Should men be in the labor room *Mother&Baby Mag*

[jadesh101]

The Mag Read

A quarter of woman would rather have their Mum's by their side than their partner during birth*
So, an invaluable support or a squeamish mess- is your man the right person to support you.

One lady said yes! You babies Dads has got to be the best person to hold your hand in the delivery room, how could you deny him the life changing opportunity to watch his child come into the world, he was your best support during the pregnancy and knows what you need.

Another lady said no! it's a sign of our enlightened times that fathers are allowed into the delivery rooms.. Now we are in danger of turning what has become a choice into yet another obligatory box on the 'good parent' checklist! There's no doubt those first few minutes are invaluable in promoting parental bonding, But what if the father can't be there, or a woman chooses someone else to support her. Is her birth second-rate.


No it wouldn't be second-rate, a woman should go with what will make her comfortable. My partner didn't make it to the first birth, emergency c-section but my mum was there and she was my rock, my second birth was a VBAC and I loved it! My Mum, partner and sister were in the room, my mum again was my rock, but my partner being there supporting me also helped me push baby out when she was stuck! And those first few minutes of us cuddling with baby can never be replace!

Why on earth are mothers feeling judged about how and when and who with that they give birth, it's disgusting, it's not what people think, and if it is first or second rate to who you choose to be there! It is the day you bring your beautiful baby into the world with someone you love dearly beside you, doesn't matter if it is your partner, father of baby (if not together) mum, sister, friend or doula! as long as mummy and baby are safe warm and happy!

Opinions

 

[mnonie]

I want my OH there tbh, I see it as the LO is his son and I want him to be able to watch. Our labour ward has a lounge in case it gets to much for him . We decided as a team , makes more sense to us to discuss it. Tbf if my mum was there I'm not sure she's be much use as she's a Crofter (farmer) and isn't very comforting as much as I love her, that and she works nights. I think it's disgusting that people judge, it should be completely the mums (poss partners) choice.

 

[maybebaby3]

I agree with you! I had my mum and DH with me for 1st 2 births but just DH with my 3rd as mum was looking after the other 2. I also had my friend who's a mw deliver all 3 and that really helped as I felt supported and safe. So long as you feel that it doesn't matter who is there really!

 

[LoraLoo]

I had both OH and my Mum with my first, and just OH with the others. He was fantastic, I'd always want him there, he was an amazing support and its an experience you cant ever relive or do again.

 

[NaturalMomma]

DH would not miss the birth of his children for the world. I know some people are scared that it'll turn them off when it comes to sex and things like that, but DH has said that seeing our son's being born was the most amazing thing in the world, and we have lots of sex

DH and my mom are with me, have been with both boys and will be with this one as well. In fact, DH plans to catch baby.

 

[amjon]

Why not both? Both of my parents and DH were there when I delivered my daughter.

 

[stickybean4]

My hubby was there with and so were two of my teenage sons.

 

[jazzylady]

I will not want that my hubby to see me like that!For some that is a traumatic experience, I will not risk it and I will just not feel comfortable.... He have to ask very nice to come in,but I will not pressure him at all.

 

[R8ch]

My husband will be with me again for delivery of this baby. He knows me better then anyone else and he wouldn't have it any other way and neither would I - he was amazing during the birth of my daughter. I am not ashamed/embarrassed of what happens to me and my body during child birth - its a wonderful experience - one neither of us would want him to miss.
Rx

 

[CupcakeBaby]

My DH would be heartbroken to miss the birth of his child.

I also feel it'd be insulting to him to have my Mum there instead.

Of course if I have a really long labour my mum may be with me a while to give him a break etc but for the moment she arrives it'll be just him.

 

[MissWaiting]

when we actually finally get pregnant and go into labour i want my man there i want my mum and sister to be in the hospital while im in labour because knowing they are their will be a comfort but only want my oh in the room unless i need big needles then my mum will have to come in while there is a needle about but then i want it to be just the 2 of us and im even concidering sending the mw out unless i feel i need her or up untill i feel i need to push as having the labour is time for me and my OH to be together in prepareing for our childs arrival but i still want a hospital birth for my first as im jsut to scared that things will go wrong so i know im in the right place but would really concider a home birth if i managed to lern more about it i have plenty of time to do so thought as im long term wtt

 

[frstndonly]

I agree with OP. It doesn't matter who you have in the room as long as mom is comfortable and supported by who is there. My hubby is planning on being the only one in the room, but if I'm not feeling supported enough I will be calling in my oldest sister. She helped support my other sister and her hubby ALOT durring both of her labors.

