Smacking / Spanking

[Natasha2605]

So I know this has been done to the hill already but I'm watching a program from last night which showed parents smacking their children and it's making me think.

It was revealed that a government survey found that 2/3 of parents had smacked their children but only 1/4 were happy to admit to it.

The parents on this program admitted to smacking their children typically 2 or 3 times a week, the program showed their little boy being smacked twice, firstly for reaching for a packet of crisps on the worktop and secondly because he didn't want to go to bed.

So I'm left wondering, for those of you who do smack, what warrants a smack? And how often is too often?

Anybody have any thoughts on the figures? I'm quite shocked they were that high tbh. The program I was watching was Cherry's Parenting Dilemmas.

I wasn't sure where to post this so thought here would be best.

 

[LeeBee]

I've smacked my son on the hand a couple times, but nothing else. I think the evidence is pretty clear as far as the link between hitting your kids and those kids growing up to be violent. I think there are much better ways to discipline.

Unfortunately those numbers don't surprise me though.

 

[smelly07]

I'm not shocked by the figures.

We dont smack our girls and i dont believe it works as a form of punishment.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Was this that cherry thing? It was horrendous!

 

[Lightworker]

Yeah, I was reading the current Handbook on Children's Rights and they said the figures were approx 80% or over. It is probably why the government hasn't explicitly outlawed smacking because they know that it is very prevalent and they would lose support if they came out and did that.

 

[redpoppy]

I'm not shocked by the figures.

We dont smack our girls and i dont believe it works as a form of punishment.

WSS

 

[Blah11]

Im not shocked either, who would want to admit to that? I don't smack amelie. I've shouted at her a few times which is horrible enough!

 

[Natasha2605]

I've raised my voice at Summer when she refuses to listen andI feel horrific for it afterwards!

I still can't believe the figures are that high. I kinda thought most people were against it

 

[Janidog]

I assumed it was much less because so much of childrens/ teenagers naughtiness had been blamed on the lack of parents smacking/ hard discipline, when in fact smacking has still been going on for some time, which pretty much shows you that it doesn't work.

I was smacked as a child and remember the wooden spoon being brought down hard on the back of my knees, and I would never ever want my son to go through the same thing.

I hate the saying 'It never did you any harm' well actually it did

Sorry i went on a bit of rant there

 

[summer rain]

This isn't going to be popular but we do very occasionally give our boys a light smack on the hand as an absolute last resort for very seriously naughty behaviour i.e. trying to flood the flat, it does work for us and consequently the times we have had to do it have become less and less. We don't use weapons or implements of any type and it is very restrained, we will only smack once a situation has calmed down and things have blown over a bit but we still do not feel the child in question has learned from the experience as they should. xx

 

[Kimmer]

I think it's vile to hit a child. I watched the Parenting Dilemmas and felt physically sick when I saw a child being smacked.

Smacking obviously doesn't work if they've got to do it 3 times a week. It may stop the behaviour at the time (resulting in a crying child who is then sent to his room, heartbreaking) but it doesn't teach the child anything (other than it's okay to hit people when they piss you off)

I have only raised my voice once to my LO, and it was only because she was about to grab hair straighteners that were still hot and I was the other side of the room. That made her cry, it made me cry.

I was smacked on occasion as a child when I was very naughty... I still remember the confusion I felt when I hit my brother for taking my toys and my mum told me off!

 

[Miss Wright]

I also found the smack difficult to watch, it made a loud noise so must have hurt! Also the parents claimed they smacked 2-3 times per week but the footage showed them do it twice in 5 minutes.
Personally I would never hit Dylan. I don't think it's right and I don't think it works.

 

[Lightworker]

One thing that I do wonder though, is both DH and I come from societies where smacking was relatively normal ( I was never smacked though and I am vehemently against it and would campaign for universal illegality).

If you grow up in a society where smacking is normal, as a child, do you think you would suffer the same short and long-term effects of smacking as a child that grows up in a society where smacking is unacceptable? By this I mean, if you know that smacking is not right, and you get smacked, you will feel a sense of violation, anger, hurt, self-esteem issues etc. But what about the children who grow up seeing it as normal?

