sleep in same bed or seperate rooms?

[singledadof4]

I don't normally join these websites but I wanted to seek additional oppinions regarding a subject.

I have been dating this woman for about 4 months and she is a wonderful woman and a mom to a 5 year old son. My GF is divorced as well as I.

A couple of weeks ago, I met her son and it was a hit. He is a great boy and seems to be excited knowing I am coming over. We play the WII together, play on the computer together so everything seems to be working out well.

Sunday night, it was late and in CT we had a lot of rain and my drive is about an hour and 20 minutes away from my GF. My GF and her mom mentioned that it may be better if I spend the night.

So now what,, he son is home, sleeps upstairs across from my GF's room. We had a couple of choices. A,, I sleep on the couch .. B,,, sleep in his room and he can sleep with his mom in her room .... C my GF sleeps with her son and I can sleep in her bed ( which is what my GF decided ).

My question is this,, how soon do you sleep together with your S/O?


Is there a true answer or ( like everyone says,, do what feels right )

Any opinion



Dad

 

[teal]

I would just do what feels right. I don't think I'd see anything wrong with sleeping in your GF's bed. After all, you can still just sleep in the same bed without anything else happening xx

 

[Laura2919]

I agree ^ if you two are serious and you think this is something special why don't you two sleep in the same bed? obviously its your choice, I try not to let my kids sleep in my bed because it would be awkward if a three year old tried to climb into bed with us!

 

[singledadof4]

Thanks ladies. Yes I know we don't have to have sex. I think it's more about her son. Why is mommy sleeping in the same bed with her friend Mike and they are not married

 

[babytime1992]

I personally think that until you guys are at least engaged and/or talking marriage, you should try to limit overnight visits to times when her son isn't there. Don't want to get his hopes up if things aren't going to work out (sorry, don't mean to be a debbie downer!). But in the case that you have to stay, as you previously mentioned, I would sleep on the couch if I were you. Personally, I would not feel comftorable having a man sleep in my son's bed or my bed until I was completely commited . Good for you for thinking about the appropriate action though.

 

[Laura2919]

I think your reading too much into it. What would her son know about marriage. Things can change overnight in anyone's situation.
If your in a relationship how could you limit overnight stays? And as for marriage wouldn't you want to enter into a proper relationship before you married someone i.e live with that person.
My point is there are ways of explaining things to a 5 year old. He isn't going to understand about marriage.

On that note, only you and her can make the decisions that you think best. We all do things at a pace we are comfortable with

 

[teal]

Agree with Laura that things can change quickly at anytime, regardless of the situation.

If you don't feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed then, out of your options, I'd opt for the couch. I don't see any reason to upset her son's sleeping routine.

 

[Fraggles]

Marriage does not mean a relationship is secure, do what feels comfortable for you all.

 

[Laura2919]

^^ That was my point only I just beat around the bush instead of just saying it...

 

[singledadof4]

I am trying to avoid misunderstanding with her son. I don't want him to say " why is he sleeping in your bed with you mom. Or like ,,, dad used to sleep with you in your bed "

 

[Fraggles]

^^ That was my point only I just beat around the bush instead of just saying it...

Blunt me

 

[Laura2919]

Then I would say the couch is your best bet but if you think this is something and you can see a future and so can she then that point will have to be addressed at some point anyway.

 

[Laura2919]

^^ That was my point only I just beat around the bush instead of just saying it...

Blunt me

best way to be!

 

[Fraggles]

I am trying to avoid misunderstanding with her son. I don't want him to say " why is he sleeping in your bed with you mom. Or like ,,, dad used to sleep with you in your bed "

Relationships happen and its amazing how children adapt. You and your gf need to decide what you mean to each other and go from there. Just BF and GF then dont include the son too much, more serious then do.

 

[Laura2919]

I am trying to avoid misunderstanding with her son. I don't want him to say " why is he sleeping in your bed with you mom. Or like ,,, dad used to sleep with you in your bed "

Relationships happen and its amazing how children adapt. You and your gf need to decide what you mean to each other and go from there. Just BF and GF then dont include the son too much, more serious then do.

I agree! My girls met FOB's girlfriend once after they had been together for three months and then met her officially last month! They had been together 5 months.. Once you know what you want you know where you want it to go.

 

[babytime1992]

I think your reading too much into it. What would her son know about marriage. Things can change overnight in anyone's situation.
If your in a relationship how could you limit overnight stays? And as for marriage wouldn't you want to enter into a proper relationship before you married someone i.e live with that person.
My point is there are ways of explaining things to a 5 year old. He isn't going to understand about marriage.

On that note, only you and her can make the decisions that you think best. We all do things at a pace we are comfortable with

While I agree, I also think there should be a limit to a mans involvement with her son until they both know they are going to be together for a long time. I'm not a big fan of parents traipsing bf's/gf's through there children lives because they don't realize how easily children get attached. That was my point, is that you don't want the womans son to see him as a significant person(i.e. sleep with mommy just like daddy used to sleep with mommy) until the adults are both very clear about what they want and where their relationship is going

 

[Fraggles]

I think your reading too much into it. What would her son know about marriage. Things can change overnight in anyone's situation.
If your in a relationship how could you limit overnight stays? And as for marriage wouldn't you want to enter into a proper relationship before you married someone i.e live with that person.
My point is there are ways of explaining things to a 5 year old. He isn't going to understand about marriage.

On that note, only you and her can make the decisions that you think best. We all do things at a pace we are comfortable with

While I agree, I also think there should be a limit to a mans involvement with her son until they both know they are going to be together for a long time. I'm not a big fan of parents traipsing bf's/gf's through there children lives because they don't realize how easily children get attached. That was my point, is that you don't want the womans son to see him as a significant person(i.e. sleep with mommy just like daddy used to sleep with mommy) until the adults are both very clear about what they want and where their relationship is going

I see my new partner as a significant other and he spends alot of time with my children. I dont think you have to be considering marriage to be serious.

 

[angelpkj]

how long you been together?
if she feels its ok to introduce u to her son then surely she must be ok with the idea of explaining to LO your not just a friend at some point

 

[Laura2919]

I think your reading too much into it. What would her son know about marriage. Things can change overnight in anyone's situation.
If your in a relationship how could you limit overnight stays? And as for marriage wouldn't you want to enter into a proper relationship before you married someone i.e live with that person.
My point is there are ways of explaining things to a 5 year old. He isn't going to understand about marriage.

On that note, only you and her can make the decisions that you think best. We all do things at a pace we are comfortable with

While I agree, I also think there should be a limit to a mans involvement with her son until they both know they are going to be together for a long time. I'm not a big fan of parents traipsing bf's/gf's through there children lives because they don't realize how easily children get attached. That was my point, is that you don't want the womans son to see him as a significant person(i.e. sleep with mommy just like daddy used to sleep with mommy) until the adults are both very clear about what they want and where their relationship is going

I see my new partner as a significant other and he spends alot of time with my children. I dont think you have to be considering marriage to be serious.

I'm with Fraggles on this one! I also don't agree with traipsing gf's/bf's through childrens lives but they haven't been seeing each other for a few weeks plus he has already met the son so he already has a bond with him. They are obviously serious about one another for that to have already taken place.
Like Fraggles said, you don't have to be married for it to be serious and like I have said things can change in the blink of an eye! I was with FOB for 7 years and now we are no longer together, it wasn't how I planned things.

 

[singledadof4]

We have been together for 4 months. We will end up getting married in a year or two and I am not scared to propose to her. I would right now if I knew the timing was right. We have discussed that we are serious with each other. I don't want anyone else and either does she. I guess they say, when you meet the right one,, you just know.