Should People arrange a funeral if they can't afford to pay for it?

[TattiesMum]

I'm chasing bad debts this morning and muttering darkly a bit - so I thought I'd throw this 'out there' and see what people think ....

Obviously when a loved one dies, most people's reaction is to want to arrange a fitting funeral for them, but what if the person who has died has left no money or assets to cover the costs?

What if you have no money to pay for it either?

For people on income support the Gov't will pay up to £1400 towards it, but no more - and with funeral costs, even for a simple cremation, averaging £3k plus, that still leaves a big shortfall

So ... would you arrange the funeral and then leave the Funeral Director with a debt? (the FD will have paid the local council/church/cemetery etc up front on your behalf).

And ... if so, would you make a concious effort to spend as little as possible so that the debt is minimised or would you go ahead and order a horse drawn hearse, church services, burial (more expensive than cremation), and all whistles and bells because " 'X' deserves the best", even though you know you will be unable to pay for it?

Or ... would you 'step away' and refuse to arrange any kind of funeral because the money isn't there (if this happens then the Local Authority will arrange and pay for simple cremation and ashes scattering but the family have no input into it as they are not paying)?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not insensitive to the needs of families and I'm perfectly happy to allow families to pay me for a funeral in installments ... but when someone has run up a large bill, spent £100's on flowers etc and then just doesn't even attempt to pay the bill I can't help but wonder about the morality of that ... so what do others think?

 

[emyandpotato]

Honestly, if I couldn't afford it at all then I'd have the very basic local authority funeral. I don't think it's insulting to the person who died at all, in fact if I died I wouldn't want a lavish funeral as I see no point. A cardboard coffin, a simple cremation and a few lovely speeches and a family gathering with sandwiches at somebody's home is equally special and perhaps even more comforting for the mourners than an alien environment. I've been to funerals of close family members that are held in churches and then have a posh wake and I've just had to leave as it didn't feel 'right'.

 

[v2007]

My Grandad died in November, his funeral totalled over 3K.

My Mum got around £900 from the government and the rest was paid using my Nans savings

This really angered me as TBH my Grandad wasn't a very nice man.

He begged, borrowed and stole all his life and stole thousands of pounds from my Nans bank account until my Mum got wise and changed the PIN numbers.

He stole antiques from their house and sold them, he ran up debts with various lenders and even thou he is dead she still has to keep paying for him.

IMHO if you can't afford a huge 'fancy' funeral then don't have one.

In life the majority try to live within their means so why shouldn't we in death.

It's the people who are left behind who have to pay and there is no way I would pay for a funeral for a loved one if it meant crippling myself to pay for it.

However saying that God forbid it was one of my kids, money wouldn't matter so go figure.

V xxx

 

[lesleyann]

I think it's a very raw subject however people need to understand how expensive it is. My parents both live on benefits so it will be left to me and my brother to pay for it, what does not help is everyone has an expectation of their funeral which makes their family feel they have to do what that person wanted regardless of cost.

If god forbid my parents where to die tomorrow there is no way me and my brother could find 6k to have them both cremated, my brother is a student and I'm and sahm, but I would want to be able to say goodbye and scatter their ashes witch if you let the LA pay for it you can't do.

So I would be stuck we would have to get into debt or not get to say goodbye properly, I think everyone should have some sort of basic life insurance to cover their funeral costs, me and oh are both about to take out polices that will leave 200k each if we where to die to cover costs and leave the kids money for a house deposit. Then on another topic I don't think people should be allowed to get into so much debt to leave to their children when my parents die me and my brother will be screwed from the funeral and their debts. Yet I have my own children to support without others debts.

 

[Nibblenic]

I dont know why more people dont look into donating their body to science tbh. I know you have to die in certain circumstances, but its better than the huge costs of a funeral

Personally I think its not different to a wedding/christening or any other ceremony, you need to save for it and have it within your means.

 

[TattiesMum]

Then on another topic I don't think people should be allowed to get into so much debt to leave to their children when my parents die me and my brother will be screwed from the funeral and their debts. Yet I have my own children to support without others debts.

No Hon ... people's unsecured debts die with them if they haven't left any money to cover them

So, if there is no money or property, your parents' creditors can't ask you for the money - you are not responsible for them

Funeral costs are different as they are incurred by the living on behalf of those who have died (and if there is any money left then, legally, Funeral Costs have to be paid out of it first)

 

[emyandpotato]

I dont know why more people dont look into donating their body to science tbh. I know you have to die in certain circumstances, but its better than the huge costs of a funeral

Personally I think its not different to a wedding/christening or any other ceremony, you need to save for it and have it within your means.

I am determined to do this, although it actually came up in another topic and OP said there is a long process to it. I did look in to it but it seems very complicated.

 

[lesleyann]

Do funeral places offer say a monthly payment thing? As I said before me and my brother (forgetting Oh atm as its not his parents) could not pull 6k out of our bums if both where to die or is it suposed to be pay in full?

 

[smelly07]

I only want a simple funeral, the very basics i dont see the need on billions of flowers horses and limos etc etc.

If a loved one died i.e a parent, i wouldnt get in to debt for a funeral, i would help towards costs as much as i could but would keep it as simple as possible.


like weddings i feel sick at how much some people spend on them and i feel the same about funerals everything gets stupidly over priced things like this you can spend as little or as much as you want and i dont think spending ££££££££££££££ makes it any more meaningful or nicer than if you spend £££

x

 

[Nibblenic]

https://www.hta.gov.uk/bodyorganandtissuedonation/howtodonateyourbody.cfm

If you download the form on the left of that page. Look for you local university, and email them. Im with newcastle uni as is my family,

 

[v2007]

If the funeral doesn't cripple you, the bloody headstones do.

