Sadness

[SleeplessSEA]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this site and I am here because I think that few people in my daily life can help.

We have been TTC for over a year. Everyone around me is pregnant - good friends, best friends, and now family. My ultimate fear is that all of my SIL are pregnant at the same time and it is closer to coming true. I don't know if I am up for any family functions, parties, showers. I simply can't be up for this - I was there for holidays, weddings, and this I can't do. I know I will come around and will be as happy as the rest, but for now I can't. Everything feels fresh. It sounds stupid but I want some sign that they realize this is hard for me, some sensitivity but I am doubtful. Maybe there is nothing to do or say. I have an uncomfortable pain in my side, AF due today (though hasn't shown), and BFN (think I am about 13dpo due to OPKs). And I feel like a terrible person because I can't bounce right back from this sadness. As they say in Sleepless in Seattle, I just wanted to send this out into the void, to see if anyone else felt like giving up relatively 'early' in the game.

Thank you xoxo

 

[Loves cupcake]

I am so sorry but I think many of us know how you feel so go a head and vent. I feel like I need to stop looking at FB as I keep seeing pregnancy or baby announcements and that is hard. We are in our 8th month of trying and I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't. Try and stay positive and don't go to anything that makes you uncomfortable. How many months have you been trying? We have a thread going and start over every month if you want to come and join. I have found it really helpful to have these ladies here and to vent to when I have a bad day. Good luck to you.

 

[Loves cupcake]

The thread is called april testers come here and gingerpoppy created it. You should come join us we start a new thread every month.

 

[SleeplessSEA]

The thread is called april testers come here and gingerpoppy created it. You should come join us we start a new thread every month.

I will definitely join it. Thank you for sweet reply. I would say we were not seriously trying for about 6 months and seriously trying for 6+. Every months feels so long but also so fast!

 

[ladders]

You are definitely not alone I feel like everyone around me is getting what I want really easily and I'm trying so so hard and nothing. If only someone could tell us it will happen because I'm so scared I'll never have children

 

[Fellowes79]

You are 100% not alone! I feel so guilty for feeling jealous when my friends get pregnant. I am happy for them, but at the same time want to cry my eyes out! It's nice coming here, even if I lurk more than post, to know that you aren't alone **hugs**

 

[SleeplessSEA]

You are 100% not alone! I feel so guilty for feeling jealous when my friends get pregnant. I am happy for them, but at the same time want to cry my eyes out! It's nice coming here, even if I lurk more than post, to know that you aren't alone **hugs**

Hugs to you too! It is such a complex feeling - the happy/sad/anger/fear. I have read TTC can feel like the stages of grief and that the depression can be very real. Thinking good thoughts for everyone.

 

[SleeplessSEA]

You are definitely not alone I feel like everyone around me is getting what I want really easily and I'm trying so so hard and nothing. If only someone could tell us it will happen because I'm so scared I'll never have children

Hugs! I hear you. Sometimes I wonder if I should start thinking about how to have a life without children (we have quite a few aunts/uncles without kids). And I marvel at the people around me getting pregnant their first cycle. Did they read many books like I did? Do they have all the gear (the thermometer, the preseed, the OPKs, the vitamins, the many HPTs). Do they know the lingo (BFN etc.)? I feel so emotional, up and down. And who knew I would study my body so closely?! I don't remember such eventful cycles before lol. Perhaps because I was on BC for so long! I am certain life will bring you beautiful things. Big hugs! And baby dust!

 

[SamStormchase]

Absolutely agree with the ladies above. I have felt so down and crazy emotions of jealousy too. My good friend had a baby in October, I've not even seen him yet, because I can't bring myself to see the joy and the beauty of another gorgeous baby. It always seems like everyone else gets it so quickly, and then those who don't want it, it's an accident, or for other selfish reasons like public funds, really really winds me up.

This forum has realllllllllly helped me because although I've seen people I've chatted to go off with their BFPs, there is ALWAYS someone there feeling just the way you're feeling, someone you can relate to.

Huge hugs Sleepless xx

 

[kitten23]

My neighbour is coming home from hospital today with her new born son and I can't help feeling jealous when im currently undergoing tests to see if I've miscarried. It makes me feel like a horrible person but I'm not. X

 

[ladders]

Doesn't make you a horrible person at all kitten makes you feel prefectly normal. I would be jealous and I'm not going through what you are.
Hope things come back with some good news for you

 

[SamStormchase]

My neighbour is coming home from hospital today with her new born son and I can't help feeling jealous when im currently undergoing tests to see if I've miscarried. It makes me feel like a horrible person but I'm not. X

Kitten, that's just like me. I'm not a bad person, and I LOVED being round family and friends with kids, still do, but there's something about that newborn loveliness I just can't bear at the moment. I just keep thinking, why? What have I done to not deserve that happiness?

