Rights of the dad? Canadians please.

[brownhairedmom]

So I've finally had it with my OH. I'm packing up tonight and getting a bus home to live with my parents. I'm just wondering about the rights of the dad? I'm concerned because if I leave, I'm scared his mom is going to try to get him full custody of the baby. I don't mind him seeing the baby, but I'm not having one of these things where the baby spends half the year with me and half of it with him either. That old woman is NOT taking my child from me. She didn't care enough up to this point to even ask me how I'm feeling, and therefore should not care enough that she would want to stick her nose in it. He wanted me to get an abortion and in my mind, that relieves him of all his rights. If he doesn't sign the birth certificate, can he have any rights at all? I know if I make him sign them over then he doesn't have to pay child support so I'm not sure what I want to do about that because I'm going to need some help for the next few years.

 

[Vickie]

Sorry rae, not originally from Canada, so I'm not sure how it all works here.

 

[mBLACK]

There's no way they will be able to take your baby from you, unless you were a maniac or unsafe for the baby to be living with, and for that he would need cold, hard, solid PROOF. I was in your situation a couple of months ago. Do YOU want him to have part in the babys life?
I decided that I didn't want my OH in my baby's life, therefore I'm not putting his name on the birth certificate. I suggest you do that if you don't want him to have rights, and he would have to demand a paternity test, which, mind you, costs ALOT of money. After all this is done then he would get his 'visitation rights', unless you put his name on the birth certificate to begin with.
I'm not sure about details but I know fathers are allowed visitation like once a week or something, there's nothing they can do to get your child more often, because the government authorities KNOW that a baby needs to be with his/her mother. They don't take children from mothers unless the baby is potentially in danger. But you're right if he doesn't want visitation he doesn't need to pay child support - it's really a difficult situation.
for you, sorry I'm not much help I'm 15 years old, don't know much about the law and rights.

 

[leeanne]

Ok, here's a quick lowdown.

I do know that judges in Canada are now giving equal rights to the dad. Unless the mother is a total drug addict, they don't normally give sole custody to anyone anymore. As much as I had contacted many, many lawyers who said that I would probably gain sole custody of my daughter, it didn't happen that way.

Ok, here it is. I was 8 months pregnant with my son when I left my OH. I took my 17 month old daughter with me.

He gained emergency custody of my daughter saying that I was a flight risk as my mom lived in Alberta. He gained it for a week until we did go to court for custody. We got joint custody.

Now, in terms of the unborn child, the lawyer who directed him on what to do with my daughter, told him when the child is born he can go for custody after the baby is born. The sad thing is, your OH, if he goes for custody, can make you move back to the area nearer him.

Now, if they don't have money to pursue it, then they may not go for custody. But if they do, I am telling you, you may look bad as you took the rights of that baby away from the dad.

Do call lawyers for advice and a number of them, but whatever they say don't take it at face value as their advice didn't come through for me.

OH and I got back together after 5 months of separation. It did us a world of good and we are going on our 10 year anniversary on Thursday. I had to make it work as I didn't have kids to be a part-time mom.

 

[leeanne]

Sorry that was abrupt. I was trying to write it as fast as I could as I had to go and get my daughter from school.

I truly hope everything works out.

One thing, right now you are in your first trimester and you have a number of months before having the baby. I would gain a lot of legal advice during those months prior to your baby's birth. Document all you can about conversations you've had with your OH and his family from now on.

 

[leeanne]

There's no way they will be able to take your baby from you, unless you were a maniac or unsafe for the baby to be living with, and for that he would need cold, hard, solid PROOF. I was in your situation a couple of months ago. Do YOU want him to have part in the babys life?
I decided that I didn't want my OH in my baby's life, therefore I'm not putting his name on the birth certificate. I suggest you do that if you don't want him to have rights, and he would have to demand a paternity test, which, mind you, costs ALOT of money. After all this is done then he would get his 'visitation rights', unless you put his name on the birth certificate to begin with.
I'm not sure about details but I know fathers are allowed visitation like once a week or something, there's nothing they can do to get your child more often, because the government authorities KNOW that a baby needs to be with his/her mother. They don't take children from mothers unless the baby is potentially in danger. But you're right if he doesn't want visitation he doesn't need to pay child support - it's really a difficult situation.
for you, sorry I'm not much help I'm 15 years old, don't know much about the law and rights.

