Scary decision

[rainbud]

Hello everyone!

I am New to the Form. My situation so far... So my Hubby and I are High school Sweet hearts. We have been together 7 years, married almost 2. We love each other very much. We just started discussing having a baby about a month ago. Its defiantly a little scary. We are still young and I know that there are a lot of pros and cons to deciding to add to our family. For the longest time my Husband has been really afraid of having kids. He's great with them but his parents went through a tough divorce when we met and I feel like hes afraid of being a failure as a dad. Just recently he has been coming around and feeling better about having kids. I thought he was kidding at first because he has been so up and down about it for so long. But he does seem to be ready now, although I am wondering how much influence the rest of our friends are having due to most of them having children already or soon. I have started preparing for conception, stopped the pill, started vitamins, talked to the doctor, reading up talking to friends. I am excited about it because I feel that I am ready. I just have one worry, that is I am worried because we are young that if we go ahead and start trying and get pregnant, that my husband might resent me or the baby because of the things he might have to give up or sacrifice(video games, nights out, ect...). He says he's ok with everything, but its just a nagging worry in the back of my mind. We always worry about finances and things like that.
I do feel on the other hand that maybe I am being overly paranoid and nervous, about my hubby and about being prepared for a baby. I guess I am just hoping for the best for my family.
We have talked about trying in August/September. I don't want to talk my self out of it I just want to make sure we are doing the right thing right now.

I have been going back and forth lately though. Sometimes my hubby will do or say something and i think "you are totally not ready for this" but then i see him with an other child or hes being sweet and talking about it and then I think maybe he is. I just don't know how to get rid of the doubts because that is all that is stopping me right now. I guess doubts come with everything though. Gosh I remember right before we got married I was like should we be doing this? even though we were together for 5 years. We were young, his family wasn't completely on bored and we were high school sweeties (statistically did not give us a great chance). I think I just worry to much about the future. I don't want to be a crazy parent I wish there was something to calm my fears lol. And I feel like i want to know as much about it before we make a final decision. It is so weird though because I work with kids and I have for a while. But when It comes to my own I feel like we can not handle it, or that it would make everything so different It might hurt our relationship. I'm sure we would get through it, everyone does. I'm just scared.
So much can not be planned or expected with children, But they do bring so much joy, I just wonder because I am not a mom yet what is the cost, am i ready, is my hubby ready and will the good always out way the bad.

LOL sorry for listening to me rant. I think I am digging way to much into this.

 

[Deeper Blue]

It seems to me that if you are having this many doubts and worries about having a baby then maybe give it another 6 months and think about it again? You say your quite young so there isn't any rush yet and waiting another few months or even years will make you feel -much- happier and more contented that having a baby is the right decision. Just because a lot of your friends are having children don't feel pressured into thinking its the right thing for you at the moment, just enjoy each other, get yourselves settled and have a few more nights out

X

 

[rainbud]

Its kinda funny though because, I have been ready for awhile. I was quite surprised how ready i was after we were married. I'm more worried about my hubby. I don't want him to agree just because its what i want if you know what I mean. I try to sit down and talk to him about it and he's just like yes i do. My biggest fears are all about him and how hes really feeling or how he will react later. Like I said I might be digging to much into it. Maybe I just need to trust what he says. I just don't want it to affect us later. I don't want to bring a baby into a stressed relationship, because my hubby wasn't ready. I do want it though, and maybe that's why I'm worrying about his decision. I'm even more ready then before because he started talking and because our parents are asking and hinting. Like i said its just a little scary. But it is exciting too. It will be the 1st grandchild for both sides.
I have to say too that I am so proud to be here. I have had a lot of friend have babies unplanned(some unmarried/single). But it's so nice to be married, be able to talk about it, get info, ask questions.

I am sure we will do just fine, all of my friends manage, some better then others, but everyone makes it work. I just want to do the best we can before, during and after pregnancy for the babies sake. I feel the baby deserves it since we can plan.

Does anyone else have OH that have been up and down with the decision? How did you get over it? get them to talk?

Maybe its just all in my head. I would hope that when we are ready he will be as happy and as excited about it, as me.

 

[Sarahkka]

My husband was ready before I was, so I don't really have a lot of experience to share on this one. I think that doing what you are doing - communicating! - is the best choice on TTC.
I wanted to give you another suggestion to help you wih the financial worries part of TTC. Do you know the woman who hosts Til Debt Do Us Part? Gail Vaz-Oxlade? She has written a great book for women on personal finance called A Woman of Independent Means. Well worth checking out. I followed her advice for our mat leave year and am really happy that we did.
Here is a link to her website and to a blog entry that sort of sums up her suggestions.
Anyway, just something to check out if you feel like:
https://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/138#comments

 

[bunnyg82]

hey hun, it's such a big scary decision isn't it!!? The thing is, sometimes it's such a huge decision, you are always going to have doubts, but if you feel your relationship in itself is strong enough then that's the most important thing. Perhaps you should sit down with your hubby and have a deep and meaningful conversation letting him know all of your fears. Perhaps that will help with your doubts. x