Sadness and ltttc

[schnoodle]

Hi ladies,

I don't usually post on here but well, I've been feeling so lost and overwhelmed, I thought I would pop on and see you lovely girls!

We have had our 3 siui's and are awaiting out first and last ivf ( all funded) due to financial reasons we won't be able to fund our own treatment should the funded one not work. We were due to have our ivf cycle in febuary but I am out of work so we have had to put that back until things are sorted on the work front.

I'm finding it increasingly hard to deal with my emotions and feelings around infertility, to the point where I have booked myself an appointment with my GP to see about some anti depressants. My hunny isn't a 'talker' so it's hard to have a conversation with him about how I am feeling, and also we have MF issues, so I feel bad talking too much as I think it makes him feel guilty so as silly as it sounds its a bit of a taboo subject in our house!

I, like many of you have lost a lot of friends due to infertility as they all have young kids and it kills me to be around them as they just dont get it even after all this time.also, I think I'd you haven't been through it you can't understand it!

So, I just feel so alone and lonely and find it hard to think of anything else at the moment. I have been struggling to sleep at night and have found myself getting more and more anxious about what if this ivf doesn't work as I genuinely have no idea where we go from there. We have no savings and no one to borrow money from to pay for treatment, and hubby really wouldn't go for adoption so I just feel like this is our only chance. I can't seem to distract myself though I have tried, I'm joining the gym, and am finding it hard to take pleasure out of the things I normally love doing.

I'm really hoping this is something I can drag myself out of with the gp's help as I just feel so lost and alone and so very sad.

Is it just me who feels like this? Does anyone have any advice? I'm really not much of a talker with strangers so counselling isn't really an option?
Xxx

 

[valentine1]

I'm sorry you feel this way I feel so lost and so sad sometimes it's unbearable! I think definitely talking to someone is a great idea! And the GP will guide you in the direction you need, because you obviously need to do something! I can't speak for everyone but I'm sure lots of LTTTC have felt this way at some point in time!

Do you mind me asking...how much is IVF where you are? I know you say you can't afford it now but could you save for another cycle? Fingers crossed you don't need it and it works the first time though

Let me know if you need to talk, happy to listen!

 

[tamithomas]

I'm glad you're going to seek help and someone to talk to. That's the best option right now if you have no one else to talk (except for us on here of course). I too get those days where because of TTC I can't sometimes seem to even drag myself out of bed. Hopefully it will happen for all of us soon enough *hugs*

 

[atloehle]

i know how you feel. no one does understand unless they've gone through it. some days i have to will myself to get out of bed when i would rather hide under the covers. i would say go ahead and talk to someone, professional or not. i've been thinking of doing the same thing recently too.

 

[Noele0002]

Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. I can relate... My husband does NOT talk about his feelings ever and especially not about our infertility! I know he doesn't talk about it because he is trying to be strong for both of us. But I can see it in his expression sometimes and I know deep down he is sad to but he deals with it in a different way.

I've also lost a lot of friends because of infertility. Most fertile women just don't understand and you are right... No one can truely understand what we go through unless they've experienced it themselves. I have joined a lot of chat forums over the last 6 months and I have met some great friends who are going through something similar as me. One of those friends I would consider a great friend and we text and talk through Facebook daily. When we feel the need to vent the other one is always there and ready to listen. It's nice to have a friend who TRUELY understands what I am saying.

I think seeing your GP is a good idea too. Well I wish lots of luck with your IVF!

 

[PinkPeony]

I have such a hard time with this too. A couple things that have helped me a lot lately: one is talking to my BFF about it. She's someone that will never want to have kids but she was so understanding. I went over to her place one night and we just got to talking about it and I ended up bawling my eyes out on her shoulder for like an hour and drank a bunch of wine. I NEVER do stuff like that. I always keep my problems to myself. But I felt a million times better after that. I realized I was just putting more of a burden on my shoulders by trying to be strong in front of everyone else all the time. If you don't have a close friend to talk to maybe look into infertility support groups and just force yourself to go and put yourself out there.
Also - I've just been trying to keep as busy as possible. For me as much as I want to just stay in bed all day with every fiber of my being sometime, if I force myself to get out and stay busy it really helps. Working out is good esp cardio because it gets the endorphins going so it's like your body is making natural antidepressants.
hope that helps!!