Slightly Irritated

[LulaBug]

Hiya ladies,

I went to a wedding yesterday and it was quite a small do with a sit down meal, something I've never experienced before as I've usually just gone to weddings with a buffet.

I explained to my friend on Friday that myself and my partner would have to leave early as we had a family reunion to go to that evening as well and I was very apologetic because of the double booking but it was just unfortunate that the events clashed but I said we'd stay as long as we could. It was also my birthday today and I had to be up early to drive an hour into London so I could see my family. My son was being brought down to see me by his dad too. Having explained the situation, she was fine with this.

So yesterday, we've gone to the wedding. It was due to start at 1:30pm but didn't start until almost 2:30pm and then there was the drinks and canapes part after, followed by pictures. This was very time consuming.

We eventually got into the sit down meal at about 5pm and myself and my partner were a bit wary of the time as we'd originally set to leave at 6pm to make the hours drive back to get changed and then set of for his parents house.

We had food, which was lovely and then we had to go at 6pm, which unfortunately, was just as the food was finishing and I felt very self conscious of this as I didn't want to seem as though we'd just come for the food and were just leaving. We went up and saw them and said our goodbyes and thanked them for inviting us and explained why we were going. They seemed fine.

Tonight, a facebook status was shared on the brides wall by the groom and he was saying his thank you to the guests who were there and showed their generosity....apart from the rude people who left as soon as the food was finished and didn't even leave a memento for the happy couple and I appear to be blocked from my friends facebook.
I am shocked as I had explained and forewarned that we had to leave early. No present was able to be given as didn't really know what to get them and also, we aren't exactly flush with money, especially with a baby on the way but we got them a card and thanked them within the card for inviting us and letting us be part of their special day.

Now, on one hand, I can see from their side why they'd be pissed off that we did leave early. Weddings aren't cheap, I get that and to them it probably did seem like we just took the food gladly and left, however, in our defence, we did forewarn and explain we'd have to leave early and maybe if things hadn't run so late, it wouldn't have been so bad.

Either way, I do feel really bad about us leaving, I have messaged the bride and explained again and apologised profusely but I am slightly irritated that despite being forewarned about it, we're now deemed as rude.
I'd have thought no forewarning and just getting up and leaving without so much as a goodbye would have been rude, but neither of those situations happened, so this is why on my part I'm annoyed. There were people that just didn't bother turning up....again...rude!

I accept what may have pissed them off but if they were that mad, a message to say that they were offended wouldn't have gone amiss. It's always lovely to read a post on facebook finding this kind of stuff out! NOT!

Am I mad that not one of them even wished me a happy birthday, even yesterday? No!

Anyway, sorry, rant over! If I'm in the wrong, I'll accept any posts saying so but I do feel given the situation, I'm not entirely at fault.

 

[Stephytiggs]

However they felt about the situation, it is down right childish and un fair for the groom to do something as petty as to post such a message on Facebook. I have no room for people like that in my life an it sounds as though you shouldn't either. You didn't do anything wrong x

 

[jlw617]

Sounds rather childish the way they're acting to me.

 

[crazycatlady5]

The rudest thing that I read in your description of what happened is him posting that on facebook. That is extremely rude.

You spoke to your friend before hand, if she had a problem with you taking one of the seats at the wedding and having to leave early she could have said so at the time. So you did nothing wrong by leaving early.

Etiquette does demand that you give a gift not only when you attend a wedding but when you are invited to one though. I know this is hard with a baby on the way and even for a lot of people without a baby on the way, wedding gifts can add up especially if you have a lot of weddings to go to. However, it's also rude to publicly complain about not getting a gift. This comes across as very Whiney and childish.

If she's a friend that you care about I would speak to her about this.

 

[bunyhuny]

How incredibly rude of THEM! I am angry at them on your behalf!!