They cost a fortune

V xx

 

[TattiesMum]

Do funeral places offer say a monthly payment thing? As I said before me and my brother (forgetting Oh atm as its not his parents) could not pull 6k out of our bums if both where to die or is it suposed to be pay in full?

Yes - most FDs offer pre-paid plans where you can pay in installments over however many months you want

I even don't mind letting people pay in installments after the funeral has taken place but some people really take the mick - I have some who owe me thousands who wander in once every couple of months or so and hand over a tenner

Yes V, headstones aren't cheap but I suppose at least with a headstone there is no rush to put one up so people tend to leave them until they do have the money

 

[Eternal]

you should do what you can afford, i understand you want the best for a family member, but still, if you cant afford it you shouldnt.

 

[lesleyann]

Do funeral places offer say a monthly payment thing? As I said before me and my brother (forgetting Oh atm as its not his parents) could not pull 6k out of our bums if both where to die or is it suposed to be pay in full?

Yes - most FDs offer pre-paid plans where you can pay in installments over however many months you want

I even don't mind letting people pay in installments after the funeral has taken place but some people really take the mick - I have some who owe me thousands who wander in once every couple of months or so and hand over a tenner

Yes V, headstones aren't cheap but I suppose at least with a headstone there is no rush to put one up so people tend to leave them until they do have the money

That must really take the P!! I have no idea howmuch headstones are but if being cremated you dont need one do you.

 

[Eve]

When my son died, we had nothing extra It was terrible to think of, once we actually sat down and had somewhat of a clear head. I was so stressed about money, and in just having to say goodbye to my baby, it was terrible!

My brother and father both offered to pay for whatever Mark and I wanted to do, but I felt terrible to plan anything with their money.

My father said he would handle it, and I wasn't in any emotional/mental state to disagree, so he took care of everything. He made the arrangments. He asked me about the Urn, and when I wanted the memorial service etc... and if we wanted him cremated or burried which we chose cremation.

The funeral home donated almost everything though for their time and use of the funeral home and cremation fees. All my father ended up having to pay was for the Urn and flowers/food. Here it is something commonly done when someone has lost a baby. I thought it was so sweet of them.

I think the government should cover the basic costs of a funeral (3k there or whatever) as it is something that needs done. No nothing lavish but what is needed for the family to feel secure in how things were done.

 

[emyandpotato]

The government does cover the cost of a basic funeral if needs be. But for the government to give out £3k to every person who dies would only cripple the economy further.

 

[Eve]

I'm not from the UK, so I don't know about the costs etc...

I know you shouldn't have to cremate if you don't want to. Proper burial, casket, plot in regular place would be nice though.

Canada Pension gives 10K out when a beneficiary dies I believe, and then obviously life insurance if you have it. I think that is how it goes. It's how it will be with my grandfather. TBH I've never had to deal with an adult loved one passing away.

 

[twinkle1975]

DH & I werr talking about this the other day.

My parents have already paid for their funerals so that my brother & I don't have to worry about it when they die but if DH or I died the other one wouldn't have the money to pay for a funeral so we'd have to ask about payment plans.

I can't imagine running up a huge debt on a funeral and would even if we did have money I'd still want a fairly simple funeral.

I think people are taking liberties by not paying when they should & also possibly taking advantage of funeral directors good will & sympathy - shame on them!

 

[TattiesMum]

When my son died, we had nothing extra It was terrible to think of, once we actually sat down and had somewhat of a clear head. I was so stressed about money, and in just having to say goodbye to my baby, it was terrible!

My brother and father both offered to pay for whatever Mark and I wanted to do, but I felt terrible to plan anything with their money.

My father said he would handle it, and I wasn't in any emotional/mental state to disagree, so he took care of everything. He made the arrangments. He asked me about the Urn, and when I wanted the memorial service etc... and if we wanted him cremated or burried which we chose cremation.

The funeral home donated almost everything though for their time and use of the funeral home and cremation fees. All my father ended up having to pay was for the Urn and flowers/food. Here it is something commonly done when someone has lost a baby. I thought it was so sweet of them.

I think the government should cover the basic costs of a funeral (3k there or whatever) as it is something that needs done. No nothing lavish but what is needed for the family to feel secure in how things were done.

Baby funerals are different We do those for free too

 

[Laura2919]

Funerals are so expensive. My nan died here in 2008 and wanted to be flown back to her birth place of Italy and in total it cost £15,000 it was all paid for by each of her children out of their part of the estate she had left. They wouldn't of had it any other way even if it took all of what she left.
Firstly we had a service over here where all her family and friends could say their goodbye's before she was taken to have her coffin sealed and stamped.
My mum, uncle and aunt had the best of the best for her, she was flown over and escorted from the airport to her hometown in a beautiful hearse, the church was covered in fresh flowers, she wasn't buried she was given a spot in the the wall that faced her village and her house and for us it felt like she was finally at rest where she wanted to be.

I believe everybody is entitled to a decent funeral but the cost is just too expensive. I believe there should be the basic available like a decent coffin and a budget for flowers but its hard as coffins alone are expensive, flowers cost a mega amount and the cars aren't cheap either.

My friend lost her son last year, his funeral was free but to have him in his own car they had to pay an extra £250 so her and her partner decided he would make his final journey between them in their car.