Scared to tell 7 year old...

[nekomiss]

Hello! Quick question for moms out there with a daughter around 7 years old and expecting. We have a 7 year old that has said she does not want a sibling and we are planning to tell her in the next few days that she is going to be a big sister. We have asked questions about what she thinks if she were a big sister and there is some excitement, but it always ends with I don't want a sister.

Anyone else experience this and when you did tell your child - what was their reaction? Did you tell them in a creative way?

Would love any advice. I know she'll be an amazing big sister, but want to be able to tell her in the best way possible.

p.s. the urgency to tell her in the next few days is because my mother-in-law is going to visit on Saturday and I don't want her to spill the beans - I want it to be me and my husband.

Thanks!!

 

[xprincessx]

I would buy her a big sister gift so she feels involved with the baby and it is directly her iykwim, so she is "big sister" rather than her just having a brother or sister if that makes sense. Maybe a nice t-shirt with it on or a necklace.

 

[nekomiss]

Love the necklace idea! Thanks!

 

[LadyHutch]

Why are you afraid of a 7 year old? Change, not getting what we want, disappointment and being adaptable are all part of life...important parts of life that should be learned at that age. My SD was pissed when I got pregnant with DS. I shrugged it off. She would have to grow up and learn to love him, like it or not. At the time she was 12-13 years old. She doesn't/didn't have the authority to decide if/when DH and I would procreate, because she is a child, and NOT part of our marriage or decision to parent.

Fortunately, she came around by the time he was born. Had she not, I'd have forced her to...because we are the parents.

We spend too much time and energy these days in trying to protect our children from every negative emotion or hurt. As a result, they are learning to be entitled and privileged, spoiled and lazy, depressed and negative.

Tell her in an excited way that she is going to be a big sister, and you love her and this is a great thing. If she pouts or throws a fit, ignore it, and keep being happy. She will come around. But don't shield her from reality, and don't cater to misbehavior...and seriously, throwing a fit would be misbehavior. Ignore a negative response, praise a positive one. If the fit lasts more than a day, sit down and tell her you understand how she feels, but her feelings on the matter are not going to change anything...the baby is coming, and she can either accept that and join in on the fun, or be miserable all by herself.

If this comes off harsh, I apologize. I've been down this road, and have very strong beliefs about over-sensitizing our kids.

I hope it helps though. Remember, you are the parent, you run the show...not your 7 year old. I'm not saying disregard her feelings or that she isn't important, just that we cannot allow the rapidly changing opinions of children rule our homes...


EDIT: FWIW, my 3 year old is not thrilled to be becoming a big brother. I am doing the same with him...introducing the idea, waiting for his reaction, empathizing, but not wavering on my stance. He has gone from fit throwing to kissing my belly.

 

[nekomiss]

@LadyHutch - Thank you for your response. Definitely agree that she does not rule the roost and that she will just have to "deal with it". It's just the anxiety that is within me and it is a change for everyone, not just her. I know that in the end, she will be happy and the most helpful little one that there could be. It is a big change, 7 years of you are the only one can be tough and I know we'll all get through it.

Just wanted to see what others have done that was creative and exciting when breaking the big news.

Of course life isn't fair; however, it's not about shielding her, it's more about how can I make this exciting and fun for a big new adventure that will change a lot about how our lives have been.

Thanks again!

 

[LadyHutch]

Thank you for not taking my response wrong. I've been there...hell, Im there now with my toddler.

I just make it exciting. I show only joyous emotion with the kids, and talk about exciting things. I try to involve them in the process as much as possible.

Again, I praise positive reactions and ignore negative ones...unless the negative reaction is out of control, then I handle it like a tantrum. If the negative goes on too long, I have a gentle talk with them, emphasize, but do not waver on my excitement.

I do think getting a necklace or shirt is a good idea.

 

[nekomiss]

@ladyhutch - i do appreciate your information/advice. It does help me with a bit of the worry about the reaction. She's pretty adaptable and as time goes on we'll involve her in many aspects of welcoming the new one...more fun to come!

I did find a really cute tank top that says "big sisters rule"...cute and sassy.

Thanks again!

 

[Catmat]

I just wanted to post what one of my friends has gone through recently. She has a 7 year old son who was an only child until 2 months ago. I don't know how she told him but he did not want a sibling. He was very much against it until his sister was born. Now he is the proudest, most kind big brother. He helps out his mom a lot. I myself have a 7 year old and 5 year old sons. My oldest kept asking questions as to why I was looking at baby stuff and figured out we were going to have another baby. So now I am teaching my kids about how big the baby is currently and what is growing. I have an ultrasound Friday that my youngest is coming to, and my oldest is upset that he can't come (school). I have already promised he can come to the next one. Maybe you can involve your daughter with your appointments too? I am positive your daughter will be thrilled (if not at first, when the baby comes) and will be very helpful and proud Good luck!

 

[nekomiss]

@catmat - thank you for the helpful advice! Definitely will include in the appts! I have one this Friday, but unfortunately she has a field trip and won't make it...but the next one - for sure! The next one will be to find out the sex of the baby and I think that one will be really fun for her, too!

Thanks again!!!:wave:

 

[dairymomma]

I didn't have to deal with the "I don't want a brother/sister" part but I did alot of stuff to keep my other kids involved with this pregnancy because it'll be a change for them. DS was only 20 months when DD was born so it wasn't a huge shock for him to have a new baby in the house since he was still pretty much a baby himself. This time, DS is 4.5 and DD is almost 3 so they def will notice the newborn. I've been preparing them mostly by talking about the baby and including them in some decisions-like where to put the baby's crib and what color sheets to get. Simple things. I've also given them the ultrasound pictures from my first scans and they came with me to a few appts where the dr has picked up the hb with a doppler or done a quick scan. Now they regularly feel my belly when the baby kicks and are always asking where it is, what it's doing right now. I've also told them they'll have to help Mommy once the baby comes by getting me diapers or burp rags when I ask. I think the responsibility will help even if it's just for something simple.