My name is Candice, I'm 22 and married to an Army man! lol I have 2 beautiful kids from a previous marriage and my now-hubby and I have been trying *unsuccessfully* to conceive for over 18 months. We've experienced two late first trimester miscarriages, one in February and one in June and we just can't seem to get pregnant now with his schedule and since he seems to always be in training during my fertile times. UGH so frustrating. Every month I think it is MY month, of course, I think that's how everyone is...and I symptom spot so horribly even when I tell myself I won't. I've gone through the stages of being angry with God, being angry at my husband...you name it, I've done it. People don't seem to understand because I "already have two kids." They don't realize how hard it is for us to not have our own. Granted, he treats mine like his own, but they are already 3 and 5, he never got to experience a pregnancy, birth, first steps etc. And after every month, it just seems to get worse for us. To make it worse, he deploys back to Iraq in mid-march, so I have one more, or two max (depending on the exact deployment date) cycles to try again. I really thought this was my month because my ovulation always seems off, and this month it was finally right on track...the 14th. The ironic thing was that I was due Jan 14th with this last baby that we wanted so badly. I keep telling myself that if God could let me be miserable through Christmas and the holidays, it had to be for a reason, he was trying to help me make a good memory out of a bad. How great would it be for me to have conceived on my last due date? I'm trying not to get my hopes up though, but it is so hard not to. I really hope I get my BFP before deployment just because I don't think I can make it through June again without it. I went in to the ER with a kidney infection that progressed into a uterine infection, got married in the hospital the next day (the 13th- it was supposed to be our wedding day but I got sick so we improvised), miscarried the 14th, the baby couldn't handle the infection...had to have a D&C because I was bleeding to death, even though baby was still alive...that right there was the hardest part because I had so many "what if's," the doctors assured me that it was either me or the baby and since I was only 12 weeks along, it obviously couldn't be the baby, the 15th was my birthday and I had to spend that in the hospital as well, we didn't get out until the 19th. Definitely the worst week of my life so far.
I still blame myself because I'm pretty sure if I would have taken in more fluids and not missed my dose of antibiotics every few days, then maybe, just maybe, the UTI I had wouldn't have progressed into a kidney infection, which would mean that I would be holding my one week old baby in my arms today.