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[hb1]

Hi there, I miscarried at 7-8 weeks, can't help feeling my PCOS had something to do with it. Back on th ttc road again first af was just over 4 weeks and back on the metformin. Trying to do everything right in advance, cutting back on the caffiene, still on the folic acid, have got myself the clear blue fertility monitor and ordered some soft cups - oh and bding - musn't forget that now! Next AF should be due around 11th Feb - valentines is ruined then - won't my body give me a break!

Hope those BFP's come rolling in for everyone soon - we all deserve this after everything we've been through hx

 

[Tulip]

Hey girls. So upsetting to read all these stories in one place

I'm Nic, 29, and hubby is 42. We were married in April 09 but started TTC at Christmad 08. We finally got our BFP in October and were over the moon. I was a paranoid mummy so we had a private viability scan at 8wks - everything looked great. We had another at 11wks because I was having a paranoid week... Sonographer said everything was fine, but the 'hiccup' we saw (and have on DVD) didn't look right to me - looked more like some kind of spasm. I realised afterwards that she didn't show us the 3D image, so although her condition is difficult to spot in 2D at 11+1 I think she saw it.

We went for our nuchal scan at 12+3 and even though I'd only seen her a week before I was scared - this time we'd be looking for problems, rather than reassurance. I also knew that a heartbeat didn't mean everything was fine as we were all still reeling from DebG's scan the previous week. As soon as she put the probe on my tummy I could see Ruby moving... And it wasn't good. I said "Thats not normal movement is it? Is she fitting?" They didn't answer, but a minute later started talking about a fatal neural tube defect where the skull doesn't fully develop... The amniotic fluid was attacking my little girl's brain. They took her from me by ERPC the next day, December 15th.

I'm now on the maximum dose of Folic Acid and a clinical trial. This is our first post-AF cycle and we're back on the wagon as from last night. Hoping to ov between Tues and Thurs next week. But I miss my little girl. I have pregnant friends a week, two weeks behind where we should be and they're now feeling baby move. I never got to experience that and it really, really hurts.

Sorry it's so long. I do go on a bit! Lots of healing hugs and baby dust to us all xx

 

[debgreasby]

Hi all, I'm Deb, 34, DH is 38. I have 4 kids, Niall, 13, Keavey-Leigh, 9, Alexander, 5 and Jasmine 18 months.

We lost Charlie on 17th December at just over 13 weeks pregnant due to Edward's Syndrome (Trisonomy 18).

On CD2 now, keen to be pregnant ASAP. Physically I'm fine, emotionally i'm a basket case. Hoping it gets better soon.

Love to all xxx

 

[Tulip]

I'm with you on the basket case. xx

 

[debgreasby]

I felt terrible yesterday. My parents (both 67 and not in the best of health) came to see me and i just cracked up! My dad even hugged me so i know i must have been bad. They know what it's like to experience loss as they had a daughter stillborn at full term and several miscarriages before they adopted me. Mum went into typical "mum" mode and started cleaning my house. I felt really guilty. Then mum went to asda and came back with a bottle of wine for me.

Feeling more positive today, but still have a general feeling of "can't be arsed". Everything seems like too much effort. I haven't even brushed my hair today, i am such a tramp.

I must pull myself together!

 

[Rumpskin]

Hello girls

So pleased this forum has been set up

I am Rachel, 38 years old, 3 m/cs to date (completed mc in January 2008 at 9+ weeks, mmc in November 2008 at 8w 4d (found out at 12 w 4d scan) and had a chemical in July 2009. We have our first appointment for Recurrent Miscarriage Referral next week.

Been with OH for over 10 years (he has three children from his previous marriage).

to you all xxx

 

[Megg33k]

I didn't remember you being adopted! Me too! And, you'll definitely come together... it just might take a little longer for a while!

 

[debgreasby]

I didn't remember you being adopted! Me too! And, you'll definitely come together... it just might take a little longer for a while!

I remembered you were from a thread ages ago lol

Just to add ... my parents had 3 more kids after me, all born safe and well!

 

[Megg33k]

Ah, that's fab! I'm an only child... my parents never had a chance as one of them is sterile. Plus, it took 10 years to get me... they didn't want to wait another 10 years to start over. I don't mind being the only one though. I grew up in a large family with plenty of cousins!

