Santa - Believers and non-believers

[pompeyvix]

Totally agree with this, we do NOT do Father Christmas like this. it makes me cringe and sad when I hear people say it.

 

[_Meep_]

Nor do we, and neither did my parents! Santa is meant to be a benevolent being, like a parent - not a favouring shithead whose love is conditional lol. Seems wrong to me to control kids (who sometimes can't help but make mistakes or do naughty things) with promises of material gain ...

 

[_Meep_]

I know I asked for advice, but I sort of feel like I should just tell her that other people like to pretend he's real around this time of year and just leave it at that.

This whole Santa thing is weird where people lie to their kids and then I have to worry about whether or not my kid will mention the truth... Then of course there's also the tooth fairy (not there yet), Easter Bunny, and what other things do parents try to tell their kids are real? We don't do any of those things. We actually do do the easter bunny in a way... But it's a stuffed bunny that's clearly fake.

Hmmm I wouldn't call myself weird for letting my little girl believe in Father Christmas. I get that's not what you want to do and that's obviously your choice, but there are many many parents who do and that's ok too. I don't see it as lying per se, more letting her believe in some magic and fuelling her imagination. I seriously don't see it as a big deal and certainly not weird!

I totally agree with this. I mean, my little girl thinks Angelina Ballerina is real, and talks back to her cup of milk ('Are you happy now, milk?') when it asks her to please drink it all up. Surely nobody would think those things are weird or that I am 'lying' to her by pretending to be a cup of milk, when really of course I technically am.

Lying to be hurtful or controlling or to get one's own way would be wrong, and yes, weird. But fabricating a story to please and thrill a child is actually a lovely thing in my opinion, even though it isn't true.

I respect you, and the answers you give on here are always well-informed and knowledgable, but I think the above is a bit of an unfair generalisation to make about people who no doubt love their children just as much as you love yours. Please note that nobody has implied that YOU are weird (or inconveniencing them/their children) for NOT wanting to instill the Santa myth in your kids.

 

[SarahBear]

I don't believe I said people who do Santa are weird. I said the Santa thing is weird and the fact that I have to worry about my kid saying the truth is weird.

 

[_Meep_]

This whole ***Santa thing is weird where people lie to their kids*** and then I have to worry about whether or not my kid will mention the truth...

Maybe it was just carelessly worded, as I am sure you are not intending to be antagonistic, but the bit I've highlighted very much implies to me that your belief is that parents who endorse Santa are lying to their children, and that that is a weird thing to do. Which is TOTALLY FINE to have as a belief, just not particularly kind to say, and bound to provoke some sort of negative response.

I don't want a confrontation. I was just sticking up for myself, as someone who doesn't feel a. like I am lying to my child or b. like I am a weirdo for telling her a popular Christmas tale.

 

[SarahBear]

OK, so perhaps many people do take the Santa thing to a level that I DO find weird. For the people who just tell the stories and have some presents from Santa show up under the tree, I don't find that too weird. The people who go through elaborate details and actively tell their kids he's real and answer probing questions as if he's real and actively try to get their kids to believe, I find that "weird." I also find it weird when people have their kids line up to sit on a strange man's lap. I also find it weird that I have to worry about my kid saying "Santa's not real." Of course he's not real, he's a fun story to tell around this time of year. There are lots of kid's stories that are fun and most of them we don't try to convince our kids that they are real, even if we play along with imaginative play.

 

[Pearls18]

And lots of people would find it weird that you deny your children what they perceive to be harmless, magical fun. I'm not saying I do, different strokes for different folks and all that. I wouldn't fret about it either way.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I understand what you mean Sarahbear.The whole anxiety over it is a bit weird when you think about it.

 

[_Meep_]

Which is all fair enough, and a perfectly valid opinion to have - but the thing is, it's not meant to be damaging to children or dangerous for their development in the way a malicious lie would potentially be, so saying people are lying to their kids as if it's a crime to do so in this instance is a little extreme.

I wouldn't worry about Violet saying he isn't real. As nearly everyone else has said, as long as she isn't saying it to be nasty, giving explicit details (e.g. Your parents are lying to you; they're the ones leaving the presents) and is well aware that other people do believe in him, then it'll just be one of those kid things that happens and nobody really cares about.

I think answering the questions is one of the greatest bits - I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with exploring your own imagination and getting a precious glimpse of your child's (and their imaginations really are wonderful), but maybe that's just me.

I don't think kids are allowed to sit on Santa's lap any more ... at least, that's what my mother told me (she's deputy headmistress of a primary school) the other day at their Christmas Fayre, which she had to spend dressed as an elf. She's 60. It was appalling.

