Scared that was my only chance... :( UPDATED PAGE 5 (27 Oct)

[kit_cat]

Hello Ladies,

I'd like to join you here if you don't mind. I'm 35, 36 next month and have just experienced my first pregnancy and on Monday/Tuesday this week, my first miscarriage. I and OH are gutted but coping with the loss. My biggest fear is that due to my age, if I ever get PG again, it will end the same way. It's weird, but until this happened, my body clock was not ticking anywhere near as loudly as it is now. I'm so worried that I will continue to fail due to being selfish and leaving it until now.
Does anyone else feel the same or am I bonkers?
Best of luck to everyone

 

[sukisam]

I'm so sorry for your loss
Loosing a baby is horrid and it's v v early days for you, I'm glad you + hubby are supporting each other.
You are not selfish at all trying for your first baby at 35 (almost 36!) is completely normal. You body has got pregnant so it can do the same again. Sadly some pregnancies end in a loss. My first baby was stillborn at 24 weeks and I now have a gorgeous 7 + 10 year old (ttc no 4 but that's another story!!)
Your time will come sweetie I'm sure and I completely understand how loosing a baby intensifies the need for a baby. You are fertile after a loss hun and there are lots of ladies on the great site who have got pregnant straight after a loss.
Look after yourself while you grieve + take care

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mogsanddogs]

i dont think you are selfish at all,many women leave getting pregnant until they feel they are ready and settled in a good relationship with a good steady life myself included .i had my first at 35 and have been trying for a second ever since and am now 44 and like yourself had a mc.

please dont give up hope as at 36 you are of a slightly increased chance of mc but only slightly yout risk dosent really jump until your over 40 so youve many good years to go .lots of baby dust to you and sorry for your loss many women on here have experianced the same thing and know how you feel and im sure will offer you lots of support

 

[kit_cat]

Thank you sukisam and mogsandogs for your lovely replies It sounds like a cliche but it really does help to know you're not alone in your situation. I am normally a really positive person but am struggling with this. (Not the most patient either ) I am looking forward to my body returning to some sort of normal and getting back to looking forward to being a mum sometime in the not too distant future I hope
Good luck and love to all x

 

[truly_blessed]

so sorry hun. I'm the same only I was 39 almost 40 when I got my first positive test (12 months ago today!) but it only lasted about 8 weeks and missed miscarriage was diagnosed at the 12 week scan (2 weeks before my 40th). I too am so scared I've left it too late and you've got a good 4 years on me. You still have plenty of time, might just take a bit longer and be a bit more frustrating. I'm 3 days off testing for this cycle and so hoping we get a positive but had a negative yesterday. x

 

[kit_cat]

Thank you truly blessed for your reassuring words.
The best of luck for later in the week, I so hope you get a BFP! x

 

[loopylollipop]

Oh Kitcat I know exactly what you are going through..

I had a mmc at 10 weeks back in April. Was absolutely devasted, but the thing I couldnt get over was that it might have been my last chance. It hit me really hard, I not only grieved for the little one I lost, but also for my future chances that had been taken away (or so I thought).

Am now pregnant again, 4 cycles after mc. Not been easy, have barely any symptoms and already been in hospital with a some pain and light bleeding. Both times have bled after so we are going to knock that on the head completely now. Had a scan which was ok for dates, am waiting for next one in 2 weeks. Am petrified but at least my body has allowed me another chance.

Btw, am 41

dont give up hope sweetheart it will happen for you again. The way I looked at it was that at least I could conceive, which is getting over a major hurdle. You will see on these forums that this happens to women of ALL ages, not just us over 35s. Take heart and look after yourself

 

[one4 me2]

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. I am 38 years old, and except for 1 chemical in 2008, I haven't been able to get prego yet. My heart broke when AF showed up, and I thought the same thing as you...will it ever happen again? I don't know if it will or not, but I will keep trying. There are plenty of older women on this forum who have lost 1 or even more, and have gone on to successfully conceive . The only think we can do is keep our chins up and think positive. We are older, so maybe it's going to take longer for us, as difficult as it is to keep trying.

