So annoyed....really long rant sorry

[Burchy314]

Ok so my OH used to help ALOT and I was so thankful, but now he never does anything!

All he does is sleep, video games, smoke cigarettes, and hangout with his friend who also lives with us. They are always playing video games in our room in our bed so I can't even enjoy my own room whenever I want! He has probably fed her 3 times within the last 2 weeks and changed her 4 times at most! He sleeps all day and I am up with her all night and day. I am exhausted. Today I got upset at something my brother said to me so I ran down to my room with Jayden and put her in her crib and just cried. He comes down a few minutes later to see if I am ok, which I think is sweet. I ask him if he can take her so I can take a nap as I am exhausted. He says "sure baby get some sleep" and I am so happy he actually said yes for once without arguing. So I lay down trying to calm myself enough to fall asleep...5 minutes later he says "hey baby I am going to put her in her crib (which is RIGHT next to my bed) so I can go smoke a cigarette" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! What kind of break is that!? She is there in his arms waking up to eat and he tries to put her with me. How am I supposed to get a nap with a hungry crying baby next to me just so he can smoke. I ended up taking a 10 minute nap. He finally agreed after arguing with me that he would go feed her. Right when she is done eating I get handed her back so he can take a shower before work. oh and he was suppose to be done smoking by July 2010 but noooo. He got really close once, but then his friend moved in and now he is worse then he was over the summer. He keeps saying he is trying, but hes not. He lasted 2 months with just having 1 a day and now he is up to 4-5 a day just because Jesse lives here.

He needs to be a father and help me!

And early I asked him to take her so I can eat and relax and he says "fine, but hurry up I want a cigarette" I start fnding food and then I hear "stop dealing with your dogs and hurry up and eat my shoulder hurts" HE HAD ER FOR 15 MINUTES!!!!!!! HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING!

When I ask him to help he gives me an attitude and when I tell him that he just get more mad at me.

He doesn't listen. I don't know how much more I can take. I am always tired and miserable and he knows it.

I also asked him to wash the bottles and he said he would later...he just went to work and wont be home until late and NONE of the bottles are clean. He had 4 hours to clean them but instead what does he do, play video games.

He always says "you need to get used to doing things on your own for when I go back to work" (today is his first day back) but that doesn't mean he cant help me. I mean YOUR HOME SO HELP ME!!! I need sleep too!!!!


WOW THAT WAS REALLY LONG. I am so sorry. Most of you probably didn't even read it all, but if you did....

What would you do in this situation and what advice do you have for me?

 

[Mrs Davies]

seriously babe i would thow his FRIEND out you are a family you have a lill baby n you dnt need his friends their if they wanna be with each other that bad get them to move in with each other he has NO respect for what you are doing for UR family and he seriously needs a reality check to see what you are going through.

So have you got any friend close anyone who you could go to ?All you need to do is preper her bottle etc leave the baba with him n go out dnt tell him just go and ten see what he can do without YOU their he will thn see how much work n effort you are commiting in your family while his sitting their playing stupid video games.

MEN seriouslt need to GROW up
Hope this help alill bit sorry but he has to prove to you that he knws how you are feelign how can he with his friend their playing games esp in ur bed were its a private place for the both of you ?

 

[EffyKat]

He sounds as though he doesn't want to grow up. I'm so sorry you're being treat like that. Maybe sit him down and have a good long and calm talk to him if that doesn't work do you have any where else you can go for a bit of a break and see if that works?

However. I know how you're feeling my OH would rather sit on farmville than feed/change Adam. We have a routine in the morning where if one of us does the 3am feed the other will do the 6am. But you can guarantee it'll be me everytime. And if I do manage to get a lie in he comes back upstairs with the baby and goes to sleep so I have to look after Adam.

But seriously, put your foot down. Tell him how you're feeling and then maybe consider stopping a night some place else. I hope it sorts itself out. You deserve to be treat better. Xx

 

[Burchy314]

Well I can't kick him out. I live with my parents and Jesse is also my brothers friend and like another kid to my parents. He ishaving money problems and family problems and has no where to go so my parents are letting him live here.

He will take care of her when he HAS to! He did when I went to drivers ed one night for 3 hours. He had 4 people there helping him and he still gave her straight to me when I got home. Later that night I asked for him to take her so I could eat and he replies "why I had her for 3 hours and all she did was cry the whole time, its your turn" I mean I have her ALL DAY with her crying. He just doesnt get it. He always tells me to go out, but I don't want to leave her with him if he barely shows her attention (since she is asleep) and gets annoyed if I ask for him to take her again because he thinks he did enough and deserves a break.

EDIT: I can't even leave her with him for the night because HE DOESN'T WAKE UP! She will be screaming her head off and wake everyone else in the house up, but not him who is right next to her. It takes me 30 minutes to get him out of bed.

