Should People arrange a funeral if they can't afford to pay for it?

[andella95]

When my neice died at 8 years old from cancer, hers was free too. We'll never forget how wonderful the funeral home treated us.

 

[TattiesMum]

Funerals are so expensive. My nan died here in 2008 and wanted to be flown back to her birth place of Italy and in total it cost £15,000 it was all paid for by each of her children out of their part of the estate she had left. They wouldn't of had it any other way even if it took all of what she left.
Firstly we had a service over here where all her family and friends could say their goodbye's before she was taken to have her coffin sealed and stamped.
My mum, uncle and aunt had the best of the best for her, she was flown over and escorted from the airport to her hometown in a beautiful hearse, the church was covered in fresh flowers, she wasn't buried she was given a spot in the the wall that faced her village and her house and for us it felt like she was finally at rest where she wanted to be.

I believe everybody is entitled to a decent funeral but the cost is just too expensive. I believe there should be the basic available like a decent coffin and a budget for flowers but its hard as coffins alone are expensive, flowers cost a mega amount and the cars aren't cheap either.

My friend lost her son last year, his funeral was free but to have him in his own car they had to pay an extra £250 so her and her partner decided he would make his final journey between them in their car.

Repatriation is expensive ... that's why when my Mother died abroad we had the funeral in France

In the UK though it is law that every FD has to offer a 'basic' funeral price and service ... just for a coffin, hearse and a simple cremation/burial. But unfortunately because it is basic (ie no following cars, church or chapel of rest) most people don't want it, even if it is all they can afford

And I always encourage Angel parents to travel with their LO ... I think it's fitting somehow (though I do provide a car for them at my cost).

I do think that what people tend to forget in general is that FDs have to cover their own expenses ... all of our staff costs, business rates, heating, lighting, the electricity for cold rooms, vehicle maintenance, diesel (those big cars guzzle fuel) etc have to be covered by our prices.

We aren't subsidised in any way, so in order to be able to offer funerals at all we have to operate as a business financially - which is why prices are as high as they are Perhaps if Local Authorities were made to give us a break with rates (we pay at full business level) and utility companies had to treat us as domestic consumers (we have to pay exorbitant 'green' taxes on top of what we use as well as full rate VAT) then prices would fall a bit but I can't see that happening

We certainly don't make oodles of profit ... most years we barely clear expenses and my boss (the owner) only takes a tiny salary of £1k a month

 

[freckleonear]

I don't agree with debt, so if I was in that situation it would have to be a budget funeral. We're against cremation for religious reasons though, so would have to fork out the extra for a proper burial.

 

[Hayley90]

This is why we have life insurance, i couldn't bear the thought of either my life savings being spent instead of going to my babies, and even worse i would HATE for my kids to foot the bill for something that im quite particular about.

Im probably the only 21 year old in the country who has looked into buying a family plot

My mum however will probably come down to me... she doesnt have any savings or insurance and probably never will, but im happy to look after that when i need to.

This is also why im glad relatives arent automatically 'responsible' when a relative dies - my dad could die tomorrow for all i care, he doesnt even deserve the basic cremation. Im SO thankful that we wont be chased up for the costs, we want zero to do with him.

 

[Sarahkka]

No, I don't think people should spend money they have no intention of repaying; although I will say that I might be more understanding in this situation than in others. Grief makes people do funny things sometimes. Not an excuse, but maybe something that gives us some insight into bad behaviour?
I am also one who has made sure that this expense is provided for, as have the rest of my family. What I do find shocking is that there is so little choice in ways to make a funeral and burial/cremation affordable. How on earth can a simple cremation cost $3000? The cardboard "coffin" alone costs $600 here. Seriously? A big cardboard box? That is ridiculous. I have been researching ways to keep burial costs down and quite frankly feel like there is almost no choice about a massive bill.
So if I feel that way and I'm not even in a state of bereavement, I could see some people running up a bill that they don't intend to pay out of resentment at the whole system. That doesn't mean that what they are doing is right, but again maybe sheds some light on a possible reason for?

 

[TattiesMum]

No, I don't think people should spend money they have no intention of repaying; although I will say that I might be more understanding in this situation than in others. Grief makes people do funny things sometimes. Not an excuse, but maybe something that gives us some insight into bad behaviour?
I am also one who has made sure that this expense is provided for, as have the rest of my family. What I do find shocking is that there is so little choice in ways to make a funeral and burial/cremation affordable. How on earth can a simple cremation cost $3000? The cardboard "coffin" alone costs $600 here. Seriously? A big cardboard box? That is ridiculous. I have been researching ways to keep burial costs down and quite frankly feel like there is almost no choice about a massive bill.
So if I feel that way and I'm not even in a state of bereavement, I could see some people running up a bill that they don't intend to pay out of resentment at the whole system. That doesn't mean that what they are doing is right, but again maybe sheds some light on a possible reason for?

