Saddened by bnb attitudes lately think i belong in here!

[sugarcube84]

I have always enjoyed lurking on bnb, i dont post a lot but i do enjoy reading everyones posts either in the pregnancy forums or baby forum etc. Im not pregnant or TTC at the minute (although id love another now!!) but my little boy is almost 1 and i always found this site useful for information.

Other the past few weeks ive come across some nasty posts, people scaremongering and not offering anythings helpful or constructive and most of all unsupportive!! It seems anyone wanting a homebirth is selfish and putting their baby at risk and when you lot come to peoples aid all you do is get moaned at, told your lying etc even when your quoting medical text! It really does sadden me, i expect this off (my!!) friends and family who dont know any better but not off so called informed women who are sharing the same experience you are!

I just want to say that the way you lot (home n natural bnb'ers) are supportive of each other and the other ladies on the board even asking for others input into threads where people are not getting the response/advice they need is fantastic. You are not hippies saying we should all avoid pain relief and give birth while chanting etc as many on the board think (makes me giggle!!) you are just ladies who have researched the birth process and have faith in your bodies and believe there is an alternative to the screaming depicted on telly etc. Some of you have even come here after disappointment in your own birth experiences determined that next time will be different, you most of all are in an ideal postion to comment and help others.

I feel much happier with you lot! you dont judge and are supportive and i just want to say you should all be proud of yourselves especially jenniflower after having a traumatic birth experience that you are still able to advise on natural birthing just shows how strong you are.

Pointless post really but i think i will be lurking here more from now on

 

[KatieB]

I have to say that I'm beginning to agree in that anyone who wants to express an opinion is shot down if it doesn't automatically support/agree with the majority. Yes there are ways of putting things but some people are just far too sensitive. There are some lovely ladies on B and B in the majority I think, but I can't believe how certain threads go off at a complete tangent! That's why I just stick to neutral posts now, I have opinions on things but tbh can't be doing with the stress and irritation of someone trying to take me to task on it, it pisses me off, I'm not a kid, I'm 32 and don't need to be told how I should be doing things, it's my way and everyone is entitled to do things their way without others judging and being downright bitchy, yet at the same time I welcome others views however, often it's not a discussion, it just turns nasty and some thrive on that. I'm not having a homebirth and am being induced at 39 weeks but I certainly don't think anyone is selfish for wanting one, that's ridiculous! It really is a lovely way to have your baby if you can be in the comfort of your own surroundings. This is my first baby and I'm a bit scared now about the whole labour thing, who knows, if I have another I may push for a homebirth? My Grandma had all her 3 children at home, all big babies and her weighing 7 stone on a good day, no probs! Rant over, I'm feeling very hormonal today!

 

[KandyKinz]

And who says we're not chanting hippies!?!?! lol

Anyways, WELCOME!!!!

 

[sugarcube84]

KandyKinz you chant if you want to im not stopping you!!!

 

[KittenKat]

Hehe If I did chant all m OH's jokes and giggles would just come true, because he calls me a closet hippy

 

[abc123x]

I assume you're referring to the home birth because of politics post.

I'm sorry you feel that people are having poor "attitudes" about it, but she made a post asking a serious question. People responded with their best knowledge and their opinions. This is a forum and everybody is supposed to be able to voice their opinions. The real issue is that people take other people having opinions as "attitudes," when in fact, they are being as kind as they can.

I also wouldnt say that none of the ladies in the natural parenting section judge people. They judge just as much as everybody else - they too, are humans. The thing is, they express opinions that you share. Good for you, but don't say that other people are having poor attitudes just because they do not share the same ones.

 

[sugarcube84]

not just that post no, but i dont like the feel that people who use a homebirth thread to air their scare stories are being particulary helpful.

I wouldnt say that i agree with all the opinions expressed here and i didnt say that people had poor attitudes just because i view things differently in fact i didnt say people had poor attitudes at all. I just said that i was saddened that people have gone out of their way to be unhelpful and not address the original question.

 

[abc123x]

Well, I think on that particular post, it was more about explaining to her maybe why she can't have one.