Do you think they will feel they have been wronged? Do you think our sense of right and wrong is ingrained in us before even birth or are we taught it as we grow?

Also, what about parents who smack, but in a controlled (whatever that is) way..i.e. they rationalize the punishment, as opposed to parents who smack as a reaction, and in anger?

I don't know why I am asking really, I am just curious, although ultimately for me, I don't like smacking. x

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Personally I'm almost MORE horrified by the idea of calmly smacking a child than if a parent does it out of sheer frustration.

 

[Lightworker]

Personally I'm almost MORE horrified by the idea of calmly smacking a child than if a parent does it out of sheer frustration.

Yeah I suppose you would think that someone that can smack someone whilst remaining calm would be indicative of that person having psycopathic tendencies, perhaps on the other hand, if they truly believe that smacking is the most efficient way to administer discipline, what would that mean? For the parent? For the child?

Have you heard like some parents saying "This is going to hurt me as much as it will hurt you?" In the sense that the parent acknowledges that they are hurting their child and in turn, they are hurting as well.

Really, I don't even know where I am going with this, but I guess I just want to examine smacking abit more and add more substance to my own personal detestation (is that a word?) of it.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Personally I'm almost MORE horrified by the idea of calmly smacking a child than if a parent does it out of sheer frustration.

Yeah I suppose you would think that someone that can smack someone whilst remaining calm would be indicative of that person having psycopathic tendencies, perhaps on the other hand, if they truly believe that smacking is the most efficient way to administer discipline, what would that mean? For the parent? For the child?

Have you heard like some parents saying "This is going to hurt me as much as it will hurt you?" In the sense that the parent acknowledges that they are hurting their child and in turn, they are hurting as well.

Really, I don't even know where I am going with this, but I guess I just want to examine smacking abit more and add more substance to my own personal detestation (is that a word?) of it.

I think a lot of smacking parents feel that way, like they are doing their children a favour in the long run, you know the whole 'cruel to be kind' thing. As I'm sure you would expect, I don't buy this, I just don't think it's necessary to punish, I think the whole reward good behaviour / punish bad behaviour is a flawed approach anyway, adding physical violence however minor to the mix just makes it even worse for me.

I can't understand smacking because I fundamentally disagree with these parents approach several layers back before smacking is even considered, if that makes any sense!

 

[MamaBelle]

[Removed]

 

[thedog]

If an adult did something I didn't like, I wouldn't hit them, because that's assault. I don't agree that children can be hit the same way and it's "discipline". I have never hit my children and never will, and they're turning out to be perfectly pleasant little people.

Agree with this, why is it ok to hit a child yet as soon as an adult hits another adult, its assault bla blah bollocks, violence breeds violence IMO. That Cherrys parenting dilemmas knocked me sick to my stomach, the dad said "i was smacked as a kid it never did me no harm" Oh yes it did, you turned out to be a big bully, your kids look absolutley terrified, and the way you sent them to bed... made me want to cry.

 

[Eve]

If a child hits a child, it’s called aggression.
If a child hits an adult, it’s called defiance.
If an adult hits an adult, it’s called assault.
If an adult hits a child, it’s called discipline.

Such a very true statement... saddens me. I wouldn't allow my husband to smack me if I misbehaved... you wouldn't allow me to smack you if you misbehaved, so why is it considered discipline when hitting a child?

So so sad... I really do fail to see any logic behind hitting children...

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

If a child hits a child, it’s called aggression.
If a child hits an adult, it’s called defiance.
If an adult hits an adult, it’s called assault.
If an adult hits a child, it’s called discipline.

Such a very true statement... saddens me. I wouldn't allow my husband to smack me if I misbehaved... you wouldn't allow me to smack you if you misbehaved, so why is it considered discipline when hitting a child?

So so sad... I really do fail to see any logic behind hitting children...

Very true, when children hit us we teel them it is unacceptable but then we punish them by smacking them? It sends mixed messages IMO x