 

[solitaire89]

I think the key is who will support you the best. In my case, my OH was the only person who could have supported me properly, and therefore he was the only person (save mws) who I was prepared to have with me during birthing. I don't think that there should be any pressure on a husband/partner to be there during the birth, and I don't think that they should be labelled as a bad parent if they don't attend. However, I do feel that whoever is called on to be a birth partner owes it to the labouring mother to do some prep themselves, rather than just rocking up and waiting to see what happens. I don't feel that a woman who has experienced labour and birth can count that as prep either - I mean for the birth partner to really sit down with the expectant mother and to see what her wishes/wants are, so that they can be an advocate for them when the time comes. Just my personal opinion though, and I know there may be those that disagree

 

[LockandKey]

having gone through labor and birth before, I personally know what I would prefer, both of them in there, my mom, mostly because she can give me the support and encouragement that I need, and DH because it's his kid, he should be in there. I love my DH, but during my last delivery, he just sat in the corner scared out of his mind, just waiting the time away while I was in bed waiting to dilate and not even speaking to me, I am pretty sure he even fell asleep at one point! I am going all natural this time and could really use the support, I think my mom would better be able to deliver it than him

 

[Proserpina]

Partners should have the option of being there, but they also shouldn't feel compelled to be there if they don't want to and if mother is comfortable not having partner for support.

DH is rather squeamish about blood. He was with me for the last birth, but when our pushy OB asked him "Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?," she then shoved the scissors into his hand before he could even answer. He went through with it, but didn't like it, and had to leave the room once because of all the blood and stuff. This time, I am clearly putting into my birth plan:

• "Please do not usurp my conjugal right to order my own husband around. If he does not want to cut the umbilical cord, don't try to make him do it."

I'm sure he will be with me this time, but he doesn't have to be at an angle where he has to watch a lot of blood. He can do what he wants. I'm hiring a doula this time.

 

[Gertie beetle]

Yep, I'm all for whatever mother wants.
I'm having both my partner & mum with me. In fact, I just has this conversation with my partner the other day- he better not even think if leaving my side unless I tell him to get out.

 

[MumMumMum]

My DH was with me for DD's labour and birth. It didn't go to plan and he really had to help me and pass on the MWs instructions.

Afterwards and the next day they told me he was so good I should hire him out!

I will have just him there again this time. It wasn't much of a discussion for us. I want him there and he wants to be there.

Sometimes when things go wrong someone has to make decisions for you and your family. Your partner is the right one to do that.

My Mum wanted to be there last time but the hospital wouldn't let here wait in the waiting room until I wanted her to come in so she waited at home.
This time she will have our daughter while we are at the hospital. After last time I know she will be worrying and if she's there then I'll pick up on it.

 

[jadesh101]

Thanks for all the reply's! Loved reading your experiences.

Although my Mum was my complete rock through both, this time it will be just myself and partner (FOB) there, my mum will be watching my other two. But I will be asking someone to be at the hospital to support me if I need them waiting outside x

 

[vikster]

My step sister had her husband and her mum there but says she regrets it. It was never the plan for her mum to be there but they allowed her in the delivery room when she was in labour and a combination of her mum not leaving of her own accord and them not having the heart to ask her to leave led to her being there for the birth. She says that although her mum was a great help, she feels that it should have been something for just her and her husband to share as this was their first. Also, her mum tells the birth story like it was her having the baby which my step sis feels a bit cheated of because it is her story to tell, not her mums.

I suppose it is every woman's choice and people will never agree on what is right but i suppose you can only do what is best for you and your circumstances x

 

[summer rain]

I hate that magazine its like the parenting mag equivalent of the DM lol. I have always just had OH there, having my mum there would probably kill me from stress (no offence mum!) but she is not only overbearing but she would probably remind me of how she is missing x, y and z on TV for my benefit! xx