sister in law has had baby & too upset to go & see her...any1 else feels likes this??

[Dancingkaty1]

hi.....
I apologise in advance this is going to be a very long one!!!

we have been ttc for just over a year now....my husbands sister fell pregnant in dec & altho I was happy 4 her I admit I was jealous as we were ttc too with no luck, but I thought new year maybe will bring us luck in 2009 & we will get pregnant. Well she had the baby this mth ( last fri) & we went to see baby the same day...I was quite surprised how ok I was.....but then I id have hope I was preg as I was due on. I came on Sunday & had a little cry...actually quite a big 1 just felt so emotional that I wasnt preg...it was our 12 cycle of ttc. Over the last 6 ths or so all we have heard is ooohhh baby will be here b4 we know it....how is mum to be doing???........wow look at the pram......etc etc etc!!! I know aIm prob sounding a bitch but I have found it very difficult, especially as I was wrongly diagnosed in may with pelvic inflammatory disease & I was heartbroken as I read up that it can cause infertility!! I had another scan which I didnt have it luckily but spent weeks worrying. The scan did show polycysts on my only ovary tho so again was mortified as was told i was prob not ovulating...had to have more bloodtests...its just been an awful emotional rollercoster! My husband is out tonight celebrating & 'wetting the babies head' which I am fine with but he said over dinner earlier that he wanted to go & see the baby again at the weekend....I said oh did we have to this weekend? I said maybe let them get settled in? I know it sounds awful but I cant cope with seeing the baby all the time...im on & emotional & am worrying about the HyCoSy ive got to have next Mon. He turned round & said sharply 'why are you being like this!!!'

Ive put on a brave face & fake smile for 9 mths & its just not getting any easier

please any advice??

xx

 

[Zipp]

Yip it sucks. One of my BF has just had her third baby, one of my brothers has three children and my baby brother had a little baby boy nine months ago which was most definitely not planned!

I had to go on Sunday to see my BF's baby and I have been pretty horrible and not seen that much of her when pregnant. (She now has a new close friend who also has children so they can have play dates - bitter moi?!)

I really don't know what to tell you hun except it is really crap to begin with but it will get easier. I have been TTC for four years now and this is my BF's second child in that time. I felt all the pain, frustration and heartache just as badly when her last baby was born as this time around but it does settle in time.

I haven't told my DH how I feel as he just can't cope with those type of discussions. The only thing i found that helped was to try to be the best Auntie I can be and enjoy having time and playing with the children. I thought for me it's better to have sometime with them than nothing at all. As they get older it does get easier.

I really do hope things get better for you soon.


x

 

[wish2bmama]

Dancingkaty, you aren't wrong to feel like this. It is only natural. I have 3 friends due this month. One of them gave birth on my birthday. I have been TTC a year next month. I would talk to your dh and let him know how you are feeling about this. He has to understand the emotion trauma you are going through. His support will help.

My dh didn't understand it when I cried every time I found out our friends got pg. He would say, "why can't you be happy for them?" And that would just hurt more. So I talked to him about it, and then he understood. It's nice to be able to talk to him about my true feelings now. I hope this helps you!!

 

[Jem88]

I know how you girls feel, its not nice at all 1 of my cousins got preg the same time as me, 18 months ago now but i had a mc & she had a little girl. that was a hard 9 months to go thu, spesh when all people went on about was her & the baby. & 1 of my other cousins had a little boy 2 days ago. I cant bring myself to go & see either babys. i still feel bitter & jealous of my cousin who had the first baby & i hate myself for it, because i should be happy for them. also 1 of my step sisters is pregnant. Seems like everyone is preg apart from us, weve been trying for 16 months. i think its also quite normal to feel like this when people/family have what we want so much.

 

[obe]

Ive got this to look forward to too!! My OH's sis is due at xmas and im sooo not looking forward to it. I got very upset when I was told she was expecting and I know im going to find it very hard when the babys here.
Its awful feeling this way and I dont want to be bitter! xx

 

[Dancingkaty1]

thank you for your replies.....Im glad i am not the only one that feels this way...thought i was just being a selfish so & so lol!!! I have a daughter who is nearly 4 so I know I shouldnt feel this way & I should be sooooooo grateful for having her...& I am but its just so hard when you have been ttc for such a long time & not feel this way. I was even looking today at mini breaks away for christmas as I am kinda dreading it here at home with all our families....what with the new baby's 1st christmas....my step sis who will be 6 mths preg & oh not 4getting my sis who has been ttc since may...she will bound to be preg by christmas...i just dont think i will cope very well on the day! Altho my daughter is getting to a lovely age now as she is nearly 4 & is looking 4ward to christmas time...with santa coming....just feel like crying as I type this now....i should sooo be making the most out of what I have...i have the most gorgeous daughter & I dont want to be obssessive about ttc & think back after 10 years down the line & say to myself...why didnt I just enjoy her while she was little rather than crying for more all the time. hope this makes sense!

