Scared of going back to work tomorrow.

[NikiJJones]

I'm going back to work tomorrow after my MC end of May. I'm a primary school teacher and head of dept, so my doctor very kindly signed me off for 3 full weeks, but I am now getting in a real state about going back. I'm only doing 2.5 days this coming week, which should help, but I'm dreading tomorrow. I just can't face all the kids and their questions, all the pregnant Mums in the playground and all my workmates (4 are pregnant, 3 just returned from maternity: the entire staffroom conversation is about babies and childbirth). I just know I'm going to keep crying. Just don't know how I'm supposed to cope. I feel like such a failure that I couldn't keep my baby healthy. All I want is to be a Mummy, and being surrounded by Mummys and little children all day used to be heartbreaking enough for me when I was TTC, but now I just don't think I can bare it.
xxxx

 

[Rumpskin]

Oh sweety. I am so very sorry.

I m/c at 9 weeks in January and took a week off work. No one, apart from my boss, knew I was pregnant but I emailed the girls that I work with and told them what had happened as I was unsure how I would be.

I was actually surprisingly okay and everyone was very symphathetic (got lots of cuddles). I managed to hold back the tears and it was good to think about something other than my m/c.

I would have been due on 8 August and I know this is going to be very difficult for me.

Good luck xxx

 

[shmoo75]

Hun I really do feel for you. The only problem is if you don't go back tomorrow when will you go back? Also by not going back tomorrow it will make it even harder than it is now when you do. This is so not going to be easy as, you are surronded by young children, pregnant mums and work mates. I would bite the bullet and go back to work tomorrow and get that 1st day over and done with as, it will get easier after that. I'm not saying you will start to really look forward to being there by the end of the wk just, that you wont dread it as much as you are now. You might even find your pregnant collegues are feeling guilty that they are and your not. My thoughts are with you for tomorrow and, I will be back on Tuesday morning to see how your 1st day went. Sending

 

[todteach]

Hey Hun
Big for you. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm due to go back to work tomorrow too. I've been on and off work for a month.

It will be hard, and remember, you are allowed to cry, you've been through a lot.

I'm sure you'll be surprised at how supportive everyone can and will be. It's amazing to find out how many people have been through the same thing. It's like they start coming out of the woodwork, people that you've known for years. A girl at my work that I've known for 7 years, had two miscarriages (one before each of her children). She's been a great leaning post. Not everyone will understand, but hopefully they will be supportive. If you need to talk tomorrow night, let me know.


Sending you huge
Take care

 

[superp123]

Oh babe, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Just remeber that if they loved you before they're still going to love you now. Hopefully, you'll find that they'll be very understanding and supportive and that all this worry is for not. I know what you mean about how hard it is to face people with this especially when you're having trouble facing yourself somedays. This is not at all a failure for you and there really is nothing that you could have done. All you can do is take a deep breathe and make the next step. It'll all fall into place, you'll see.
Keeping you in my prayers, and I'll be checking on you tomorrow.
Hugs
P

 

[trish4]

Hey hope yo finaly managed to go to work today, when i m/c last year at 22weeks i found it just as hard it took me 3 months to go back as there were a few other colleague like in your situation who were expecting babies round about the same time i was suppossed to be ,it was difficult as people never realy know what to say but a lot of hugs did it for me .And also for me the continuous delay was i had to wait for a postmorterm and arrange a funeral after so i couldn`t face going back until there was some kind of closure .But all the same hope you had a better day than you expected

 

[NikiJJones]

Well it was bareable! I cried all the way there, then cried when I first got there as my classroom goldfish had died over the weekend, as the w**ker of a deputy head fed them half a pot of food Friday. Didn't have to see too much of pregnant teachers or parents as I was on a class trip to London Aquarium. Stressful as hell, but at least it kept me so busy I couldn't think. Two of the ladies who were on the trip with me were very lovely and supportive, and I talked a bit about things at lunchtime which helped. I cried on the coach home, but not infront of the kids so that was good.
Was collared on returning to school by a well-meaning do-gooder who informed me that she and "some others" had been talking and they really think I am far too skinny to carry a healthy pregnancy and I should put on some weight. This really makes me mad, as I am not too skinny. They are just jealous! My doc would have told me if I needed to put on weight for pregnancy. GRRRRR! But having said that, that was the only shitty comment I got.
Not in for a couple of days now, as just doing 2.5 days this week, so at least I get a bit of a break. The hardest part (going back) is done now.
TodTeach: how was your first day back? I was also off for a month. Hope yours was OK.
Thanks everyone for your supportive messages.
xxxx

 

[Happy]

Glad your fist day back was not too awful for you. Ignore people with their shitty comments its nothing to do with them, as you said if there was any problem your doctor would have said something.

