SIL coming down with her baby.. HELP

[dan-o]

My SIL is coming down from Bristol on valentines day with her baby girl who is the exact same age my baby would have been if it hadn't all gone wrong.

I know it sounds selfish, but I'm panicing like mad.
I'm not ready to see her or the baby, I don't feel I'm over my own loss yet, but I obvioulsy can't deny my OH meeting his neice.
He's also delayed meeting her until now for similar reasons to me, but has obviously moved on now we are trying again.

What should I do? I feel like such a cow for being like this...

 

[wanabamummy]

I wud tell oh how your feeling Hun.

It will be hard for but don't do it alone.

Meeting the babe might not be as bad as you think.

I keep winding myself up about how I will cope at different scenarios but when I go thru them it's not as bad as I thought.

is she coming to stay or is it a visit? Wud it be bad if you excused yourself and went for a walk if it got too bad?

 

[chocolate]

I would definatley talk to her and explain that your not sure how you will feel and dont be offended if you get a bit teary.

Maybe it will help? It may be a step towards being able to see other babies of similar ages and being able to enjoy them and gradually feel less sad at seeing them every time?

Ive thrown myself straight back into it, I dont avoid my pregnant friends who were the same stage as me etc. and I think it has helped a little, hard the first time but gets a little easier. Its not their baby that I wanted, or lost, so I seem to concentrate on that thought. I also try to concentrate on the baby that I WILL be having .....

Must be a very hard situation though, I wonder if maybe the anticipation is the worst part? I always find worrying about things are actually worse than the thing itself!

Hope if you do see them, that it goes ok

 

[wanabamummy]

i agree with chocolate.

you cant avoid babies or pregnant women. i have tried and it doesnt work. i spent the night with 2 of my pregnant friends, and i could help look at their bumps every now and then, but then i looked at my oh and know that what i want is something with him not have what they have.

babies in supermarkets can make me well up, but its not them that does it, its because i want one so much. i get jealous over families, cos thats what i want more than anything.

If SIL knows your situation, hopefully she will be aware of what you are feeling as its only natural.

 

[Ten]

Can you go visit with friends while she's over?

I agree with the other ladies - you can't avoid it forever, but if you're really really not ready to deal with it yet, there's no shame in bowing out. If your SIL has any heart at all, she'll understand.

(And just because you're trying again doesn't mean you're done being sad for the baby you lost. It just means you're ready to welcome another person into your life. Love is not finite )

 

[catfromaus]

Sorry to sneak in...

I had this same situation, and I surprised myself with how much I loved my SILs baby. It wasn't my baby, but it wasn't as bad as I expected.

Maybe give it a chance, but make sure you have an 'out' option if things do get a little harder.

Cat
xxx