Should I feel this bad?

[lovelylady]

This is my first time on here, but really need some help! Husband and I got married last May, planning to start trying for baby in April. We have been together for nearly 12 years, but finally feel ready now. Husband has a younger sister, been with her partner for nearly a year. Just found out she is expecting- feel completely gutted! I feel so upset- had always thought it would be us first! Feel really selfish and mean but also really angry. I had it all planned out- how we would tell all of our family together, how exciting it would be. Not 1st grandchild for my parents, but would be for his- now feel like we've been beaten to it. Am I totally unreasonable to feel like this???

 

[Strawberries]

I totally understand how you feel; lots of us on here feel like this whenever a friend or family member announces a pregnancy. Hope you feel better soon x

 

[pansylove]

i completely know how you feel, and i feel so guilty about it but its just not fair is it?
not how it was supposed to be.. like had it all planned in your head.

you're not alone xx

 

[kittylady]

Hi

I know how that feels, I always thought I'd be the first out of me and my sister to have kids. She gets pregnant and now she has twin boys. It feels unfair and I know statistically I'll probably not have twins myself so that makes it more frustrating even though Im happy for her. Now everyone expects me to be the career girl and not have kids soon because I'm at university even though I have contingency plans and it depresses me.

I hope you conceive soon. My wishes go out to you.

kittylady

 

[babybump2010]

You're not alone hun. When my friend anounced her pregnancy I was a moody cow for about 3days!! Stupid I know but I felt like you that I had it all planned how we would tell everyone and it would be exciting and we got beat to it.
It gets easier (ish) Just rest asured that you are not the only one to feel this way!!
Heres to a speedy TTC

 

[silverbell]

I can understand this.

I get jealous every time anybody announces they're pregnant, but never more so when that person is younger than me. It makes me almost angry !and that it doesn't feel 'right' that they should be so lucky whereas I'm having to wait.

Very selfish of me, but it's the only time I'm ever selfish, so I don't feel too badly about it!

I'm also the eldest in my family and despite my sister not being in a relationship, my younger brother has been with his girlfriend for a few years and they're talking about moving in together this year and I can't help but wonder if they'll announce a pregnancy before us, which would really upset me I think. It doesn't seem the 'right' order. I know that doesn't make sense and I'm just a jealous cow when people are pregnant. I'm pretty sure we'll be OK though, as his girlfriend really has her head screwed on and appears pretty career-orientated at the moment.

I want to be the first to give my parents grandchildren

 

[kittylady]

I wanted that too until my sis was pregnant

 

[GirlBlue]

No, you're not alone...everyone's right. I feel that way too all the time. My teenage SIL accidentally fell preggers. I talked to my MIL a few months before and she asked when we were giving her grandchildren. My SIL totally took the wind out of my sail. We're also the responsible career minded ones, which gets tiring when you want to be the pregnant ones. But I couldn't stay jealous for long, she was so scared I had to jump in and be suportive. Best advice is to find some way to not feel like you have to keep up with the pack...some reason why you're being more responsible...think of the life you will be able to give your LO...oh the mind games. lol

 

[plutosblue]

Awww hun your not being unreasonable. Me and OH will be trying this September, it will be the first grandchild on both sides of the family, so I am pretty nervous but excited. I know if my SIL or BIL (both much older than OH) announced that they were expecting I would be livid. Infact I think I would sulk and throw childish strops since its pretty much marked as my territory at the moment (and they damn well know it! since noone else is in a position, aside from me and OH to start trying for children).

Its all a part of being human. We are all slightly selfish but thats natural. All you can do is push the bitterness aside and be happy for them (while at the same time having like rabbits and hoping for your own speedy BFP!)

 

[Baby Love]

I feel like that too; we are WTTC and whenever I hear that one of my friends is pregnant I feel so jealous and upset! I don't normally get like that so then it makes me feel bad You're certainly not alone - to be honest I thought I was the only one and am only just starting to realise a lot of people feel like this! Kind of reassuring, even if it is difficult to get through. You'll get there soon, and your child will be just as special as your sister's I'm sure!

 

[bellaboo]

I completely know how everyone is feeling.