Sorry, honey, not entirely true anymore, at least in my situation. I took care of my daughter 24/7 and I thought there was no way my OH could gain custody. He gained joint custody. He said that his mom was home and could take care of my daughter while he was at work. You'd think that there would be no way they would think a grandmother would be a better caregiver than the mom who took care of the child since she was born, 24/7. But the judge in my case was just happy that someone was there to take care of my daughter.

They do in fact take children away from their mothers and they can, even if it's joint custody.

 

[brownhairedmom]

Blahhh what a legal mess. I guess I'm going to have to try to get him to sign over his rights.

 

[leeanne]

I am sorry honey.

What do you plan on doing after your child is born? Will you be getting a job? Or will you try for social assistance?

If social assistance, I will tell you another thing. If you have the name of the baby's dad on the certificate, they will go after him for child support. What the government wants is that child support to be paid so that they can deduct it off of the amount that they will be paying to you. They will get family maintenance involved too.

Just thought I'd tell you what happens in that situation as well.

 

[brownhairedmom]

Well, our government put a new program in with the budget a few days ago that gives new parents 1000 dollars plus 100 dollars a month for the first 12 months. Now, I know exactly how much money that ISN'T, I've been paying my own bills for 3 years now. But it will help because I won't have to pay rent or bills if I move home with my parents, just pay for my groceries. It will pay for diapers, I plan on breast feeding so that will cut down on formula costs of it works out for me. And I'm just going to stay home until I see a good job opportunity. If that's 2 months or 8 months, whatever shows up I'm going to take. I don't want to be sponging off my parents forever .I'm also going to be finishing my last 2 courses distance in January which will be able to get me into policy making with the government So watch out if I get a job with the federal government, because you're going to feel the influencing of my policy making skills haha

 

[armychicmkm]

I don't know if this applies in Canada but lawyers here (U.S.) have to do a certain number of hours/clients pro bono (free). If it turns out you need one maybe that's something you can look into?

 

[ryder]

Every province in Canada is different. I am in ontario and I know here the courts want to keep the baby/children with their other. So there is no way he will be able to gain full custody over you, unless like others said, you are a maniac, unfit mother or a duggy. Even drug addicts get more chances then they deserve here.

I would not put him on your baby's birth certificate. Like mBlack said, dna tests are well over $1k, and he would be responsible for that cost. You can just as easily say you cheated on him while you were dating and your not sure who the father is.

Move in with your parents. School is important, you need to finish it so you can have a good career to support you baby.

 

[nikky0907]

So,the main question is wether you want to put him on the birth certificate or not.If you do,he doesn't have to pay the DNA test,he is the child's legal father and he can get joint custody.At least by the new law in Canada(we don't have that law in the US,fathers usually get only visitation rights).

If you don't,you have no right to child support from him and he can still demand a DNA test and then put you through hell.
But the thing is,does he even want to be on the BC? Maybe you should talk to him about it cause he knows about the baby so his next move after you leave him will be unknown.

The truth is that if he is also a normal,law obiding citizen,who has permanant employment he can get joint custody not just visitation rights(as I said,the new custody law in Canada).

I tried googling it now but it mostly said about divorce cases so you should consult with a lawyer or maybe a law student.Try if your parents or someone has a friend who can give you the whole thing,how it works...maybe an explanation on how it works and probably an advice..

Sorry about what you're going through...

 

[tinytoes]

sorry - i dont know anythign about the law....but I'm poking my big nose in anyways - feel free to tell me to butt out. Are you sure you dont want him to be a dad? What if baby wants to know daddy later in life?

