Smacking your child in public

[pinklightbulb]

I smack. It works. I have also smacked in public and wouldn't care if I was judged as I know it's one of the forms of discipline that is quickly effective in my son's case. (I do not smack my 14 month old, just my 3 year old, as I don't believe in smacking before the intent behind the action can be understood by the child.)

In the OP's opening post, I don't think multiple strikes are necessary in any case, so I disagree with that. I never smack my son more than once on his backside and that's enough to get the point across, I think. The intent is not to hurt the child, so why would you need more than one smack? Tough one, really, since I use smacking as a disciplinary measure myself... but at the heart of it, I just don't agree with the multiple strikes.

 

[Janers]

I haven't gone through this whole thread, but I do have some thought on spanking. I was 100% against it, until DH and I really talked about it and he explained his view. He feels a smack on the bum has its place, a way to redirect the childs attention, it requires a good explanation afterward to explain to the child why you did it, and what the result was "I spanked your bottom to get your attention, and now you are calm and we can talk about the problem" something to that effect.

However this is coming from a FTM of a 8 month old, so obviously I have never put this into practice!

I do remember the terrible temper I had as a child, and I was never spanked. I still remember the feelings of anger and losing control, and I always swore if my kids had the same temper I would help them work through it so they didn't feel the way i did, and if a spank helps snap them out of it so be it.

About doing it in public: I would not be afraid to parent my child in public, no matter my parenting choices. People are going to judge you no matter what, it's my kid.

 

[Sarah Lou 80]

Well done for saying something OP! What a horrible thing to witness.

I hate smacking. I would never criticise somebody if that's their choice of discipline (I mean the odd little smack on the bum - not proper walloping on the bum) but the thought of any kind of physical discipline makes my stomach churn. I see family members do it to their children and I was also smacked as a child. Not in an over the top way - I had a happy childhood. Although any horrible memories are of bring smacked.

My boy is only a baby so I have no experience of having to discipline yet but I know I could never smack. I feel sick at the thought of it. I'm sure there will be times where I will feel like I would want to but I don't see how it would be necessary (for me)! Also. Children copy what others do. I would hate to think of my boy smacking another chid and thinking it was ok because mummy does it!

 

[little_lady]

I don't think smacking/spanking (within reason) is child abuse. I just think there are so many alternative ways to discipline that are much kinder and much more effective. I just don't see the point.

Yes, this exactly.

 

[ThunderPearls]

I have mixed views on smacking children. I agree with a quick smack on the bum/ hand for things like repeatedly touching the oven, sticking fingers in sockets etc as then the child will associate touching those things with being hurt. But I dont agree with it being used as a discipline method for every little thing a child does wrong... There is no need for it.

I was in asda a few weeks back and was feeding my boy in the baby change room... There were two seperate feeding cubicals and I was in the end one. A woman came in with a screaming toddler and took him into the other cubical, then I heard a scuffling about (i assume shes taking his pants down) and the kid says 'no mummy please!' and then I hear a massive crack/slap... And then the child is REALLY screaming and then they leave :/ so she just brought him in there to smack him... It was horrible and I ended up crying about it. Some parents are horrible.

 

[Sini]

I wasnt smacked as such as a kid but I did get the occasional physical discipline. It hasnt scarred me at all. Abusing kids with proper hits etc is a different matter all together.

I hate hearing parents swearing and calling their kids names or threathening them.. Some parents really use foul language..

Discipline is a diffucult thing but even tho I had a smack when I was a child I wouldnt do it to my kids.

 

[Noelle610]

In fairness, I don't think anecdotal evidence ("I was smacked and I'm fine) is really applicable. Obviously not everyone who was smacked as a child will be affected negatively, just as not every pregnant woman who eats deli meat will end up with food poisining. But most recent studies do show it's either ineffective or harmful.

 

[special_kala]

I remember reading a Dailyfail article where a woman was defending smacking. She says how she slapped her 13 year old for something and the bitchy side to me did think well smacking cant be all that effective if your still having to do it at 13.

It was a terrible article though

 

[kates84]

As we're debating it now anyway I'll say that I hope to not hit my son. While I understand a quick smack as an immediate way of preventing danger, I was smacked growing up and I'm one of the "not fine" about it. I'm not saying it was abuse - it wasn't by any normal standard. But to this day when I recall episodes similar to what is described in the OP or being told I was going to get hit and being powerless to do anything about it, I feel angry and queasy about it.

My son could of course grow in to one of the many people that physical punishment has no negative effects on. But I don't want to risk him being like me.

Back to the original post - while I understand this lady was probably acting out of pure panic, I find it difficult to comprehend that a 3 year old could be held responsible for wandering off and get punished for it. Maybe it's different when they are a little older and understand why they shouldn't do it but at 3? The fault lies with whoever is responsible for such a young child who doesn't know better surely? And I say that as someone who, when having a very flustered day, started walking home from the coop before realizing she'd left her baby, pram and all, near the checkout. It's easy to take your eyes from a small child and lose them when distracted but it's not the childs fault.

