Santa... Real or Not?

[raychmumtobe]

Ok. So ive been having the same disagreement with my husband and my dad.

We somehow got onto the discussion of Santa Claus and kids and I mentioned that I wasnt going to tell my daughter that Santa is real... I dont see the point, its a lie and I just couldnt face it when she finds out hes not, ive seen many 5 year olds in school in tears when theyre older siblings have told them hes not real. They were genuinely heartbroken and I dont ever want my daughter to feel like that. Just like I wont be telling her the tooth fairy or easter bunny is real.

My husband and dad both think im wrong and their arguments were that its good ammunition for parents and that it makes xmas fun for kids... Although I dont understand how it cant still be fun if they know its their parents giving them presents, and making it an all round special day.

What do you ladies think?

ETA: Im not saying im going to tell her hes not real, im just saying im not going to tell her hes real.

 

[Noelle610]

You know, I'm a big advocate of being honest with children so I get where you are coming from. But Christmas was huge in my house growing up - my dad's Italian and they LOVE the holiday! I will probably let LO believe in Santa for awhile. I don't think it's harmful.

 

[babyjan]

It was on the news recently that a teacher got in trouble for telling primary school children Santa is fake

 

[Noodlebear]

Sorry I agree 100% with your husband and dad. I think the biggest part of christmas for children is santa! Leaving out stockings, food etc, writing their christmas lists and going to see him in the time leading to the holiday, imagine being the only child in the class that was never given a chance to believe in all that? No one should tell malicious lies but things like santa and the tooth fairy are part of the magic of being an imaginative child. I'll be doing anything and everything for my son, fantastic memories to be cherished x

EDIT: I never had the easter bunny and it doesn't seem to be as popular as others so that one is up for debate x

 

[SleepyBaby]

Santa adds magic to a child's life, same as tooth fairy and Easter bunny and every other thing that a child can believe in, innocence brings pure joy when it comes to the jolly fat man, giving a child something to believe in!

When kids are told Santa's not real its part of growing up, its not going to land them in therapy in 20 years, its going to upset them for 10 mins until they find something else to think about, My sons 7 this month and still believes in Santa! One day he will learn the truth and it will be on that day that Christmas loses its magic for him, but that's been 7 years so far that he's went to bed with dreams of a magical land, watching Santa make his way to the UK online and going to bed listening for magic bells, getting messages from the big man online via PNP ( portable north pole ). Christmas is a magical time, killing off Santa to save 10 mins of tears seems mean to me.

Id be gutted if my son went to nursery years ago and another child had of told him Santas not real and killed the magic early!

All of that being said is just my opinion, im not judging anyone who thinks differently and im not saying my way is the only way, just what i think personally!

The elves make special gifts just for the children on the nice list vrs mummy went to Argos..

My mum died when i was 3 and it was the magical things in life that made me happiest, It was one of those things that stayed a constant for long enough for me to grow up happy, i seemed to be always moving house and schools and whatever but Santa never forgot about me! sounds silly but its true!

 

[raychmumtobe]

You know, I'm a big advocate of being honest with children so I get where you are coming from. But Christmas was huge in my house growing up - my dad's Italian and they LOVE the holiday! I will probably let LO believe in Santa for awhile. I don't think it's harmful.

I dont think its harmful, I just dont see the point.
Christmas can still be a huge, fun holiday, without making it all about a fictional character and his elves.

 

[staralfur]

I loved Christmas when I was little, it was magical. I was very sad when I found out Santa wasn't real but I wasn't upset with my parents and I continued to LOVE Christmas afterwards...I still do.

It's up to you, but I suppose I never understood that logic behind not doing Santa.

 

[Tacey]

We don't say Father Christmas is real, although I do say that some children think he is, and ask what she thinks. If Alice says he is, I'm happy to go along with it, but I'm not going to go to the lengths some people go to make it seem real. I also HATE the naughty/nice bit, so that wouldn't ever be mentioned. To me, that's just blackmail!

Also, I loved Christmas as a child. It was magical and exciting, and I never believed in Father Christmas. The focus for us was on the nativity and as a family time. I don't feel I missed out at all.

 

[staralfur]

Oh I'm not particularly fond of the naughty/nice stuff either...kind of dampens the fun in it IMO.

