SIL trouble - ruined announcement

[Islabella]

Sorry rant ahead but need to get it off my chest!

Before Christmas (October) my husband and I lent his sister £500 which she promised to pay back by December last year... We're still waiting.

Cue last month - DH employs her fiancée for a few days to help them out and suggests he could take £20 off the wage he's paying him every day he works to go towards paying us back. He's still earning a good rate so shouldn't make too much difference. Mark agrees and says good idea - that SIL has had the money to pay us back but just won't stop shopping.

DH tells him we're expecting but asks him to keep it entirely to himself - we hadn't announced to anyone at this point as lost a twin and wanted a scan to make sure all was ok, think DH just needed to tell SOMEONE, and mark was there. mark agrees before he knows what DH was going to say.

He goes home and tells SIL that DH forced him to give up the £20 and that we're expecting another baby!!!

SIL calls DH and says we're scum and that we're not seeing a penny more of the money because we "stole" from them!!! DH tries to explain it was a mutual decision and we need the money back and she says she's washing her hands of us. Proceeds to call the rest of the family (DH's mother, father, brother, friends) and tells them we're having another child but puts a really negative twist on it.

I'm so upset, it wasn't her news to tell!!!!! She shouldn't have even known in the first place and I'm just as cross with Her fiancée for telling her after saying he wouldn't. He could have said, we don't have secrets I'd rather not know sorry.

She's also now saying that if we use the name Edward and call the baby Ted she's going to use that for her next child regardless (their grandfather is called ted but we've always said we'd love to use it and she's never shown an interest before!)

Sorry for how long that was... Just so upset about it all!

 

[3boys]

Oh I'm so sorry hun. I've been burnt like this before. Never a good idea to lend to family. Can't believe she told everyone your news. Hugs

 

[meg_bellamy]

Wow I'm really sorry, she sounds awful!

 

[jlw617]

Wow she sounds awful, I'm sorry

 

[Sarah369]

Sorry to be blunt but wow what a bitch

Sorry that she spoilt that for you. I would be fuming. Sounds like she's jealous of you guys.

 

[ClaireJ23]

Sorry, what a horrible woman she is.

 

[crazycatlady5]

She sounds terrible, I'm so sorry you have to have her as a sister in law.

 

[Islabella]

Thanks ladies - she is a spoilt brat if I'm quite honest. All through her life she's kicked up a fuss and caused issues but she attracts trouble and bad men so everyone just says "she's had such a rough ride of it... Go easy on her" which leads to a sense of entitlement to her! She's completely absolved of responsibility for any poor behaviour in the family. DH has had enough this time though... Says he's not going to her wedding in July and has blocked her number so she can't bombard him with guilt rending nasty texts to make him apologise (when it's her fault anyway!)

 

[oneill614]

Anyone who would name a child out of spite is an idiot, and her child will grow up resenting that he has the exact same name as his first cousin.

In my opinion, she probably wanted a reason to get out of paying you the money because she never intended on paying you anyway. I would get the brother to pay you back 20 at a time so she doesn't notice.

I would never loan money to someone. Either give it to them with no expectation of being repaid, or don't give it. There's a reason people need to borrow and don't have available credit from a bank-because they are irresponsible with money.

 

[ClaireJ23]

Your DH employees her fiancé. She needs to be very careful about upsetting you guys then. What is her parents position in all of this?

 

[Islabella]

Parents position is and always has been to ignore her! They said they were sad that they found out about the new baby the way they did and they were sorry for us it happened the way it did but that she's going through a tough time (she's been trying to conceive with fiancée no. 5 whilst smoking like a chimney and surviving off of fast food and takeaways for about 6 months and is wondering why it's taking so long!) and that we need to cut her some slack.

Oneill614 - She is definitely irresponsible with money and I didn't want to lend it to her, But she had a wicked way of twisting DH's arm and he's too kind for his own good. I totally agree she probably jumped at the first chance she had to not pay it back - I should have gone with my gut and put my foot down but on the odd occasion she has borrowed money (never this much) she has paid it back.

 

[icklemonster]

I'm not justifying what she did (totally inexcusable) but now you've said about her ttc I think her behaviour comes down to this. I don't think she cares about the £20 a day, but used it as an excuse to ruin your special time because she wants it for herself. She sound like she has numerous issues, and is clearly a madam used to getting her own way. Unfortunately, ttc doesn't work like that.
Sorry she ruined your news hun, I'm a firm believer in karma xx

 

[oneill614]

It's hard to say no to family, even if you feel you should. Even though she stole your announcement, your family is happy for you just the same, so that is good.

