Good morning, ladies.
Wish, I am so sad to hear that last month didn't work. But, I am so proud of you for not giving up and continuing to try. They are worth all the pain, heartbreak, frustration in the world. And I am so happy that you don't have to wait this cycle out!!! Hooray! I know I am not the best about posting anymore - but please know that I am checking in and reading updates. So, please keep them coming as I continue to pray that you will be on here soon with your announcement of your forever baby.
Little, so excited for you! My doctor always told us that once you can HEAR the heartbeat, you have over a 90% chance of bringing that baby home. You go from worrying from one thing to another - so it never ends. You are at a whole new level of worrying as you constantly are worried until you reach the "next level" - such as making it past the first trimester and then you want to make it to the anatomy scan and pray to God that everything looks normal - it is always something. And just wait till that little one gets here. Hello worry 24/7!!! How are you feeling?
As for me - so I am finally back to work (hence the long post!) and I absolutely hate it. I have not left our little one except for with my husband when running to the grocery store and leaving him with the sitter tore me into pieces. I have never cried so hard in my life. Absolute worst day of my life. (Heck, I had crying spells starting three weeks before I even had to leave Brady boy!) Anyway, he is at a private in home day care and couldn't be with a better sitter. She only has a few kiddos which makes me comfortable that Brady gets plenty of attention - and she will only take one baby under the age of 1. Thankfully - she has a 1.5 year old that only comes twice a week and then a couple of older kids. So, he gets all the attention he needs. She sends me pictures and updates throughout the day. Seriously wonderful and makes the day better. However, I will say I still do not like leaving Brady but I'm at least not a sobbing mess walking into her home anymore.
I will tell you I absolutely hate my job now. I was so career focused prior to Brady and never thought that would change once he was here. Never in a million years. Well, it did. My husband and I are discussing me leaving my current job and just finding a part time job. While it is so hard to leave Brady - we know that being around other people is healthy for him - especially as he gets older. And, while I could stay at home - a part time income is better than no income. Not really sure what it is that I am going to do at this point - but will find something. So, I'll probably work a couple of days a week and then be home the other three.
As far as the things that caught me most off guard about becoming a mom. No one told me about what to expect after giving birth. WOW. Make sure you take plenty of stool softeners. And wow - was I ever sore. I had three tears - and of course stitches. I didn't know each time you went to the bathroom that it would be a 15 minute ordeal. And the most challenging part for me was breastfeeding. I never knew it would be so difficult. I think some of my problem was is I didn't feel I had my husbands entire support in the early days. Brady would attempt to nurse (was a very lazy nurser and would just go to sleep) and then we had to give him a bottle of supplemental breast milk that my husband gave him while I then attempted to pump. So needless to say, my husband was very attached to giving him a bottle and really cherished that time together. So, when Brady wouldn't nurse well, my husband was always pushing for me to just pump and then feed him my expressed milk. There were a few rough weeks - but my husband finally came around, Brady boy did better with nursing and then was only breastfed from there on out. Occasionally I would let my dh give him a bottle in the evenings, just so he could still have that bonding experience - or to let me go to bed early and skip the late feed so it all worked out. But - while getting those first few weeks under control - it was very difficult - emotionally.
Anyway, enough rambling from me. I better get back to work - to the job that I absolutely despise now!!! Ugh....it's so miserable. I seriously count down the time until I get to pick up Brady boy. And then its back to feeling sick to my stomach at bed time knowing that I have to do it all over again the next day. That's when you know you love being a mom more than anything in the world.