I personally would love to have a home birth, always said I would after my first, but I realize after having my first that it would be a very foolish thing for me to do(he got stuck and almost died)

I didn't mean to be unkind or attack you. Just wasn't sure that this post was entirely fair.

I tend to be the one with the different opinion, so when people think I'm being mean because I feel differently - I'm not. I respect other people's views, I just have my own and I think everybody should hear all sides of everything. That's what I was trying to say... not just about me(as clearly I wasn't really interacting with you on that post), but I wanted to say that in favor of everyone.

 

[sugarcube84]

I didn't mean to be unkind or attack you. Just wasn't sure that this post was entirely fair.

I tend to be the one with the different opinion, so when people think I'm being mean because I feel differently - I'm not. I respect other people's views, I just have my own and I think everybody should hear all sides of everything. That's what I was trying to say... not just about me(as clearly I wasn't really interacting with you on that post), but I wanted to say that in favor of everyone.

you werent unkind you were just expressing your opinion which is your right it is a forum for people to do exactly that and i understand that and a bit of healthy debate is good. I just think its a bit pointless and in some ways unhelpful to add things to threads that dont address the question posted and i dont just mean the thread you mentioned i have seen it in other threads which prompted this.

 

[kiwimama]

The title of that particular thread that caused a lot of controversy had "I want a homebirth" in it. She stated in her opening post that she wanted a homebirth, was very keen and really happy to be having one and was asking how she could achieve one after she had read information which said her area didn't allow them due to staff shortages. I'm not sure why people thought this was reason to air their traumatic birth experiences.

Yes, everyone is allowed their views and opinions but when it doesn't help the person, I don't know why they can't just keep their mouths shut. I often see threads with things I personally don't agree with. If I saw one saying "I want an induction at 37 weeks. Am I allowed one then?" (have seen this numerous times on this forum) I wouldn't go in stating about how induction is often the first intervention that could lead to more interventions and maybe even the death of your baby - you are selfish if you do this!" I'd click back out of the page because those facts will not help that woman.

Anyway, I think that thread has done its dash now.

I think this section is a great one. We are in the minority so we are tightly knitted and close with each other, something that you don't get in 3rd tri. I love how much great reliable information is shared, and honestly, if it weren't for this section, I'd probably have my hospital bag packed and ready to go for this baby as well. Instead, my tens machine and birth pool are booked and being delivered to me this weekend and I'm practicing my birth breathing techniques everytime I do a poop! I've been having vivid dreams about birthing my baby and I'm always at home, never in hospital. So even though I'm still having niggles (about my ability to do this, not that something is going to go wrong) in my unconcious mind, I'm obviously very sure that this homebirth is a goer!
Thanks to all the ladies here for being so supportive and letting me find out that there is so much alternative out there for birthing other than being in hospital, doped up and lying on your back while someone else delivers your baby.

 

[LaLaBelle]

I'm over here for the same reason. I will be doing a hospital birth, but a natural one without an epidural or pain relief. I totally support homebirthing, though, I think it's amazing. I've got a doula, and I will soon begin my Hypnobirthing classes.

Between the "I want a homebirth" thread and then Alcohol and smoking thread, I've kind of had enough of 2nd Trimester. It was so frustrating to be told I am abusing my child because of an occasional glass of wine, or that I'm not going to be a good mom because of that. I'm speechless at some of the stupid things people have said, and it REALLY hurt my feelings.
I'm also sick of the attitude of "I heard" and "My friend said" and "I read in a magazine", and that being accepted as hard facts. I do my research, most of the actions I take regarding my pregnancy are based in science and fact. There's a few women who come immediately to mind who seem to think they know best, and anyone who disagrees with them must be wrong. It drives me crazy, and I can't argue with every idiot out there.


So I came over here, and now I'm delighted to see informative threads full of stuff I'm interested in, and a lot less comments that make me roll my eyes or get angry at scare-mongering. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

 

[sugarcube84]

i was starting to think that i was being a bit sensitive but maybe not then as other feel the same!!

 

[LaLaBelle]

i was starting to think that i was being a bit sensitive but maybe not then as other feel the same!!

