second time round (sensitive) (long)

[highhopes19]

Wow! Im posting so many threads today apologise to everyone!

I'm so nervous of announcing this pregnancy no idea why!

Since Isabelle was about 2 quite a few people have been saying "time for another one yet" I was dead set that Isabelle was my first and last and I was 100% that Isabelle was going to be an only child... I'm worried how people will react.

I'd admit I'm not a majorly maternal person I am towards belle she's my absolute world. My mum was never very loving towards me never told me she loved me never very cuddly if that makes sense... So I've tried my upmost to be different with Isabelle... me and tom (my other half) are chalk and cheese when it comes to children.

Tom is amazing! He loves kids... He's a big kid at heart . He'll walk into a room and will go to mush over a baby, and that's what I love about him! Me on the other hand Ive never been maternal and that worries me for this baby!

Main reason. When Isabelle was born I felt completely detached and really struggled bonding with her... Resulting in me having quite severe PND, I would cry in the bath for hours, at my lowest tried jumping out the car whilst tom was driving . I sought help and they recommended perhaps going for walks with Isabelle just me and her, one time my brain was so mushed I couldnt remember where I lived I was wandering the street for hours till my dad found me in a mess. My mum dad and sister had been a pilar of support which I'm greatful for but sometimes they use it against me.

But even whilst pregnant at work I was bullied quite badly by my manager (she's now left) so bad that I had to be signed off work from 5 months with depression. I was poorly throughout my last pregnancy with PUPPS and gestational diabetes which resulted with me being induced at 37 weeks,... They refused me pain relief and I was in agony my parents came to visit when they told me to go for a walk and heard me screaming from the carp ark and I was sitting at the entrance ... Just kept saying hot baths! They left me like this for a week like this no doctor came to visit until the last day where I refused any more inductions (I was that scarred down below they thought I had had cervical surgery... And they had to give me gas and air for the doctor to examine me) I didn't know they couldn't give me more anyway. But they was gonna expect me to stay there! I was sent home left to go 2 weeks over due and I begged for a section- something I never thought I would do.

I've had counselling and have been on anti-depressants which Im now off. I have bad days but on the whole mostly fantastic days. The past 2 years since moving out from my mum and dads I've really loved being a mum and for the first time I'm enjoying Isabelle... Gosh she has her moments but on the whole she's a sweet loving little girl! I can't really remember the first year of her life so I've spent the past 2 making up for it starting from scratch bonding- playing etc

My sister has said "please don't have another baby... You'll struggle... Your the most annoying person when pregnant" . Which makes me doubt I'm doing the right thing .

Tom and me spoke last night and he said everything will be different this time were In our own home, financially were better than ever before, we'll have no outside input to answer to and were more together than ever before.

But why do I have this nagging worry and fear that everything is gonna go wrong? My family won't approve? Will I get pND like before

Will I love this little one as much as Isabelle... Is that normal to worry this aahh I have no idea

Can I insist on a section again... I can't go through another experience like before don't mean to scare any first time mums I really apoligise but I'm genuinely crapping my pants even so I'm doubting if I can do this

Any advice would be amazing Thankyou

 

[robyn1990]

Sorry to hear what you went through. I had pnd after having my daughter, tried to overdose. She's just over 2 now and I am so grateful for her, it took my so long to bond and to realise how much I actually loved her. Somedays I wonder how will I love this little girl like I love her sister but I think when she is here it will be different. I so hope I don't get pnd again, I don't know about you but I'm in the UK and they have already asked me to see a psychiatrist, more consultant appointments, more support really. Also instead of the normal 10 days of the midwife coming to the house a few times after birth it will be a month. In the UK if you have had a c section before it is completely up to you how you give birth this time. Personally I'm having another section as my daughters emergency section was traumatic.
Good luck Hun and if you are south east england than so am i! x

 

[highhopes19]