It will get easier from now on, now you have done your first day. Enjoy your few days off. xx

 

[shmoo75]

I'm glad it was bearable for you hun. As for that so good know it all I would of told her my weight was fine as my GP and the EPU didn't have a problem with it. I had some know it all tell me I had my m/c because I had been on the pill for 18yrs!!!!! Stupid bloomin' c**'s!!! At least your nxt day in wont be so bad. Send

 

[NikiJJones]

I had some know it all tell me I had my m/c because I had been on the pill for 18yrs!!!!! Stupid bloomin' c**'s!!! At least your nxt day in wont be so bad. Send

A friend told me last week that I might have MCed as I was on the pill for 12 years. So much crap! And I stopped pill whole 12 months before I was PG anyway. Some people seem to think that they are helping by finding reasons for the MC. They don't seem to realise that that is the Doc's job if anyone's.
Hope you are OK?
xxxx

 

[dizzy65]

aww i am sorry to hear that

 

[superp123]

People are stupid sometimes I agree.
Glad to hear that the first day wasn't too terrible. Hope the next one is even easier.
P

 

[trickysgurl]

OMG.. What a situation to have to deal with! I have had 4 mcs but never had to go back to a place like that.. Although one time i worked at Old Navy clothing store and even though my male manager knew what had jus happened he put me in the infant and kids department!!! My female over all store manager came in later that day and lost her mind on him and moved me to mens after letting me have a 2hr paid break in which i jus cried my eyes out the whole time. I also understand that feeling of failure.. I mean i kno i shouldnt feel that way but i cant help it! The hardest part of my mc was when they start sending u all kinds of free samples of baby related stuff in the mail right around ur would have been due date.. I hated checkin the mail! I would say i hope things get better 4 u cuz i do but i kno its gonna b a long road. If u need to talk.. Im here.

 

[Omi]

Im glad it wasnt too bad, hun. I too found it difficult to go back to work, but as it has been mentioned, it helps keeping your mind working and getting to grips with life post mc.... and people DO really come out of the woodwork..

As far as stupid people and their stupid comments..good grief, whats wrong with some people? hey, you're slim..lucky you! One day (very soon i hope) you'll be a yummy mummy, the kind we all envy!

Hope you'll feel more like your old self soon, in every way!

, Omi xxx

 

[todteach]

Hey Hun

Glad your first day back was okay. Wish we could have all been there to support you through day. Especially when little miss know it all had her rude comment. I think we've all been faced with people like that. It makes you wonder if they think before they speak. Certainly doesn't seem that way.

As time goes on, I hope you feel a little bit more like your old self. I know that's what I want for me. Just to be able to laugh and joke around like I used to. It will come for all of us. This is such a huge mourning that we are all going through. We have to give ourselves time to heal.

I've been busy at work for the last two days. My group of children keep me on my toes. I bet your class is keeping you busy too. My coworkers that understand are very supportive to me. The ones that don't.....think that I should be back to my old self.... 'If she's here, she must be all better' right?... WRONG. I'm still quite sensitive, look at me sideways and I'm crying. It's hard to explain to people who haven't miscarried the mourning and grieving process that we're going through. Hey, some of these women didn't know that I was pregnant until two weeks before I miscarried. Since I didn't give birth and have a baby, where's the attachment? I hope that these women never know first hand what it feels like to miscarry, I just wish that they understood what I'm going through. I'm sure that a lot of us feel this way. Sorry about the babbling......

Big to everyone
Take care.

 

[NikiJJones]

Hi TodTeach, Glad you are keeping busy, but I know what you mean about being so tearful and sensitive. Some of the other teachers at my work seem to think because I'm back I must be all better too: especially the men. And with all the pregnant and child-blessed ones they don't seem to understand the pain of a MC either. They just seem to think it must have been a bit like getting AF a few weeks late. One woman I work with did have 3 MCs and she understands, but having said that, the then had her son, so she is very philosphical, and just believes that "everything happens for a reason" and I will "get there in the end". I don't want to get there "in the end" I want my baby to be born next January as he should have been. I'm not very good at being patient!!!

So glad I have all the ladies on here who do understand!!!!

Thanks everyone for your support.
Niki xxxx

 

[bonfloss]

Hi Niki

Just read your thread, really sorry to hear about your m/c. As I said in other post, last month I had a 'chemical pregnancy'. Had tested week leading up to AF and got positives and had pregnancy symptoms all week but arrived in style late one night. Its bloody awful isn't it? I was trying hard not to get excited but deep down I kept thinking this is it and OH was also very disappointed. We are now on cycle #11 and I was on pill for around 13 years. I am also not the most patient.

Keep smiling.
Lorr
xxxxxx

 

[NikiJJones]

Thanks for your message Bonfloss. Losses, however early, are so awful, especially when you've been trying for so long as we both have. I'm sending you lots of hugs and am here if you need to chat.
I just noticed that in your other post, you are wishing you hadn't tested. I had what I now strongly suspect may have been another very early MC or Chem Preg. earlier this year. I didn't test as was waiting till more overdue. But now I wish I had done, as I'd rather know if it was a PG. This has been really playing on my mind last few days and funnily enough I'd decided to post about it this morning. This will sound awful, but the fact you do know about your loss, however awful it may feel, at least reassures you that you can get pregnant.
I was on pill for almost 13 years too, but once we started TTC, patience has gone OUT THE WINDOW for me.
Anyway: good luck TTC again. I've been told we are very fertile just after a loss, so fingers crossed for you.
Niki xxxx

 

[bonfloss]

Thanks Niki and I do know what you mean about at least we know we can get pregnant. That is exactly what my OH said and I know that he is right but as you know it is still very raw. Nice to have someone who understands. The board is fantastic.
xxxx

 

[NikiJJones]

Thanks Niki and I do know what you mean about at least we know we can get pregnant. That is exactly what my OH said and I know that he is right but as you know it is still very raw. Nice to have someone who understands. The board is fantastic.
xxxx

I just don't know where I'd be without all the support I've received on here. I used to laugh at people who spent hours on internet forums, but this one is great. I just wish I'd been here for all the time TTC prior to my pregnancy!
Let's hope we both get super-sticky beans very, very soon!
xxxx