A bunch of women in both threads have said things about stepping back from BnB or leaving altogether- it makes me really sad.

I'm glad you made this post, because I was afraid I was the only one who was feeling like that.



And if I hear the phrase "I'd never risk my baby..." one more time, I am going to punch my computer monitor.

 

[Bournefree]

I totally feel the same way - the hostile treatment that some women receive just because they refuse to tow the line, is appalling.

In real-life stories women who choose homebirth are blasted by even friends and family and some "well-wishers".. it paints and reveals an unacceptable picture of unkindness, harassment, bullying by fear and deceit. I truely am deeply saddened by some peoples fears.

I'm boosted by all sensible ladies for all the support that you give, and also for those that don't support a view point but can intelligently articulate oppositions or opinions.
I love you guys! Umm-num-ting. (Think I am closet hippy TOO!)

Also what has been brilliant to come out of the thread in the 2nd tri.. is that I have been contacted by more than a few women seeking clarity on the law in their particular circumstances, and steps they can take to improve maternity services for them, and other women. I'm so pleased there is all this advocacy, empathy and autonomy about!! It's wonderful!

We should be supporting women to make an everyday event like birth, be an everyday event.
XxX

 

[Kess]

I assume you're referring to the home birth because of politics post.

I'm sorry you feel that people are having poor "attitudes" about it, but she made a post asking a serious question. People responded with their best knowledge and their opinions. This is a forum and everybody is supposed to be able to voice their opinions. The real issue is that people take other people having opinions as "attitudes," when in fact, they are being as kind as they can.

I also wouldnt say that none of the ladies in the natural parenting section judge people. They judge just as much as everybody else - they too, are humans. The thing is, they express opinions that you share. Good for you, but don't say that other people are having poor attitudes just because they do not share the same ones.

The problem comes when people express their opinions as fact. If people said, "I wouldn't be comfortable at home, I'd prefer to give birth in hospital" that would be fine and dandy, no-one thinks everyone should give birth at home. The problem a lot of us have is when people say (like it's fact, when it has actually been conclusively proven false) that hospital birth is safer than home birth and throw in things like, "Statistics are made up" and "Common sense says" etc. I can understand why people who had a traumatic experience would be scared, but that's their choice and their "issue" in the nicest possible way, and not something that can be generalised from since ALL the data we have from many tens of thousands of women says there is no additional risk at home compared to hospitals. Who was it that said, "The plural of anecdote is not data"? Yes, a tiny number of tragedies happen at home that might have been prevented in hospital, but we know from huge studies that 1) the number is miniscule and 2) approximately the same number of tragedies happen in hospital that could've been prevented at home.

 

[indigo_fairy]

Yes, a tiny number of tragedies happen at home that might have been prevented in hospital, but we know from huge studies that 1) the number is miniscule and 2) approximately the same number of tragedies happen in hospital that could've been prevented at home.

SO true! Couldn't have said it better myself

 

[RaspberryK]

I said a similar thing about all the bitchyness and lack of support on a thread about smoking in first tri a few weeks ago.
I didn't expect it from BnB

x

 

[abc123x]

Clearly I left this thread because it is pointless and your facts are incorrect, as talked about in the other thread.

SMDH.

I will be staying out of this judging section entirely from now on.

 

[Bournefree]

Clearly I left this thread because it is pointless and your facts are incorrect, as talked about in the other thread.

SMDH.

I will be staying out of this judging section entirely from now on.

Not sure what you are talking about? Staying out of the other section ot this section? Could you explain?

..and what is SMDH? I hope this isn't a message from your sado-masochistic darling husband??? ;-) LOL - Sorry, really, what's going on?
XxX

 

[KandyKinz]

Clearly I left this thread because it is pointless and your facts are incorrect, as talked about in the other thread.

SMDH.

I will be staying out of this judging section entirely from now on.

Not sure what you are talking about? Staying out of the other section ot this section? Could you explain?

..and what is SMDH? I hope this isn't a message from your sado-masochistic darling husband??? ;-) LOL - Sorry, really, what's going on?
XxX