Selfish for wanting time with OH and new baby?

[Katia-xO]

I really want to get to know my little one when she first arrives, without a load of people there and her being passed from person to person constantly.. It'll tire us both out and she'll just sleep until she wants feeding anyway.

I understand people will want to meet her asap but I'm going to be tired, irritable, in pain and just want to sleep/cuddle my girl and get used to her being here with my OH. I told him that during his paternity leave I dont want loads of visitors, just family and not all the time as they'd like it to be because of the reasons above.. Thought he'd understand with it being our first etc but he couldn't have reacted any worse!

He went off on one saying I was being selfish for wanting to keep baby to myself and not let anybody near her it's not about that at all! He said that me wanting to bond with her alone was "stupid" and that even if she's being passed around she'll still know who we both are, I don't agree at all

I want to breast feed and don't want to do it in front of visitors in the beginning until it's easier and I feel comfortable with it, OH doesn't understand why and says I could just turn to the side so they can't see. Family members have threatened that they won't give me the baby back when I say she needs a feed as they want cuddles! I really don't have the patience at the moment for a battle never mind when she's out and screaming for a feed!

Am I wrong for wanting us to settle as a family first before all the visiting starts?

 

[heyyydayyy]

Totally not selfish, I feel the exact same way as you. I know my family and friends well enough to know that they will want to smother my baby. And I know myself well enough to know that I am going to be one VERY protective mama bear and I want my baby all to myself!! Of course I'm sure there will be times when I need a break and hand her off to someone but I definitely don't want many people at the hospital when I give birth and I don't want people all up in my space for at least the first few weeks. As moms, we're the ones who grew the baby for 9 months and I think that we deserve uninterrupted bonding time with him/her before anyone else.

 

[Marini_Mare]

if your talking about in the hospital, just tell the nurses that you want NO visitors during your stay & only father of baby is allowed, then you can change your mind after she arrives if you want... should give you a little bit of time at least, you're the one giving birth and in the hospital, not him!

 

[Mummy1995]

Definitely not selfish hun! This is exactly how I feel, and exactly what I'll have, except I don't want anyone really other than me and my mum to be around a lot. Although I live with my dad and little sister so they will obviously get some bonding time, and then id say like a week or so later other people can start to come over..
xx

 

[ClairAye]

Tbh I'm sure they won't actually keep her if she needs a feed, but you're not selfish at all, men just don't understand.. well anything! I am 100% bonded with my son but because of what happened in hospital with me I couldn't care for him for the first day properly and it really upset me that I couldn't just spend time with him and that other people were feeding, changing and settling him So from that tell him straight! You're the mother and you have a set way you want to do things with baby to start with. Don't feel bad for it (Haha sorry I'm really tired so rambling a bit - Hope that made sense!) x

 

[lucy_x]

Not selfish at all! - the first week goes so quickly that you really wont have time to have lots of visitors, if your wanting to BF your OH needs to know how difficult it can be to establish a milk supply, you will probably spend quite alot of time sitting in bed keeping baby happy trying to get milk in, that can take a good 3 days....Let alone all the sleeping etc you will want to be doing!

Its difficult to predict how things are going to happen, i was always 100% happy BFing in front of people, I spent the first 3 days of her life in hospital and i was DESPERATE for visitors, i was so lonely and wanted other people to have her so i could shower/have some fresh air (i didnt want her in the hospital nursery!) so in the end it turned out i got all my visitors done then and once i was home it was pretty quiet for a while.

I hope your OH comes rounds, hes being really unfair to not understand you want some time alone with your baby x x

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Nope definitely not selfish, I told OH straight - it's just me him and the baby (and my mum for helping us out) for the first week. I said she isn't going anywhere, she's here now and they can see her when it suits me. I do believe his sister was funny about it. But that's how it is.
Stick to your guns hunny, tell him - you went through 9 months of carrying her, you went through the labour, you deserve to have the birth and afterwards exactly how you wish! xx

 

[xxxjessxxx]

and perhaps research a few websites that say just how important it is, and get him to read them! I found a good one written by a dad himself.. helped my OH see things clearly alot! xx

 

[Katia-xO]

Thank you all, I'm probably not giving birth in the hospital unless things seem to be going wrong so I mean generally whether I end up there or at home I still want space for a little bit.
So glad it's not just me! Ive been up all night worrying about how I'm going to live with this man!! xx

 

[lucy_x]

Thank you all, I'm probably not giving birth in the hospital unless things seem to be going wrong so I mean generally whether I end up there or at home I still want space for a little bit.
So glad it's not just me! Ive been up all night worrying about how I'm going to live with this man!! xx

If your planning to give birth at home you will DEFIANTLY want your space! - i only wanted the visitors because i was in unfamiliar surroundings with no company! at home you have the TV and familiarity! it would be completely unfair of your OH to allow people other than maybe your parents to see the baby before you are ready, perhaps talk him into giving you 3 or 4 days to recover before allowing anyone in

 

[Katia-xO]

Yeah, I'd probably be the same!

He's just wound me up yet again, asked what I was doing on here so I told him that they're my boobies and I don't want an audience til I can do it and he said "why do you think it's going to be hard? It's natural and the midwife will teach you how to do it so I don't see why you can't just cover her head" x

 

[19yroldmomma]

i was the same way. but it worked out bc i had a c-section so she was with me in the recovery room for an hour.