 

[RedRose19]

ladies im so sorry for all your losses

ive had two losses my self

my first one was in march 2009, i didnt realise i was preg at the time cuz i even tho af stopped i had irregular cycles and was under abit of stress so thought nothing of it.. at when i wud of been 10 weeks i decided to test and it came out neg.. so i thought that was that.. then st paddys day came and we were all enjoying the day.. and watching the parades when this group of girls came over and i was leaning against a gate type thing and they pushed me against it badly and i just felt this weird like riping feeling it was so pain ful.. then i realised i was bleeding so told oh.. i thought af had arrived and heavily but then realised it was very painful and not normal.. and st paddys day all roads in the city were closed so we had to walk out of town so we could catch a bus to the hospital.. when i got there i was told i was preg but the baby had no heart beat we named her jamie

then months went by and in june we decided to try for a baby cuz it was what we both really wanted.. we wanted our baby back.. so then in oct we got our bfp.. only to have a mmc in nov
ive been trying ever since that and nothing so far... i have bad irregular cycles so it doesnt help...
its coming up to march again.. and i dont think i can get to march and not be preg...

 

[Bexyboop]

Hi Ladies,

So sorry for all of your losses.

We started TTC Chirstmas 08. Got BFP in November 09, went for a private scan 2nd Jan 10 as my NHS one wasn't until 15 weeks. I am so glad that I did go for that private one as they discovered that my baby had no heartbeat.

I was 9 weeks 6 days, the baby was the right size for that time so had died within a day or two of my scan. I opted for an ERPC and had to wait an agonising 10 days (due to catch up after Christmas).

Now waiting for my first AF so that we can get trying again. Hopefully it won't be too long before I see a BFP again.

 

[RileysMummy]

Hi Girls..Well i fell pregnant last May, shortly after marrying my perfect man in March..everything was great, the best pregnancy, no sickness nothing. I always thought my bump was small but everyone reassured me he was fine. Had 20wk scan, found out bump was a boy and we named him Riley James, we were over the moon..at this scan we found he was measuring 2 and a half weeks small so they booked me in for a scan 2 weeks later..he had grown a little bit but still 2 weeks small. This time they did a bloodflow test and saw the placenta was blocked. I cant remember what day this was on but they sent me home for another week, so a week later i go into hospital on the Friday..from then i have scans daily, 'hes not growing' 'if he makes it to 25wks 3%chance of survival' and so on. On Friday the 13th the sonographer said that his heart was pushing back the blood to the placenta..and so was my heart, i was at risk of having a heart attack..i didnt care, i just wanted my baby boy to be okay. On the Friday she sadly told me she thought he wouldnt make it past 5 days. So scans went daily and he was getting worse..Sunday night my mum came over to Germany where we live and Tuesday night whilst hubby was at home feeding our cat, i felt him die, i cant explain it but i just knew. Wednesday us 3 went to wait for the scan, i was so sick to the stomach..scan confirmed he had died, just like the lady predicted..he had 5 days from then on the hospital messed me about putting me into labour than bringing me out of it, i finally gave birth to our perfect little angel on the Sunday 22nd Nov at 25 weeks and 1 day..he was so so perfect, looked just like his daddy...
Now we have my placenta results, hubby is away atm on course and is back on the 30th so were going in to med center to get the results back hes back. also having bloodtests as they are convinced i have a blood thinning disorder...
love you Riley, miss you more and more each day xxx

 

[Lucia]

Hi everyone. I had a missed m/c this past September at 11 weeks. I had a D&C the day I found out. We were TTC for three months before getting our BFP. It was our first.

Now that time has passed a bit - we are TTC again. I am scared and excited to start again. I really doubt that we will get a BFP so soon again. This is our third month of trying...I guess we'll find out in a couple weeks.

Anyway, looking forward to getting to know you all!

 

[lolly25]

Hi girls
So sorry for your losses
Im lorraine or Lol , im 25 , OH 30, been together 10years and married nearly 6 yrs, got 2 children dd 7yrs and ds 3yrs. I had mmc in nov we hadnt planned to get preg but were so excited after the intial shock x i'd had some light brown spotting at 6-7 weeks which was put down to old implantation bleed. our bubba was fine with heart beat at 6 weeks 7 weeks and a reasurance scan at 9 weeks. I had at about 10.5 weeks a very sharp pain lasted a minute in bed then nothing at all. went for my 12wk scan when i was 11 wks my bubba had become an angel . measurements showed a 11wk bubba but no heartbeat , i had a scan a week later before my DNC to confirm and got pics of my angel x x Im now ttc again and im on cd7 of what seems my first proper normal cycle x x and to all x x

 

[c-demers]