 

[wamommy]

3-year-olds DO understand enough to make the cause/effect connection, and punishments are extremely effective at 3. That said, it is because they understand that another form of punishment may work just as well. I find that a time out with an explanation does more for preventing further behavior than a spanking. That said, DH spanks (not often, but still) and it's caused a TON of fights between the two of us. Ultimately, the only behavior you can control is your own... and I choose not to spank in favor of attempting to teach them to choose the right behavior because it's the right behavior, instead of for fear of consequences.

 

[Annie77]

I was smacked/spanked as a child (not only by parents but also close aunts) as was my husband. Whilst I wasn't emotionally scarred or anything I was always sure that it wouldn't be something I would do as a mother - right up until my daughter was about 2 1/2 years old.

Even with experience of working with behavioural issues in patients etc & obviously never having or choosing to use physical force - I have to admit that smacking has happened in my house and role as mum. I use naughty step/time out, count to 3 & explain consequences, star charts BUT on the rare occasion that my kids have done something which
1. Puts them at risk of harm or injury
2. Puts someone else at risk
3. Consistently misbehaves despite other punishments used. - I have given them a smack.

At the end of the day I would rather my daughter got a smack on the hand rather than a bite from a dog that she annoys or a smack on the bum vs hit by a car after running onto the road (both habits my first daughter had). In these situations you need to act fast & make a strong point - not sit them down and explain for the hundredth time why they shouldn't do it.

I have rarely smacked my second child but that is because she is a calmer, more placid child whereas my first was a real live wire.

I think it is very easy to say you will never smack when you have your first baby & they are young - at the moment it is hard to imagine the tantrums, sleep deprivation & challenging behaviour which MAY await you.

 

[meli1981]

In my experience a 3 year old does understand discipline and the difference between yes and no. i agree we dont know the full story. Ive yelled at my kids in public in frustration, GOD only knows what they think of me!

 

[kirst76]

It is illegal to smack your children here....if you did that in public you'd be reported and probably arrested and charged.

 

[Feronia]

I can't believe that it can be considered a debate at all whether hitting your kids for any reason is okay at any age. It's not okay to hit your spouse, or any other adult, so why do some people think it's okay to hit a child?

 

[sethsmummy]

I can't believe that it can be considered a debate at all whether hitting your kids for any reason is okay at any age. It's not okay to hit your spouse, or any other adult, so why do some people think it's okay to hit a child?

Because there is a major difference to the way you would hit a spouse or adult to how you smack a child! For people to say it is the same is rediculous and I really feel sorry for them if they have experienced in life someone abusing a child. A smack on the hand or bottom is not done to hurt the child, it is to teach cause and effect. A smack to a spouse or adult is fully intended to harm and do damage.

 

[Noodlebear]

I'm not against smacking, if it'd been one smack then I probably wouldn't have given it much thought as it's her business. BUT for her to be repeatedly hitting a crying child IMHO is disgusting and I'm really shocked someone would have the nerve to do it in public.

 

[Larkspur]

I was never smacked as a child and I'll never smack a child (quite apart from it being illegal here).

I have no doubt it can be effective, but I'm not comfortable with the reason it's effective, and that's not the relationship I want to set up with my child.

 

[beanzz]

I don't agree with hitting children in public or private. Like someone's said, if she's capable of that much abuse our in public then I don't wanna know what happens at home. Poor little boy there is no excuse for hitting him. A reflex from being fraught wouldn't be loads of smacks then stopping and going back. People might not agree with me but I don't care what the full story was, that was child abuse. If someone really feels they have to hit their child to teach them they have done wrong then ONE smack should surely be enough?!?!

 

[Noelle610]

I think it is very easy to say you will never smack when you have your first baby & they are young - at the moment it is hard to imagine the tantrums, sleep deprivation & challenging behaviour which MAY await you.

Eh, I think that's unfair... And I'm the first person to say "never say never".

It's like telling a mom who doesn't want to sleep train that she will change her tune when her baby is older and doesn't sleep. There are plenty of "wait it out" moms who just don't believe in CIO and continue to hold that belief through years of sleepless nights.

I have a high needs baby who is a high needs toddler. She is extremely spirited, whines a lot and has epic tantrums. Of course I have been very frustrated and struggle to find the right way of dealing with it, but I have never thought that smacking her would help the situation.

 

[LDC]

I think it's just one of those things (again) that people have different views on, just like sleep training, weaning, dummy vs no dummy, jars vs homemade, breast vs formula...the list goes on.

I just think sometimes in threads like these things get personal when it's debating one thing against the other. From what I've read on here as I was smacked as a child, in public too, I must have been beaten at home because god knows "what happens behind closed doors", that it didn't work (it surely did in my case) and that it's a form of child abuse (I'm not even going there, ridiculous).

Whatever way people choose to discipline their child, bearing in mind the form and legalities within each of our countries, is up to them. I'm not going to judge (which again someone else said they would do, we're mothers and should appreciate each others choices and be as one) a mother if they choose to smack or use a naughty step/stern talking or time out. That's not my place at all, full stop. Same as I wouldn't think twice if someone chooses to use a dummy when we don't (more because lo refuses!!).

If someone was committing child abuse in front of me or behind close doors then of course I would report it, but how people raise a child is their business in terms of day to day living. I respect everyone for how they wish to raise their child, I find some things on here get a bit petty at times.

Xx