Should Our Children Fear Us?

[Wobbles]

Everyone is different from how we are brought up to how we handle our own challenges as a parent.

I want my children to make decisions based on the merit of the idea not out of fear of consequences. Then again, they're not teenagers yet.

What are you thoughts on this article:
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[sue_88]

Having a child fear you, or making a child fear you, is (IMO) disgusting. It just reminds me of The Pearls 'parenting'.

If my LO fears me for my actions towards her, I've done something severely wrong in the course of being her up.

I want my LO to trust my authority whilst being creative and diplomatic herself.

 

[Noodlebear]

I understand what they mean but I don't really like the choice of words. I think there can be a healthy amount of 'fear' from children towards their parents in terms of behaving in order to avoid a punishment (if you choose to punish your child it wouldn't work without it), it doesn't matter how you word it but young children will be fearful of disappointing their mum, dad, teachers etc and won't want to get into trouble. It's natural progression as they begin to understand that other people also have emotions and is all part of respecting authority. Until they learn to understand how other people feel all their thinking is in tunnel vision - behaviour is based on positive and negative reinforcement.
If 'fear', for example, means doing something accidently and then being absolutely terrified and hiding from mum or dad then no way, that's completely disgusting and abusive imo. Genuine fear is not an emotion I want my son to connect to me!

 

[Natasha2605]

Having a child fear you, or making a child fear you, is (IMO) disgusting. It just reminds me of The Pearls 'parenting'.

If my LO fears me for my actions towards her, I've done something severely wrong in the course of being her up.

I want my LO to trust my authority whilst being creative and diplomatic herself.

Absolutely agree.

The thought of my children fearing me makes me feel physically sick.

 

[emyandpotato]

Having a child fear you, or making a child fear you, is (IMO) disgusting. It just reminds me of The Pearls 'parenting'.

If my LO fears me for my actions towards her, I've done something severely wrong in the course of being her up.

I want my LO to trust my authority whilst being creative and diplomatic herself.

I agree.

 

[MrsButterfly]

I was scared of my mum and dad growing up. Would they smack me? Would they shout at me?

Although my relationship with them today is ok it's not what I'd hope for. If my boy is ever scared of me id consider I was doing something wrong.

 

[Button#]

I would never want my child to fear me. I am his safe place and I want him to know I love him unconditionally. I want him to respect me but I think that works both ways and I don't think instilling fear into another person is very respectful. I would much rather teach him right from wrong and have him develop a sense of morality without fear.

My dad was the one who smacked in our house and we barely have any sort of relationship.

 

[Yo_Yo]

My kids could never fear me. Apparently even my cross voice is lame according to my hubby!
Kids shouldn't feel fear towards parents. That's not to say you should let them get away with bad behaviour, but I just don't think fear needs to be (or should be )used with kids.

 

[lhancock90]

I don't want my children to fear me. I want them to respect me and trust that i will always do the best for them, and i want that to be mutual, i respect my girls, they may be young but if they don't want to eat a meal i respect that perhaps they don't like it, or they aren't hungry or maybe they feel a bit off y'know? I don't let them run riot but i think i've built a strong relationship with them and they have lovely personality, they are polite, they can be mischievous at times but they listen to me if i explain why they shouldn't do something and i did all of that without instilling any fear into them.

I think if your children fear you as youngsters and carry that fear into adulthood it leads to situations that can be avoided because they are too scared to talk to you.

x

 

[kerrie24]

No.I trust that my children will make the right decisions because they have respect for me as their parent and not because they are scared.I never want them to be scared to come and tell me they have done something wrong.If they let me down or make a bad choice I will show them I am disappointed,not angry.

 

[Rachel_C]

I don't want my children to fear me or to fear punishment, but I do want them to have a normal and realistic worry about or fear of real/logical consequences. If they are contemplating throwing plates around I want them to know that they might get hurt and have a normal degree of fear of that, and also to know that if they break something on purpose or because of being careless I'm not going to run around desperately trying to replace it so they can fear losing something they might later want back. Logical consequences aren't the same as random punishments though so I'm okay with that, and it shouldn't mean they're afraid of me.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

I don't want my son to fear me because I want him to be able to come to me with problems and know that I'm always on his side. I never feared my parents growing up but I knew if I did something bad I was going to get punished so I was scared of punishment.

 

[meli1981]

I think there is such thing as healthy fear.....like the fear of fire and strangers and such....i want my kids to respect me...so yeah when i raise my voice to my older daughter then yes she might be alittle taken back, but we are still close as hell and she knows she can come to me for anything, and has recently if you follow my journal. A slight fear of discipline hasnt hurt my relationships with my children, but has helped to mold them into smart, respectful lil human beings

 

[JASMAK]

Fear, no. Respect, yes. I think people confuse the two. Very sad.

 

[bookreader]

I don't ever want my son to fear me.

I grew up fearful of my parents and I feel I missed out on so much.

I always knew my child wouldn't be raised that way but I do remember when I was pregnant wondering what it would be like raising a child that wouldn't be fearful, as I didn't know any different and couldn't work out what it would look like.

It looks bloody wonderful.

 

[BabyMamma93]

Fear, no. Respect, yes. I think people confuse the two. Very sad.

i agree.
I dont like that the word used is FEAR!!
i wasnt ever scared of my parents, but if i was to do something (sometimes) i would think 'what will be the consequence, what will my mum/dad say, will i get shouted at/grounded etc.
it wasnt fear as such but yeah i was scared/worried that id get told off, not because my mum and dad are scary people, far from it, but IDK i cant really explain..

i definatley dont want my little boy to be scared of me, like wincing in the corner if i ever raise my voice, but i would like him to think about the consequences of doing something before he actually does it..

again very hard to explain but i know where im coming from LOL x

 

[WelshOneEmma]

If my children feared me, then I would feel my job as a parent has been a total failure.

As others have said, respect yes. Healthy 'fear' of punishment for doing something they know is wrong. But never to fear me.

I will always love them and want the best for them and I hope that when older they trust me enough to come with any problem they may have. You can't do that if you fear your parents.

 

[OmarsMum]

Fear no, respect yes!

We dont even punish, & I try not to raise my voice as it scares my son. When I get cross, I turn my face away from him to control my temper, he ends up really upset & he asks me if I'm ok, this is more than enough for me at his age as he has respect to my feelings.

 

[jd83]

Fear, no. Respect, yes. I think people confuse the two. Very sad.

^ This. So often confused. I want my kids to respect me, to respect what I've told them to do/not to do. If they disobey, obviously that may mean consequences will follow. I think that should be respected, not feared as such. Obviously, kids will fear getting in trouble, but I think that's pretty normal. No one likes being in trouble. But I think there's a massive difference in having a fear of getting in trouble for doing something you know was wrong, and actually being afraid of the parent.

 

[meli1981]

I agree jd....theres a difference between the fear of the disiplinary action vs the fear of the actual parent.....tho saying this if it was my husband disiplining the kids, they dont take him as seriously and thus act up more. I dont want my kids to cower in a corner when im angry...but i do want them to know i mean business!