Sister ignoring pregnancy?

[Lena]

Does anyone else have someone in their family that just completely doesn't acknowledge the fact that your pregnant?

Bit of background. My older sister is 28, has been with her boyfriend for 7 years, wants to get married and have kids but he's not proposed and I dont see it happening anytime soon. I'm 25, married DH when I was 22, and we are obviously expecting our 1st baby. I live in the UK, older sister lives in the US with the rest of my family.

Since I have been pregnant, my older sister has barely acknowledged that i am. Whenever she emails, she doesn't ask me how the baby is, doesn't reply when i send scan pictures and recently the entire rest of my family (aunts, cousins, grandparents) sent over a big box of baby pressies for hubby and I and there wasn't anything in the box from her. Whenever I talk to her and bring up the baby she just completely changes the subject.

Just wondering if anyone else is dealing with this as well? Its really bizarre and a tad bit hurtful that she's acting like this, but not surprising, because she acted similar when I got married.

 

[mightyspu]

She sounds a little jealous to me, so sorry that you are going through this! Have you tried asking her why she is ignoring the pregnancy?

 

[Lena]

She sounds a little jealous to me, so sorry that you are going through this! Have you tried asking her why she is ignoring the pregnancy?

Yes, she just denies that she's ignoring it but continues to do so. I'm hoping this will all change when LO arrives and she sees him for the first time and becomes absolutely smitten with him. I do understand its hard for her because she's older and she feels like she should be doing these things first, but I do worry when the baby comes she will continue to ignore him then!

 

[Boudica]

Sorry about your sister. It sounds like she can't get beyond feeling sorry for herself to feeling happy for you.

Not quite the same but my mother has barely acknowledged my unborn baby. She even told my brother that she hadn't given the baby a "second thought". I think its because she is more concerned about possible health risks in pregnancy. She only ever seems to perk up when I've seen the midwife or been to the hospital.

She didn't respond to the scan pictures I sent her, and when I asked both my parents if they wanted to look at the 4d scan DVD, they both laughed and said I sounded like one of those dreadful people who announced they were going to show their holiday pictures (they didn't look at the scan).

They haven't bought anything for the baby either, and if you asked them what date it was due they wouldn't have a clue (I have told them about 100 times).

There is a bright side though. I am being induced tomorrow and my parents came to see me yesterday. For the first time they called the baby by the name I have chosen, and even looked at the clothes I have bought him (they even said some things that were not unkind). My mother remarked that she felt bad for not having got anything for him. I am pretty confuident that when the baby is here they will both change in their attitude, and I hope that your sister does too.

Good luck, sometimes people ignore what is not directly placed in front of their faces as a defence mechanism. I'm sure she loves you and will acknowledge and love your baby when there is no getting away from the situation. Once he's born you can help her overcome her bad behaviour by chivvying her along with things like "he can't wait to see you" and "He reminds me of you" etc.

 

[Janidog]

When my sister was pregnant with her first 4years ago, i didn't take much of an interest. I was happy for her but that was about it, i didn't go gooey at the scan pics or the baby clothing cause it wasn't happening to me so i didnt bother getting involved much, and it wasn't down to jealously either as i didn't want children, but this time around I am more involved with her children and can relate to her when she was pregnant with her second.

Unless its happening to her then it can be incredibly difficult to relate to you and how you're feeling

 

[Mindy_mini]

Having been in a similar position as your sister I can see it from both sides.

I was desperate to start a family but was having to undergo tests for all kinds of problems because of painful heavy periods - PCOS, Endometriosis, possible early menopause were all mentioned and the doctors had actually told me i might not conceive naturally. At the same time SIL announced her pregnancy and I was gutted as I was desperate to start a family but financially hubby didnt feel we were ready AND I was having all these tests.

Jealousy is a horrible emotion and one that we cant always control. Im not trying to defend your sister but remember you dont always know everything thats going on in peoples lives -even your nearest and dearest. My own mother didnt know what tests I was having and what for.

There might be issues with her relationship, she might be having trouble with her lady bits. She might have suffered a miscarriage that you dont know about.

Try to talk to her but dont cause upset as it will upset you more and that wont help baby. Im sure when her neice or nephew is here she will come round a bit just give her time.

 

[Lena]

Boudica: So sorry to hear about how your mum has been acting throughout your pregnancy. My mum wasn't as happy as I thought she would be in the beginning and kept saying things like 'don't get too excited, its still early days so you still might miscarry.' Which really upset me and I ended up not calling her for a good month because everytime we spoke she'd say something like that and i would be in tears. I later found out that she miscarried before she got pregnant with her first and as you can imagine, she was devastated. Since Ive hit the viability mark and explained to her what that meant for us, she has been much more involved. It sounds like your mum is coming around now and I am sure once your little one is here, she will spoil him rotten! I suppose for some people it just doesnt seem real until the baby is actually here. Best of luck tomorrow hun! x

Janidog: Perhaps this could be part of the reason as well, although I know she does want to have children ASAP, perhaps she just doesn't have much to say about the fact that I'm pregnant because she's never been through it and until its happening to her, she's not interested.

Mindy_mini: Yes, we never know what is going on behind closed doors. I don't think she is having trouble TTC because her boyfriend doesn't even want children and she's still 'trying to convince him' to start a family with her someday... which only just occured to me. This could be a major reason why she's being a bit cold about the whole thing, because she loves him and wants to stay with him but knows if she does, she may never have kids.

Thanks for your input ladies! You've given me a lot to think about.

