Sensative toddlers...

[karlilay]

How do you cope?

Im finding myself getting frustrated at Madi now. And i honestly feel awful about it. She is so clever. She understands things and complies the first time you ask. She has never really been your 'normal' toddler. She was never into everything, she was never really naughty, so you'd think id be used to her being a little different from others her age.
But now i seem to find myself comparing her to her peers, which i have never done.
And i keep thinking to myself. 'Why cant she just be normal?' I want her to run around confiedently with other kids, i want her to join in gruop activities. I want her to have some independance....

She is just so sensative and shy.. and its breaking my heart. Iv pulled her out of Pre School after 4 very bad sessions. Where she would sit in the corner, on her own and sob for me the whole time.
Today, MIL and FIL came over and while we were talking she must have asked MIL to help strap her doll in the pushchair. MIL didn hear and she just broke down... it was like she was embarrased that she had asked an been ignored. She was upset for a good while after and when i asked what was wrong she said it was because she had asked for help, and no one helped her and no one was talking to her

She is 3. I dont want her to feel embarrased, or upset. She shouldnt care about emotions like that. She is so empathetic and sensative, im finding it hard to handle.

I wll enrol her back into Pre School in Sept but i am having sleepless nights thinking about it. What if shes not ready then. What if shes never ready? What if she does it at school. I have to send her to school...

God none of that made sense but feels a bit better...

 

[Siyren]

i wish i had some answers hun, all i cant suggest pre school wise is that as she is so bright, and clearly understands things, to start preparing her early- maybe look nd see if there's any classes you can take her to that you'd sit in on but not necessarily participate in (there's a toddler dance class here that takes them from 3 which the parents sit in on but dont join in)
and explain pre school to her? x

 

[Lilicat]

I know what you mean about knowing your child just isn't a typical toddler. In my case it is different as with William with have autistic concerns. However it is the same in the sense you can see how different he is when he is in a room full of his peers and sometimes wanting him to do the same things they do. He was at a toddler party today so it is kind of at the forefront of my mind.

I have no real advice but I have heard about a book that deals with this issue, this one:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Highly-Sen...3932/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1327267550&sr=8-7

It has a high number of stars so hopefully it is good, maybe you could see if your library has it or could order it in.

 

[OmarsMum]

Omar is highly sensitive, it's not something bad Hun. He's outgoing & social but he has his own ways when it comes to socializing. He asks for attention 24/7. We've been going to toddlers classes for almost a year, but he still doesn't act like the other kids, he likes to sit & observe rather than joining the other kids.

My cousin is the same, he's five now & he's doing great at school. He's a quiet kid but he was able to make friends at school who are similar to him. He's been going to school since he was 4. He struggled at 1st which is normal.

Do you go to toddlers classes or groups?

 

[buddyIV]

Madi sounds like such an amazing little girl; you must be so proud of her! It must be difficult seeing her get so upset at things, but at least it shows how caring she is, and how much she values people's company.

My DS is pretty shy; I've had to leave a toddler group as he just freaked out at all the noise and craziness of the other toddlers being "normal" kids. I wonder whether it's worth taking him back at a later time, but then worry that its something he's never going to like...and then worry about pre-school...and school...OMGosh what if he's always frightened by other kids!!!!

It's so easy to spiral out of rational thought when you're worried about your LO!

Sorry I'm not much help, but wanted to offer hugs. Hopefully when you take her back to pre-school she'll be more ready and will really enjoy herself. x

 

[karlilay]

Thankyou everyone. I didnt expect any replies. Actually sitting here in tears. BuddyIV that is such a lovley thing to say. And yes, i really am so proud of her. It upsets me so much i feel consumed by it sometimes. She really is amazing, so clever and shes so thoughtful. She always listens and does as shes told and for me shes a total pleasure to be around.

