Scan tomorrow, but...

[kiraelliott]

...assuming everything is fine, we're hoping to let family know.. However it's only been two weeks since my sister had an mmc at her scan then had a d&c 2 day before christmas!

I'm a little concerned/nervous about telling her, because there's every chance this baby will be a constant reminder of the one she lost and that makes me sad :/ we're not very close and she's been putting on a front as it is since her op. Seems what should be a happy occassion suddenly feels like a guilty one before i've even had the scan! People on forums have suggested telling my sister first but for some reason i'm not comfortable with that. I've literally no idea how to tell her without it potentially hurting her. Any ideas? It's a tough one!

Xxx

 

[leahtaba]

I honestly believe your best bet is to tell her first. It will be uncomfortable but I think goven the circumstances its the right thing to do. I would say you wanted her to know first given the circumstances and if theres anything she ever needs to talk about you are there to listen. I know you say you arent close so you might feel awkward but the end of the day shes still ypur sister and im sure shed appreciate the gesture. I hope whatever you decide it works out well and good luck with your scan.

 

[Tess.ie]

I think that whenever you tell her just try to be as sensitive to her feelings as you can be. Chances are that whether she's first or last to know she will feel really hurt and sad, but it's not so much about you as it is her still feeling raw. I had a MMC at about the same time 3 people I worked with announced pregnancies. Those first few weeks were soul destroying, and I felt all kinds of angry and sad and jealous but as time went on that faded. Slightly different since most at work didn't know about my MMC, but it was tough keeping a cheerful front.
I guess I'm just saying be really sensitive, and while it's a really wonderful time for you she will find it hard and might want some distance for a while till she comes to terms with her feelings. Take her lead, and do what feels right x

 

[Laura2806]

I'd def tell her first, maybe even before the scan, and as p&p said, follow her lead!

Good luck with both xx

 

[squirrel.]

What a tough situation, your poor sister and also poor you for having such a sad event tarnish your joy at telling people about your new baby.

I agree with everyone else and it might be best to tell her seperately. If she's keeping it all bottled up, it might be a nice chance for her to let some of that grief to the surface, which will help her heal (though will be tough for you sadly). If it were me, I would want to be told on my own (maybe not first, but definitely on my own and tactfully).

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

x

 

[Julia35]

It will hurt her, there is no way around it. Mmc's are incredibly heartbreaking. After I had mine, my SIL became pregnant and constantly said how "incredibly blessed" she was. That was so hard for me to see/hear. I felt incredibly unblessed at that time. Just be careful on your choice of words. Be grateful, and so excited within your own home, but be gentle with your sister. I can guarantee you she is still crying her eyes out. Hugs!

 

[bther]

Although not the same, my sister has had two miscarriages in the past 2 years, the most recent one was in August 2013. They were both pretty traumatic and I was there to support her through them - even thinking about it now makes me cry.

Anyway, when I found out I was pregnant I was so scared to tell her. I know she wants another baby so badly. I decided to tell her with my mum there soon after I found out. I'm very close to my family so I told them right away. Anyway, my sister was okay about it. I think if built it up in my head more than what it actually was. She doesn't really talk about it now if she sees me but did phone me yesterday to say that she was keeping some of her daughters old clothes just in case I have a girl.

Just thought that maybe what happened in my situation would help you decide what to do. Maybe tell her and her OH together so if she does get upset, she has someone else there to support her.

 

[Baby Me]

This is so sad, as you've been waiting weeks to tell everyone, must be so excited and happy and desperate to celebrate. You can still do that but be selective who you tell first and make sure they keep quiet about it so you have the chance to tell your sister before she hears it elsewhere. Tell her when it's just the two of you so if she gets upset it will be easier for her. And just keep things low key when you are around her. You may be surprised by her reaction, she may be so happy after all you are carrying her niece or nephew. Congrats and hope your scan goes well.

 

[kiraelliott]

Thanks for all your kind replies ladies.

I had my scan and all is fine, it was lovely and despite thinking to myself i could probably keep it a secret a little longer as it turns out i couldnt wait to tell everyone! I did slightly dread talking to my sister about it so i told my mum first and asked for her advice. She told me to phone her and just tell her, so i did... And she was happy for me! She had her suspicions anyway aparently (lol she says this about most things!) but yeah, she was good about it. I told her how i felt about telling her, and she told me thay was ridiculous. I still think behind closed doors she may be a tiny bit gutted but she spoke positively of trying again some day so all is not lost, she just wants her body to heal first.

So thank you again everyone, i'm relieved and happy!

 

[Laura2806]

So pleased the scan went well and so did announcing your sister will be hurting but not to show you that, as the others have said before, try not to talk about it too much around her but then don't not talk about it or stop if she walks in the room. She may need to feel more involved in your pregnancy than if she hadn't lost her baby. Wishing you all the best xx

 

[leahtaba]

Glad everything went well