Second thoughts

[AC101]

I feel terrible even putting this in writing. I am 38 and pregnant with my first. I am unmarried, but have been with the father for three years with future plans. This is a planned pregnancy. He has always wanted children and I have gone back and forth. I decided now was the time, I'm not getting any younger, we are in love, and he will make a wonderful father. I am 8 weeks along, seeing the doctor for the first visit this week. I was excited at first but lately have been feeling very anxious and nervous and generally second guessing my decision. I am afraid I will be a terrible mother, won't have mothering instincts, will be selfish, and very worst case scenario will resent the child for the life changes.

 

[maryanne1987]

I think it's normal to feel like that to a degree Hun. I can't say I haven't had wobbles too. Worry about the age gap of my children (will be 9 years) I worry weather I will have to stop home schooling my son, weather my son will even take to the baby. Lots of things have been spinning round my head. But I know it's mainly hormones and just the general anxiety of being pregnant that makes those worries seem worse than they are. I had the exact same worries as you with my first, but now being a mum means everything to me, my son is my world. Trust me when you hold your little one for the first time you will wonder what you were ever worried about

 

[alibaba24]

I can pretty much gurantee every doubt you had will leave your head the second you hold your baby. doubts they are normal but they will go away . trust me

 

[Scout]

I was over 40 and single when I had my first baby, and I can't tell you how many times I stood in the shower and cried while I was pregnant. I had wanted a baby all my life, but once I got to 2nd trimester and it seemed I was actually going to carry this baby to term I got so worried and scared. About everything. I wondered what the heck I had done. I felt this way off and on up until I delivered her. BUT, it all changed, and I'm sure it will for you too. It's amazing. I'm doing it alone and I love every single minute (well, not every single minute bc its exhausting LOL, but it's worth it!) She is 20 months old now and I can't image my life any other way. Honestly, I didn't think I'd feel so over the moon in love with her all the time, but I do and it's a love like I've never experienced before. I don't think anybody has any idea what love is until you become a parent. You'll feel it too once you become a mom and that love seems to make everything else okay.

 

[cheree89]

I was over 40 and single when I had my first baby, and I can't tell you how many times I stood in the shower and cried while I was pregnant. I had wanted a baby all my life, but once I got to 2nd trimester and it seemed I was actually going to carry this baby to term I got so worried and scared. About everything. I wondered what the heck I had done. I felt this way off and on up until I delivered her. BUT, it all changed, and I'm sure it will for you too. It's amazing. I'm doing it alone and I love every single minute (well, not every single minute bc its exhausting LOL, but it's worth it!) She is 20 months old now and I can't image my life any other way. Honestly, I didn't think I'd feel so over the moon in love with her all the time, but I do and it's a love like I've never experienced before. I don't think anybody has any idea what love is until you become a parent. You'll feel it too once you become a mom and that love seems to make everything else okay.

This...exactly. The love you feel for a child is primal and unlike anything you think you know about love now. It is just awesome.

 

[hivechild]

Honestly, I love my son dearly and try to be the best mother I can be to him. I wanted to be a mum, it's what I chose, but there are still times I mourn the loss of "me" and the freedom and independence I had before I became a mother. I don't feel guilty or selfish about it either.

I've had doubts at multiple stages through pregnancy and over the years, and I know they will never really go away. They may change over time but I think it's perfectly natural to have them.

Don't beat yourself up if you give birth to your baby and sit there thinking, "Oh Lordy, wtf have I gotten myself into?", or "Wow, look at the cone head on my little alien freak baby. I wonder if that will go away..." instead of immediately gushing over how perfectly perfect they are and how you could never love anything else like this. Not to say that love isn't there, and you won't realize it, but for plenty of women, it's not an instantaneous thing the moment they give birth.

 

[MnGmakes3]

I was over 40 and single when I had my first baby, and I can't tell you how many times I stood in the shower and cried while I was pregnant. I had wanted a baby all my life, but once I got to 2nd trimester and it seemed I was actually going to carry this baby to term I got so worried and scared. About everything. I wondered what the heck I had done. I felt this way off and on up until I delivered her. BUT, it all changed, and I'm sure it will for you too. It's amazing. I'm doing it alone and I love every single minute (well, not every single minute bc its exhausting LOL, but it's worth it!) She is 20 months old now and I can't image my life any other way. Honestly, I didn't think I'd feel so over the moon in love with her all the time, but I do and it's a love like I've never experienced before. I don't think anybody has any idea what love is until you become a parent. You'll feel it too once you become a mom and that love seems to make everything else okay.

This is the most beautiful, heartwarming response I've EVER read. .. anywhere! (And not just because I'm emotional lol) I hope the OP takes your words to heart.

 

[Insomniash]

I can definitely identify. My pregnancy was planned as well, and I honestly want to be a mother, but there was a period of time early on when I was feeling completely overwhelmed by all the changes that were now a part of my reality and wondering if I had made the right decision. It is a lot to process at once, but as the pregnancy progresses you will relax into it and you will feel the joy you expected. Just give yourself processing time, and everything will be okay. I am now very excited about my baby again and looking forward to meeting him more than I have ever looked forward to something in my entire life.

 

[tulip1975]

I totally understand how you are feeling. I'm going to be a FTM at 39, and I couldn't get pregnant for 3 years. You would think that I would have been over the moon after years of infertility, but instead I was filled with regret and terror. My DH and I have been together for 15 years, and we definitely live the envied DINK lifestyle. It's difficult to give that up that kind of freedom.

I will say that at 31 weeks, this is really starting to become a reality for me - and that reality is mostly positive. I have finally caved in and bought some baby things and even relented on a baby shower that I did not want (it's in a couple of weeks).

 

[Harley Quinn]

I'm pregnant with #3 and having similar feelings. This baby was planned, but it happened sooner than we expected, so I worry about having another close age gap. Plus three kids? Just feels overwhelming.

I'm anxious and nervous too. And I haven't actually told anybody this yet, but about a month ago, I was worried that maybe something had happened to the baby because I can't feel it moving yet, and this fleeting feeling of relief. Like, oh good, now I go back to "normal" and do it in our own timing. But then, of course I immediately felt guilty for thinking that! Oi.

Anyway, I mentioned my feelings of anxiety and sadness and being overwhelmed to my doctor and she agreed I sounded mildly depressed. So I've started counselling at her suggestion and so far it's going well.

If you feel the same way (or it gets worse) after 2-3 weeks then I would definitely mention it to your doctor.

Many hugs, mama. I love all the replies so far, too.