's been a hard road because I feel stuck and his living it up in a new country and I too feel motherhood isn't what it was suppose to be.
However, what I hang on to is knowing that the kids will grow up and then I'll be able to do the things i want to. I try to keep busy with things I can do at home i.e workout, reading, cooking ,learning to sew,write a book JK Rowling did lol anything just so you don't go crazy because it can be hard to get out sometimes.
I feel like I've learn a lot about me and for that I'm glad. I'm hoping not to make the same mistake again. It's ok to miss the good parts of him, it's normal,you having his child, but one day you will meet someone who is so amazing . Because it's not you,it is him, normal people don't leave their kids and then act like nothing happened.
to you mama, you're doing a good job and once you see that baby aww the love, no man can match that xoxoThose electric things do work, I've got one because we had mice
Dezireey
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Its just tough stuff. I totally understand, hell, most of the ladies on here totally understand and are going through or have gone through similar.
Its bad enough going through the emotional roller coaster of a pregnancy, without a horrible break-up to deal with as well. And it is horrible, personal rejection is bad but when a man does this,....well my FOB just made me feel like I was the most worthless person on the planet. no compassion, no kindness, not even looking at me as just a friend to help out., he acted like I was diseased or no longer worthy of him.just coldness, no empathy. I am totally convinced (after the terrible nastiness between us now) that if I and LO died he would actually be happy about it. That's how crap these types of men make you feel and lots of people don't understand that sort of pain and hurt.
But.......time makes it better, your baby will make you stronger, give you focus and the love is like no other. Every day with your child gets better as you see them change and grow into a little person. You just do your best, be strong and brave and look at your pregnancy and birth as just precious time with you and your baby.
Yes, life is shit sometimes and deals us a crap hand and we meet a crap person, but sweetie, for every single woman sat with her child feeling very sad about the 'family' she sees in the supermarket, there is a woman with her husband looking at her feeling awful sadness that she will never be a Mother and envies that single Mum.....so when you feel better, look at the glass being half full and not half empty and you will get through life that much easier by forcing yourself to be positive and strong. you can and will do it.
lots of hugs
Its bad enough going through the emotional roller coaster of a pregnancy, without a horrible break-up to deal with as well. And it is horrible, personal rejection is bad but when a man does this,....well my FOB just made me feel like I was the most worthless person on the planet. no compassion, no kindness, not even looking at me as just a friend to help out., he acted like I was diseased or no longer worthy of him.just coldness, no empathy. I am totally convinced (after the terrible nastiness between us now) that if I and LO died he would actually be happy about it. That's how crap these types of men make you feel and lots of people don't understand that sort of pain and hurt.
But.......time makes it better, your baby will make you stronger, give you focus and the love is like no other. Every day with your child gets better as you see them change and grow into a little person. You just do your best, be strong and brave and look at your pregnancy and birth as just precious time with you and your baby.
Yes, life is shit sometimes and deals us a crap hand and we meet a crap person, but sweetie, for every single woman sat with her child feeling very sad about the 'family' she sees in the supermarket, there is a woman with her husband looking at her feeling awful sadness that she will never be a Mother and envies that single Mum.....so when you feel better, look at the glass being half full and not half empty and you will get through life that much easier by forcing yourself to be positive and strong. you can and will do it.
lots of hugs
OnyxSnowfall
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Oh gosh... I'm so sorry 
I've been in a similar situation before, when I was pregnant with my youngest (we were homeless for nearly a year, including after he was born [that was almost 5 years ago now - I've come a long ways since then, and you will too] --- and when I finally found a place to stay, it too was infested with cockroaches! Lol! It's either some foreboding indication or the complete opposite... I haven't quite decided yet. I still can't seem to get away from the damn things either --- they come inside my current place just to simply flop on their backs and laden my floors with their corpses ugh [the landlord here sprays at least] omg I hate to train wreck this... but one time while sleeping on a cot when I was able to stay in someone's spare room, I WOKE UP WITH ONE ON MY FACE. MY FREAKIN' FACE nooo I'm still traumatized
).
It's hard enough struggling with practicality and all the responsibilities (even with help --- I too know what it's like to attempt to deal without it), but to have heartache burdening you as well?
you're amazing for coping as well as you already are.
You probably won't believe me, but, I think him completely exiting your lives the way he has (as foul and pathetic as that is of him) is a blessing in disguise... you deserve better, as does your daughter. You really don't deserve someone who can treat you that way. Don't ever settle for less than what builds you up. For many years to come, she needs you to feel strong and good as much as you need you to. In actuality you were too good for someone like him.
Unfortunately, no one else can convince you of your worth. Only you can. I say unfortunately because, no matter how much someone else may want you to SEE how beautiful you are and how much irreplaceable value you have, if that's not what you see --- what you believe --- it doesn't matter if anyone else can.