I know what you mean about being understanding and grief disturbing natural judgement - it's obviously something we have to take into account and that's why I offer families who have no money the option of paying individually set (thus affordable) weekly or monthly payments at no interest and with a 'break' from payments over November and December to take Christmas into account That's why the ones who don't pay a penny really get to me

I can also understand resentment at the system ... basically if the person who dies has no money then their relatives have to pay, which does seem very unfair - except of course that (over here at least) they have the option of refusing to take responsibility. Mind you the hospitals etc don't tend to explain that legally you become responsible as soon as you pick up the paperwork required to register the death

The cheapest way is to arrange your own funeral entirely ... well at least here in the UK where there is no legal requirement for people to use a funeral director I don't know if that's possible where you are, but if it is and you are interested then I can let you know the basics of how to go about it

Cardboard coffins sadly aren't just a big cardboard box They have to bear uneven weight so are heavily reinforced and have to be waterproof etc. In actual fact they aren't very 'green' either The manufacturing process is more environmentally damaging than a chipboard/veneer coffin believe it or not.

Over here most coffin manufacturers don't sell direct to the public, so getting a cheaper coffin can be a nightmare ... the best option is to buy a willow one from a basket maker as they are genuinely environmentally friendly and the makers sell direct, so they work out cheaper (really pretty too).

 

[twinkle1975]

I wish all funeral directors were as kind & understanding as you are - it's really annoying me that people take advantage of your good nature!

 

[Menelly]

I think it's a very raw subject however people need to understand how expensive it is. My parents both live on benefits so it will be left to me and my brother to pay for it, what does not help is everyone has an expectation of their funeral which makes their family feel they have to do what that person wanted regardless of cost.

If god forbid my parents where to die tomorrow there is no way me and my brother could find 6k to have them both cremated, my brother is a student and I'm and sahm, but I would want to be able to say goodbye and scatter their ashes witch if you let the LA pay for it you can't do.

So I would be stuck we would have to get into debt or not get to say goodbye properly, I think everyone should have some sort of basic life insurance to cover their funeral costs, me and oh are both about to take out polices that will leave 200k each if we where to die to cover costs and leave the kids money for a house deposit. Then on another topic I don't think people should be allowed to get into so much debt to leave to their children when my parents die me and my brother will be screwed from the funeral and their debts. Yet I have my own children to support without others debts.

Wish I could do life insurance, but in the US at least, my medical history makes me inelligible.

Fortunately I'm a veteran, so the military will pay for a cheap funeral. But others, like me, with no chance at getting life insurance, might not have that luxury.

 

[smokey]

Personaly I have never been one for big funerals and no one in my family is, dont realy see the point of spending hundreds on flowers and horse drawn carrages and all that.

I think too many people wrongly assume that a funral cost is for the dead so spend loads on it while secretly laughing that its not like you can chase the dead for payment without realiseing no its actualy the families debt to pay.

Its the ones who genuinly cant afford a funeral even if they opt for the most basic option available that I feel sorry for.
My Great granparents (died long before I was born) where put in a paupers grave because no one could afford anything for them, no funeral, no gravestone and burried with a bunch of other people next to a wall.
My nanna had to have something similer because there was no money, she was pennyless and my uncle sold everything of hers and drank the money away, even the money we sent for the head stone he spent.
20 years later we have finaly managed to get her a head stone.

 

[queenlavera]

We have life insurance policies and an IRA account for this and after retirement. We save aggressively into our IRA account because the last thing I would want to do is leave a huge burial bill for my kid(s).

 

[TattiesMum]

Wish I could do life insurance, but in the US at least, my medical history makes me inelligible.

Fortunately I'm a veteran, so the military will pay for a cheap funeral. But others, like me, with no chance at getting life insurance, might not have that luxury.

As a cancer survivor I can't get life insurance either .... which is why I have a pre-paid Funeral Plan in place . It's not insurance but my funeral is pre-planned by me and was paid for in instalments in advance so that when the time comes my kids won't have anything to pay and won't have to worry about what I might have 'wanted' (which causes more arguments among families than you would believe )

The money I've paid is held in trust, so there is no chance that it will be wiped out by any financial scandals either ... it's a good investment as funeral costs are rising by a good 5% annually at the moment but the cost of mine was frozen at the point I took out the plan, so I don't have to worry about inflation at all

 

[Menelly]

Wish I could do life insurance, but in the US at least, my medical history makes me inelligible.

Fortunately I'm a veteran, so the military will pay for a cheap funeral. But others, like me, with no chance at getting life insurance, might not have that luxury.