Sammi i take her to the local Mums and Tots. Which is in the hall next to the Pre School Every Wed for about 6 months we've looked through the preschool door at what the kids had out to play with the next day. We've spoken to the teachers... its so hard because i think 80% of the problem of her not settling was them. I feel like i prepared her as best i could. We brought a new bag/cup. She chose what to wear, and everytime she went she was happy to go in, sit down and kiss me goodbye. Things just went downhill quickly, for crying for last 5 mins the first time to sobbing her heart out the last time.
She was so desperate to come home she told them she was poorly..
Im hoping to veiw a nursery this week. Which is the only other choice as i dont drive. It so undecided though as all of her friends go to the Pre School i wanted her to go with them. But i think overall, if im happier with the care provided by the Nursery i will send her there because she will make new friends.

Im going to leave it until September anyway, so she will be nearly 4 (1st Dec). I really hope she settles....

I can only get her to this one group as i dont drive. I live in the middle of nowhere and there is a very limited bus service.

I blame myself for her being like this though because of this very fact. All of my very large family live in the village. I have no friends really, other than my oldest friend who had kids too.
She sees the same people day in/day out. She goes to the same houses day in/day out. I wish so much i could drive (cant afford it) just so i could pop places for a cup of tea, just to try and get her used to new people and situations... but i feel like im isolating her from the world which is making her like this

 

[OmarsMum]

Please don't blame yourself we take Omar out to different places almost everyday, it didn't change the fact that he's sensitive. We visit the same people all the time but we do visit new friends from time to time. It still takes him some time to feel comfortable with strangers. I can't even take him for a hair cut as he hates strangers touching him. He's always been like this. He's always been "different". It's his nature

 

[karlilay]

Thankyou so much. Its nice to know there are other sensative little toddlers out there, because when you see all the other careless 2/3 year olds at Toddler Group/The Park.. you feel like your the only one.

Will Omar go to PreSchool?

 

[OmarsMum]

The schooling system is awful here, he should go to pre-school in September 2013 (he will be almost 4 years) or he will not be accepted in a good school. Schools are private here & we don't have home schooling. I'm thinking of sending him to a nursery once a week after few months & see how it goes. If it's stressful for him, we will take him out & try later. Some nurseries here allow parents to join their toddlers for a week or so until they get used to it.

 

[JASMAK]

all my kids are sensitive in some way or another...it's just a matter of teaching them ways to cope and acknowledging their feelings as valid.

 

[gingajewel]

Hi,

As i think i have told you before my little Megan is exactly the same. It is awful to say but i sit there wandering why she just cant be like other normal children - and i feel so bad for it.

She glues herself to me and hides in my shoulder if anyone even looks at her. She wont talk infront of people and basically when i went to get her weighed the other week the HV said "she will have to see a speech therapist after her two year check because you cant prove she can talk!" Its broke my heart because she is really advanced for her age at talking but she wont talk infront of anyone.

On a Tuesday we meet with some mommy friend and i see all of them running around at the park or at soft play and nine times out of ten she just sits on my lap. If i need the toilet she has to come with me. She has only just started walking infront of people (yep she is that shy!!!) I find myself also getting frustrated with her - i just want a "normal" toddler and i look at my friends children and wander why she cant be like that - and then i cry because i shouldnt feel like that.

I dont even have to use reins with her - she is that shy she wont leave my side incase anyone talks to her. When a starnger smiles at her or tries to hand her anything she literally shakes in fear.

My situation is a little different coz Meg does go to nursery for two full days while im at work. She has been going for about a year now though and she is used to it. I no how hard it is hun and i no the guilt that comes with wishing your child would be like the others. Big hugs Xx

 

[mama2b]

My LO is similar to. He can be very shy and prefers to play with adults rather than children even though he has been at nursery since 9months. When we go to soft play he is usually glued to my side even when there is a group of us. He won't ever go off and play on his own unless I go with him.

He is scared of hoovers (especially henry/hetty ones!) hairdryers, hand dryers any sort of loud noise that resembles the above !

It is hard when you see other children off playing and yours isn't even slightly interested !

Funny you should mention speaking in front of others as I have noticed that with mine, he can count to 30, sing loads of songs, hold conversations, recite the alphabet but he won't do any of those things in front of a stranger only people he knows, mostly at home. Im sure people think im making it up sometimes !