I've been there too... and after lots and lots of therapy (I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, heh), I came to the understanding that feeling worthy isn't going to come naturally for me, it has to, much against *my* desires, be worked at... Slowly carving out negative words and eventually beliefs towards oneself, and replacing them with positive words and eventually beliefs towards oneself. It doesn't happen over night... or if it can, that completely eluded me and I wanna know why I had to go through years of that (and STILL am) when there was a simpler way damnit! Lol. Learning to love yourself... though... will likely be one of the best, most beneficial, lessons, you can ever learn. Doesn't mean you will never feel lonely --- or any other normal thing such as that --- but you *will* know, in the midst of such, you are always good enough, and you deserve more and *will* have that one day.
I know it can be so hard to persist in the unknown --- but just like good times come and go, so do bad ones. The future is uncertainty itself... but if you can pull through the darkest times, usually something really beautiful and worthwhile awaits. Have faith, cry when you need to, focus on yourself right now --- allow yourself to feel joy when possible. You have a little miracle growing inside of you, and yes, such comes with its own challenges --- but when met, can offer satisfaction, purpose and so much growth --- and you sound like you will make an amazing mother
.
I hope you're able to find someone to lean on during this arduous time. That you're able to do so much while contending with so much *is* admirable.
Praying for you and your baby --- good luck
(Also, feel free to contact me! I know the virtual medium is no substitute, but if you ever just want someone to vent to or anything, I ish available).
I've been in a similar situation before, when I was pregnant with my youngest (we were homeless for nearly a year, including after he was born [that was almost 5 years ago now - I've come a long ways since then, and you will too] --- and when I finally found a place to stay, it too was infested with cockroaches! Lol! It's either some foreboding indication or the complete opposite... I haven't quite decided yet. I still can't seem to get away from the damn things either --- they come inside my current place just to simply flop on their backs and laden my floors with their corpses ugh [the landlord here sprays at least] omg I hate to train wreck this... but one time while sleeping on a cot when I was able to stay in someone's spare room, I WOKE UP WITH ONE ON MY FACE. MY FREAKIN' FACE nooo I'm still traumatized
). It's hard enough struggling with practicality and all the responsibilities (even with help --- I too know what it's like to attempt to deal without it), but to have heartache burdening you as well?
you're amazing for coping as well as you already are.You probably won't believe me, but, I think him completely exiting your lives the way he has (as foul and pathetic as that is of him) is a blessing in disguise... you deserve better, as does your daughter. You really don't deserve someone who can treat you that way. Don't ever settle for less than what builds you up. For many years to come, she needs you to feel strong and good as much as you need you to. In actuality you were too good for someone like him.
Unfortunately, no one else can convince you of your worth. Only you can. I say unfortunately because, no matter how much someone else may want you to SEE how beautiful you are and how much irreplaceable value you have, if that's not what you see --- what you believe --- it doesn't matter if anyone else can.
I've been there too... and after lots and lots of therapy
(I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, heh), I came to the understanding that feeling worthy isn't going to come naturally for me, it has to, much against *my* desires, be worked at... Slowly carving out negative words and eventually beliefs towards oneself, and replacing them with positive words and eventually beliefs towards oneself. It doesn't happen over night... or if it can, that completely eluded me and I wanna know why I had to go through years of that (and STILL am) when there was a simpler way damnit! Lol. Learning to love yourself... though... will likely be one of the best, most beneficial, lessons, you can ever learn. Doesn't mean you will never feel lonely --- or any other normal thing such as that --- but you *will* know, in the midst of such, you are always good enough, and you deserve more and *will* have that one day.I know it can be so hard to persist in the unknown --- but just like good times come and go, so do bad ones. The future is uncertainty itself... but if you can pull through the darkest times, usually something really beautiful and worthwhile awaits. Have faith, cry when you need to, focus on yourself right now --- allow yourself to feel joy when possible. You have a little miracle growing inside of you, and yes, such comes with its own challenges --- but when met, can offer satisfaction, purpose and so much growth --- and you sound like you will make an amazing mother
.I hope you're able to find someone to lean on during this arduous time. That you're able to do so much while contending with so much *is* admirable.
Praying for you and your baby --- good luck
(Also, feel free to contact me! I know the virtual medium is no substitute, but if you ever just want someone to vent to or anything, I ish available).
Charlee
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Just dropping by to tell you one thing.
Don't ever feel like you can't do it or that you're a failure. I felt the exact same way when Lennons dad cheated on me at 5 month pregnant. I have done every sleepless night, every dirty nappy and have not had a day away from him and guess what? I wouldn't change a thing.
It's so much easier to feel down before you have the baby trust me, when the little one comes you will adapt, if not there is so much help out there. I still get overwhelmed sometimes and feel like I need a cry but it's usually down to tiredness.
Message me if you ever need to chat x
Don't ever feel like you can't do it or that you're a failure. I felt the exact same way when Lennons dad cheated on me at 5 month pregnant. I have done every sleepless night, every dirty nappy and have not had a day away from him and guess what? I wouldn't change a thing.
