should i leave him?

[laurag15]

Yesterday I found private messages on my fiancees facebook to a 17 year old girl (hes 26!) she works at the same place as him. he was calling her sexy & gorgeous & saying how he misses her and asking if she wanted to meet up. he told her she has a good head on her for 17. he asked for her number cuz he sed he wants to talk to her all the time. but she wudnt give it him because her bf is very posessive. he also went on to say "its typical, when i was single there were no girls around that i liked and now im taken your everywere" she asked where i was & he said "shes just left" so it seems like he couldnt wait for me to go! He then admitted he did it with another girl from work, but he was texting her when she was on a night out. apparently he invited her back to his and she said yes. hes promised me that when she said yes he didnt text her back. but i just dont know what to believe. obviously ive confronted him and we had a huge row and ive packed all my stuff up. he keeps on insisting that it didnt mean anything and he says he did it just to see what reaction he would get off them! something just doesnt add up, thats not realy a reason to flirt with girls. part of me wants to believe him but i just cant understand why he would do that. he has had alot of problems with depression etc and he says its cuz hes messed up that he did this with the girls but i still think thats an excuse.
any thoughts please? im going crazy here!
forgot to say, we have been togethere 1.5 years

 

[jen1604]

What does your gut instinct say?

Do you think he would cheat?If you think he would,honestly I would leave.
But if you think its just for attention and you honestly believe he will change then maybe it might be worth staying,talking and seeing whether you can fix it.He would have to understand though that things won't go back to being good between you immediately and he will have to earn your trust.
It depends aswell on whether you think you could ever get past it. I know from past experience when someone did that to me it was always in my head that it could happen again and it makes you paranoid and doubtful of them which I think is something you shouldn't really be in a serious relationship.

 

[laurag15]

i was very insecure anyway becuz of previous shit relationships now this has made it worse
my gut instinct is that he wudnt cheat on me but then i dont wanna be a mug & let him get away with it if he has/does.
ive asked if hes bored of me & is that why he did it? but hes promised hes not bored and he said hes stupid and he just did it to get a reaction
he has been begging me since last night not to leave and he promises that he wants no one else and would never cheat
this has realy hurt me & i honestly didnt think he would do anything like this

 

[mamadonna]

just wanted to say i'm so sorry ur going thru this,if i was in ur shoes hun i dont know if i could stick around just thought of him sending messages to another women saying they were sexy would have me sick to my stomach,i know we all have to have trust but would he have told u about the messages etc if you hadnt have found them.

he should be sending you those type of messages hun,i hope you can work thru this hun...

 

[laurag15]

he does compliment me alot. but i agree with you, it is wrong that he is sending these messages to other girls. thats what im scared about, not being able to fully trust him again. im worried its always gonna be there in the back of my mind, i cant live like that

 

[mamadonna]

i suppose only you will know what to do with this,i know it would always be at the back of my mind,i easily forgive but its so hard to forget,and sometimes this can damage a relationship,at the end of the day hun u have to take care of u!!

would he cancel his fb account or change his number maybe?

 

[AP]

Do you have children with this man?

If not - you don't have much to think about, apart from leaving him. If this is how he behaves now - then there's not much hope for the future(let me tell you from experience)

If children are involved then that's another thing altogether.

 

[laurag15]

i dont want him to not talk to gals cuz its not healthy, i just dont expect him to be havin conversations like that. i have tried and tried to 'break' him to get him to give me another reason for chatting to them like this (i think its cuz he fancies em and wants to meet em) but hes adiment that it meant nothin and he did it to get a reaction.

 

[mamadonna]

he needs to stop now tho cos 1 day he may get the reaction he wants and may not be able to help himself

 

[POASFiend]

I've been in relationships like this and I'm sorry to say it has always ended badly. Even if there is no sex involved he is being intimate with another person, that's not fair. I think maybe you should read up a little on emotional adultery and see if you think this is where your relationship fits in. If this is how he treats you now. You can bet it will continue.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I speak from experience I have always given and forgiven too much and have been taken advantage of because of it. Sorry hun. I hope things get better for you. These are the hardest lessons in life.