Scan on Monday, Gyno on Tuesday

[CurlySue]

Safe to say that I absolutely, positively have no idea what to say.

My last cycle was 41 days long. The one before that was, I think, 26. The pain this month has been excruciating and God even knows if I ovulated. The day I got the painfully positive OPK does not add up to my luteal phase and I had a closed cervix and thick white tacky mucus, i.e. totally infertile. The times I DID have eggwhite I got no positive OPK.

Have had cramps for about 20 days now, severe (to the point of almost overdosing myself with strong painkillers) cramps for 4, 5 days...totally ruined the most part of my holiday because I was waking up constantly, having to sit down, not being able to walk properly because of them...

Do I go in with a list? Is that embarrassing? Do I go in with a list of symptoms and problems or do I do it off the top of my head?

I just don't know what to say...

 

[Helen_26]

I would definately go in with a list. I'm sure the gynae is used to seeing pleanty of women with really long lists. I wish i had done that at my last appointment, because I forgot to ask so many important questions.
All the best with your appointments hun, I hope you get some answers.

 

[FJL]

First of all, sending you a huge This journey is so emotional and trying and for the most part, it bloody well sucks!!!

I think its a good idea to take the list in. He/she will probably ask if you've had such and such side effects, eg 'do you have a regular cycle'? 'do you experience cramping' etc, so you can just tell him you brought a list and would he/she like to see it.

Best of luck babe, its a journey into the unknown - all these tests and appointments but you'll get to the treatment stage then hopefully the pregnancy stage. We're all here for each other

 

[waiting4u]

Sounds like you are having a rough time, hang in there! A list is a great idea and also sounds like a perfect time to have a scan! My scans always seem to be booked when I had no cramping.

Please don't think having a list is embarrassing - that is what the Dr are there to do, help and give you answers.

Best of luck with your appointments! Look after yourself.

 

[miel]

you should go with a list and questions...ask everything you want to know

 

[CurlySue]

Thanks. I just feel so stupid. OH cannot come with me. The letter says to take him but we just had two weeks off to go on holiday and he has meetings all backed up that he cannot cancel. I will just have to explain that he cannot be there.

My doctor referred me because she was worried about the pain. It is so, so bad that I cannot even rate it between 1 and 10 because I sound like the biggest wimp there is. I cannot function with it. Its beyond a joke. I don't have a low pain threshold, it's just that nothing gets rid of it, and it's bad. I have passed out before, it was so bad. I have thrown up.

I feel embarrassed saying all this. I feel ashamed, talking to a man about the consistency of my periods. About the pain during sex. I am probably a prude when it comes to things like this. I get this horrible feeling that I am going to have a very, very hard time talking about all of this.

My list seems endless now. I get so many differing symptoms. No month is ever the same. The only thing that is the same each month is that I do not get pregnant and I suffer and that it's not fair.

That's the only thing...

God, I feel like crying. I realise I sound like a stupid, emotional idiot but its so close, now. The fact that I have been referred for pain and infertility actually means something to me, now.

it means that I am classified, officially, as potentially infertile, and that just scares the shit out of me.

 

[miel]

oh sweetie ,
you should not feel embarrasse and i have to say even TTC or not a woman should not have to suffer every time she get AF ...you should not being in pain

 

[CurlySue]

I suppose we all suffer to some extent. Or, at least, some of us do. Each month I say to myself "it can't get any worse than this" and the next month it does. For longer, too. I would accept a day or two of AF pain. When its 10 days of moderate pain and a following 5 days of pill popping agony then I suppose it's time to draw a line.

I just wish the doctor was not a man, though he is an infertility and endo specialist so if it is that he will at least know what I am talking about. He may not have experienced the pain but he knows the physiology of it.

I keep saying to myself, whatever is the cause of this pain MUST be the cause of me not getting pregnant. It has to be.

I am just worried that there will be nothing wrong, the pain will be unexplained and I will just be an infertile woman who suffers each month.

Ra.

 

[FJL]

Oh hun, feeling that low is just the worst.

First of all, I also have a phobia of spreading my legs to drs's, talking to them about personal things but honestly, and i'm sure you know this, these kind of dr's see and talk about these things on a daily basis. To them it is like discussing the weather!