My SIL knew we were going to be TTC at the end of last year then she announced she was pregnant. She actually sent me a picture of her pregnancy test while I was at work. (good job I was just leaving as I dont think I could of got through an afternoon of teaching if it was any earlier.) Anyhow I spent the whole week crying my eyes out, especially as I was due to ovulate that wkend and it was going to be our first try!!!

I have now just got home from theirs after she had her 1st scan this afternoon, and she kept giving books that she doesn't need (this is her 2nd) Had another cry with OH. Luckily he is very supportive about it.

We are now on the count down to may/june to start again as going away at christmas.

Ahh well it will soon be here ... hopefully!!!

 

[GirlBlue]

Yep, Got a call from a friend of DH last night. He and his wife had their first child. I am going to have to bring byself to look at the pics on FB soon enough....but for now...its too hard. But, I think the key is to not let the green eyed monster rule. when it's our turn, we'd totally want other people to be happy for us not mopey and sad. So I'm thinking that shaking this off just has to go with the territory.

 

[runnergrl]

No way! we all feel like that at times. and there will be women who feel like that about you when yoou announce you are pregnant. Its tough especially when you are at an age where you feel like EVERYONE around you is having babies(like I do) and all you do is attend baby showers... (6 for me this year, yikes)
Its really really hard, but I rely on my faith to get me through and to keep me from feeling super jealous. I know it will be my turn soon enough and It will be in His perfect timing!

Hope that helps

 

[Kracker]

We certainly do get a doses of the green eyed monster from time to time. I actually plan very little now due to ending up feeling like that. You have the perfect picture of an event in your head then someone steals your thunder! Chin up chick, big ((HUGS))

 

[Torsie]

I'm so glad to have been directed to the thread.

I've been very broody lately, and have been having fun preparing for the day we have a baby, looking on baby websites, researching nappies, buggies etc. etc.

But then last week a friend, (who is a year younger) announced their pregnancy. Don't get me wrong it is amazing news for them, and they will be wonderful parents. But it really knocked me back.

I just take comfort in that it'll be mine and my fiance's time before we know it, and that by that time their baby will be in their terrible twos and they will probably be a little jealous of us just starting out and having all the first time excitement.

 

[Baby Love]

I'm so glad to have been directed to the thread.

I've been very broody lately, and have been having fun preparing for the day we have a baby, looking on baby websites, researching nappies, buggies etc. etc.

But then last week a friend, (who is a year younger) announced their pregnancy. Don't get me wrong it is amazing news for them, and they will be wonderful parents. But it really knocked me back.

I just take comfort in that it'll be mine and my fiance's time before we know it, and that by that time their baby will be in their terrible twos and they will probably be a little jealous of us just starting out and having all the first time excitement.

That's a good way to look at it! I didn't really think of that. And also they'll have plenty of tips and maybe even baby stuff to hand down

 

[Torsie]

That's a good way to look at it! I didn't really think of that. And also they'll have plenty of tips and maybe even baby stuff to hand down

Glad you think so.

I was a little worried it sounded a bit harsh! Glad to see you know where I'm coming from.

 

[PrayinForBaby]

I don't know if I should even be chiming in on this, but I did have a similar scenario with this...I got pregnant in August 2009 and didn't know it until Sept 9...we lost the baby on Sept 17 @ 6w1d. I was gutted! I wanted to be a mommy so bad for quite some time and even though at that point the baby wasn't planned, it just seemed meant to be...so I suffered very hard. Found out around the 2nd week of October that my brother's wife was pregnant with her 2nd...8 weeks. I was DEVASTATED! I knew that I had to be supportive for my brother, so my hubby and me went with them to my dad and step mom's house to announce the pregnancy. Keep in mind, my dad knew I lost our baby as I told him within days of our loss. We're there for about 2 hours and my nephew is running around in this t-shirt that says "I'm gonna be a big brother!" and my dad and stepmom never see it. About another hour later, my brother finally stops him from running around and tells my parents to read Aiden's shirt. They instantly were hugging them and telling them how happy they were and that they just knew how happy they must be, etc. All the while my hubby and I are sitting at the end of the table just dying. I finally couldn't take it after about 30 minutes of them praising my sister in law, I lied and said I had to be at work that night (I was working full time midnights at the time). We barely got goodbyes that night, and my hubby and I made it to the truck and I lost it! I drove just out of sight to where my parents wouldn't have seen my truck stop and just sobbed! Of course I was happy for my brother, but I was just so tore up that I had just lost our baby and it seemed like none of them cared. My heart was breaking! I truly believe that was one of the worst heart aches I have ever had! But I managed to become at peace with everything. Slowly but I did, and low and behold the week of Thanksgiving my hubby and I found out we were 5 weeks pregnant! So now my sister in law is only 6-7 weeks ahead of me. So I know how you ladies feel. And I am over the moon about this baby, but I do know the pain, heartache, jealousy...all those emotions of wanting a baby and it not being the right time. All I can really say is that I hope each and every one of you is blessed with your own little baby when the time is right, and I hope its an easy process for you. Waiting is the worst part. Good luck ladies!

