Selfish OH resents the baby.

[fizzypop]

Is anyone else having trouble with their OH since being pg? My husband has always been a very selfish person with no empathy. But since I've had MS (really bad, on a drip etc etc), he's just become full of resentment. I had my 12 week scan this week and he came along (apparently I 'should be grateful he was there') but he still says its just a 'lump of cells'. I put his hand on my tummy and he pulls it away, I give him the scan photo and he throws it on the floor, I ask him if he's having second thoughts and he says 'I can't back out now anyway'.

I don't know if its jealousy because I normally do everything for him but have been unable to even get out of bed for the last 2 months, or whether he's changed his mind about the baby. (It was planned).

Before anyone says 'talk to him', I've tried this and he just grunts. I don't know, I need support and get nothing. My friends have all disappeared since I got sick and my family live 3.5 hours away. I've never felt so lonely and isolated.

 

[oox_tasha_xoo]

Didnt want to read and run so sending lots of hun xxxx hope he comes around soon xx

 

[yellowbuttons]

Oh dear, so sorry you're in this situation. Hope it improves soon x x

 

[emilyrose.x]

My partner is very selfish - ATM he feeling down for himself because we fund out the baby is going to a girl as he really wanted a boy.

I honestly think best thing to do is let him get on with it - enjoy your pregnancy, do what makes you happy and let him be how he is - it will make him think if you act like you don't give a crap.

Personally iv found bitching like mad also helps

Best of luck!

 

[Mrs HM]

What a selfish man. It sounds like he is resenting the fact that he's having to do things for himself as you have not been well. I'd be inclinded to say 'tuff'. He is a fully grown man who can look after himself and who now he needs to start looking after his family. I personally wouldn't be interested in talking to him, I'd be tsimply telling him to go if he isn't prepared to step up and be the man you need him to be.

Sorry, I'm not sure that's helpful. But it makes me so cross to hear that you aren't being supported.

 

[Sam182]

I'm sorry to be so blunt but I couldn't be with someone like that. Are you happy with him otherwise? He is being extremely childish and not allowing you to enjoy your pregnancy. If you have any doubts over the relationship I'd let him know as maybe then he'll snap out of it. Hope things get better x

 

[Star7890]

Hugs... theres not much you can do to change how he is behaving except sit down and talk to him about it.. then go from there... xx

 

[fizzypop]

Thanks everyone. If I had the energy I'd get mad with him, but I don't. Even if he comes round I will resent him for doing this. I don't know, he's a lot older than me at nearly 40 and he's the one who wanted children asap. If he can't step up now, how on earth is he going to help when its here? If he's still here of course.

 

[MiissMuffet]

OH and i are currently breaking up and he told me he cannot love the baby like he did our 1st because it is inside of me, but he will love it once born Guys are so unpredictable he does love it though. just not me

 

[Mabythistime]

Mmm, Fizzy, I went through a week of this...altough not as bad as you. DH lost all interest in baby....started to remind me that he does not do "baby" well and does not intend being involved. That hurt. I also suffered badly from MS for just over 2 months adn this his just before MS stopped.

After the MS went away, he changed. Upon then telling him how he hurt my feelings, he then explained he just did not know how to handle me being sick all the time, being in the bathroom all day and generally me not being able to live.

It boiled down to one simple thing: he was unable to handle me being sick and not doing everything I used to do for him and of course lack of "uhm"! In his small mind, he thought that was his future.

Fortunately for me, the problem went away with ms. I hope it does for you too. Sometimes men just express themselves and their fears VERY BADLY.

 

[Missy21386]

Is anyone else having trouble with their OH since being pg? My husband has always been a very selfish person with no empathy. But since I've had MS (really bad, on a drip etc etc), he's just become full of resentment. I had my 12 week scan this week and he came along (apparently I 'should be grateful he was there') but he still says its just a 'lump of cells'. I put his hand on my tummy and he pulls it away, I give him the scan photo and he throws it on the floor, I ask him if he's having second thoughts and he says 'I can't back out now anyway'.

I don't know if its jealousy because I normally do everything for him but have been unable to even get out of bed for the last 2 months, or whether he's changed his mind about the baby. (It was planned).

Before anyone says 'talk to him', I've tried this and he just grunts. I don't know, I need support and get nothing. My friends have all disappeared since I got sick and my family live 3.5 hours away. I've never felt so lonely and isolated.

Pfft! He should be grateful that you're still bloody with him with his stupid attitude.

At 12 weeks, that "lump of cells" just happens to have a heart beat, tiny fingernails and can wriggle around and even suck its thumb or hiccup! The brain and vocal chords are formed, and it can feel pain and silently cry. I've never heard of a lump of cells that has the capability to do all this!
He needs to realise how precious that little life is inside you.