I would feel sorry for her too I guess. But when she got snotty I would probably call her out on it and be kind of mean (accuse her of spilling the news because she is miserable about ttc). Hope you can work things out to keep your distance from her negativity.

 

[Jessicahide]

Not to sound know it all ish or anything,just keep in mind, as I have done over the years "never lend,what you can't afford to lose"especially to a spoilt little cow such as this one.. Sorry she ruined it for you, but she wi,l never ruin the feeling of holding your little bambino. Xx

 

[ClaireJ23]

Don't let her ruin anything else for you. I would certainly keep my distance as much as possible once baby arrives. My SIL was a nightmare and tried to ruin everything for us, I wish I had been tougher and insisted on keeping her at arms length.

 

[Islabella]

Thank you everyone for your messages - she's just not someone I would choose to have in my life. Claire, like you said - I will be keeping her at arms length, for many reasons but mainly because I don't want her around my children!

she needs to be centre of attention all the time (and I really don't, I like a quiet life!) DH's family will all be excited about the new baby but as they were with DD will support her because "it's difficult for her" (she has 3 kids with massive involvement from social services might I add - because she is an unfit parent. The older girls have real issues)

I have continued and will continue to take the kids out with DH for walks to the woods and to the zoo as we've always done (she's agreed this miraculously! I think because her mum said it is good for the kids and it gets them off her hands for a day) they need a lifeline and really enjoy the time with us. I know Ttc is gutting but it just stings she's so jealous when she has three beautiful kids she can't be bothered to look after and wants another "baby" - that's all she's interested in is the attention she gets in pregnancy and the baby stage. By the time they're 6 months or so they're stuck in a highchair all day in front of the telly while she chain smokes fags in the bathroom! Don't want to sound judgemental - Just not how I'd choose to do it.

 

[EMSwife1124]

I have my share of SIL troubles so I'm sorry you are dealing with that.. Mine also ruined my announcement by telling one of my friends, who had struggled with infertility, that I was expecting before I was ready to tell anyone besides family. Especially my friend because I wanted to be sensitive to her feelings since she had not been able to conceive.

Hope things get better for you and congrats!

 

[Dark_Star]

It's unfortunate that we are stuck with people like this in our lives, I understand. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this trouble.

 

[tigerlilly]

Hi

Your right, it wasn't her news to tell but I think her behaviour shows her true colours and it's not your job to try and show the family what she is and I know it's so very hard when you can see someone for what they are and yet others are blind, they have been sucked into her drama and lies, honey your better than this. In time they will see.

I have sil who's spent yrs brainwashing the mil and the mil is oh poor girl and even favours her over her own son it is so hard having to bear her shit for years. I have long since been the forgotten DIL despite having been in the family for much, much longer than her and thats fine with me. The rest of the family see her for who she is, so i know i'm not bat shit crazy!

She fell pregnant before us and every opportunity she would say "now that I'm pregnant" whilst smirking at me and bragging about "how she can't believe she's having the first Grandchild and it happened so quick!!!!" it took us years. Once we had DS she would say "oh when we have our second", every time someone asked about us or the baby she would chime in with were having ours close together. When ds was 6 wks or so old she said that they had an accident the other night!!!!! when you work the due dates she was already preggo long before the slip up. Attention seeker isn't the word. Can't wait to see what drama she'll dream up when this lo is announced!!!!

TBH I don't think the money the real issue?! i can't help but wonder if it's the fact ur pregnant and she's not!? her problem not yours.

Sweetie i'm sorry she broke the news of ur baby but you can't change it, what's done is done. You can also spend years hating her happily (as I have but it will eat at you it's not a good for you) she is not worth your energy or time.

I suggest that you heal ur hearts with ur own little family and enjoy your beautiful baby because right now that's all that matters your little family and let everyone else have her shit, they're welcome to it. There's an amusing expression " you can't take a rose and place it in any arse hole and call it a vase

 

[mumziemcvoy]

Oh no how awful and vile of her I would be absolutely fuming aswell families are a pain sometimes !!!! Hope u get it sorted soon xx