Im waffling...think im just hormonal as on lol!! sorry

xx

 

[-Linn-]

Katy

You are not a bitch for feeling this way, it is only natural. When I come on I always have a big cry and feel really bad about these things. The fact that you want another baby and are hurting doesn't mean you are not greatfull for having a daughter already. I got a daughter too and I'm very gratefull but I can very much relate to how it makes you feel that your SIL had a baby. If you don't think you can cope with all the family and more pregnancy annoucements for xmas then go for a break (provided your DH is up for it of course), I would be hearbroken too if any of my or OH relatives would announce pregnancy for christmas. Wait and see what happens at the appointment. You never know it might be you making an announcement at christmas. I too have been very low recently thinking even the fact I'm still obsessing each month and getting upset is ridiculous as I will never see a BFP again. But I will never give up trying.

Hugs to you

x

Linda

 

[puppymom32]

My sister just had a baby in July. I had just had my last ectopic in April. Hers of course wasnt planned and the dad is a loser so she asked me to be in the room when she had the baby I had to let her know it was just too hard. I was not at all ready to be in there when she had the baby. I was at the hospital but not by her side. I think for me I made the right decision. She understood. I still have only seen my niece a handful of times because it is just too hard. I too cry whenver any of my friends or relatives tell me they are pregnant its not that I am not happy for them I just want the same thing for myself.

 

[Kelly9]

Hey I just found out via FB that a friend of mine who has been quite crummy in the friend department just had her baby today. I don't want to go see her. SHe got knocked up by a guy she barely knew they are now engaged and shouldn't be and she has been just a bitch. SO I know how you feel. Hugs!

 

[Jasmine79]

I am also having this problem, I cant help it, I draw away from my pregnant friends, I just get so jealous.
A friend of mine is gonna have a baby next month, and from the day she told me she was expecting, i just drew away emotionally, i really cant help it, i try to call and ask her how she is, but its so hard, because i have been trying for the past three years, and for her it happened when they werent even trying.
I hope I will have the strength to at least go see her and her baby when she delivers.

 

[TrixieLox]

I think this is a very natural response BUT, for me, after the initial pinch of hurt, I absolutely MAKE myself happy for them. This is a wonderful, magical time for them and I really don't want to put any kind of dampner on it by avoiding them etc. So what I'm saying is, don't give into the negativity girls - we really really need to try hard to be happy for gals who get pregnant and push away the bitterness etc cos it can really eat you up. It is a state of mind and it is possible to wrap your head around it and be more positive if you try real hard.

 

[subaru555]

I know how you feel as my sister is pregnant and now has a huge bump.

She got pregnant on her 2nd cycle ttc.

I'm now on my 68th cycle.

 

[NeyNey]

My baby sister is pregnant, almost 5 months. To be honest it hurts at times, she got pregnant first month trying. But I love her more than anything, and I do what I can to share her enthusiasm and excitment. Sometimes she has bad timing when calling to tell me milestones...She called the other day to tell me she felt her first flutters - same day I was overwhelmed with our first IVF consult. I don't blame her at all, of course she's excited...

I can't wait to meet my first ever niece, or nephew....
I guess sometimes it's hard, but when it's someone you love dearly - it's hard not to share their excitement!!

 

[Dancingkaty1]

Hi there Ney Ney... so sorry its taking you a long time to conceive. Hopefully IVF will giv you your dream baby Can i be nosey please & ask what procedure you had when you found out you had both tubes blocked? Was there no treatment for you to get them unblocked? Im having a HyCoSy on Monday & am scared that they will tell me my only tube is blocked. I cant afford IVF! xx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

i refused to see my sister for a few months when she had her little girl it broke my heart because id just lost my second baby and i just couldnt face her after that.

 

[sparkle83]

All I can say is take it softly softly.

I have been with DH since his sister (my SIL) was 12, she's 4 years younger than me. She has a rich b/f, owns her house, has a perfect figure, and she used to spend all her time rubbing it in, and I used to avoid her where possible. By the time we'd been ttc 8 yrs (last summer), she was 21, and decided to have a baby, and you guessed it, pregnant the first month.

I hated her, I wanted bad things to happen to her (yes, I know this is wrong, and irrational) for being so perfectly fertile. I cried when I heard, and avoided her even more. I cried when she went for the first scan and showed DH the pic and he came home and told me. Cried when he started getting excited, felt sick at all the talk of 'the first grandchild' and MIL saying how long she'd waited for one. At xmas when she was 6 months pg, DH forced me to go, saying I was being silly, and couldnt avoid it forever, and I was hurting him by making him choose. And after an awkward few minutes, I swallowed my pain and made jokes about lack of sleep, eg all th things people are supposed to do when someones pregnant. I then managed to stay out of the way til the week before the baby was due, and then only saw them briefly.