When DH and I got married, half our wedding guests didn't give gifts (financial reasons, as the economy was bad and several folks had lot their jobs)- even my best friend! We also knew we wouldn't be getting much as we were in a much better financial position than many of the folks we're friends with and we specifically told them that they needn't bring gifts- their attendance was all we needed. We paid for several people's hotels, their wedding clothes so they could be in the bridal party- the important thing to us is that they were there a the ceremony. I realize that wedding presents are customary, but I pay attention to my friends' lives and would never dream to expect a gift if it wasn't something they could afford. I cannot BELIEVE people who call you their friend would treat you so rudely. There is no excuse for that at all. Especially calling you out on FB like they did. And blocking you??? Are these people insane?!

Secondly, there it's absurd of them to be angry that you left early when you told them you were doing so in advance. My brother and his SO had to leave our reception early to catch a flight as he had an important test the next day at school. As soon as dinner was over, he jetted. I was just happy to have gotten to see him! (Heck, if he couldn't have stayed for the whole meal, I would have had the waiters put together a to-go box for him!)

I don't know how you know this couple, but I personally wouldn't want to be friends with people who would treat someone like they treated you. Completely uncalled for.

 

[Sqwidge]

Wow!! I can't believe how rude THEY are...If you're friends enough to be invited to the whole wedding, not just the reception then they should know you well enough to know you wouldn't have left early/not given a present if you didn't have to.
I had people not show up to my wedding, which left me broken-hearted, especially as the reason was because they had a hangover and forgot. Some others had genuine reasons and they called me the next day.

I hope she at least responds to your message.

 

[LulaBug]

Thanks for your replies ladies.

So, a little update.

My first message went ignored, so I decided to try one final time on Tuesday to message again and if that was to be ignored again, I was going to delete and be done with it all.
It had played on my mind an awful lot and I felt so so bad, so I messaged again apologising and I even offered to reimburse them for the food.
I got a reply and even despite my explanation and what not, they're not expecting us to pay them back for the food, they're leaving it to us to decide...the food came to £90pp. £180 for a dinner!!! The most expensive dinner I've ever had in my life. There was me thinking it was going to be a lot cheaper than that. Maybe like £40-£50pp maybe, considering it was a wedding.

They've gone on honeymoon and I'm seriously hoping that when they come back, they'll have calmed down from their side of things, given that I did message and offer, they may change their minds and let it go. I'm hoping so otherwise I'll be so upset considering that the money they spent was for one day....that £180 could be going on my baby for things that he'll need for a while!
If they do decide they want the money, I'll honour what I said and do the decent thing and pay up, but I can't pay it all in one go, so she'll have to take monthly installments. I don't think I'd want to be friends after that.
On reflection, it may have seemed horrible what we did, but we'd given forewarning even though we hadn't been able to give an exact time but their reaction was over the top and if they are THAT focused on that one thing when the rest of their day should have been just as special, no matter what, then they're even worse. We also went up and goodbye rather than just slipping out the back door and we got moaned about because we went up to their table when they were chatting to say goodbye. FFS! Makes my blood boil thinking about it all.

I got blocked by my supposed friend and ranted about by the brides husband...if I meant anything to them, I'd have been spoken to in private to express their disappointment, not cut out like that and fed to the dogs! Ohhh but they're happy enough to take my money! I'm actually quite cross to be honest.

 

[Sqwidge]

I have no words.

How do you know these people, if you don't mind my asking?

 

[LulaBug]

I met my friend and her mum (the bride) through a party I went to years ago. We got on well and I thought all was good between us all but apparently not.

 

[stormcloud96]

Honestly it sounds like even if you pay them they won't be happy. I mean will you get unblocked and a public apology to retract the public bashing? I wouldn't pay them, especially if you don't want to be friends, best to just walk away I think now. This is just my opinion/what I would do, and unfriend the husband as well or you'll drive yourself crazy wondering if stuff they say is about you. Not worth it

 

[bunyhuny]

I surely would NOT give them a cent. I think they're being absolutely ridiculous. You don't owe them a thing. You told them you wouldn't be able to stay. Obviously these folks are not really your friends if this is how they're acting. I mean really! With friends like that, who needs enemies. You deserve better!!!