 

[AngelUK]

We've just come back from our boys' Christmas fête at their school and there was a Santa's grotto. Sebastian sat on a chair next to Santa, not on his lap (Dominic refused).

I am one who is letting her boys believe but I do think that telling them about Santa IS lying since it is telling them an untruth. Harmless it may be but it is still a lie. I am not 100% comfy with it but hope my boys won't hold it against me when they find out the truth.

 

[loeylo]

And lots of people would find it weird that you deny your children what they perceive to be harmless, magical fun. I'm not saying I do, different strokes for different folks and all that. I wouldn't fret about it either way.

I was going to say this.

I still don't think you can say that taking a kid to meet Santa is weird (kids aren't allowed on santas knee now, as far as I'm aware)

Statistically, I think you will find it is more "weird" not to tell your kid about Santa.

Your post comes across as very judgemental and rude.

 

[SarahBear]

I am one who is letting her boys believe but I do think that telling them about Santa IS lying since it is telling them an untruth. Harmless it may be but it is still a lie. I am not 100% comfy with it but hope my boys won't hold it against me when they find out the truth.

See, this approach makes sense to me and I don't find it weird.

 

[Bella1185]

OP if you don't want Violet to believe for whatever reason then that's fine and I doubt anyone cares. I imagine the only reason people would begin to care is if Violet told everyone he wasn't real - and 4 years old is awfully young for that truth.

I believe Violet is in the minority not believing, and that's okay; but I also believe it's your duty as a parent to find a way to allow the other kids their beliefs. Just like you'd never teach Violet to tell kids playing pretend, or doing creative play, that their ideas are wrong.

Like I said before - just simply tell her the truth! "Santa only comes to those who believe." Plenty of adults believe in the "spirit" and magic of Christmas, even if it doesn't involve a man in a red velvet suit.

I really don't think it needs to be any more complex than that. THEYRE FOUR

 

[Scout]

Maybe it's different in the UK, but I'm in the US and dd sat on Santa's knee the other day for a picture and to tell him her Christmas wishes (she told him she wanted candy canes and love, bless her) She was thrilled and loved every minute of it. It's a tradition. I don't find it weird. But if you do, you're certainly entitled. Lots that I find weird that others don't.

She came home from preschool the other day and informed me that Santa was real. Asked me if I knew he was real. I said, "of course". Sure it's a lie, same as when I told her the pacifier fairy was coming to take her pacifier, but it's not a harmful lie, imo. My parents did the same with me and it didn't damage me in any way.

Anyhoo, I don't really think there's much to be concerned with at this age. If another child told dd that Santa wasn't real, I don't think dd would think too much about it.

 

[_Meep_]

Probably is a UK thing, or maybe it's just in school-type events, same as the teachers not being allowed to touch the children? I dunno.

 

[pompeyvix]

OK, so perhaps many people do take the Santa thing to a level that I DO find weird. For the people who just tell the stories and have some presents from Santa show up under the tree, I don't find that too weird. The people who go through elaborate details and actively tell their kids he's real and answer probing questions as if he's real and actively try to get their kids to believe, I find that "weird." I also find it weird when people have their kids line up to sit on a strange man's lap. I also find it weird that I have to worry about my kid saying "Santa's not real." Of course he's not real, he's a fun story to tell around this time of year. There are lots of kid's stories that are fun and most of them we don't try to convince our kids that they are real, even if we play along with imaginative play.

I'm a huge weirdo then, as when Anabella asks questions about him, I provide (made up) answers. I have also taken her to see Father Christmas already this year and will be taking her again (no sitting on the knee though, that doesn't happen here). But hey, I'll take being weird and over the top if it means my beautiful girl is happy and is loving the Christmas magic

 

[_Meep_]

I'm a huge weirdo then

Me too. I wasn't going to mention it before, but since we are being so open about our weirdness ... a few days ago, this happened.

She only does that one-eyed smile when she is REALLY happy.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I dont really do santa BuT being called weird would be a compliment to me haha. If statistics do one thing. I do another. I think some posts are a bit rude. X

 

[pompeyvix]

I dont really do santa BuT being called weird would be a compliment to me haha. If statistics do one thing. I do another. I think some posts are a bit rude. X

I have no problem being called quirky weird/eccentric/funny etc, but in this instance I find being called weird quite rude tbh!

 

[_Meep_]

I'm definitely weird, and I'm geeky, I still own an N64 and have had my hair cut twice since I was 10, and I don't mind at all ... I hope my loved ones celebrate my lameness.

But being called weird for sharing something nice with my kid, that I feel will only make us happier, seems a little off.