 

[smelly07]

My daughter who is now 6 has always been very sensitive and was /shy/lack confidence, but her confidence came on leaps and bounds when she started school.......she is still sensitive and a loving thoughtful girl who i wouldnt change for the world but she is more independent/social/confident............your daughter will become more confident and she will join in activities and she will become more independent in her own time............all types of children can take time to settle in a new settings even the most confident of children....... i think just except that its normal and that it is what makes her 'her'........... xxxx

 

[Miss_Bump]

Omar is highly sensitive, it's not something bad Hun. He's outgoing & social but he has his own ways when it comes to socializing. He asks for attention 24/7. We've been going to toddlers classes for almost a year, but he still doesn't act like the other kids, he likes to sit & observe rather than joining the other kids.

This is Evie!

Also it takes her a while to settle in anywhere. If we go to a new class or a new group she will sit with me and watch everyone and what they are doing and it could take us going about 5 or 6 times before she actually joins in but when she does she is fine. She laughs and runs and is silly. She does prefer to play with older children tho, always has done

She likes to see me do things first before she does it. At soft play i have to go on the bouncy castle, thru the tunnels etc before she does

That is just her, its the way she is and its totally fine.

I used to feel awkward that she wouldnt join in for ages and if i tried to push her it made her worse.

Now i just let her go at her own pace

I know it can be tough hun

 

[OmarsMum]

Also it takes her a while to settle in anywhere. If we go to a new class or a new group she will sit with me and watch everyone and what they are doing and it could take us going about 5 or 6 times before she actually joins in but when she does she is fine. She laughs and runs and is silly. She does prefer to play with older children tho, always has done

She likes to see me do things first before she does it. At soft play i have to go on the bouncy castle, thru the tunnels etc before she does

That is just her, its the way she is and its totally fine.

I used to feel awkward that she wouldnt join in for ages and if i tried to push her it made her worse.

Now i just let her go at her own pace

I know it can be tough hun

Omar is exactly the same, he prefers older kids & adults, he also doesn't touch anything before we do. Even in soft areas I have to go 1st. In the classes I end up copying the actions & dancing & he just watches me & laugh

 

[Miss_Bump]

Also it takes her a while to settle in anywhere. If we go to a new class or a new group she will sit with me and watch everyone and what they are doing and it could take us going about 5 or 6 times before she actually joins in but when she does she is fine. She laughs and runs and is silly. She does prefer to play with older children tho, always has done

She likes to see me do things first before she does it. At soft play i have to go on the bouncy castle, thru the tunnels etc before she does

That is just her, its the way she is and its totally fine.

I used to feel awkward that she wouldnt join in for ages and if i tried to push her it made her worse.

Now i just let her go at her own pace

I know it can be tough hun

Omar is exactly the same, he prefers older kids & adults, he also doesn't touch anything before we do. Even in soft areas I have to go 1st. In the classes I end up copying the actions & dancing & he just watches me & laugh

Aww they are peas in a pod. They would be great little friends

 

[OmarsMum]

Yeah, I noticed that they're very similar

 

[babyblog]

Aw sorry you are worried about her being so sensitive, I don't think it is necessarily a bad personality to have.My son is sensitive, and although he is not shy, things do upset him far more than they would other children. About a year ago, I was annoyed by it but the more I see him grow the more I see what a wonderful personality he has. like. Say- he isn't shy and he doesn't cry when I leave him etc but he cannot handle being told off. he always he is 'feeling cold' when he is getting upset and things worry him that are silly sometimes! At soft play the other day there was an older boy dressed as darth fader and he cried every time he ran past in his mask.In the end I had to ask the organiser woman to ask the boy t take it off as my son was turning not a nervous wreck.My friends sn didn't even bat an eyelid.Bu I would still rather my son be like he is . Of course your daughter will settle at school, perhaps it will take her longer and perhaps she isn't ready yet but she will get there.Please don't feel embarassad about her personality and of course it isn't her fault,I would much rather my son have a friend like your daughter than sme bully child! I think it's endearing x

 

[karlilay]

Bless your son babyblog. Things like masks and stuff upset Madi to. Thankyou so much. X x

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

DD2 has an expressive disorder and it makes it hard for her to express herself in words. It can be frustrating when she wont tell me whats wrong. I LOVE her though and it took awhile but i slowly learned other ways to understand her.