Rude partner

[Heather212]

Hi everyone, just thought I would post about something that happened to me that I've been stressed about. I've talked to some friends about it and they mostly agree that this guy has some kind of temper issue or just doesn't have good manners. I'm not trying to demonize him really but I'm just not used to being addressed this way. I don't really come from a wealthy family but my parents have always been really anal about manners and courtesy in general. Maybe that wasn't the case with him.

I remember going on a date once with this guy who sort of had a chip on his shoulder and would actually walk about 10-15 feet in front of me, just because of the fact that I had heels on and couldn't keep up. He was also kind of rude to waitstaff and had a bit of an attitude toward me as well. Needless to say we did not go on a third date.

The funny thing is my partner has started doing the same thing and while I don't wear heels these days, I don't think it's the best idea for me to be jogging behind him because I'm pregnant. I mean I like going for walks but this guy has taken it upon himself to make it impossible for me to keep up whenever we go out and does not seem to realize what's going on. The other day he asked whether I didn't want to walk anymore so I told him that I did but just couldn't keep up especially in 90+ degree weather, my legs are also much shorter. He did slow down then but I have a feeling that he didn't like me saying that.

Later that day I commented something to him in the car. I believe it was about the road (irrelevant) but either couldn't understand or hear me so he "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT." The "F" word wasn't there but the tone certainly was, if that makes any sense to anyone. If he had said "what the F are you talking about" it wouldn't really made that much difference. So I could tell he was irritated.

Then we get to where I live and he's looking for a parking spot, so suddenly he sort of barks "DID YOU SEE ANY SPOTS." I'm like no I wasn't paying attention. So he says "LOOK OUT THE WINDOW." Then he finds one and says "SEE IF I'M TOO CLOSE TO THE SIDEWALK." So I lean close to the window without opening the door. So he yells "JUST OPEN THE DOOR." At that point I have this puzzled look on my face like what is this LOL. So I open the door but I had bags on me and he has this light car so it slides open all the way. So he yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" and "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR??" like I was trying to break his car. Then he takes off running AGAIN, leaving me behind.

Keep in mind this is all that happened. It's not like he was mad over other problems in the relationship or anything.

I was so upset at that point I was having an anxiety attack so I went into the bathroom and took a shower hoping he'd leave in the meantime but unfortunately he was still there when I got out. I didn't want to be abusive myself so I did make him food and I also gave him $40 because we had gone to an exhibit earlier and I always make a point to pay for my half of things, only I didn't have my wallet earlier. At any rate, he left after eating (he lives in another town) and said he hoped I felt better.

But I'm just starting to feel pretty uncomfortable around him and I don't like that feeling. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship before, I'm not really saying he's an abuser but something about the way he treats me is just... "off."

Maybe it's just a matter of poor manners, I really don't know. I just know I don't address partners this way unless I'm REALLY angry, as in they just cheated on me type of anger. My parents are the same way (always courteous to each other).

Just for background, he's made scenes about other things before where he became cabalier and demanded several apologies from me, even if by that point his rudeness had far surpassed the initial offense: (I got lost on the road and was late). But I didn't want to post too long so I thought I'd just focus on the latest incident.

I just wanted to know if I'm exaggerating/being hypersensitive in wanting to take a break from the relationship (also for the baby's sake). I already suffered from anxiety so I probably get stressed more than the average person.

Anyways, I hope everyone had a good weekend

 

[IHrtSteve]

Maybe he is having some baby anxiety. Maybe you should ask him if there is something on his mind or if u dis something to upset him because his behavior has been different. How long have u two been dating? Adding a baby to any relationship can cause stress. Just be honest with him, without attacking him, and see if he opens up to to you. Good luck Xo

 

[Frecks]

Maybe he's just freaking out because of the baby, give him a couple of days and see if he changes back again, if not then you should speak to him and see if something is bothering him, becoming a parent is scary and he might just be having a couple of days where he's thinking oh crap.
Saying this, he shouldn't be spacing to you like that, but pregnancy is a tough time for both people, hope it improves soon xxx

 

[lau86]

He doesn't sound like he's very nice!! Although I know at the moment, I can be quite short tempered with OH when I feel he is asking silly questions (hormones I think) and then this winds him up so arguments happen more easily. I guess it depends whether this is happening all the time or once in a while, cos it would tell you if he was having a temporary issue ( like baby anxiety) or whether it was his personality. It sounds like your struggling to work out which one it is yourself, have you been with him long?

 

[Heather212]

Thanks everyone

You do have a point about the baby situation. He didn't express any concerns to me about my pregnancy but it just may be that he's stressed out about it. I've done my best not to put any pressure on him, for example I've been paying for my own medical expenses like ultrasounds and buying stuff for the baby. I basically haven't asked him for any help, except just being emotionally supportive.

We've been seeing each other for 7 months so not super long, although we'd been friends for a few months before that so we've known each other for about a year, in all. He can be very affectionate at times, which makes his occational rudeness very confusing.

I guess I'll try talking to him but on Monday I told him we should probably not see each other for a few weeks until he got a grip on his attitude and I think that's made things worse. I was just very offended at that point

 

[stouffer]

I know when my OH is stressed he gets snappy about the silliest things. He doesn't even realise he's doing it and doesn't realise the tone of his voice can sound so angry.

Have you tried telling him how he makes you feel? Maybe he's unaware of it. Talking about it might help.

Hope you can sort something out with him.