Just try and focus on one thing at a time without letting your mind wander onto the 'what ifs' and I know that it is very easy for me to say and much harder for you to do.

I would guess that he would want to do a lap on you to see if you have endo and if you do to fix it as best he can.

When I was in my early teens I suffered excruciating period pain, I too would be in so much pain it would cause me to pass out and vomit and I was prescribed a tranquiliser to just sleep through the pain, so I know how awful it is. A Dr put me on the pill which cut the pain back to 1/2 and then I was on prescription pain killers.

Then when I was 19 I had a lap done as they were certain I would've had endo or something but everything was fine. I recently had another lap amongst other things and its still all good.

My period pain has settled down heaps though (i'm almost 26 now) and while others if they felt my pain might rush for the neurofen or something, from what i've experienced its not that bad and I get through it without taking anything.

Just wanted to let you know that I did go through a similar thing And if they don't find a reason for infertility for you with basic testing its not the end of the world as there are many more factors and ways around them to achieve a pregnancy.

 

[CurlySue]

My doctor seemed worried because my pain was localised on one side and spread to my back and leg. When I ovulate I cannot lie down flat. I have to bend my leg. I look like I have a limp when I walk. Instead of ovulation pain lasting a day or two, mine lasts for a full working week. Then it eases off for a couple of days after ovulation and starts coming back on around 3dpo. Never leaves me then, only gets worse until it finally ease off 3 or 4 days into my period.

I spend more time in pain than I do out of pain. I don't think that's fair. All this time in pain and no baby to show for it. Am feeling very hard done by at the minute!!!! *blushes*

I would welcome a lap if only to rule things out. I am dreading them suggesting one of those dye tests because I also suffer from recurring UTI (brought on by just about nothing at all) so I am hoping that can be skipped. Had allergic reaction to one of them as well. Evil things.

I just feel embarrassed. Totally embarrassed. I hate the idea of sitting there and telling a man I have never met that sex is uncomfortable, that my periods are all over the place and no matter how much I have sex I cannot get pregnant. Putting it all out for him to see. I know its like the weather to him but, to me, its pure embarrassment.

i don't want him to mess me around. I don't want to be told "the pain is normal, go away and come back in three or four months. Better still, come back when it's been TWO years."

I just dread that, y'know? Being looked at and not taken seriously? This is, after all, only my first visit. Its all questions and no action, isn't it?

 

[FJL]

Hey again CS,

I think it is SO important to feel comfortable with your doctor. If you don't like this guy or feel that he isn't taking all of this seriously then go to someone else until you find a doctor that you like.

With the whole embarassment thing, can you go to a female doctor? That might make you feel better. I don't find the talking bit hard just the looking at my private bits hard, it is a feeling of violation, its awful I reckon

The pain you're in sounds so intense that any dr in their right mind cannot possible fob you off.

The first visit is generally questions along with options and tests etc. So he will most likely want to do a series of tests then go from there, he may also discuss treatment options though he won't really know until test results come back.

 

[Beckic]

Oh sweetheart

Is there a chance you could ask for a female doctor if that would make you feel better?

You shouldn't feel embarrassed - and you definitely shouldn't take no for an answer - dont let then bully you.

I always go in with a list of questions to make sure i am focused and come out with the answers i want.

Thinking of you. You are being v brave.

Bx x x

 

[CurlySue]

It doesn't seem like there are any women I could see this late on. Its too late to change now, I would imagine. I have the appointment on Tuesday. I waited six weeks for it and don't really want to wait another six weeks. I have heard that he is a lovely man, that he is very kind, very thoughtful, very foreign...but, the idea of him touching me makes me feel like clamming up.

I am seriously a prude. The word 'sex' embarrasses me when spoken aloud. The word 'intercourse' makes me feel like hiding away. I find this all very, very difficult to talk about and I end up stuttering and idiotic. This is why I want to take a list. This is why I want to just say, look, here, I have written everything down.

God, its like a script.

I've clammed up for long enough, now, I think. I've fobbed myself off for enough time. I'm not getting pregnant and there must be a reason for that. Might be me, might be OH but, either way, I still have no baby. I suffer every month and I get nothing to show for it. Makes me feel a little bit bratty, actually.