 

[leahtaba]

if you tell her out right hes not real theres a chance shel tell all the kids in her school and ruin it for them.

obviously its up to you as mum but i personally think believeing in things like that are a magical part of childhood. we all survived being told he wasnt real.

i think its really nice for children to believe in him. i remember i still secretly believed in him anyway after id been told he wasnt real

 

[SleepyBaby]

The naughty or nice bit works because its good to be rewarded, kids love to be told they are good and they love praise, what better way to praise a child than to tell them the man who watches over all the children to see who he thinks is naughty or nice thinks they are good enough to have made the nice list and get rewarded for being nice!

Its positive praise at the highest form!

 

[raychmumtobe]

We don't say Father Christmas is real, although I do say that some children think he is, and ask what she thinks. If Alice says he is, I'm happy to go along with it, but I'm not going to go to the lengths some people go to make it seem real. I also HATE the naughty/nice bit, so that wouldn't ever be mentioned. To me, that's just blackmail!

Also, I loved Christmas as a child. It was magical and exciting, and I never believed in Father Christmas. The focus for us was on the nativity and as a family time. I don't feel I missed out at all.

See this is exactly what I mean, I dont mind if she does beleive in him, I just dont want to be the one to tell her that and go to all that trouble to make her beleive it. If she grows up beleiving, im not going to destroy that for her, but im not going to go to lengths to drag it out and wont ever use the naughty or nice thing to make her behave.
I dont remember ever beleiving in him myself, and I still love xmas.

 

[C_baby]

To me the concept that Santa is coming to bring all the children in the world a present is magical and sweet. The idea that mum and dad buy presents because that's what's done at Christmas seems more materialistic. I dunno my teenage stepchildren obviously don't believe anymore and it's taken a lot of the excitement away and replaced it with a sense of entitlement.

But then i'm biased because I wish I still believed in Santa. How exciting!

 

[raychmumtobe]

The naughty or nice bit works because its good to be rewarded, kids love to be told they are good and they love praise, what better way to praise a child than to tell them the man who watches over all the children to see who he thinks is naughty or nice thinks they are good enough to have made the nice list and get rewarded for being nice!

Its positive praise at the highest form!

I think the problem some people have with the naughty or nice thing is that its used alot like blackmail to make children behave.. I personally dont like that.

 

[Noodlebear]

raychmumtobe I see you have nephews, do they believe in santa? Just think it'd be awful for their cousin to be the one to unravel it all if they do, much like your original post about older sibling doing it x

 

[Tacey]

The naughty or nice bit works because its good to be rewarded, kids love to be told they are good and they love praise, what better way to praise a child than to tell them the man who watches over all the children to see who he thinks is naughty or nice thinks they are good enough to have made the nice list and get rewarded for being nice!

Its positive praise at the highest form!

We don't do rewards anyway, so maybe that's why this doesn't sit well with me

 

[The Alchemist]

Children are imaginative creatures. You're worried only about Santa? Tooth fairy isn't real. Leprechauns aren't either. Even the Easter bunny. There are many fun lies for kids but as they grow, they'll learn that these characters are just fictional and fun part of growing up. I do understand where you're coming from, but I think I'll let children be children.

On the contrary for me growing up, I never once believed in these things. It didn't and never made sense to me as a child.

 

[Noodlebear]

And - if we all punish our children when it's needed (negative reinforcement) I personally don't understand why rewarding them for good behaviour is blackmail? x

 

[hubblybubbly]

I will be doing Santa with mine, I understand about the not lying and the possibility of disappointment but at the same time I do remember the Christmases I had when I believed when I was about 4/5, I remember the magic etc and it's brilliant, just as I believed there was a willy wonka chocolate factory and the smurfs lived at the bottom of the garden....

It's all part of childhood to me, for the imagination and wonderment, and worth the "finding out" which normally comes when the child is old enough to understand the motivation...unless some non believer tells them first!
X

 

[Tacey]

And - if we all punish our children when it's needed (negative reinforcement) I personally don't understand why rewarding them for good behaviour is blackmail? x

Well I don't punish, but that aside, I dislike it when people use it as a warning "Behave, or Father Christmas won't give you presents!" doesn't seem like a good reason for behaving. I'd rather children behaved well because they knew it was the right thing to do. I don't think many parents actually do that these days though. I have no issues with Santa in other families, but it's something that doesn't sit right for me.