 

[kit_cat]

Thanks so much loopy and one4 me2. Loopy, you really do give me hope and one4 me2, you are so right, there are many ladies on here that have been through so much more than I have and have still gone on to have healthy happy bundles. I'm in for the long haul like you and probably, although not by choice, a bit more wordly wise after my mc.
Thanks again lovely ladies and good luck

 

[sunbeam]

god no ur not selfish in the slightest hun... i had my 8th at 4o and my 9th at 43 so theres plenty of time for u yet

 

[Leeze]

hi ladies

I can relate to this too. I'm 38 and although it's only our 9 month of TTC I keep worrying it won't happen (every time the witch comes and like today when I got my 3rd BFN this cycle so far!). I got pregnant in June only to miscarry at 5.5 weeks which was really emotional - I keep thinking still "what if..." and "if only"

I wanted to share a story about a good friend of mine who had her first baby aged 40 and is now pregnant aged 42 with number 2 - at about 18 weeks. She has sadly had 4 miscarriages along the way - all around 6-7 weeks - but she managed to keep going and look how it's all worked out for her.

We can do it! Our time will come xx

 

[kit_cat]

Thank you so much for this tale of hope - I really need to hear this right now. Our time WILL come!!

 

[loopylollipop]

god no ur not selfish in the slightest hun... i had my 8th at 4o and my 9th at 43 so theres plenty of time for u yet

sorry to crash but just had to say what a beautiful family! Love the picture

wish i had time to fit in another seven

 

[loopylollipop]

Kitcat

sending you lots of sticky for when you are ready to try again

 

[FutureMommie]

You are not selfish at all, I totally understand how you feel, I'm 37 and dh is 48 and we are ttc'ing our first. It just ended up that when we felt like we were ready that we are much older now. It will happen for you, I'm so sorry that you had a mc but don't become discouraged!

 

[one4 me2]

You are not selfish at all, I totally understand how you feel, I'm 37 and dh is 48 and we are ttc'ing our first. It just ended up that when we felt like we were ready that we are much older now. It will happen for you, I'm so sorry that you had a mc but don't become discouraged!

Our situations are really similar...I am 38 and my hubby is going to be 46 this year. We've been together a really long time, but we weren't ready to have any children until now (when it seems like we can't).

 

[sunbeam]

god no ur not selfish in the slightest hun... i had my 8th at 4o and my 9th at 43 so theres plenty of time for u yet

sorry to crash but just had to say what a beautiful family! Love the picture

wish i had time to fit in another seven

thank you so much xxx

 

[mrsdh]

Hi im a newcomer here and saw your post and just wanted to try and reasure you that although your heart has been broken, im pretty certain you get pregnant again . I was 37 when i had my 1st miscarriage and went on to have my little angel at 38. I thought that was my only chance at that age. We are currently trying again and had a chemical in June of this year. I so get what you are feeling but in this day and age many 1st time mums are around your age. My doctor told me the majority of his pregnant mums are now 35 and over. I wish you the best of luck and hope you dont have to wait too long for your bfp.

 

[Poppy18]

HI
I've been reading your posts & also wanted to say please don't feel lke it wont happen I've been in a similar situation. We tried for a year to get pregnant ( I was 34 ) only to MC at about 7 weeks but 6 weeks later I fell pg again & we have a DD whos nearly 2 my DS is 14 weeks after trying for 2 months ! i'm going to be 38 in dec so please believe in your dreams because they will come true

xxx

 

[kit_cat]

Thank you so much Mrsdh and Poppy18. Your kind and hope filled words really are helping me. I feel I am coming to terms with the loss but it's hard not to feel that either no more chances will come my way or if they do, it will end so sadly again. I keep reading your posts and all the success stories of those who have been through similar and often worse ups and downs than me and that makes me feel much more positive.
Thanks again for being here - it's very much appreciated.
& to you x