Scared of living alone with LO -any advice?

[daneuse27]

Right now, LO is only 3.5 months old and I'm absolutely loving mommyhood. Her Dad is involved, but he lives in a different country so she will only see him through visits when we can arrange/afford them, and internet/phone contact. So most of the time, I'm on my own as a parent.

Right now, I live with my mom in a small town but eventually (once I can get a job and become more financially stable) I will move out with LO probably to a more urban area. It'll probably be after her 1st birthday. The thing is, I'm petrified of it. I lived independently for 7 years, and 2 of those were spent living in different countries where I had no support from mom at all. However, now with LO the idea of living by myself with her scares the shit out of me.

I've always been easily creeped out and can scare easy, so I'd need a good alarm system and possibly a big dog. But I also worry about the stress level - will I 'need a break' sometimes? Is it hard to work all day and then come home to a toddler by yourself? Will she be lonely with only me? Bored? I want her to be happy. I really want to move out to be independent, but ultimately I want whats best for her and I too.

Any thoughts, advice and accounts of personal experience are highly appreciated.

 

[Jennifurball]

I feel the same as you, I live with parents and would love my own place, I have lived alone before, but now I have a baby, I do worry for our safety and security. I guess it is natural. As for things getting too much, you could always have friends round, or ask your family to watch LO whilst you go out and unwind. It is doable, we both just need the confidence to do it.

 

[omfgski]

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[Dezireey]

As above, make sure there is someone who knows that if you dont contact them they must check on you in some way. I think you will need a break from time to time, so see if you can get someone to help out? If you have no-one, a good idea is to start making new mummy friends. There will be women who even though they have partners, will be home alone in the day so can understand how you feel to an extent and if you make really good friends with someone , im sure they would help out from time to time. Being alone with LO for me is only scary if i get sick, that freaks me out. What if i get so ill I cant even get out of bed type sick. Im not scared at night as I am used to it now but I live in the middle of nowhere and its pretty safe. Maybe if you live in the city or somewhere you dont feel safe, get a dog? or a good alarm system. Its not as hard as I thought it would be, so dont worry. Just have people you can contact in an emergency, thats the best of the advice i can give.

 

[TTC36]

Hi Daneuse,
I remember that when I brought Noah home, I was absolutely terrified of being alone with him. Luckily, at the time I had a lot of friends, and some family support and I was not left alone with him for weeks (I literally wept at the thought of being here alone in the dark with him, I was so worried about my ability to keep him safe/alive). The terror and anxiety eased off though, and I gained confidence, and now we are alone most of the time (and without the kind of safety system in place that omfgski mentioned, which is something to think about...).

We live in an apartment in a large city, and I do have contact with friends here every week. I also sort of build reasons to leave the house into most days, so that we are getting out surrounded by people (Noah is a social creature too, and I think he gets bored on the days we stay home). There are mommy groups (I haven't explored but mean to), including some for single mothers, which could be a great place to meet people who could support you. I also visit the library with him for a baby reading group, and there are tonnes of women there, all very friendly.

I worry too about the impact of leaving him while working (well, ever!), but I do realize that building up a support network and a social life for him (as weird as that may sound) will help immensely. It isn't always easy though, to be sure.

 

[moomin_troll]

I've always lived alone with my 2 boys and that's the way I like it! It's our house, they can't make a total mess with their toys and come bedtimei can sit in my own house and its silence lol
Personally I'd hate to live with my mum and my baby, I had to do it for afew weeks before baby 2 was born and I couldn't wait to escape.
It might be weird to begin with but ule be fine. Living with a child is the easy part.
Ofcourse ule need a break, we all do. I've got an alarm system but I don't really get scared. Get a baseball bat and sleep with that under ur pillows haha

 

[daneuse27]

I've always lived alone with my 2 boys and that's the way I like it! It's our house, they can't make a total mess with their toys and come bedtimei can sit in my own house and its silence lol
Personally I'd hate to live with my mum and my baby, I had to do it for afew weeks before baby 2 was born and I couldn't wait to escape.
It might be weird to begin with but ule be fine. Living with a child is the easy part.
Ofcourse ule need a break, we all do. I've got an alarm system but I don't really get scared. Get a baseball bat and sleep with that under ur pillows haha

Let me know if im overstepping, but Im just wondering how you do things financially? The main reason im living with my mom now is finances. I look after my daughter full time so I cant work, and if i did work, id have to pay rent and childcare which as a single mom would be very hard. how do you do it?

 

[moomin_troll]

I no plenty of other mums who support their homes while working (u can get help with childcare costs) or on benefits.
I'm "lucky" in the fact I actually get a pension due to my husband dying. But I grew up with a single mum and my dad paid nothing for us. She was 25 with 3 children and she kept our home by being a private cleaner