 

[suzib76]

tbh i think its perfectly normal for others not to be all that interested, i dont think it means they are jealous, but it is very easy to focus on nothing else when we have a baby on the way and it can actually be very boring to everyone else who doesnt want to talk 'baby' all the time

 

[Lena]

tbh i think its perfectly normal for others not to be all that interested, i dont think it means they are jealous, but it is very easy to focus on nothing else when we have a baby on the way and it can actually be very boring to everyone else who doesnt want to talk 'baby' all the time

Yeh, I know. But there is certainly a difference between not wanting to talk baby all the time and not acknowledging its existance in the slightest.

 

[tiggerlix]

my sister is exactly the same..but i kind of understand and i try hard not to discuss it to much.she has had 2 still borns see and a miscarraige.she lost her lill girl at 28 weeks with turners syndrome and her son at 36 weeks to placenta abruption and a miscarriage to triploidy,although she has 2 healthy sons now,i think its still very hard for her and brings back horrible memmorys i guess.
xx

 

[Janidog]

My neighbours are in a similar situations where she wants children and he doesn't ever see himself being married or having kids, he is 29 and she is 26, so she is questioning what she should do, does she wait and hope that he changes his mind or split up even though she loves him, just so that she can find someone else who does want children. I think things may change for her once she hears my LO screaming through the walls!!!!

 

[Zoodle]

Hi Lena,

I have exactly the same problem as you, i don't think people can imagine how upsetting or hurtful it is to have your own sister not acknowledge your pregnancy. Lots of my friends have such close relationships with their sisters and even have them as birth partners... mine doesn't even know when the due date is ;-(

Its wierd cos the closest female in your life (supposedly) doesn't want to know and that is such a horrid feeling! My sister has been abroad for the last few years and only in and out of contact sporadically but she came back to the UK in January to try and sort her life out... She still hasn't acknowledged that I got married last year, refused to look at the picture i brought when i met up with her, refuses to meet my husband etc..

But basically the reason behind it is that all she ever wanted was to get married and have a baby and it hasn't happened for her, she doesn't even have a boyfriend. She is really depressed in general and so to talk to me about my life is just too hard for her, i'm trying to be understanding and use friends and other family members as supports instead...

Its the hardest thing in the world though so i totally feel what you are going through...

xxx

 

[Mrs.Mc1985]

Sounds like

She may be sad its not her that is already married and having a little one.

 

[Lena]

Wow Zoodle, sounds like our sisters are two of a kind. Thanks for your kind words. Luckily my younger sister is sooooo happy about LO and is actually the one that organised and paid for all my families gifts they wanted to give LO to be shipped over. She said when she asked older sister if she would like to put something in the box, she said 'no, i'll get her something on my own'. Then when i wrote on facebook 'i have the best family in the world. thank you all for my baby shower in a box'... my older sis commented 'I'm glad you like everything we sent over. I probably won't be able to get you anything else.' I think she possibly didn't know that everyone put their names on things... and was trying to take credit for their gifts. This made my little sis fuming mad because she knew she didn't put anything in (as did I but i didnt say anythign). And yes, I understand money is tight for some... but the week previous my older sis was saying to me about how she managed to put $7k in a savings account when i was saying how skint i was. Anyways, sorry about that rant. I really don't care about gifts or anything like that--LO has EVERYTHING he needs and more. I just wish she would be a tad bit more involved in general in my pregnancy.

 

[Carlyp1990]

im in the exact same situation... but with my dad, he wont speak to my BF at all and refuses to aknowledge that i am carry his first grandchild.

 

[whosthemummy]

My mum is the same she couldnt care less,my sister got a little one whos 4 and her and her oh both live with mum,her lo gets it all mine get sod all,mum doesnt even phone and ask if were ok or if we need any help,never has she phoned to see how things have gone with scnas etc,now to me thats not normal,she hasnt even offered to have kids when i go into labour,tho i dont think my youngest wouldnt stay with her cus shes only 21 months old and not to keen on strange woman lol
oh family are the opposite tho but they live miles away from us but they would all help if they could,shame really.

 

[whosthemummy]

sorry i just realised i had a good rant...feel better now lol

 

[Zoodle]

Its just great to know there are other people experiencing the same thing... my OH's family are so family orientated and would never not be excited about a new family member so its hard to explain to my OH how it feels!

xx

 

[tessica123]

my elder sister doesnt do babys doesnt want one either so iwas expecting her to not be interested but she keeps telling me about the things she has bought me, so i was over welmed yet when she came down she brought the stuff my nan had bought me yet nothing from her so was bit puzzled but thought she was probably saving them till he here but when i said do you want to see pram, moses basket and everything i have got she flat out said NO it really upsett me

yet my dad is different kettle of fish, he foudn out through my nan as i had rung him loads and he said that when ever he saw missed call it was late a night then forgot the next day then when he say my nan that weekend she told him which made him anrgy........... err hello i DID try

all i got after that was the odd text message but not had anything now for about 2 month ok i havent sent him any either but i have had things on my mind making sure my baby healthy ect, i sent mum day cards and birthday cards for him and step mum and didnt get a thanks or anything so ive just took the you know where i am attitude

sorry rant over lol

 

[chetnaz]

My SIL (DH's sis) is the same. Since I've announced my pregnancy and the fact im having twins, she's shown zero interest. It does annoy me sometimes as I feel that the only time she bothers to call me is when she wants something and she never even asks how we're doing, but Im trying not to let it bother me. It's not like she's got a reason to be jealous either - she has a 3 year old daughter and altho she is no longer with her partner, she's always told me she only wanted one child. I just think she's just not interested. Aaah well, we cant win them all over i guess. My family are all really excited and happy so I guess as long as I have their support, thats what matters. Try to not let it get to you, like the other ladies said, she may be going thru a difficult time so is finding it hard to deal with. She'll probably be different once the baby comes along. x