I wouldnt make any rash decisions - you're hormonal and this is a huuuge decision - seems to me you're as angry at his mother - that it's her you'd like to leave?!

 

[brownhairedmom]

Here's the thing. I would have no quams about letting the baby see his/her dad. If Adam wanted to see the baby, I have no issue. Its his kid, I'm not going to be the person to take that away from him. I am concerned that if I move home with my parents, I am 8 hours away. I don't know if I trust Adam to take care of the baby for weeks because he gets visitation rights. He works full time, the baby would be with a babysitter 50% of the time, and even when he does see the baby, I doubt he would know what to do with it. He would go insane if he couldn't get the baby to stop crying, I know he would. He's not an innate "father" as such, and if he's not watching someone do it every day I doubt he'd figure it out on his own.

I think here its a very rare case that the father gets custody. We're both university educated, both going to have jobs with the government (once I graduate), and both from stable families. As for paying for the paternity test -$1000 dollars is like a $5 bill to his family.

I truly believe that Adam himself will not be the issue here. He would probably just give up and say I could take the baby. But his mother will want to raise hell, and she's the one footing the lawyer's bill.

 

[ryder]

Well then I guess you have got yourself into a big pickle here then.

Fathers have rights to custody, meaning you have to share, you really should be checking into the new canadian laws about this as they have recently changed. He wont get full cstody unless him and his mom can prove somehow that you are unfit. You dont have a job at the moment and you arnt done school which is a big strike against you, especially when your bf has a steady paying job.

Sorry hun, good luck.

 

[leeanne]

I am sorry too. Truly, you think it was how it once was...the mother being offered sole custody. I thought that until it didn't happen to me.

The woman has the rights to go after the father for child support. So what are the rights of the dad? More dads have spoken out because is it fair to them that they pay child support yet gain hardly any visitation? As well they are also seeing more value in the fact that the child have contact with both parents.

Here's another reason why a guy may go for sole custody or joint custody. In that arrangement, a guy either doesn't have to pay child support in sole custody, or limited child support in joint custody.

Believe me, child support payments are a huge deal to a father.

 

[marley2580]

Don't know the law over there, but I would advise you to keep things as civil as possible and bend over backwards to accomodate him - document it all and keep it so that you have proof that you are a very reasonable person. If the courts see you as being unreasonable they are more likely to rule in his favour. If you're breastfeeding, you would have a bloody good argument against him having the baby for weeks etc. for the first year.

 

[lifeguard]

I know you want to believe that as the mother you have the most rights - you don't. I have just been through all this hand in hand with my SIL (in Canada). She actually lost full custody to the father - & she is not a unfit mother. She is not a druggie or drinker or abusive or etc....

As well, when we went to look into social assistance for her they would deduct the amount the father should be paying in child support from the total amount she was due - regardless of whether he was paying it. They were willing to go after him for it but if she wouldn't give his name she just didn't get that money. So leaving his name off the birth certificate is not the solution.

I would worry that leaving his name off the birth certificate & trying to deny him as a father is only hurting your child. Regardless of whether you are in love with him - your child will be. Without the father in their life they will always seek it. For your child's sake I would work on a way to make it work without going to the courts.

That being said - get a lawyer - ASAP!

 

[Sweetie]

Custody is automatically the mothers, unless the father contests it. I REALLY reccomend doing a consultation with a lawyer to check what your rights are as it does vary province to province. A lawyer will generally do this free of charge (that way you can meet them and decide on a course of action) PM me if you want a bit more information, I have a friend going through this and we are fighting a bit of a battle too.... So I can ask questions for you and get some info.

 

[mBLACK]

Oh, now that I realized that a mother can lose custody of the baby to the father - shit, I need to make some plans, can ANYBODY pm me if they know about the law in Canada.. I'm only 15 yrs old, I don't know much about law, but I think my ex is going to fight me for my son.. over my dead body will he get him though, my son is the very reason I breathe.. Plz pm..