Sorry to hear what you went through. I had pnd after having my daughter, tried to overdose. She's just over 2 now and I am so grateful for her, it took my so long to bond and to realise how much I actually loved her. Somedays I wonder how will I love this little girl like I love her sister but I think when she is here it will be different. I so hope I don't get pnd again, I don't know about you but I'm in the UK and they have already asked me to see a psychiatrist, more consultant appointments, more support really. Also instead of the normal 10 days of the midwife coming to the house a few times after birth it will be a month. In the UK if you have had a c section before it is completely up to you how you give birth this time. Personally I'm having another section as my daughters emergency section was traumatic.
Good luck Hun. X

Sorry to hear you had a rubbish time also hun . Im in the uk aswell, perhaps it's something I will mention when I go to my midwife appointment, I was so worried they would judge but I'm sure they won't . Xx

 

[robyn1990]

at my booking in appointment the midwife had already looked at my medical notes and wrote down that i had depression before! although if you didnt go doctors with it then definately mention it. where in uk are you? xx

 

[highhopes19]

at my booking in appointment the midwife had already looked at my medical notes and wrote down that i had depression before! although if you didnt go doctors with it then definately mention it. where in uk are you? xx

I'm in kent I went to the doctors have to say my gp was amazing she was so supportive.

Have you been to any counselling appointments yet ?

I'm hoping I get a lovely midwife like last time, knowing my luck I'll get a dragon

Xx

 

[robyn1990]

im in luton, not far atall
thats good hopefuly your midwife will be too my midwife is supportive but the consultant not so much although she did refer me to psychiatrics it just feels like she wasnt really listening to me
nope no counselling appointments yet, will be in the post apparently, have the consultant 13th march so looking forward to what she has to say and have to say that i want a c section, i already know she will try and push me towards a natural birth but im sure of what i want now (i didnt dilate past 5cm, my daughter had the cord wrapped round her neck twice and we kept losing her heart rate as it was so low)
im hoping to go on lots of day trips as it will be summer so i dont stay in the house as much and im going to breastfeed this time, so i hope this all contributes to me not getting depressed again xxx

 

[lola85]

No wonder your nervous what you've been through sounds awful...I can't even imagine!
The fact that you say you've spent 2years trying to make up that first year to your daughter and that your already concerned about loving baby no2 as much as your daughter proves your a great mummy!
I'd definitely make the midwife aware of what you went through the first time and don't hide anything they need to know so they can get you the right support in place. It's no ones place to judge you, pnd wasn't your fault you didn't choose it and if the midwife isn't supportive she's in the wrong job.
I hope you have a much better experience this time xxx

 

[YikesBaby]

Wow hun, sorry you had such a rough time with your first.

You will be fine this time!! You have a lovely and supportive other half and you know the signs and symptoms of PND/PPD and will know to seek treatment/support right away.

Have you heard of placenta encapsulation? We did it with our first and it really helped me. I didn't suffer from PND but whenever I got worn down I would take the capsules. I know several moms who had PND with their first and used the capsules the second time around and said it was like night and day! Might be something to consider??

Whatever you choose, you are coming from a place of experience... so you know how to advocate for your health. This is a new pregnancy, a new experience, and a new chance to have the birth experience you want!

 

[Rees]

Hi hun,

I feel the same, I have already had phone assessments with the peri - natal mental health team and am receiving support from another service that's part of the NHS called "BeMe"

Definitely speak to your midwife, i had PND after my first, with my 2nd I had pre natal depression as well as post natal depression and now I'm on my 3rd I've been totally honest with the midwife at my booking in appointment and already told her that I am struggling.

Don't hide it, and don't hide any of your fears from getting PND again, I am already suffering with mild depression and anxiety and will be having phone counselling sessions for a while to sort out my thinking and hopefully not going on any anti - depressants but also working on my feelings and stuff so that I can catch myself and get the support before things get bad like last time.

*hugs* with the right support behind you, you can do anything and feel good and enjoy the pregnancy (I also had similar relationship with my mum and have the same with my daughter because she has attachment issues - mostly just towards me!) Xxx