The idea of posting in an "infertility" section was always that little painful spark in the back of my head. I wanted to be wrong, really. I wanted to prove myself wrong. I have always known that there was something not right. Always. You know when, for just once in your life you wanted to prove yourself an idiot for thinking something? This was it. It's not the case.

Ah, we're all in the same boat. Its not a nice boat, really, is it?

Sometimes, I just feel like I'm sinking. Drowning.

Questions are fine. They really are. Options? Well, I suppose you have to be diagnosed with something before that can be put forward. I want to be diagnosed with something or nothing. Not limbo. Not confusion. I just don't want to be told to give it another six months, give it another ten months. My problem is becoming psychological, now. I know that sex is going to be uncomfortable, ergo I have lost my sex drive. The only way to make it bearable is to use a shedload of preseed and it basically takes all feeling and intimacy about of the moment.

I like sex...I just don't like the pain. I don't want this to be a mechanical experience; a means to an end.

God, I feel like crying just talking about this. So very sorry. Feel free to ignore me. I suppose I have this little dam and it's about to burst. I have been keeping a lot of these thoughts inside and, right about now, they're all going to crack and spill out.

My periods are a double edged sword. They hurt because they are excruciatingly painful. They hurt because they mean I'm not pregnant.

 

[Loula]

I think it's a great idea for you to write it all down, also to be upfront and tell the doctor you find it hard to talk about stuff - they won't mind at all, they have seen it all before - the important thing for them is to find out the cause of this pain first and foremost, ignore the TTC bit, this pain is ruling your life and it needs sorting.

I was in daily pain for almost ten yrs with undiagnosed gallstones and while it wasn't always a 10 - it would rumble along at a 5 constantly and then rev up each night to the ten. It's no life hon - I know you are dreading it, but be brave, you deserve a life free of pain, and they WILL find out what they can do to help you, but you have to be open with them, embarrassing yes, but oh so worth it.

Let us know how you go, we'll all be willing you on x

 

[CurlySue]

At the minute, I am free of pain. This will last until around ovulation. Then I am buggered until a few days into my period. I suppose I would say that out of a 40 day cycle of a month there is pain for around at least half of it (starts at a 5, like yours and rumbles for a couple of days. Then it moves up to about a 7 during ovulation then comes in waves, like period pain does, every day. On, off, on, off. It becomes 8 or 9 about 5 days before period. The day before and the day of period I would say its a 12 at least. A bloody twelve!!!!)

The doctor was going to refer me not for infertility but for pelvic pain. Unfortunately, since I was going for a scan in a women's hospital there was no department for pelvic pain, only for infertility gynaecology.

I seriously think that whatever is causing the pain is stopping me from conceiving and my thinking is, fix that, I get a baby.

I only hope its that simple...

Thanks for listening. Glad you got your stones sorted, eventually.

 

[Loula]

I have a friend with severe endo and sounds like that's what you have - which CAN be sorted out - not always fully but even partially I am thinking would be of huge benefit to you.

She took almost 5 yrs to concieve after her first pregnancy ( id twins) and then had a mmc, and is now pg again, with another set of id twins

Fingers crossed for you that your appt goes well x

 

[Beckic]

Thinking of you CS - please let us know how the appt goes.

I know its so hard getting over the talking about sex thing - but I promise it will be worth it in the end. The first doctor I went to see about my TTC problems was a really young guy who blushed and whispered the word 'sex' in an embarressed way every time he said it - so what hope do we have!!



Bx x x

 

[akcher]

You mentioned that you don't like the HSG dye test. I am having a Hysterosonogram test where they use saline and an ultrasound. This is to see the shape of my uterus and too see if I have polyps or fibroids. I too have painful periods mostly around the region in my back. I am usually lying down on the couch with a heating pad. I hope that they will help you find out why you are in so much pain.

 

[CurlySue]

I don't like the HSG test because I suffer from recurring UTI (I only so much as have to get shower gel 'down there' and I get an infection) and the last time I had a dye test I had an allergic reaction.

I just don't know what to say really. Apparently the scan was "fine"...