I feel so sad for you. Huge huge

 

[Losing hope]

Hi hope you don't mind me joining in? I'm new on here, me and hubby have been trying for 15 months now. Tonight I feel like the heart has been torn out of me we went to our doctors to discuss my hubby test results, we were told that the progression side was at 17% although the norm 32%! He also said that 15 months wasn't a long time to be trying!!!!!!!!! I feel like my whole life is on hold, what do you lady's think is 15 months not long? I am also the same as you guys everyone around me is pregnant apart from me. I found out last week that a close co-worker gf is pregnant and is due next month they haven't even told anyone. I think that's wrong cuz I can't wait to be able to announce my pregnancy. I'm really sorry for the rant but I feel like my friends don't want to listen any more, I'm sick being told it will happen when you least expect it wtf how can I least expect something I want so badly.

 

[flou]

Ladies I can fully identify with how you feel. And all these feelings are perfectly normal and understandable. Me and my DH have been married for nearly four years and many people make the assumption that I don't want kids when in fact it is quite the opposite. We have been ttc for our first for three years and we have had 2 mcs in that time. We have had some fertility tests and everything looks good but it took us 19 months and 11 months consecutively to conceive both times. Unfortunately I am still waiting for my little one. During my first mc a colleague announced her pg and I had to watch her belly grow and her moans and groans about being pg. She got pg straight away and I tried for 19 months and lost mine. I'm sure you can imagine how i felt. Unfortunately I had to deal with it for my own sanity. You have to accept your feelings of jealousy, anger and grief but don't feel guilty. Others may not understand why you feel the way you do but you have to accept your feelings and not feel guilty. You can't help how you feel. I hope everyone here gets there little one soon. You all deserve it.

 

[Tink_]

Hey lovely ladies,

I was about to make a very similar thread when I saw this one.

It really sucks. Am feeling so low and broken tonight.

Sending you all hugs xxxx

 

[ladders]

Hope you are feeling better today Tink

 

[Mild Mango]

I definitely feel you! My FB newsfeed is full of pregnancy announcements and baby pics. My coworkers, friends, and even my ex-boyfriend's mom (YES!) is asking me when I'm going to have babies. I just want to tell them "I'm trying! I'm trying!" but I really don't want all of them in my business so I just say "I don't know" and change the subject.

Also, you never really know other people's struggle. Just because you see all these sonogram pictures on your FB newsfeed or you're inundated with baby shower invites doesn't mean the road was necessarily easy for them either. Sure some people are lucky or super fertile and get pregnant right away, but I bet some of those people have been trying for months or years just like you are. They just don't share that part.

Not sure if that makes you feel any better, but it helps me keep things in perspective. I have to keep reminding myself of that when I start to feel jealous and defeated.

 

[Losing hope]

Hi Mild Mango yes I understand what you're saying, everyone knows I'm ttc not because I want everyone knowing my bussiness but so they know that I'm a little under the weather or don't feel like singing and dancing around the office they know that ant flo has shown up! I do know people that weren't trying to get pregnant are preggers and moan about it! Like today I overheard a guy in my office calling his 6 week old baby a ****** because he hasn't learned to poo yet! I was so disgusted I know this baby was unplanned cuz his GF kicked him out 3 weeks before she found out she was pregnant( I can see why now).

Baby dust to all.

 

[ichick]

Man! I have become more active on my facebook with my infertility issues, maybe not the best thing. But it makes me feel better to inform everyone about what not to say. "Just relax, it will happen," "have you thought about adoption," " you can have mine." yada yada yada.... The first time I posted something on my facebook, I said I was going to remove every pregnant girl from my feed. My friends totally understood. After I calmed down, I felt so embarrassed. So I recommend just un-follow them from your feed, you don't have to un-friend them to do that. So far that has helped me A LOT!!! I don't have to see my friends and families baby bumps. I read an article that went through, "what not to say to a woman with infertility." On there she said don't be afraid about not going to a baby shower. And if they are upset, then its a heart issue on their part. Not yours.

I am sorry you are going through this. You are not alone here. You are not alone in this. I know it sucks!

 

[Losing hope]

I must get that article off you some of my friends could do with reading it! I posted feeling sad last night on Facebook because AF had turned up and all the comments I got where relax, stop stressing, it will happen when you stop thinking about it, you're not the only woman going through this! Yea like I don't know any of this lol that's why I'm on here.

Good luck x