He needs to man up, get a grip and support you like he is supposed to! grr!

 

[Kristin52]

sending hugs xx and hoping he comes around soon!

 

[animalcracker]

Is anyone else having trouble with their OH since being pg? My husband has always been a very selfish person with no empathy. But since I've had MS (really bad, on a drip etc etc), he's just become full of resentment. I had my 12 week scan this week and he came along (apparently I 'should be grateful he was there') but he still says its just a 'lump of cells'. I put his hand on my tummy and he pulls it away, I give him the scan photo and he throws it on the floor, I ask him if he's having second thoughts and he says 'I can't back out now anyway'.

I don't know if its jealousy because I normally do everything for him but have been unable to even get out of bed for the last 2 months, or whether he's changed his mind about the baby. (It was planned).

Before anyone says 'talk to him', I've tried this and he just grunts. I don't know, I need support and get nothing. My friends have all disappeared since I got sick and my family live 3.5 hours away. I've never felt so lonely and isolated.

Your husband is an immature, selfish brat. Sorry - I know that's harsh but his behavior is despicable.

I really hope that he changes once the baby is born. I can't imagine how lonely and upset his behavior is making you. I am so sorry you are going through this. If you need anyone to vent or talk to, this forum is great (even if we are for the most part a bunch of strangers!) I have met some really great women on this forum that I continue to bond with. Sometimes just increasing your social circle a little can really help (even if it is virtual).

Lots of hugs to you! Please take care of yourself!!

 

[Housewife83]

Oh dear. This does not sound good at all, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I am very worried that you have no support at all.

I think there is a difference between being disengaged with the pregnancy, which a lot of men are, and being down right hostile. Him throwing your scan picture on the floor and saying 'he can't back out anyway' puts him into the hostile section for me.

I really can't help but wonder what future there is for you in this relationship. Hopefully your MS will go away soon, but you are still going to need lot of support in future particularly when LO gets here.

Do you think you want to stay with him, or would it be better to go back to your family?

 

[BeesKnees]

This made me so sad to read this. My OH is selfish too, though in different ways. Maybe if you ignore him and do everything without him he will feel guilty and left out?

 

[Emma247]

Urgh men are odd! Throwing the scan picture on the floor? How pathetic is that?
Sounds like he's jealous that u've got something who ur gonna love more then him!
My ex (baby's dad) would have been the same if we'd stayed together, he would have hated the thought of someone else being more important
You want ur man to be there for u and do nice things for u esp at a time like this

 

[happysaurus]

Are you working? As a previous poster commented, it's worrying that you're so alone if your friends are being rubbish and your family's far away. To be honest, if it was me I'd move back to my parents (or other family members) for a couple of weeks. It'll give you a break from him and hopefully get you support while you're feeling so rotten. Of course, this very much depends on you having supportive parents.

 

[AveryATL]

I am sorry that your OH is being such an ass . I hope it gets better.

 

[Anna B]

Is this your first baby? I'm guessing he is terrified and finding it hard to show it.

I recommend the following books for him:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Expectant-Dads-Survival-Guide-Everything/dp/0091929792/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1316702973&sr=1-1

or

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Every-Guys-Guide-Expect-Expecting/dp/0965670104/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1316702973&sr=1-2

 

[MissCourtneyP]

His extreme behavior is very concerning to me. Unfortunately, many men dont often think of the bigger picture...so it honestly sounds to me like he's feeling trapped (with his comment about it being too late to have second thoughts). It's almost as if he expected it to be all rainbows and butterflies and a baby would magically appear without so much as lifting a finger, and now that he's realizing it's not like that he cant handle it.

Honestly, I'm with the PP who suggested trying to stay with your family for a bit. I feel like he needs some time to soul search, decide what he really wants and come to terms with the fact that life as he once new it is gone (for the most part). I'd let him know that while it's understandable to have some disconnect during pregnancy, and fears about having a baby, the way he's been acting is unacceptable. I'd be talking to him about how you need to both support each other, so whatever he needs to do to get to a point where he can actively support you the way you need right now, and in the following months, you'll help him to achieve that.

At the end of the day, team work is absolutely number one when it comes to raising a child with someone. You need to be on the same page in all aspects, including emotionally, and you need to be able to help balance each other out when necessary, because it's human nature to have ups and downs. Of course, equality isn't always a given, or necessary...but if you're putting more into it than you can handle, something needs to be picked up by him, if that makes sense. Nobody gets a free ride in parenthood (or life for that matter).

I hope it gets WAY better for you, but I'm definitely concerned that this is really something that's just deep rooted in who he is, and having to support another person (and baby!) isn't really in his capacity. But I hope I'm wrong!

HUGS!!!