My name is Candice, I'm 22 and married to an Army man! lol I have 2 beautiful kids from a previous marriage and my now-hubby and I have been trying *unsuccessfully* to conceive for over 18 months. We've experienced two late first trimester miscarriages, one in February and one in June and we just can't seem to get pregnant now with his schedule and since he seems to always be in training during my fertile times. UGH so frustrating. Every month I think it is MY month, of course, I think that's how everyone is...and I symptom spot so horribly even when I tell myself I won't. I've gone through the stages of being angry with God, being angry at my husband...you name it, I've done it. People don't seem to understand because I "already have two kids." They don't realize how hard it is for us to not have our own. Granted, he treats mine like his own, but they are already 3 and 5, he never got to experience a pregnancy, birth, first steps etc. And after every month, it just seems to get worse for us. To make it worse, he deploys back to Iraq in mid-march, so I have one more, or two max (depending on the exact deployment date) cycles to try again. I really thought this was my month because my ovulation always seems off, and this month it was finally right on track...the 14th. The ironic thing was that I was due Jan 14th with this last baby that we wanted so badly. I keep telling myself that if God could let me be miserable through Christmas and the holidays, it had to be for a reason, he was trying to help me make a good memory out of a bad. How great would it be for me to have conceived on my last due date? I'm trying not to get my hopes up though, but it is so hard not to. I really hope I get my BFP before deployment just because I don't think I can make it through June again without it. I went in to the ER with a kidney infection that progressed into a uterine infection, got married in the hospital the next day (the 13th- it was supposed to be our wedding day but I got sick so we improvised), miscarried the 14th, the baby couldn't handle the infection...had to have a D&C because I was bleeding to death, even though baby was still alive...that right there was the hardest part because I had so many "what if's," the doctors assured me that it was either me or the baby and since I was only 12 weeks along, it obviously couldn't be the baby, the 15th was my birthday and I had to spend that in the hospital as well, we didn't get out until the 19th. Definitely the worst week of my life so far.

I still blame myself because I'm pretty sure if I would have taken in more fluids and not missed my dose of antibiotics every few days, then maybe, just maybe, the UTI I had wouldn't have progressed into a kidney infection, which would mean that I would be holding my one week old baby in my arms today.

 

[Tulip]

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry, what a horrific week for you

I know what you mean about DnCing a living baby. If R hadn't been fitting almost constantly I'd have demanded they give her more time. But I couldn't bear to have her suffering so badly. xx

 

[c-demers]

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry, what a horrific week for you

I know what you mean about DnCing a living baby. If R hadn't been fitting almost constantly I'd have demanded they give her more time. But I couldn't bear to have her suffering so badly. xx

It was just so hard because it was completely unexpected. Went in on the 13th and they admitted me with the kidney infection for IV antibiotics (standard procedure when you are pregnant so they can get rid of the infection fast.) They did an ultrasound the next when we they had decided to keep me on IV's for one more day, the baby looked great-never better and the doctor told me that it would be affected by my infection, I was so relieved that I was finally able to get in a little bit of sleep. But, I woke up from my nap with my pajama pants soaked in blood from the uterine infection, and they tried to keep my calm saying that the baby could still be fine, but after an hour of profuse bleeding, they told me they had to end it...it was devastating.

Thank you for your support!

 

[Megg33k]

I can't imagine how heart breaking that must have been, Candice. I know it's no consolation, but don't blame yourself, honey! If the infection was serious enough to get so bad so quickly, I'm certain that not missing a day or two of antibiotics would have been able to avoid what happened! Obviously, most of us look for what we did wrong when we lose a baby... "Was it something I ate? Was it something I took? Was it when I ran into that shopping cart? Was it [insert any minute thing you could possibly thing of here]?" But, it wasn't! There's no point in blaming yourself... and holding all the pain of blaming yourself is just going to make it harder for there to be a next time. That's SO MUCH stress on your mind. You need to let go of the blame that you put on yourself for what happened! It was NOT your fault!

 

[Tulip]

^^ What she said

 

[chocolate]

Ah C-demers, that must a heart wrenching situation to be in, of course you will question everything, I blamed myself for eating stilton soup! But having to make that decision (although like you say, it wasnt like you actually had a decision) must have been the hardest thing to do


to everyone else too, so sad to read all the stories, but I hope we can all help each other get things off our chests.

My story:
My name is Vicki and Im from Berkshire, I have PCOS but thankfully had our ds who is now 19 months, with the help from Chlomid,trigger and progesterone shot. I then fell pregnant in our first cycle trying on Metformin alone, but I stopped that at 5 weeks, and miscarried at 13 weeks, but I just knew bubbs had gone previously. We hadnt told anyone so it was all a bit of a shock, to begin with I just wanted to recover physically, but then once I had, I then had my first scan to check baby had actually gone (I thought there may still be a chance and just had to have a scan to see for myself) and then had 2 days of being emotional. I had to pull myself together for ds and work, and here I am 4 weeks later, in the 2ww - 8dpo and thinking I am pregnant again!

But I could be wrong - I also have the fertility specialist on the 24th Feb. so will either be pregnant or just about to ovulate, so hopefully they can sort out a treatment plan or monitoring which will put my mind at rest a little.