Second baby fears

[tamina800]

I have been having thoughts lately that are scaring me, about having my second child.

I often read of women who have doubts about loving their second one as much as they love their first child. I have the reverse doubt - what if I drift away from my first born?

I am an only child & so is my husband. I grew up away from extended family and cousins. I have seen my grandmother be extremely partial to her younger daughter while treating my mom like crap. The partiality is glaring. When my mom's younger brother died, my grandmother said kids should die by birth order - so it should have been my mother instead of her bro.

I don;t know if these things have filled me with anxiety about my first born. I love my son to death. He's the center of my world. What if when my daughter's here, I start feeling differently? It already fills me with panic. I recently stumbled upon a blog by a mom who felt no love for her first born once she had her 2nd child.

I know it sounds crazy, but I'm having a lot of anxiety.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I think, as a mother, there are time when you get frustrated with one child because they're not being nice to the other child, or get irritated because one is being needy and it's taking your time from the other, but I'd say that the vast majority of mothers love all of their children, no matter how many. My mother was also mistreated by her parents in favor of her younger sister, but my mother never treated me and my brothers differently, and so far I haven't with my kids either. I think it has more to do with the issues of those particular moms, rather than a problem with having more than one kid.

 

[RcdM]

I'm having my second as well, and sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around how I will love both kids the same, and I worry that my older DD will feel neglected. But I know that's a normal fear. I think the fact that you are concerned of this is already proof that you're not going to let it happen to your family. Sometimes our parents teach us right from wrong by doing the wrong, and us realizing we don't want to be like that to our own children when we are grown.

 

[Yo_Yo]

I love both my daughters with all my heart. I am like your mother much less favoured than my younger sister and older brother throughout all my life and it hurts.
I was determined not to be like that, but as it turns out it came natural to love them the same. I'm over-conscious everything is perfectly equal as a result, so as pp said as your aware of it, I doubt it will turn out like your own mother.

Don't worry-you'll be just fine

 

[lilmonkey86]

My Grandma sounds just like yours, My mom is the oldest with 2 younger siblings and my grandma treats the youngest (my aunt) the best doing everything for her even though she is in her 40's with 3 kids of her own, and treats my uncle good but not great, and my mom gets treated like crap, she just found out in the last year that she is not even in my grandma's will (which my mom is very financially well off and doesn't need anything but its more of a principal kind of thing). My mom is very conscious of the difference between how she is treated as opposed to the other 2 and because of that my brother and I treated exactly equal all the time (so much so the DH actually points out how weird it is). I am sure because you are aware of the impact it has had on your mom that you will love both of your babies exactly the same