Sex rant *TMI*

[knobby]

So for my whole fertile window this cycle my husband has been having a hard time finishing. It takes him a long time and he has to stop and start over. This is despite my efforts of being as sexy and loving as possible. I have always made it about us and having fun and not just ttc. The problem is all in his head and I don't know what else I can do to help him.

I would have plenty of EWCM (tons.. Thanks to evening primrose oil) and arousal fluid to start with. By about 15-20 minutes into it the EWCM would get dried up and wasted and my body just stops making arousal fluid after that long. I had to use sperm friendly lube when he dried the real stuff up, but by the end, when he finally finished, the lube would also be dried up. On top of that the long sex sessions made me kinda raw - probably further messing up my vaginal ph.

Each time it took about an HOUR for him to finally finish.

I can't help but feel crushed and really sad. I don't feel good about this cycle at all. We had sex everyday during my fertile window, but didn't have one single good day. I don't know how I can conceive if looongggg sex turns my vagina into a dry and hostile environment for sperm. This is definitely not helping our chances.

We tried letting him get close to finishing by himself and then him trying to finish in me but that didn't work - he wouldn't finish as fast as he thought he would and would take forever still. Trying to add more sperm friendly lube at the last second also didn't work - he would go soft.

I just don't know what to do. This hasn't been a very big problem until this cycle. I feel so helpless. My husband knows it is all in head but he says he can't help it.

Does anyone have any advice? Is anyone else dealing with this problem?

UPDATE: As I had feared, I did not conceive this cycle.

 

[ssjad]

My advise is to ease up. Relax. Enjoy yourself.
My OH thinks every session is a marathon, and he doesn't always 'finish' and I've been pregnant three times with him. I wouldn't worry about your vagina being a hostile environment! If you both relax and enjoy yourselves more he might finish faster and/or you might produce more fluid yourself.
It doesn't sound like either of you are having much fun!

 

[knobby]

My advise is to ease up. Relax. Enjoy yourself.
My OH thinks every session is a marathon, and he doesn't always 'finish' and I've been pregnant three times with him. I wouldn't worry about your vagina being a hostile environment! If you both relax and enjoy yourselves more he might finish faster and/or you might produce more fluid yourself.
It doesn't sound like either of you are having much fun!

I am being super honest when I say I am very relaxed and super patient during sex. It actually is enjoyable for me for quite awhile. But my body can only produce so much arousal fluid on top of the EWCM that is already there, and once that gets dried up in 20 minutes - already quite a long session - that's it. Lasting a full hour trying to remain lubricated is quite difficult.

For some reason he can't just relax. He says he can't help it. It is a lot easier said than done for him.

It is reassuring that you were able to get pregnant despite being dry and raw (at least that is what I think you implied). But even so a dry vagina is still a hostile environment for sperm and can kill a good number of them which for us may be pretty bad since we have been suspecting DH's sperm count/morphology/motility may not be good (semen analysis coming up in the next 2 weeks).

 

[ssjad]

I understand that. Have you asked him what would help him relax then?
This is my first time actively ttc, and I've picked up that OH doesn't want to know anything about the process. He will 'freeze' if he's told I'm ovulating, and doesn't want to know anything about charts, thermometers etc. Apparently the pressure goes straight to his penis!
Maybe you could give your OH a glass of wine/beer etc one night and talk to him about how he'd like to go about the process.
I can imagine the testing in 2 weeks must make him nervous!
Good luck!!

 

[purplerose]

Maybe it is not in his head. And it is not you either, I am sure he likes you being the sex kitten you are

He could be suffering some form of SED. Yes I understand about being patient and loving while he does his thing. As I have been with my DF.

Maybe he is not getting enough blood flow to his penis? Or he is getting physically tired. The Penis is an organ remember.

My DF has inadequate sexual dysfunctions because he is on medication for his health and he has tried various meds to work with him but each type of med has left his penis to be soft.

There is just that rarity maybe at least twice a month when he does get a full erection and we can do the deed and we make it special.

Give your fella a break. Go give him a hug and tell him, you think he did his best and hopefully you will fall pregnant. If not this month there is next month.

If he is still having trouble, please tell him to go the doctor to discuss it. He could have various reasons for not being able to perform.
From something of is Prostate to Blood flow.