 

[Sarah10]

He sounds like he doesn't want to take responsibility, can you not throw his mate out?x

Oh okay, just seen the update, have you sat down and told him straight he needs to change his ways?

 

[Mrs Davies]

This man is jst LAZY
Wouldnt ur parent be able to have the lill one so you can have some rest

 

[Burchy314]

I have tried. He always says "I hate being stuck inside, I need my time, I need to go out" and we usually end up arguing because he doesn't like what I am saying.

I mean I love him with all my heart and he is a good guy I just wish he woud have helped more, but now he just went from jobless to having 2 jobs so he will never be home. I honestly think it will get better once Jesse is gone. My parents will probably only let him stay for one more month at the most and he is moving to California in August so then he wil be gone for good.

 

[Burchy314]

This man is jst LAZY
Wouldnt ur parent be able to have the lill one so you can have some rest

Well my Dad is now in Flordia for a week and before that he was sick, but really he is only good with babies when they are asleep. If she woke up he would wake me up.

My mom works all day and then gets home and takes her so I can eat. Every so often she will have her enough for me to get a nap but not always. But I hate asking her to take her because sh has stuff to do also and she wont always be there. I don't want her to think I NEED her. Also the past couple of days she has had a hurt back so she can't help much.

 

[lucy_x]

i wish i had some advice hun, really all you can do is tell him to buck his ideas up

 

[Yazz_n_bump]

Your bloke sounds quite lazy and looks like he doesn't want the responsibility of being a dad!
If I was you I'd ban them from playing computer games in YOUR bedroom, tell them to play in another room or just hide the fricken' plug! It's disugusting that he won't look after his daughter for more than 2 minutes! I'd be having VERY serious words with him if I was you make it clear either he mans up and becomes a PROPER father and helps you or you'll have to consider options!

 

[divershona]

Awwwwwww hun I'm sorry he's treating you like this. If he just argues with you when you try to talk to him could your mum/dad maybe talk to him. Might sink in better coming from them and there is always the threat that they could kick him out, not what you necessarily want but the threat might be enough.

 

[Burchy314]

The only other room to play the video games is the living room, but that is where I always watch TV and my parents hated it in there so he put it in my room. And he would probably get even more annoyed if it was my parents talking to him. If they threaten to kick my OH out then he will hate them and always complain to me or fight with them about how they cant keep Jayden from him. It is best not to get them involved.

I am going to try to talk to him tomorrow...tonight would be bad because its his first day at work and will probably come home tired and annoyed.

He wasnt like this AT ALL before Jesse moved in, so I am not going to make any major descions until Jesse moves out so I can see if it was just because of him and its a phase of a new Dad or if this is actually how its going to be. I love him and he is a great boyfriend when we are watching a movie together and just being together without worrying about a crying baby, the only thing that I am not happy about is that he doesnt help as much as I would like.

 

[aafscsweetie]

aw tina, i'm sorry I was originally going to tell you to kick jesse out so you guys could get back to your family time, but now I see where you explained that that's not an option. I think (well I HOPE anyway) that it will be better when Jesse moves out too. Are you talking with him about this? Or just kind of holding it all in and venting to us? Maybe if you really showed him how frustrated you are and how grateful you'd be for the help, then he would try harder? If he doesn't, I would just tell him to take all his shit and move it into jesse's room since it seems like he wants to spend more time with him than you and jayden!! love you girl, keep your head up. you sound very rational about the situation, by the way. I don't think you're overreacting at all.

edit: also- is jesse a decent guy? what if you tried talking to jesse and explaining that him and chris playing video games together is cool every now and then, but that you guys really need your family time and he has other responsibilities besides halo?? lol.

 

[Burchy314]

Haha jesses room is a random twin mattress in my Dad's office. My Dad would not let mor then one person in there. I have mentioned it to him a lot but have yet actually sat him down and made him listen and talk about it. I hope to do that tomorrow, but he might be going to his parents house for the day. They owe him money and just want to see him.

And Jesse gets on my nerves. I haven't tried talking to him about it, but if I did he would probably just say "talk to Chris about it not me" but in a nicer way. Or just say "ok I understand" but not change anything. I don't like him at all. His girlfriend is one of my beastfriends and her mom hates him so she isn't aloud at my house anymore since he lives here. I can't wait until he is gone.

 

[Mrs Davies]

Too me babe ur amazing having to put up with all this crap of him/friend its not fair n you should really talk to him about it

Goood Luck x

 

[zoe6660]

u need to kick him up his ass, i understand u love him alot, i think its time to have a good talk and say something like.. if u help more so i can have a little break i will have a better attitude and have my sleep so i can do alot more, and it wouldnt kill u to do half of this coz its your child too.
i know when i have a child my fiance wouldnt want to share lol he is like this over the dogs now and the one dog we got is full time care she is pain lol
he needs to understand it took two to make a baby and its nicer for two to help raise a baby.
i hope u get it sorted it isnt nice feeling under it all.