As a cancer survivor I can't get life insurance either .... which is why I have a pre-paid Funeral Plan in place . It's not insurance but my funeral is pre-planned by me and was paid for in instalments in advance so that when the time comes my kids won't have anything to pay and won't have to worry about what I might have 'wanted' (which causes more arguments among families than you would believe )

The money I've paid is held in trust, so there is no chance that it will be wiped out by any financial scandals either ... it's a good investment as funeral costs are rising by a good 5% annually at the moment but the cost of mine was frozen at the point I took out the plan, so I don't have to worry about inflation at all

Fortunately, I'm a military veteran with an honorable discharge. So I can make the military bury me for free. And since I honestly don't care one whit what happens to my body after death? I'll let them handle it. My husband knows that's my wish too... and he shares the same philosophy as me about burials: once the soul is gone, it no longer cares what's done with the vessel.

But otherwise, yes, prepaid funerals really are the way to go. And it guarantees the funeral is as the deceased would have wanted it, not the family, who may go overboard in their grief.

 

[Sarahkka]

But doesn't that prepaid funeral entail having to commit to one place?
What if I'm halfway around the world when I die? As in, I no longer live anywhere near where I took out the pre-paid funeral plan?
What happens then?

 

[TattiesMum]

But doesn't that prepaid funeral entail having to commit to one place?
What if I'm halfway around the world when I die? As in, I no longer live anywhere near where I took out the pre-paid funeral plan?
What happens then?

It depends on the company you take the Pre-Paid out with ... some are obviously offered by specific Funeral Directors or FD 'chains' like the Co-Op here in the UK - but others, like mine, are independent ...

I took out the policy and specified which FD local to me that I wanted to nominate - but if I move or travel etc then I can simply notify them and change my FD nomination as often as I like, so it's very flexible

 

[faun]

Do you have any links or extra info on how to go about setting up a prepaid funeral as i'd hate for it all to fall to my kids or hubby if i got run over by a bus or something or even just died of old age it would give me peace of mind to know it was all sorted.

 

[TattiesMum]

Do you have any links or extra info on how to go about setting up a prepaid funeral as i'd hate for it all to fall to my kids or hubby if i got run over by a bus or something or even just died of old age it would give me peace of mind to know it was all sorted.

Personally I'd recommend Golden Charter https://www.goldencharter.co.uk/?gclid=CL7P3ryasa8CFQITfAodrXZ_Fg as they are who I have my plan with and they are very flexible and safe

 

[JASMAK]

I would pay.

 

[stardust599]

I don't really see why anyone would want a big lavish funeral. Bit of a harsh view but you're dead so what difference does it make Although I guess I would feel different if it was my LO - I would want her to have a beautiful, memorial day. Hmmm it's a hard one! I would probably get into debt for my LO too.

I would like a simple cremation with my loved ones there to say goodbye. Then a gathering maybe at someones house to share photos and memories and tears. And then those closest to me could pick a special place to scatter my ashes where they could go and feel close to me. I wouldn't want fancy flowers or anything - I'd be happy with daffodils LOL.

This reminds me I have no life insurance or savings so really need to think about it

 

[JASMAK]

I think if a family wants a lavish funeral, then that should be OK, because the funeral, let's face it, is for those left behind. I am going to my friends funeral on Saturday, and it is going to be lavish, I think. A party...she has kids, and lots of people who want to remember her in this way. My FIL has cancer, and he does not want a funeral, and honestly, I think it's selfish. My kids will have no ceremonial closure for their grandpa, when that time comes. I understand he is thinking of those left behind, and the costs, but what he is not thinking about, is how those left behind NEED that funeral. Lavish or not, that's up to cost, and what people want or religion dictates, but I think that the funeral does give closure, so I think, if not a funeral, some sort of service is a good idea, unless those who are left behind do not want one. One of my friends whose son died, had a beautiful gathering at her house. She had covered all her walls with her sons photos, and everyone just gathered and talked, laughed, and shared memories. It was lovely. It probably cost nothing as everyone brought food. But, it was just enough that everyone had that bit of closure. If my FIL insists nothing is done, formally, I think we will do something similar, for our kids who will be devestated.

 

[fidgets mammy]

ah this is a sad topic. my grandad who i was very close to passed away in september last yr, we had a simple funeral for him, the basic coffin, 2 hearses, i booked the flowers off the grandchildren which we all chipped in for as well as the notification in the local paper, and he was buried-the plot has room for up to 4 people-he had a humanist service then we went back to a nice quiet pub for drinks. it cost a few grand in total, but was a beautiful day. the sun shone and he got a good send off.
funerals can bring up bad things when it comes to money especially between family members. and as the oldest of the grandchildren it was left to me to sort out our bit which i found hard, but they all said i done him proud with his anchor flowers and poem. i think as long as people show their respects kindly and thoughtfully, it needent cost the earth.
my hubbys grandad has passed away just this morning. so i will be attending another funeral very soon-not that im ready.

ive told hubby i want nothing flash, and i want to be buried with my grandad should i go early. i want it cheery and nothing over the top. i hate discussing funerals as it upsets me.

i have found tho that with weddings funerals and christenings places will take yr eyes out when it comes to the cost.