 

[baby_rose]

Hey girl i might be wayyyyy in left field and i hope you don't get offended have you considered oral? And then when he almost feels it then u get on top or whatever is preferred? Again im sorry i didnt want to offend u in anyway but it might hhelp him finish faster cause I know sometimes bd everyday can be tiresome for some just a thought girl: )

 

[knobby]

Hey girl i might be wayyyyy in left field and i hope you don't get offended have you considered oral? And then when he almost feels it then u get on top or whatever is preferred? Again im sorry i didnt want to offend u in anyway but it might hhelp him finish faster cause I know sometimes bd everyday can be tiresome for some just a thought girl: )

No worries, not offended. We have tried oral to get him warmed up, but it didn't make a difference. He still took a long time.

 

[Mintastic]

As soon as you said the SA is coming up in the next 2 weeks things kind of clicked. You said this hasn't really been an issue in previous months, right?
He is probably nervous about the SA. So maybe things will resolve themselves after that.

Have you tried doing it outside of your fertile window just for fun and seen how that goes?

Also when you use the sperm-friendly lube do you do the kind with the applicator like pre-seed? I find if you put it as far back as you can so too much doesn't drip out that it can last an hour.

 

[baby_rose]

What does he say about the lubes youve tried i had gotten preeseed once and only pea sized and the hubby couldnt finish he didbt know about the lube lol first and last time that i used it has ur hubby always had that issue?

 

[knobby]

As soon as you said the SA is coming up in the next 2 weeks things kind of clicked. You said this hasn't really been an issue in previous months, right?
He is probably nervous about the SA. So maybe things will resolve themselves after that.

Have you tried doing it outside of your fertile window just for fun and seen how that goes?

Also when you use the sperm-friendly lube do you do the kind with the applicator like pre-seed? I find if you put it as far back as you can so too much doesn't drip out that it can last an hour.

It has happened here and there but not this bad. He tells me he is cool with doing the semen analysis. Maybe it is a subconscious thing though?

We have sex frequently regardless of when I am ovulating.

I sometimes use a medicine dropper with my conceive plus lube to get it in deep. But during sex both natural and artificial lube eventually dry. Every time his penis comes out the air hits it and it dries a little - getting stickier. So it gets less and less slippery over time. During normal length intercourse my body keeps up and produces more arousal fluid. But when you go for an hour it can't keep up anymore. What makes it even worse is when he takes his penis completely out because he needs a break and needs to use his hand to get hard again.

I told him that I was pretty sure I ovulated yesterday. But my temp didn't go up this morning. I am not going to tell him and see how it goes.

 

[Mintastic]

Good luck! Hopefully it is a temporary issue.

 

[littlewater]

Hi, I am now 5 days late for my period, But I'm getting negative pregnancy test results after taking one every day, Iv had cramping for just over a week and a half now and still nothing, This is unusual to me. I'm slightly more tired and iv had more discharge than normal.. Is there still a chance I could be pregnant??

 

[minties]

I feel for him, sounds embarrassing and difficult for him. Have you tried not telling him you are in your fertile window?

 

[Dizzy dolly]

Would it help if u both took a month off from ttc I know I might sound daft but we did that & only bd in the safe time of the mnth & it made us both feel so much better for that break I know you said your keeping him calm but sometimes it can help just to have a small rest from it

 

[CrystalJMM]

The same thing happens with me and my fiance. I have a slightly different problem as I stay wet (TMI) and he apparently needs friction to get to the finish line. With how wet everything is inside it can take him an hour and a half to finish and that's with stopping multiple times to let things "dry up".

The last 2 days of my fertile cycle this month we didn't even try to BD the usual way, he just went to the bathroom and deposited his swimmers (lol) into a preseed dispenser. I then used a small amount of preseed to help things move along (since I wasn't "warmed up") and inserted the swimmers myself. I have NO clue if this will work but we gave that a try this month.

I'm due for AF in about 8 days so I guess we'll see. Anyway.....he said he felt a lot less pressure doing it this way. Maybe it's worth a shot?

 

[FutureBabyG]

I hate to suggest this but it may work... lie. Tell him you ovulated the week before you usually do. Then just try for every other day. It may be better to just bd every other day, then bd everyday with poor quality.

 

[knobby]

So I did it and it took him maybe 5 minutes max, lol. I told him after and he said he was glad he didn't know. I asked if he would rather not know details about my cycle, and he said after over a a year of ttc, he would know roughly the week I would be ovulating anyway and he wants to know. So he has to figure this out OR I need to get pregnant this cycle lol.

 

[Mintastic]

That's a start!

 

[sharnw]

Preseed is awesome. You can squirt the preseed up your vaginal wall near the cervix with the supplied syringe (spelling?).
I use that when I'm dry.
And bd every other day x

 

[mummy2o]

OH prefers not knowing also. Works better for us and sometimes he couldn't finish when he knew. So now he knows roughly when it is and now what day and it works for us. Although he's never done short so still takes ages.