Seriously need advice for my annoying child

[julietz]

Like the title says, any advice would be appreciated, my son can be so annoying mainly at school, he annoys all his friends or if they wont let him play, he becomes a pain, he is 9 years old and is a twin, his brother has lots of friends and socialises well, i dont want this to be permanent, hes been like this for years and i been hoping it would change, we changed schools 3 times over the years, he starts a school, makes friends, come out his shell and annoys them, they dont want to be his friends anymore, then he wants to leave.

School is not getting changed again, he has to learn, i am trying to help him, but what can i do? he makes out they are picking on him, nothing is ever his fault always others, but teachers and his brother have told me he annoys other kids thats why they retaliate.

We have a happy loving family home, no problems, no reason for him to be this way, so anyone have any advice cos i feel a bit lost, want to help him so he can have friends and keep them, senior school is next, and i dont want him to be hated, or disliked, and have friends.

 

[AimeeM]

Could it be more of a psychological problem rather than just being annoying? My son is exactly the same and is under a specialist as they think he could have Aspergers syndrome. What is your son like at home? I know you say it's happy but does he have annoying traits at home? Could it be at school he is jealous of his brother a little?

Changing school seems a little extreme. Maybe making him stay and sort out problems he has with others will help him to adapt to friendships rather than run away. If he is taken away from a difficult situation he wont learn how to deal with it xx

 

[Amarna]

I second Aimee. My husband always had problems socializing and making friends at school and even sometimes now as an adult. He can come off as "annoying" or pushy or intrusive, which isn't really his intention but he was diagnosed with Aspergers as a kid and just doesn't always know the correct socially acceptable way to interact with new people. Have you considered meeting with a specialist of some sort?

I also agree that switching schools seems extreme for the situation. He has to learn how to get past his difficulties interacting with others and how to work out problems with friends as they arise. Running away isn't going to fix anything the problem has to be acknowledged to be fixed.

 

[tallybee]

^ I agree with the other posters hon

I hope u can get this situation sorted xx

 

[wellyboot]

Do you think that you might need to get some professional help with this? If so, check out whether there is CAMHS (Child and Adult Mental Health Services) in your area. It sounds pretty full on, but they can help children with all sorts of friendship issues. You can refer your own child or ask the school to do it.

Welly xx

 

[julietz]

I have been looking into this condition, never heard of it before, but yes when i was reading about it i thought this is exactly what my son is like, i wouldnt know where to start in getting help, id rather not do it through the school, as he has not been there long enough for them to know him properly and his ways, so how do i go about it and thank you for all the helpful replies.

 

[hopeandpray]

You can see if your GP will have him assessed by a child psychologist. Good luck

 

[AimeeM]

As Wellyboot says there should be CAMHS in your area, if you go to your doctor and ask if your son can be referred to CAMHS they will come out and do an assessment and take it from there. It is quite a long process but a step in the right direction. Good luck =)

 

[hedgewytch13]

My son is like this as well. He has no problem making friends initially. But they he alienates them by being annoying. It's like he doesent pick up on the warning signs that he's gone too far, he just goes on and on. And then when another child lashes out at him, he does not understand why or what he's done. The school have tentatively suggested he might have ADHD but it's proving an nightmare getting a diagnosis. We have spoken at length with the schools special needs coordinator and she's lovely. Even if your son hasn't been at the school for very long I would recommend talking to them at least to make them aware that maybe he's struggling socially with the other children. My school has put in place a few measures to help my son, for example he works better alone so he has his own desk away from the children that distract.
We've finally managed to get the Dr to refer him to a child psychologist for assessment. I'm hoping as a family they can teach some ways to manage his behaviour or at least give him someone neutral he can talk to about whatever goes on in his head. I do sympathise with you, I feel we've alienated the whole street because he's fallen out with so many children. It's hard explaining to the parents that they don't know my child, he's not a bully, he's not malicious or aggressive...he just see's the world in a different way to the other children and does not understand the "rules"...so when he see's the other kids teasing one another, he copies in an attempt to fit in but then goes too far because he does not get the unspoken rules in play.

Hope you find the answers you're looking for.

 

[julietz]

Yes thats exactly like my son, i kind of feel terrible i have left it this long, i was not aware it could be a condition, but i know he cant help the way he is, i suppose its better late than never, i am going to make an appointment at my gp to talk to someone, thank you everyone for the support and advice, i just want to be able to help him, he surprises us sometimes being so random and not making sense, i can understand why the other kids find him to be odd, and my son ending up confused.

 

[hypnorm]

Sounds similar to my son, he is the one never invited to parties, never invited home after school, he is 6 in august, and the youngest in his class, but also the biggest. He loves people and just wants to play and be friends but he gets to a point where sometimes the kids don't want to play and have had enough, but he will keep on, he doesn't seem to understand personal space sometimes and he has trouble sitting still at school, and doing his work but he is quite capable and not behind in any way.

 

[julietz]

Aw bless i know what you mean, i feel sorry for him cos he doesnt understand why or what he does, his brother is more favoured and i know it bothers him, i just want to know ways to help him and make him understand his random sayings etc suppose i will get all this info when reffered and diagnosed