 

[WannaB]

Ive snuck over to chime in too! Its totally natural and normal to feel this way so dont beat yourself up over it! And it doesnt get any easier once you hit the ttc side either so be warned! I got a bfp in November only to loose it in December, the same day a friend of ours fiancee announced on FB that she was pregnant. I tell you I was totally gutted, and I new it was coming, I had guessed a few weeks before. I had to block her updates from my page, I just couldnt look at them. That was the second I had lost and she is at the same stage I would have been if it didnt happen. I dont feel bad about it, I know its a totally normal reaction and neither should you, you've lost in your own way too!

 

[Jenna-Marie]

I don't know if I should even be chiming in on this, but I did have a similar scenario with this...I got pregnant in August 2009 and didn't know it until Sept 9...we lost the baby on Sept 17 @ 6w1d. I was gutted! I wanted to be a mommy so bad for quite some time and even though at that point the baby wasn't planned, it just seemed meant to be...so I suffered very hard. Found out around the 2nd week of October that my brother's wife was pregnant with her 2nd...8 weeks. I was DEVASTATED! I knew that I had to be supportive for my brother, so my hubby and me went with them to my dad and step mom's house to announce the pregnancy. Keep in mind, my dad knew I lost our baby as I told him within days of our loss. We're there for about 2 hours and my nephew is running around in this t-shirt that says "I'm gonna be a big brother!" and my dad and stepmom never see it. About another hour later, my brother finally stops him from running around and tells my parents to read Aiden's shirt. They instantly were hugging them and telling them how happy they were and that they just knew how happy they must be, etc. All the while my hubby and I are sitting at the end of the table just dying. I finally couldn't take it after about 30 minutes of them praising my sister in law, I lied and said I had to be at work that night (I was working full time midnights at the time). We barely got goodbyes that night, and my hubby and I made it to the truck and I lost it! I drove just out of sight to where my parents wouldn't have seen my truck stop and just sobbed! Of course I was happy for my brother, but I was just so tore up that I had just lost our baby and it seemed like none of them cared. My heart was breaking! I truly believe that was one of the worst heart aches I have ever had! But I managed to become at peace with everything. Slowly but I did, and low and behold the week of Thanksgiving my hubby and I found out we were 5 weeks pregnant! So now my sister in law is only 6-7 weeks ahead of me. So I know how you ladies feel. And I am over the moon about this baby, but I do know the pain, heartache, jealousy...all those emotions of wanting a baby and it not being the right time. All I can really say is that I hope each and every one of you is blessed with your own little baby when the time is right, and I hope its an easy process for you. Waiting is the worst part. Good luck ladies!

Oh honey that's awful Yeah I think I would have made my excuses and left too. But major congrats on your lil beanie

Hubby and I have been trying for nine months now and we started WTT about a year ago. In that time two of my best friends have fallen pregnant, my cousin fell pregnant (although she miscarried ), my SIL gave birth to her baby and many other people that I know are falling pregnant left right and centre!! Both my best friends fell pregnant without even trying to which makes it harder!! I'm very happy for them all but I do have moments where I get upset. I'm getting fed up with hearing 'just relax' or 'don't think about it and it will happen'. I mean, how the hell am I not meant to think about it when I have to deal with a bleed every month and time sex to fit in with ovulation???? etc etc. I think what annoys me more is that most of the people who say these things have fallen pregnant at the drop of a hat. They've not even had to deal with TTC because it's just happened, either unplanned or very fast. One of my best friends said to me yesterday 'This is really taking up a lot of your energy isn't it' hinting that I should chill out. The fact that she fell pregnant on the pill totally unexpected seems to have escaped her, lol!