It's so much easier to feel down before you have the baby trust me, when the little one comes you will adapt, if not there is so much help out there. I still get overwhelmed sometimes and feel like I need a cry but it's usually down to tiredness.
Message me if you ever need to chat x
Baby France
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Look at the strength you have to achieve what you have done so far.
I don't think that motherhood, as a family or as a single parent is ever what you thought it was going to be to be fair.
You should be extremely proud of yourself. Every day you are proving to yourself and your baby how strong you are and how you will overcome it
You will look back and wonder how the hell you managed, but you are!As for FOB, every time you think of his smile, his giggle and excitement....has he turned into the MAN you thought he was? Has he stood up to the plate? Has he provided for you, what you thought he would when you saw that smile?
It doesn't make it any easier, but you need to start singing your own praises. No one else will and quite frankly, achieving and doing what you have whilst you're still completing your uni work...hat off to you lady!I know how you feel, I can understand how bad you're hurting.
It's a different situation but I split with my sons father this past weekend after doing every day feed, every night feed and every nappy change myself for 3 months straight.
I know that it's hard but you have to think that you're better without him. If he can't step up, be a father and share the responsibility with you imo you'll do so much better on your own. You need to give your all to that beautiful little girl you're carrying and don't let him get you down.
I'm always having thoughts about my ex, his smile, his laugh, his hugs.. but when I get upset I just have to think about my little boy and I realise he isn't important anymore. When you think about all the things you miss you need to try and remember the bad points. Eventually you'll come to terms with him leaving and you'll realise it was what was best, you don't want someone who can walk out on his family like that in your life or your daughters life. I completely agree with Onyx, him leaving really was a blessing in disguise, he doesn't deserve you or your daughter. You just need to focus on her and keep yourself busy. You just wait until you have her nursery finished and she's in your arms, you'll realise that she is the only thing that matters and no man could match the happiness you get from her.
You're doing amazing for coping as well as you are, don't be so hard on yourself.
It's a different situation but I split with my sons father this past weekend after doing every day feed, every night feed and every nappy change myself for 3 months straight.
I know that it's hard but you have to think that you're better without him. If he can't step up, be a father and share the responsibility with you imo you'll do so much better on your own. You need to give your all to that beautiful little girl you're carrying and don't let him get you down.
I'm always having thoughts about my ex, his smile, his laugh, his hugs.. but when I get upset I just have to think about my little boy and I realise he isn't important anymore. When you think about all the things you miss you need to try and remember the bad points. Eventually you'll come to terms with him leaving and you'll realise it was what was best, you don't want someone who can walk out on his family like that in your life or your daughters life. I completely agree with Onyx, him leaving really was a blessing in disguise, he doesn't deserve you or your daughter. You just need to focus on her and keep yourself busy. You just wait until you have her nursery finished and she's in your arms, you'll realise that she is the only thing that matters and no man could match the happiness you get from her.
You're doing amazing for coping as well as you are, don't be so hard on yourself.
WantingABubba
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44npregnant
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Thank you so much everyone
Also, I am so sorry for everyone who has gone/is going through this also.
As for how I'm doing, I'm still struggling to be honest. I am very tearful and depressed, as well as anxious. I feel lost and so very lonely. Coming home alone every night to an empty, undecorated home with neighbours who bang on the freakin' walls is making me feel like I am sinking further and further into a black pit. Oh, and I saw another cockroach. I just want to give up. I don't even feel like I want to do my degree anymore. I WON'T give it up, no way, but I'm struggling. I just need a break. I just need love.
As for FOB, I sent him another update with a pic of our baby girl from the 20 week scan. He didn't reply, obviously.
I wrote a letter to send to his house. I don't think his family even have the slightest inkling about me and his daughter so at the very least, I want to give them a try..
Thank you again, everyone. I do find comfort in the fact that things can, and probably will, change. I just hope I can feel happy one day.
I'm in a similar situation. FOB totally walked out on everything. I'm not sure what your situation is but he cheated on me. So I don't sit around missing him or feeling bad that we are not together. He's not a good person and the baby deserves better. I hope one day you get to that point. I don't send him pictures or even talk to him. If he cared, he would reach out to me.
Just remember that his not being there for you or the baby, even as an interested biological father if not a boyfriend or anything more, show his lack of character. Who does that? Only a bad person you do not need to cry over. Take care!
WantingABubba
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Jennaxo
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Being a single mum is hard, going it alone is hard, you just have to hang in there. It is the most rewarding experience you'll ever have, it's all worth it. You are here for a reason, and a very special little girl needs you, tell yourself that every time you feel down, remind yourself why you are doing things. You can only take each day as it comes but things will get better. Stay strong mama!
WantingABubba
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Thank you. I'm trying xx
WantingABubba
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Hello there, I saw the title to this thread, really sad to read you are alone. and just wanted to give you a massive hug
That is really sweet of you, thank you xxxxx
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