I cried when Liliana was born, I was so angry, so frustrated, wishing it was me in that delivery room, my maternity notes, my labour bag that had to be packed. And I cried when DH came to work and told me about her time/weight at birth etc etc. Those were a hard few days.

About a week after the birth, DH and I were invited up. I didnt want to go, but like DH said, it wasnt the babies fault, and that she wasnt going to go away. So we went, and I held the baby, made small talk, and though it was hard, I noticed that my SIL was much nicer, much more humble, and didnt rub it in at all.

Gradually, I've seen more of them, and things are much better. Lili has given me something to talk to SIL about, a sort of common ground in someways. I now see them once a week minimum, and at 6 months old, Lili recognises me and always smiles and laughs when I go round. I still desperately want a baby, and I still feel sad/guilty when I see how much DH loves her, but it's better than it was when she was pregnant, and it keeps getting better. I love Lili, and I'm glad to have the opportunity to be around a baby, learn how to hold her, feed her, entertain her, which is practise I wouldnt get anywhere else.

And one day, I'll give her a cousin. It may be through IUI,or adoption, it may be natural, but I do think it'll happen. If anything, its made motherhood less rosy in my mind, and therefore more achievable.

I dont know if this helps, but if you'd told me a year ago that when the baby had arrived I'd get on really well with SIL and be up there loads, I'd have told you it'd be too painful and never gonna happen.

Good luck, and chin up

 

[Sammy2009]

hi.....
I apologise in advance this is going to be a very long one!!!

we have been ttc for just over a year now....my husbands sister fell pregnant in dec & altho I was happy 4 her I admit I was jealous as we were ttc too with no luck, but I thought new year maybe will bring us luck in 2009 & we will get pregnant. Well she had the baby this mth ( last fri) & we went to see baby the same day...I was quite surprised how ok I was.....but then I id have hope I was preg as I was due on. I came on Sunday & had a little cry...actually quite a big 1 just felt so emotional that I wasnt preg...it was our 12 cycle of ttc. Over the last 6 ths or so all we have heard is ooohhh baby will be here b4 we know it....how is mum to be doing???........wow look at the pram......etc etc etc!!! I know aIm prob sounding a bitch but I have found it very difficult, especially as I was wrongly diagnosed in may with pelvic inflammatory disease & I was heartbroken as I read up that it can cause infertility!! I had another scan which I didnt have it luckily but spent weeks worrying. The scan did show polycysts on my only ovary tho so again was mortified as was told i was prob not ovulating...had to have more bloodtests...its just been an awful emotional rollercoster! My husband is out tonight celebrating & 'wetting the babies head' which I am fine with but he said over dinner earlier that he wanted to go & see the baby again at the weekend....I said oh did we have to this weekend? I said maybe let them get settled in? I know it sounds awful but I cant cope with seeing the baby all the time...im on & emotional & am worrying about the HyCoSy ive got to have next Mon. He turned round & said sharply 'why are you being like this!!!'

Ive put on a brave face & fake smile for 9 mths & its just not getting any easier

please any advice??

xx

I know exactly how you feel hun. When i met OH his sister was pregnant and everyone was cooing over her. We soon decided to have a little one of our own and then realised we had fertility problems and couldnt conceive naturally. While we continued to try she announced another pregnancy and I felt so pissed off i cried. This was two she had had in the space we had been trying. After two and a half years together we had IVF and im 8 weeks pregnant and guess what? Tonight she announced ANOTHER pregnancy, she is 3 months and expecting two weeks before me. Nothing like having your bloody thunder stole from right underneath your nose. Its really done my head in! I know how you feel....

 

[NeyNey]

Hi there Ney Ney... so sorry its taking you a long time to conceive. Hopefully IVF will giv you your dream baby Can i be nosey please & ask what procedure you had when you found out you had both tubes blocked? Was there no treatment for you to get them unblocked? Im having a HyCoSy on Monday & am scared that they will tell me my only tube is blocked. I cant afford IVF! xx

I had a Laproscopy, and then I had dye put through my tubes while I was under general for the Lap. It showed no spill from my right tube (fully blocked) and very little from the left (they estimate about 80% blocked) They said it was more beneficial to try IVF rather than try to unblock, as I was under high risk of having them block up again in a short time period (matter of months) and patients with tubal issues often have a higher risk for ectopic pregnancies . So IVF was actually the safer option